Chapter Twenty-One

What had Gray been thinking when she decided to sign a lease that started the week of her birthday? The same week she was due to complete her dating challenge, and in the midst of a busy semester at St. Charles Collegiate Academy? It seemed Saturn return really was pushing her toward big life changes.

When she'd told Cherry and Robbie about her new apartment, they'd been nothing but supportive. In fact, between oohing and aahing over the pictures she'd taken during her tour, they'd even seemed a little sad Gray wouldn't be under the same roof. Maybe it was their bittersweet reaction that had Gray feeling glum about the big move. Or perhaps it was because Gray wasn't sure she felt "grown-up" enough to move into her own space for the first time. So she made a plan to show her friends—and herself—just how ready she was to live alone. Gray would make dinner for Cherry, Robbie, and River using the pasta recipe she'd learned from Veronica. It was the perfect way to prove she'd learned to be a little more self-reliant in the kitchen. Or at least she was capable of learning. And it would provide the perfect going-away dinner to celebrate her last night in the garage apartment.

By 6 p.m., everything was going to plan. Cherry, Robbie, and River were out for a walk. The chicken was grilled and the tomatoes were perfectly sliced, although Veronica's plate method somehow still ended with a little juice splashed on Gray's T-shirt. Maybe she should have gotten herself one of those Tabasco aprons too. Gray found a heavy, lidded casserole dish and loaded it with olive oil, tomatoes, roasted red peppers, and seasoning. She set the microwave for five minutes, then ran upstairs to her apartment to change her shirt.

The first hint that something had gone wrong was the bright flash of purple light Gray saw when she entered the kitchen. Then there was the smell, something bitter and smoky instead of garlicky and delicious. But it wasn't until she saw the flames lighting up the inside of the microwave that she realized exactly how wrong her plans had gone. She turned off the microwave immediately and waited for the flames to die down before opening the door and fanning away the smoke. It appeared the dish, one she'd assumed was microwave safe, had metal screws attaching the handles. Those had somehow managed to catch the oil on fire, which in turn cracked the ceramic dish into pieces, leaving the microwave a scorched mess and dinner inedible. Cherry, Robbie, and River returned just in time to find Gray cursing at the catastrophe and burning her fingers on the rubble.

Cherry told Robbie to entertain River in the living room and jumped into action. She somehow managed to calm Gray, clean up the mess, and create an impromptu pasta dish from the remaining ingredients plus a little butter and Parmesan cheese in under half an hour. But while Cherry had saved dinner, her joking comment about how she should buy a kitchen fire extinguisher as a housewarming gift left Gray feeling even more apprehensive than before. How could she possibly live by herself when she couldn't even figure out how to use a microwave without threatening to burn the house down? How could she ever raise kids when she was still so childish herself?

But with a lease signed and movers coming the next day, it was too late for Gray to chicken out on her new apartment. After buying Cherry and Robbie a new microwave and casserole dish, she spent Sunday evening hiding out in the garage apartment to finish packing her things, which was admittedly pretty easy since she'd only moved in less than two months prior. She was packing up the last of her clothes when she heard a knock on the door.

"It's me!" Gray heard Cherry's voice say through the door. "Just wanted to see if you needed any help."

Gray opened the door, revealing the stacks of boxes and deconstructed furniture behind her. Gray rubbed the back of her neck and looked down at her feet. "Hey, Cher."

"Hey, G." Cherry looked around at the stacks of boxes and empty walls. "Oh. Looks like you've got it under control up here."

Gray grunted noncommittally, turning back to packing a drawer of sweaters.

Sensing Gray's mood, Cherry walked over and leaned against the top of the dresser. "What's wrong? Aren't you excited about your new place? It's gorgeous."

"Excited, sure," Gray said in an unconvincing monotone. "Also stressed. And terrified. And maybe a little disappointed."

"Disappointed?" Cherry said, trying to read Gray's face as she focused on folding a striped maroon sweater. "You don't regret leaving Tulsa, do you?"

"What? No!" Gray said, looking up from the task at hand. "Why would you think that?"

Cherry looked sheepish as she wiped a bit of dust from the edge of the dresser. "When you first told us you were moving, for a moment…Well, I thought you might be moving back to get together with McKenzie again."

Gray couldn't help but laugh with surprise. "Seriously?"

"You've been kinda distant lately," Cherry said. "Like you've been sharing all your highs and lows with someone else, someone besides me and Robbie. And with all the dating, I was afraid you'd decided you'd seen enough of the single world and wanted to go back to your comfort zone."

"No way," Gray said. "I mean, yeah, breaking up with McKenzie and moving away from Oklahoma was rough. But being here with you and Robbie has been the only thing keeping me upright. You've been my friend, my family, my landlord, my therapist, everything. I don't know how I can ever repay you."

"Do you have any idea how expensive good babysitters are these days? We're even," Cherry said, a gentle smile on her face. "And having you here has made New Orleans finally really feel like home for me too."

"Same," Gray said. "There's no way I'm going back to McKenzie. If anything, the dates I've been on have shown me that there's more for me out there than I realized. Like, if you'd told me when I first moved here that I'd go on ten dates in less than six weeks, that I'd see cool places and meet new friends and have sex with four new people in that time, I'd have laughed in your face. But I've done all that. I've discovered all these cool hidden corners of the city. I've got this amazing friendship with Veronica after only a month. I think you'll really like her, by the way. And I've realized that love is out there for me, with someone who wants a family like I want, someone on the same path. Maybe the stars have been less than crystal clear about who that person is or if I've found them yet. But I'm definitely not going back to Tulsa. Maybe I'll reconnect with McKenzie at some point as friends, but I'm on a path forward now, and I'm not turning back." As soon as she said it, Gray knew it was true.

Cherry faux-sniffled and wiped an invisible tear from her cheek. "You've blossomed from my little fuzzy caterpillar into a beautiful butterfly. You're totally different now from the sad, pitiful Gray who pulled into our driveway in February."

"Pitiful, but still devastatingly handsome, right?"

"Always." Cherry dropped onto the foot of Gray's bed. "So if it's not about McKenzie or Oklahoma, why are you disappointed?"

Gray sat down next to Cherry and crossed her legs. The moment reminded Gray of their childhood sleepovers, of all the years they'd spent whispering secrets in blanket forts and figuring out what they wanted out of life. "Maybe this is my Saturn return talking, but I'm scared to live alone. I know I'm almost twenty-nine years old, a grown-ass adult, but I've never done it before and I'm terrified. What if I suck at being on my own? What if I hate the silence, or lose my keys, or can't figure out what painting to hang on the bedroom wall?"

"You won't suck at being on your own," Cherry said. "If it's too quiet, you'll turn on some music. Give me a spare key in case yours goes missing. And you know I will always provide commentary on your interior decorating, whether or not you ask for it."

"That helps," Gray said. "But what if this apartment isn't what I want? All I've ever dreamed of is a cute house with a garage and a backyard and a wife who loves me and a bunch of kids and a Saint Bernard or whatever. And instead I'm getting this sad little bachelor pad."

Cherry held out her palm. "Show me the pictures again."

Gray pulled out her phone, navigated to the photos of the apartment, and handed it to Cherry.

"First of all, this place is way too classy to be a bachelor pad," Cherry said, flipping through the pictures and zooming in for emphasis. "It's got ‘wife material' written all over it. And there's nothing sad about this breakfast bar. I can already picture you and your future soulmate having pancakes and mimosas right here."

"As soon as I figure out how to make pancakes," Gray said, feeling a little lighter already.

"Hold on," Cherry said when she reached a picture of the built-in bookshelves in the living room. "Is that Veronica?"

"Yeah, that's her." Gray looked at the candid shot of Veronica checking out the view from the windows.

"But she's hot!" Cherry said. "I thought she was, like, fifty with schoolmarm vibes!"

"She's thirty-six."

Cherry looked between the phone and Gray, who was staring at the photo of Veronica. "Hold on, are y'all a thing? Romantically?"

"What? No!" Gray said forcefully. "She's straight. And my co-worker."

"Your straight co-worker who went apartment hunting with you? Who you've been hanging out with regularly?" Cherry said skeptically.

"It's not like that."

"Okay, just had to make sure." Cherry shrugged and tucked a loose lock of red hair behind her ear. "My point is, this apartment is a total gem. And even if it's not the five-bedroom, three-and-a-half-bathroom family home with a game room and a reading nook and a two-car garage you want, it can still be a great place to live right now. That's why you rented this place instead of buying it, right?" Cherry threw an arm over Gray's shoulders and tilted her closer. "I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you've got time. You can still have that cute house with all those kids and that Saint Bernard. Think of this apartment as a step toward that, not a change in the plans."

Gray stared at Cherry for a moment before her face broke into a smile.

"What? What are you looking at me like that for?"

"You're gonna be so good at mom pep talks when River gets older," Gray said. "You've always been smart, but this whole life coach thing? It's new."

Cherry let go of Gray's shoulders and leaned back on the bed. "Well, you're not the only one getting a new perspective on life from Saturn return."

"Oh yeah, you're turning twenty-nine too," Gray said. It was obvious, now that she thought about it, but ever since Cherry and Robbie got married, she'd seemed to have her shit more together than Gray. It was hard to picture her going through the same existential discomfort Madame Nouvelle Lune had pointed out as a symptom of Saturn's movements. "What's come to light for you?"

"For one, I've decided I can't be a stay-at-home mom forever," Cherry said, running her hand along the edge of Gray's quilt. "I love River and want more kids. But I think I want to find something I can do part-time from home too. I've been considering taking a course on graphic design. For, like, branding and advertising and whatnot."

"Oh, Cherry, you'd be great at that!" Gray said earnestly.

"You think so?" Cherry said, clearly pleased with Gray's response.

"Absolutely! People would definitely pay money for those posters you designed for River's room, and you know everyone at my work is still obsessed with that design you made with the Gina Byers Kane quote. You've got a great eye. And I even think I could connect you with some folks who may be interested," Gray said, her mind on Riley's coffee shop and some of the small-business owners from the market with Tara.

"Someday I'll take you up on that," Cherry said. "And I also think Saturn return has something to do with this feeling that it's time for another baby."

"Huh. I guess that makes sense," Gray said. "It's got me wanting, like, five kids. Maybe six. Maybe more. Enough for a family softball team."

Cherry chewed a nail, seeming to contemplate something. "On that topic—and you understand that this is just a random thing I'm telling you, it's not a big announcement—my period is late."

Gray gasped and jumped up from the bed, her hands clasped over her mouth.

"And if it's what your face is implying, I will obviously take a test and find out and tell Robbie, who should be the first to know."

Gray lowered her hands and gathered her cool. "Right, of course."

"But you're the first person I've told I'm late, so that's special too," Cherry added.

Gray clapped her hands and bounced on her heels. "Can we do a happy dance?"

"A happy-slash-hopeful dance," Cherry said, standing up from the bed. "Sure."

They grabbed each other's arms and danced around in a circle, giggling like they were back in one of their childhood bedrooms talking about a crush. Once they finished, Cherry stood with her hands on her hips. "Speaking of Saturn return, don't you still have two dates left? And only, what, five days until your birthday?"

Gray ruffled her bangs. "Yeah. I know, it's a little tight."

"You've got this!" Cherry said, jumping right back into pep talk mode. "Aquarius next, right?"

Gray nodded. "Aquarius and Pisces."

"You're going to love Aquarius." Cherry walked over to an open box of books and started rearranging them to make more room. "You've gotten along with both of the other air signs. And Aquariuses are so cool. They're completely themselves, no matter what anyone else thinks, and they see the world through this lens of, like, we can fix this, we can make things better. I have a good feeling about this one."

"I'm mostly just concerned about getting one to agree to go on a date with me ASAP," Gray said. "Oh, I still need an icebreaker. Do you have one?"

Cherry thought for a moment while she finished filling the box and folded down the top to close it. "How about ‘What's your weirdest hobby?'?"

"I can work with that."

"Great." Cherry brushed the dust from her hands onto her leggings. "Well, thank you for the wonderful heart-to-heart, but I better get to bed. Need any help before the movers come in the morning? You know I'll be up early with River anyway."

"I think I'm good. The movers Veronica recommended seem great," Gray said. She wrapped Cherry in a big hug, holding on a couple beats longer than usual. "Thanks for being my bestie, Cherry."

Cherry gave her an extra squeeze before letting go. "Thanks for being my bestie, Gray. I can't wait to see your apartment in person."

Once Cherry was gone, Gray collapsed onto her bed, exhausted but feeling far more confident in her new place than an hour before. Remembering Cherry's enthusiasm about Aquariuses, Gray pulled out her phone and updated her search parameters on Mercurious. As she waited for her potential matches to load, she grinned, thinking about how Cherry might be pregnant. It felt good being happy for her friend. Somehow, it made her feel happier for herself about her own next steps. They were both going places, and even if they weren't living at the same address, they were still doing it together.