Chapter Sixteen

By Thursday, Gray was still walking tall from successfully proving her worth to Veronica—and to Dr. Donovan, who was delighted by their newly donated books and the fact that he was now on a first-name basis with a literary celebrity. He'd even given Gray that afternoon off as thanks. Of course, never being one to sit around twiddling her thumbs, she'd immediately filled it by asking her new reporter friends if they wanted to blow off work and meet her somewhere for an early happy hour. They'd ended up sharing beignets at a hotel restaurant in the French Quarter. One journalist had put the tab on the company card, saying that Gray tipping them off to the Republican National Convention potentially taking place in the city the following year counted as work. So at least her date with Stephanie the Virgo hadn't been a total loss.

As she was exiting through the hotel lobby, Gray heard someone call her name. She looked up to see a familiar person with reddish hair waving from the concierge desk. Jackson. The Gemini currently sitting at number one on her short list! Was fate telling her to keep that option open? Gray waved, straightened her olive-green blazer, turned to check her teeth in the reflective window, and strode over to her potential soulmate.

"Gray! What a sight for sore eyes!" Jackson walked around the counter and wrapped Gray in a hug.

"Good to see you." Gray's words were muffled by Jackson's shoulder. She pulled back and asked, "How have you been?"

"Good, good. Work has slowed down a little, but it's still festival season, so…you know." Jackson shrugged. "You?"

"Great! Also busy, but settling into the city more every day." Gray paused, running her fingers through the buzzed side of her hair. Jackson looked exactly as beautiful and ethereal as she remembered in a flowing floral top and with their auburn waves pinned back from their smiling face. It was early yet to think about what would happen after her birthday when the challenge was over, but Gray felt like she had to take advantage of this moment. "Things should slow down for me in a few weeks, and I was hoping we could see each other again then. If you want to."

Jackson's eyes went a little soft, their smile bordering on pitying. Gray could tell instantly that the answer wouldn't be what she hoped. "Oh, Gray. That's so sweet of you. But I…Well…" Jackson looked down at their feet, then back up at Gray. "I've been seeing someone else."

"Oh." Gray felt an invisible punch to her gut, sensed the air being sucked out of the room.

"Céline, actually. That ghost tour guide?"

"Wow. That's great." Gray tried to smile supportively, but she felt the corners of her lips wobble. "She seemed really cool."

"She is," Jackson said, their face lighting up. "I don't want to jinx it or anything, but it's going so well. Like, it legit feels like the stars aligned and the universe pushed us together. Being with her, it's just right, you know?" Jackson saw Gray's expression and their glow dimmed slightly. "I'm sorry, Gray. You're lovely, it's not—"

"No, no, I get it," Gray said, shooting for blasé instead of devastated. "I'm really happy for you."

Gray knew her words didn't match her tone, but Jackson seemed heartened by her response. "Thank you. I'm really happy too," they said.

Still reeling from the new information, Gray quickly wound up the conversation, said her goodbyes, and stepped out into the sunlight, wishing desperately that the stars would align for her like they had for Jackson.

Gray was still in a bit of a daze as she picked up River for their dinner at Veronica's house. Even River seemed to notice her mood. As Gray buckled him into his car seat for their run to the grocery store, he reached out a chubby hand and poked Gray's cheek. "Aunt Gay sad? Why Aunt Gay sad?"

Putting on a big smile, Gray deflected. "I'm not sad, River! How can I be sad when we're going to the park and to dinner with your friend Karys?"

"Carrots!" River said.

That brought a little more authenticity to Gray's smile. "Pretty close, buddy. All right, let's go to the store."

After picking up the ingredients from Veronica's list, Gray and River arrived right on time at the small neighborhood park. Gray found Veronica on their regular bench and settled in next to her as they watched River and Karys run off toward the swing set.

All it took were brief hellos for Veronica to ask, "Is something wrong?"

Was Gray's dour disposition that obvious? Was she pouting like the child across the playground who'd been told to wait his turn for the slide? "I'm fine," she said shortly.

Veronica examined Gray over the top of her boxy sunglasses, a wry grin on her lips. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"About what?"

"About whatever has you walking around like you're in a tragic silent film."

Gray sighed. "Do I have ‘loser who will never find love' tattooed on my forehead?"

Veronica looked away to watch Karys and River galloping after each other, giving Gray a moment of privacy after her outburst. "Another bad date?" she asked.

"Not exactly," Gray admitted. "It was a great date, actually, a few weeks ago. I really liked this person. I thought it might turn into something down the line, but I waited too long and now they're with someone else."

"Why did you wait?" Veronica asked.

Gray looked at Veronica out of the corner of her eye, then back across the playground to where the kids were playing unicorns. "It's kind of a long story."

"I've got time. Especially since the meal I'm teaching you to make only takes about fifteen minutes, start to finish."

"Really? Wow." Gray wasn't sure if sharing her dating mission with Veronica was a good idea. For starters, Veronica was a co-worker. Even more, she could be quite rigid and traditional, at least in her professional role. Astrology—and Gray's very queer and sometimes steamy dating experiences—could prove off-putting. But thanks to the Fight Club–style rule about talking about her challenge to dates, Gray hadn't spoken to anyone about her romantic adventures besides Cherry and Robbie. Sharing her struggles with someone else was appealing. And weren't she and Veronica more than just work acquaintances at this point? Didn't the curious and open look on Veronica's face seem more like that of a friend? "Well, it all started with a visit to my friend's astrologer."

Gray went on to explain how she'd hoped to leave with a simple answer of which sign would be her best match, only to end up with a mission to date all twelve signs. She'd never heard the principal laugh so hard or gasp with such delighted surprise. Even better, Gray was pleased to see that Veronica didn't bat an eye when she used she/her or they/them pronouns to reference her dates. Because she came from a conservative family and hometown, it was a rare treat to find a straight person with whom Gray could comfortably discuss her queer dating life.

"So you're doing this whole thing because of…Saturn retrograde?" Veronica asked once Gray had finished brief summaries of each date she'd had so far. Minus the R-rated content, at least. That seemed a bridge too far for discussion with a co-worker.

"Saturn return," Gray corrected. "It's the thing that happens every twenty-nine years when Saturn is in the exact same place in the sky as when you were born. When you're, like, pushed onto the right path by the planets or whatever. Expect big life changes, or so says Madame Nouvelle Lune."

Veronica stared off into the middle distance thoughtfully. "I guess that makes sense. I had Karys when I was twenty-nine. And I decided to start taking on some administrative duties in addition to teaching."

"Well, now you'll be more prepared for your next Saturn return when you're…fifty-eight," Gray said, doing some quick mental math.

"What is it you said Saturn return is urging you to do? Find your true love?"

"That, and settle down, start building the family I've always wanted, have kids," Gray said, staring out at River as he spun down a spiral slide. She may have told herself that she'd let Veronica believe he was her kid for business reasons, but Gray knew that deep down, she enjoyed playing at parenting on her Thursday evenings.

"So you thought the Gemini might be your perfect match, but now they're seeing someone else," Veronica said.

"Exactly." Gray's spirit had previously been lifted by sharing the story of her last few weeks, but remembering what started the conversation brought her right back down to Earth. "So now I'm wondering, was it really meant to be and I missed my chance? Or maybe it's a sign I'm meant to be with the Libra. Or one of the fire signs?"

"Or maybe you're meant to be with a Gemini, just not that one," Veronica said. "You're learning about the signs, right? Not limiting yourself to these exact twelve people you meet on Mercurious? Or maybe you're destined to end up with one of the signs you haven't gotten to yet. There's no point drawing conclusions before you've finished your experiment and analyzed the data. That's just basic scientific method."

Gray laughed. "I'm not sure the scientific method is applicable here. Do you even believe in astrology?"

"Do you?"

Gray leaned back against the bench and felt Veronica's fingertips press against her shoulder. Despite her sometimes frosty behavior, Veronica was surprisingly tactile once someone was on her good side, punctuating her sentences with a hand on an arm or smoothing a lapel. "I think so?" Gray answered. "I mean, my best friend, Cherry, does, and she can point out all these ways it makes my life make sense. And they say fire signs and air signs are compatible, and earth and water signs are compatible, and that appears to be bearing out in my love life. The more I learn about astrology, the more helpful answers I seem to find in it."

"It's just like any other framework from which to view the world, right?" Veronica said. "A way to understand and relate to other people, even if they're different from you. And unlike many other frameworks, it doesn't discriminate based on race, gender, sexuality, class, religion, what have you."

"So you do believe it?"

"Oh, definitely not," Veronica said. "It's got the same ability to inspire and create empathy as any other faith system, and the same dangers of unquestioning belief, right? But it's fun to explore."

Gray felt her brain twitch at that comment. She'd never really thought of astrology as a religion, and she wasn't sure how it sat with her. But that set off her subconscious religious-trauma warning bell, which tended to send Gray running in the opposite direction to avoid getting lost in memories, the good ones sometimes even more dangerous than the bad. She checked her watch. "Whoops, I think my story blew us way past River's dinnertime."

"Perhaps we should continue this conversation at my house," Veronica said, taking the hint. "We've got a cooking lesson to attend to."

Veronica and Gray buckled Karys and River into separate cars and drove to Veronica's redbrick house. Gray carried in an insulated bag of groceries and unloaded it on the counter while Veronica set the children up with a puzzle. Once the kids were distracted, Gray's lesson began.

Veronica rinsed a plastic clamshell container of cherry tomatoes and then set them on the counter next to a cutting board and a long, thin knife. "Your first task: slice those in half."

"Sounds easy enough," Gray said, picking up the knife.

"You'll need this." Veronica slipped a green apron over Gray's head.

As Veronica tied the apron strings behind her back, Gray looked down to see a screen-printed alligator wearing a chef hat on the apron, along with the words You can thank me gator. "If you say so, Chef." She pulled a handful of cherry tomatoes from the clamshell and set them on the cutting board, chasing down a few as they threatened to roll off the counter. Targeting one, she brought down the knife. But instead of cutting the tomato, it sent it rolling across the counter. Gray grabbed it and brought it back, then made another attempt that ended up slicing off a tiny bit of the tomato's skin. On her third attempt, the blade hit the middle of the tomato, but at an angle that managed to squish the tomato instead of cutting it, sending a stream of red juice flying straight at Gray's apron. "Agh!" Gray grunted as it splashed her.

Veronica looked over at the mess. "See, that's why you always wear an apron."

"I thought it was just because I looked so good in it," Gray said. She turned around and struck a model-like pose with her hands resting on the counter and her face looking seriously off into the distance.

Veronica laughed, a full, warm sound Gray was grateful to hear again after their rocky past week. It seemed all was really forgiven. "That too." She pulled a dinner plate from a cabinet and handed it to Gray. "Use this."

"Now you want me to slice tomatoes and spin plates at the same time?"

"No, goofball, like this." Veronica took the plate from Gray's hand and placed it on top of the tomatoes so that the circular rim on the bottom of the plate held them in place. She took Gray's hand and splayed it across the top of the plate, then came around behind Gray and placed her own right hand over Gray's hand, both gripping the knife. "Hold the plate with gentle pressure," Veronica instructed. She guided Gray's wrist to hold the knife parallel to the counter, aiming between the plate and the cutting board. "Try to keep the blade flat like this, and evenly between the board and the plate, then…" They both pushed the knife through the tomatoes, then Veronica let go of Gray's hand and pulled back.

Gray lifted the plate to see the tomatoes cleanly sliced in half, with only a small amount of juice splattered around them. "Damn. A teacher, a school administrator, an amazing mom, a chef, and a magician? You keep surprising me, Veronica Taylor."

Although Veronica turned at that moment to locate a stoneware baking dish, Gray spotted a grin on her face.

Their conversation was interrupted by River, who toddled into the kitchen with a distraught look on his face, saying, "Aunt Gay! Aunt Gay!"

Gray wiped her hands on her apron and scooped River up in her arms. "What is it, Riv?"

He held out a tiny thumb, his lower lip pushed out in a pout. "Gotta ouchie."

"He squished his thumb playing with my Wonder Woman toy," Karys said, following River into the kitchen.

River quieted as Gray examined his thumb. "No blood, no swelling, no bruising. Can you wiggle it for me?" Gray asked.

"No," River said, still pouting.

"How about a thumb war?" Gray asked. She grasped River's tiny finger in hers and moved her thumb back and forth. River mirrored the movement, seemingly without pain, and giggled as Gray let him trap her thumb under his. "So strong! Well, it appears to be in working order to me." Gray spun River around in a circle before setting him back on the floor. "Why don't you go back and play with Karys? And tell Wonder Woman to be a little gentler with your thumbs."

The kids zoomed out of the room, River's injury seemingly forgotten. Gray turned to Veronica, who was looking at her with an unreadable expression. "Anyway, what's next in the recipe?"

Veronica pointed at the cutting board in front of Gray. "Gotta finish that step before we can move forward."

"Right, of course." Gray sliced the rest of the tomatoes using the plate method, then followed Veronica's instructions to toss them in the dish with a little seasoning, olive oil, garlic, and roasted red peppers from a jar. Veronica placed a lid on the dish and put it in the microwave for five minutes. While it cooked, Veronica chopped up some grilled chicken from her refrigerator and Gray grated a block of Parmesan cheese. The microwave dinged, and they added some broth and a box of penne pasta.

"Back in the microwave for twelve minutes," Veronica said, setting the timer accordingly. She rinsed her hands in the sink and turned back to Gray. "So for this dating thing, what made you realize it was time to find your soulmate? Why did you go to that astrologer now?"

Gray sat down at a barstool and pushed her hair out of her face. "That story's almost as long as the dating challenge itself."

Veronica looked at the microwave. "We have eleven and a half minutes. That long enough?"

Although she hesitated at first, Gray reminded herself that this wasn't a date with one of the signs. She could talk about McKenzie all she wanted. "The most concise explanation is, a tough breakup," Gray said. "When my ex and I got together, we were so young. Neither of us knew what we wanted out of life, what we wanted a family to look like. Well, to be fair, I knew what kind of family I wanted. It just seemed so far in the future, and I figured McKenzie needed some time before she came around to the idea of kids. Took another decade for me to realize she was not coming around to anything just because I willed it so, and our visions for the future didn't really work together anymore."

"A decade," Veronica said. "That's a lot of your life to just move on from like that."

Gray gulped, recognizing that Veronica had immediately gotten right to the heart of her recent struggles with only a little information. "Yeah. Sometimes I feel like I don't know who I am anymore without McKenzie, like I'm only half of a person walking around, lost."

"If it helps, you seem like a fully realized person to me," Veronica said, leaning on the island across from Gray. "With that whole ‘I laugh in the face of danger and will overcome any challenge with pure gall' thing you've got going on, I'd say you've got the energy and drive of a person and a half, at least."

Gray laughed. "Thanks, but the ‘laugh in the face of danger' bit is all an act. I saw a garden snake in Cherry and Robbie's backyard last week and screamed so loud the neighbors came over to check on me." She shrugged. "What about you? How long were you with Karys's dad?"

"Not nearly as long as you were with your ex, but I guess having a kid really accelerates all those realizations about different visions for the future you were talking about." Veronica peered around the corner to check on Karys and River, then returned, her voice a little lower than before. "We were only together for less than a year when I got pregnant. But I'd always wanted kids, and I was almost thirty and figured this was my shot. Dylan seemed like he'd make a great dad, and he is. Just not a great husband. To me, at least."

Gray nodded thoughtfully. She figured seeing the tough-shelled Veronica open up like this wasn't something many people got to witness, and she didn't want to blow it like she had the previous Thursday.

"We were married for about two years before we admitted we were both miserable," Veronica said. "It was mutual and about as peaceful as a divorce can be, I suppose. Especially after we separated. We could put the clash between us aside and focus on being good parents instead. Karys hated the divorce at first. A lot of acting out, tantrums. Therapy helped, but it was realizing she now gets two bedrooms and two sets of toys that finally made her see the light."

Gray smiled. "Hard to imagine Karys acting out. She seems so mature."

"Did I mention therapy?" Veronica came around the kitchen island and sat on the barstool next to Gray. "Her dad and I have reached a good place for co-parenting. Karys stays with him Monday and Tuesday nights, then she's here Wednesday and Thursday nights, and we alternate weekends. Sometimes we get our wires crossed, but Dylan and I are on good terms these days, so it mostly works."

The heart-to-heart was interrupted by a beep from the microwave. When Gray pulled out the stoneware dish and removed the lid, she was hit with a wave of fragrant steam, bursting with garlic, roasted red pepper, and herbs. Veronica nudged her out of the way and stirred in the chicken, Parmesan, and some fresh basil. "Wait, this legitimately looks like delicious pasta," she said, looking over Veronica's shoulder.

"What did you expect, sushi?" Veronica said as she walked toward the island.

"Okay, sassafras," Gray said. "It just seems too easy to be true, is all."

Veronica pulled two ceramic bowls and two kid-friendly plastic bowls from a cabinet. "I told you I'd show you something even an abysmal cook can make, didn't I?" Veronica bumped an elbow against Gray's ribs with a smile, then strode to the kitchen doorway. "Karys, time to set the table!"

The pasta had indeed turned out to be an impressive meal, one Gray couldn't wait to make for Cherry and Robbie to show off her new skills. River had loved it just as much as Karys, partially because she'd taught him the "oh yay, it's penne" song she'd made up to accompany the dish. But even better than the food was the company. Sitting down to dinner with Veronica and Karys felt different than having dinner with Cherry and Robbie. Gray felt more like an equal than the pitiable, brokenhearted third wheel they'd brought in like a lost dog, although Gray knew that dynamic was all in her head. Not to mention how much Gray enjoyed watching Veronica and Karys together. Karys was smart as a whip, and Gray could see all the ways Veronica nurtured her imaginative instincts.

Even though dinner and the board game they played afterward had pushed Gray over an hour past the time she usually brought River home to his parents, she still felt like the evening had ended too soon. As they said their goodbyes, River gave Karys a big hug, and in high spirits from the lovely evening, Gray mirrored River's move and gave Veronica a hug too. Although Gray could tell she was a bit surprised at first from the tension in her body, Veronica quickly relaxed and returned the gesture. It was a rare gift, Gray understood, to see the softer side of Veronica.

The short drive home was long enough to rock River to sleep. He was completely knocked out by the time Gray pulled into the driveway, and he didn't even stir while Gray carried him into the house, changed him into pajamas, and tucked him into bed. She gently closed his door just as Cherry exited her own room in pink bunny slippers and a silky robe.

"Asleep?" Cherry asked at a barely audible volume. Gray nodded silently, and they both tiptoed down the hall to the kitchen. "I'm going to make some mint tea. Want some?"

"Sure," Gray said. "Sorry I got him home so late."

Cherry waved off the apology as she filled an electric kettle with water from the faucet. "You warned me ahead of time, so no big. It actually worked out for"—Cherry wiggled her eyebrows suggestively—"personal reasons."

Gray faked a gag. "Gross, Mom."

"Hey, you tell me all the juicy details of your sex life. It's only fair." Cherry placed the kettle on its stand. "Besides, it's hard to make banging fun when you're doing it with an objective."

"Doesn't sex always have an objective?"

"Fair point," Cherry said. "But spontaneity is half of the thrill, and once you start talking about schedules and hormone levels and whatnot—"

"Wait, are you trying to get pregnant again?" Gray interrupted.

Cherry turned around, her expression a bit sheepish. "Yeah, I've been meaning to tell you."

"But I thought you were going to wait until River was a little older," Gray said, thrown by the news.

"He is a little older," Cherry said. "He's about to turn two. He'll probably be close to three by the time the next baby is born, if Robbie and I can hurry up and get it cooking."

Gray massaged the back of her neck with one hand. "It just feels so soon. I…I don't know what to say."

"Life comes at you fast." Cherry pulled two mugs out of a cabinet and two tea bags from a drawer. "And you could say ‘congratulations.' Or ‘good luck.' Something, you know, supportive?" Her tone was cagey, a noted change from her usual nonchalance.

"I'm happy for you!" Gray said quickly. "It's just…" She rubbed her face and tried to collect her thoughts, tried to understand why Cherry's proclamation had sent her into a panic. "I'm so close to figuring out who my soulmate should be, you know? If things go well, I could maybe get married in the next year, have a baby a year after that. And I guess I always pictured our kids being best friends and growing up together like we did. Can't you wait just a little longer? So we can do it together? Like our moms but way cooler?"

With a heavy sigh, Cherry lifted the kettle to pour water into the mugs. "Let's sit down." She carried the mugs to the table and sat, Gray taking the chair across from her. "Gray, you know you're my best friend in the whole world."

"Same," Gray said.

"And I would rather dive into a pit of scorpions than do anything to intentionally hurt you."

"That's a little dramatic, but same, I guess."

"But you can see why what you said—asking me to wait to get pregnant—hurts me, right?" Cherry said gently. "Asking me to choose between what I want, what I've agreed on with Robbie, and what you want?"

Something in Gray's brain immediately clicked into position, replacing what she could now recognize as jealousy with shame. "I'm sorry, Cherry. You're totally right, I shouldn't have said that."

"I know, I know." Cherry reached out a hand and put it on top of Gray's. "I get it, I know Saturn has you in a weird place right now. But as much as I love you, Robbie and I can't make our family-planning decisions based on your schedule."

"Of course you can't. Forget I said anything," Gray said, her cheeks burning.

"I want our kids to grow up together too," Cherry said, ignoring Gray's request. "But there's no way to guarantee they'll be as close as we are. It's way more important to me that they have their aunt Gay in their lives."

"One hundred percent. They couldn't keep me out of their lives if they tried," Gray said, still feeling deeply embarrassed by her earlier response. She gathered her mug in her hands and blew across the steamy surface of the tea. "Really, I'm sorry about what I said. What I meant was, I'm so fucking happy for you and Robbie and River. And I'm here to support you, whatever you need. Do you need someone to run your ovulation calendar? I'm great at schedule management."

"Absolutely not, but thanks, G." Cherry smiled, a true grin that made Gray know all was forgiven. "And don't think this 2Fast 2 Pregnant: The Sequel business is going to get me off your nuts about your astrology project. You locked down a date with a Scorpio, yeah?"

"Tomorrow for lunch!" Gray said, grateful for a change of subject. "I told him it wasn't exactly an ideal time for me, but he apparently already had a reservation at this restaurant that's hard to get into or something."

"He?" Cherry asked.

"Niko. Trans man."

"Cool," Cherry said. "Did you use the icebreaker I suggested? The one about misunderstood villains?"

Gray nodded. "Captain Hook. He said if a bunch of obnoxious kids who refused to mature at all wouldn't leave him alone, he'd be pretty annoyed by it too."

Cherry hummed in agreement. "What was your answer?"

"Wicked Witch of the West. I didn't have to make much of an argument. He's seen Wicked, so he gets it," Gray said.

"Sounds like a winner. Let me know how it goes!"

"You know I will!" Gray said. Relieved that a tough conversation had still managed to end on a good note, she took her tea upstairs to her apartment to start planning her outfit for her next date.