Chapter Twenty-Five

The whiplash from feeling so confident in her choice to resign to feeling like she'd ruined everything was confounding. The idea that she'd destroyed her friendship, her relationship, her potential future with Veronica was even worse. Once Gray had finished packing her things—a task that felt all too familiar after just moving—she sat behind the wheel of her car and tried to decide where to go. Going back to her new apartment, filled only with memories of Veronica, seemed terrible. But going crying back to Cherry and Robbie after a single day of living alone felt too pitiful to endure. She could go to Demitasse Café and mope over an Americano, but begging Riley for a job at the coffee shop until she found something else seemed like one of her only viable options at the moment, and it wouldn't help her case to show up still in shock. She'd paid two months' rent up front, but she'd need to find a new way to get paid soon.

Gray noticed that her hands were shaking on the wheel, and she knew driving in her current state of mind was a bad idea. She locked her things in the trunk and instead started walking with no destination in mind, letting her feet hit the pavement one in front of the other as she turned the past twenty-four hours over and over again in her brain to examine it from every angle. No matter how difficult the situation, Gray had always been able to find a silver lining somewhere. Surely she could find one in her current predicament.

The problem was that Veronica had become Gray's silver lining. Annoyed with obstructionist school board members? Commiserate with Veronica. Bad date? Laugh about it with Veronica. Stressed out by the housing market? Ask Veronica for help. Who was she supposed to turn to when things got rocky with Veronica?

Perhaps if Gray could fix her bad mood, she could find the bright side. She started by adjusting her walk. If she could look like she was in good spirits, maybe that would translate into something more internal. Gray straightened her posture, lifted her chin, tried to find a light, casual pace. The act of looking up at the city around her helped. She hadn't been paying much attention to where she was headed when she set out from the SCCA administrative offices, not even fully noticing the drizzly rain falling on her head. But the skies had begun to clear, and Gray had found her way to the Mississippi River, where the gentle lapping sounds of the water and birdcalls brought her back into her body.

Gray's gaze scanned from the river back to the path ahead, and she spotted someone curiously eyeing her from down the sidewalk. Nothing put her in better spirits than being checked out by a stranger. As they approached each other, Gray gave the stranger a flirtatious grin, and she saw their cheeks go pink.

The moment helped Gray stumble into the silver lining she'd been searching for. Finish the astrology dating challenge. The whole purpose in moving to New Orleans, in visiting Madame Nouvelle Lune, in all of her romantic escapades, was to find her true love and start the family she'd always wanted. She'd thought she'd found that in Veronica. But maybe the whole SCCA kerfuffle was the universe pushing her to finish what she started and find that Pisces.

The sounds of a jazz band a few streets over drew Gray's attention, and she followed the music into the French Quarter. That was one thing she loved about New Orleans: Even on a dreary old Tuesday afternoon, there was still a party going on somewhere. Gray located the band and stood on the sidewalk to watch for a couple of songs. When they took a break, she turned around and realized this particular stretch of Royal Street looked familiar. In fact, she was standing right in front of Cat O'Connor's Pub, the same bar where she'd gone on her first date with Carmen, the Aries. Seeing this as another sign from fate, Gray ducked inside.

The pub was considerably less crowded than the last time Gray had seen it, but there were still a few groups of patrons catching an early happy hour. Gray settled down at the corner of the bar and ordered an Alligator Tears Punch, leaning into the nostalgia for a very different time, even if it was only six weeks prior. Visions of pub trivia and sex in the restroom danced in her head as she took her first syrupy sip. It only took her a few seconds to spot Carmen's ram tiki glass among the Pub Club memorabilia decorating the walls.

Her mind still reeling from the last twenty-four hours, Gray re-downloaded Mercurious. Once she signed in, it opened to her messages with Kristen, the Aquarius who had ghosted her. Getting stood up was the first domino to fall in the unpredictable chain of events. She'd actually thought Aquarius was her destiny for a moment there, that all of this was meant to lead her to Veronica. But, as Veronica had so clearly told her, their happy ending wasn't meant to be. Was another Aquarius her destiny? Or could they only lead to confusion and disaster?

No matter; it was Pisces time. Maybe it was the sign she'd really been meant to find all along. If Aries was the baby of the zodiac, Pisces was the oldest sign with the most worldly wisdom. Someone with some intrinsic knowledge of the universe sounded fantastic right about then, when Gray felt so hopelessly lost.

As Gray browsed the handful of Pisces profiles her search turned up, the memory of having sex in this very establishment still fresh in her mind, she remembered another aspect of the challenge. She'd told Cherry that she would try to have sex with at least one person from each element. It had sounded impossible when Cherry first suggested it, but she'd found it a lot easier than expected. She'd hit it out of the ballpark with fire signs, having a great time with Carmen the Aries and Aisha the Leo. Things hadn't gone great with Stephanie the Virgo, but it counted toward sex with an earth sign. Gray had a much better time with Skylar the Libra, an air sign. Actually, Gray realized, she'd slept with two air signs if she counted Veronica. It was uncomfortable to think of Veronica as "the Aquarius," just another date. But maybe that's all they were meant to be: former co-workers who went on one ill-advised date.

Gray hadn't slept with a water sign yet, but she still had one more chance. And she liked her prospects. From their profiles, the Pisces on Mercurious seemed gentle, kind, thoughtful. They were teachers and nurses and caretakers. Their profile pictures featured cute animals, flowers, and reassuring smiles. One person caught Gray's interest: Molly (she/her), age thirty-four, an artist from Arkansas, pictured with an overweight gray tabby cat. Molly had wavy brown hair with a few streaks dyed teal, a scattering of freckles across her cheeks, and big brown eyes with dark lashes. Her smile was close-lipped, tentative but warm. Something about her looked vaguely familiar, but Gray couldn't quite put her finger on it. Gray starred Molly's profile and immediately got a notification that they'd matched. Molly must have been actively cruising Mercurious at the same moment as Gray. Could the planets be more aligned?

When Gray opened a chat window with Molly she realized that, for the first time, she didn't have an icebreaker from Cherry. She was on her own for this one.

Gray:Hey Molly! Hope your Tuesday is going better than mine. What's your cat's name? It's adorable.

Molly:Thanks! Her name is Marmalade. And I'm not sure how bad your Tuesday is, but mine is pretty terrible.

Gray:I'm sorry to hear that. Want to talk about it? Maybe both of our days can still turn around.

They chatted for a while, Molly sharing that she'd had a contract for a custom art piece fall through, Gray staying vague about her "work troubles." Their bad days seemed to be great for bonding, but Gray didn't really want to relive all the lurid details that led her to quit. Once she'd finished her punch and a pint of beer, Gray grew bold enough to invite Molly to join her for a drink. Molly quickly agreed, and she must have been nearby, because Gray had only taken a couple sips of her next beer when Molly arrived.

Spotting Gray at the bar, Molly walked over and plopped onto the stool next to her. She was wearing dark eye makeup and a baggy sleeveless shirt that showed off numerous tattoos running up and down both arms. "Well, I already feel better just being here," Molly said. "I couldn't stare at the inside of my studio for another second. What are you drinking?"

"The pilsner," Gray said. Molly felt so immediately familiar to Gray that it seemed more like she was catching up with an old friend than meeting someone for the first time. "Thanks for meeting me here. I'm already a couple drinks in, fair warning."

"I can catch up," Molly said, flipping her brown-and-teal hair over her shoulder. "I've been here a couple of times before, I think. Do they do trivia?"

"On Sundays," Gray confirmed, feeling more like a local than she had in New Orleans at any point so far.

"Right." Molly flagged down a bartender and ordered the same beer Gray was drinking and a shot of tequila. After throwing back the shot, she paused to really look at Gray for the first time. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she said, "You look super familiar to me. Do I know you from somewhere?"

"Well, I'm on this little app called Mercurious," Gray said. The two drinks had brought about a constant buzzing in Gray's brain, enough to distract her from the existential terror she was experiencing from losing her job and her potential soulmate in one afternoon.

Molly waved away the comment, flashing a few colorful rings. "Other than that. Are you, like, an actor or something? Are you on commercials?"

"Nope, I work in PR," Gray said. She examined Molly's face a little more closely. "You know, I feel like I recognize you too. Maybe we've met before. But I just moved here a couple months ago."

Molly took a sip of her beer as she contemplated. "Where did you move here from?" she asked.

"Tulsa, Oklahoma."

"Never been." Molly pulled her hair up into a messy bun on top of her head and secured it with an elastic band on her wrist. "I did work with this one company from Oklahoma, but it was a long time ago, maybe eight or nine years. It was a—"

"—wedding company," Gray finished, finally realizing where she'd seen Molly before now that her hair was pulled back. "I worked your wedding, right?"

"Oh my god," Molly said, an invisible light bulb clicking on above her head.

Gray nodded, the memory sharpening as she spoke. Molly hadn't had teal hair or as many tattoos back then, but Gray could picture her in her wedding dress. "The one in Arkansas, in the mountains at that inn, right?" The day came rushing back to Gray's mind. She was still in college, working part-time as a manual laborer / tech troubleshooter / bartender / errand boi for the company, which was started by some of McKenzie's friends. McKenzie coordinated vendors, baked cakes, and helped with marketing. It was an all-hands-on-deck kind of business, and at that particular wedding, Gray's hands had touched every inch of the deck. It was a perfect spring day at a quaint little bed-and-breakfast tucked in the Ozarks. Everything was going according to plan—until it started to pour rain. Gray and McKenzie had been tasked with running all of the gifts, flowers, and electrical equipment under awnings while the guests were swept inside to dry off by the fireplace and snack on hors d'oeuvres until the storm passed. It had been a mess, but worth it in the end, when the happy couple was able to finish their vows with a stunning rainbow backdrop.

Molly winced. "Yeah, the Hummingbird Inn."

"Oh," Gray said, noticing Molly's reaction. "Sorry. Based on the fact that we're here now, having met on a dating app, I'm guessing things didn't quite work out."

Molly took a hearty chug of beer, then shook her head sharply. "You'd guess right." Looking at Gray, Molly tilted her head as if she too was thinking back on her wedding day. "But you…You were dating that other bartender, weren't you? The pretty one with the dark hair who decorated the cake?"

"McKenzie," Gray said, now her turn to grimace. "Yeah."

"And based on the fact that you're here, I'm guessing that…"

"Didn't work out either," Gray said. After a brief moment of silence, Gray clinked her pint glass against Molly's. "Well, cheers to both being single again," she said wryly.

"Cheers," Molly said. They both took a drink, loosening the awkward tension from the realization.

"You owned that bed-and-breakfast, right? When did you move away?" Gray asked.

"About the same time my wife left," Molly said, fiddling with her many rings. "Six years ago now. Been moving around wherever I can find customers for my artwork since then. Mostly stained glass, some metal sculptures. New Orleans is a great place for weird art. I feel like I end up here at least once a year. But it makes dating pretty tough, all of that moving around. How long have you been on the hunt?"

"Couple of months. Same time I moved to Louisiana," Gray said. "McKenzie and I were together for a decade. Almost all of my twenties. Trying to learn to date now makes me feel like an adult in a baby swimming class. Just splashing around, blowing bubbles, and feeling too old to be here." Catching herself, Gray slapped her palm against her forehead. "Shit, I'm not supposed to talk about my ex."

"It's fine, I started it," Molly said. "Who told you it's off-limits? Does Emily Post offer lesbian dating etiquette?"

"No. My best friend, Cherry," Gray said, her tongue loosened by her earlier drinks. "She set these dating rules for me. No talking about my ex, no immediately falling in love, no talking about the astrology challenge— Dammit, I did it again," Gray said, catching herself a second too late.

"Astrology challenge?" Molly said, sitting up straighter on her barstool. "Now that's something I'd love to hear about. What's the challenge? Guessing your date's sun, moon, and rising signs? Acting like a different sign on every date? Trying to prove it's all meaningless?"

Gray dropped her head into her hands. "God, I've already let this one go off the rails and you've only been here for, like, ten minutes."

Molly placed a hand on Gray's shoulder. "My day is already way better than it was before you messaged me, if that helps."

Gray looked up at Molly and bit her lip. She wasn't supposed to talk about her ex, but even briefly chatting about McKenzie had made her feel better about the clusterfuck that was currently her life. Maybe talking about her dating experiment wasn't such a bad idea either, if Molly was genuinely interested. "You really want to hear about it?"

"I might die of curiosity if I don't."

Giving Molly a brief overview of her past six weeks of dates was surprisingly cathartic. Molly was obsessed with astrology herself and begged Gray for details about her dates. It was all fun and games for a while, as Molly had her own stories to add about dates with various signs. But after Gray talked about playing matchmaker with her Capricorn and Taurus dates, and Molly praised the pairing's compatibility, Gray clammed up.

"So what about Aquarius? That was your last date before me, right?" Molly asked.

Gray waved to a bartender and asked for another round before replying. "It was good. And then it was fucking amazing. And then it was terrible." Molly waited silently for Gray to continue, and eventually she found the words to explain her history with Veronica before the date.

"So you went on a date with your friend?" Molly asked, leaning in with an elbow on the bar.

"Well, it wasn't supposed to be her. I got ghosted and Veronica volunteered to step in." Gray ran her fingertips along the shaved side of her undercut, still perplexed by how things had escalated so quickly. "It was her idea, her choice to show up looking completely gorgeous and date-ready, her plan to go to this ridiculously perfect location with this magical wind chime tree—"

"The Singing Oak?" Molly said, her eyes wide. "Wow. That's romantic as hell for a friend date."

"Right?" Gray said. "I mean, in a place like that, with the sun setting and the fireflies and everything, how could we not end up making out? And then when the making out was so fun, how could we not end up going back to my place and seeing how much more fun we could have?"

"Naturally. So that's when things got bad, when you went back to your place?"

"No, that part was great," Gray said, staring dreamily at the shelves of liquor bottles against the wall behind the bar. "Like, once-in-a-lifetime-stars-aligned-best-sex-of-my-life wonderful. I genuinely felt like I found my soulmate. This was the answer I'd been looking for."

Molly tilted her head. "Then I guess I'm missing the downside."

Gray swirled her pint glass in a puddle of condensation. "Remember how I mentioned that terrible workday today? Some parent saw us in the park, got pictures—uncomfortably intimate pictures—of us kissing, and by lunchtime, they'd already made their rounds to every parent, alumnus, teacher, janitor, school nurse, and classroom gerbil."

Molly gasped. "That's even more terrible than I expected."

"Yeah, me too." Gray rubbed her palms across her slacks, a bit disoriented by the fact that they were the same pair she'd put on this morning while she was still walking on air. "Anyway, I quit. I mean, what else could I do? There was no way it was going to just blow over, and Veronica couldn't quit. She's too important to the school, to those kids, to every life she's ever touched. If we wanted to be together, it was the only option."

"Sure," Molly said. "I'd have done the same thing."

"But Veronica was furious," Gray said, feeling the flood of dread return. "She somehow managed to make me feel like I'd given up and abandoned her by resigning while also saying it was all a big mistake and shouldn't have happened. Like, talk about mixed signals. Does she want me to stick around or does she never want to see me again? Pick a side, right?"

Molly eyed Gray sympathetically. "If it's any consolation, I think you officially won the worst-day contest," she said.

Gray cracked a smile. "Thanks. I do love winning."

"Of course. You're an Aries."

"The best of all Aries," Gray said with a wink. "Anyway, I guess Veronica was right. Looking back, it could only have ended in some kind of disaster. I'd already broken the dating project rules with her, like I now have with you. I'd told her plenty about my ex. She knew all about the astrology challenge. Hell, I fell head over heels right then, just like Cherry told me not to. I thought the stars had given me the answer to my soulmate question, but she wasn't really my soulmate and now I'm back at square one."

"So you're giving up on Veronica just like that?" Molly asked.

Gray scoffed. "No. I mean, yes. I mean…What do you mean?"

"Look, I'm a tattooed lesbian artist with teal hair, I know enough astrology to understand it's far more complex than checking your horoscope," Molly said. "Expecting a sun sign alone to give you a no-questions-asked soulmate without any problems or hurdles to overcome seems a little unrealistic. Love isn't that easy. Just because you have some shit to work through doesn't mean it isn't written in the stars. I'm surprised you would give up on Veronica when you've clearly been falling in love with her for a while."

Gray nearly fell off her barstool. "I…I have?"

"It's obvious, isn't it?" Molly said gently. "You just didn't realize it because you thought she was straight. The way you talk about first meeting her, the look on your face when you're thinking about her, the sexual chemistry from the first moment y'all opened yourselves up to it…I mean, Jesus, you quit your job for her."

Gray's vision blurred at the edges as Molly's words hit her. She thought about how happy she felt in Veronica's presence, how delighted she was by every new layer of Veronica she uncovered, how painful it was to hear Veronica say their date was a mistake. "Fuck," Gray finally said, her voice cracking. "I've been in love with her."

"Well, don't look so horrified by it," Molly said, patting Gray's elbow. "It's good news, right? It's what you wanted. But it's not the end. What's her moon sign? How about her rising sign? What house is her Venus in, which rules passion and love? What about her Mars, for conflict and aggression? Or Mercury, for communication? You've still got a lot more compatibility to figure out, some aspects the stars can tell you, some they can't. Most importantly, you've got to find out if she's open to loving you back."

"But she doesn't love me back." Thinking back on the previous night, Gray's stomach seemed to fall through the bottom of her barstool, down through the concrete floor, deep into the earth beneath them. "She said we were just friends, that it was just a fun little exploit. And when I quit my job, she said she regretted the whole thing and acted like she never wanted to see me again."

Molly shrugged, then drank the last dregs of her beer. "I know a fair amount about astrology, a little about you after this chat, and nothing about Veronica, so I'm not sure I have the answers for you here," she said. "But I do know that love is messy and complicated and confusing and sometimes wonderful, but it's rarely straightforward. Maybe the stars are speaking to you in ways you don't know how to interpret."

Gray chewed on her bottom lip. "Maybe," she conceded. If only she could drag Veronica to Madame Nouvelle Lune to get the answers she sought.

"It's getting late, and I've got to run." Molly signaled the bartender and handed over her credit card to pay for both of their drinks.

"You don't have to do that," Gray said. "I just talked your ear off about all my personal problems. I should be paying you for the advice."

"Don't worry about it. I had a great time talking with you." Molly stood from the barstool and gave Gray a firm pat on the back. "And besides, you're unemployed now."

"Oh," Gray said with a dark laugh. "Right."

Molly leaned in and kissed Gray on the cheek, kindly but not romantically. "Good luck, Gray," she said. "I hope you find what you're looking for."

"Thanks," Gray said with a crooked smile. "I hope you do too."

With a nod, Molly left Gray, alone at the bar, finishing her astrology dating challenge in the same place it began.