Chapter Fourteen

Although she'd worried her long search for a Virgo would throw her off schedule, Gray was pleased to find a Libra who was quite amenable to meeting up as soon as possible. Skylar (she/they, according to Mercurious) was a social media manager for a local tech company, only twenty-three, but seemed mature for their age based on their profile. Gray struck up a chat late on Friday night after her Virgo date and found Skylar to be thoughtful, kind, and engaging. Maybe astrologers were really onto something with their interpretation of the cosmic ages of the signs, Gray thought, realizing she was now meeting signs in the latter half of the zodiac.

"What should my Libra icebreaker question be?" Gray asked once she finished washing the dishes from their Saturday morning breakfast. Cherry, huddled over her laptop at the marble island, didn't respond. Coming closer, Gray looked over Cherry's shoulder at her screen. "What are you working on?"

Cherry jumped at Gray's voice so close to her ear. "Jesus, warn a girl before you sneak up on her like that."

"We've literally been in the same room for the past hour."

Cherry shifted her computer so Gray could see. "Robbie and I have been planning a little update to River's room," she said. "He's about to move into a toddler bed anyway and is old enough now to tell us what kind of stuff he likes. Not that his ideas are all winners. He asked for a real unicorn."

"That sounds a little out of your price range," Gray said.

"Yeah. But I figured I could make some unicorn posters to print and frame for him. Remember that graphic design class I took in college?"

"I remember you designing the best party invitations ever in college. Remember the ones you did for that Dolly Parton costume night?" Gray leaned in to look at Cherry's laptop. Pictured on the screen was a colorful illustration of a unicorn midleap with glittery text that said In a World of One-Trick Ponies, Be a Unicorn. "Cherry! This is adorable! River is going to love it."

"Thanks!" Cherry said, glowing with pride. "I'm making a couple more. I forgot how fun it is to stretch my creative muscles."

Crouching even closer to the computer, Gray examined the details of Cherry's work. "This is some professional-level shit. Like, you could sell these." An idea struck Gray right in the frontal lobe. She'd been working on her plan to win back Veronica's trust, and maybe her best friend could help her level it up. "Hey, could I commission a poster from you this week? It doesn't have to be this intricate. Just a visually impactful quote."

Cherry twisted around on her barstool. "You know I'd do it for you for free."

Gray shook her head adamantly. "In this house, we pay artists for their work."

"I guess we could agree on a reasonable fee," Cherry said. "When would you need it by?"

Gray shared a few more details with Cherry, who seemed to grow a few inches from her design skills being taken so seriously.

A buzz in her pocket reminded Gray what she'd asked Cherry in the first place. "Hey, how do I break the ice with this Libra?" she asked.

"Oh, I've got a perfect one," Cherry said after only a second of thought. "What's the best party they've ever thrown? They love hosting parties."

Once Gray returned to her bedroom and pulled up Mercurious, Cherry's question worked like a charm. Skylar enthusiastically shared details of her twenty-first birthday, when she'd thrown a cocktail party, taken literally. Guests were asked to dress as their favorite cocktails. Skylar had dressed as a Dark and Stormy, constructing a rain cloud out of old pillow stuffing to float above their head. Others had come costumed as a Bloody Mary, Irish Coffee, even a Buttery Nipple, which included a bikini top fashioned out of butter wrappers. Gray found herself liking Skylar more and more, and after chatting throughout the morning, Gray suggested they meet up in person. Skylar invited Gray to a free outdoor performance by a local zydeco band that evening. Two dates in two days, Gray realized, feeling especially daring.

Gray arrived right on time at their designated meeting point a block away from the open-air concert venue. Skylar showed up fashionably late—and literally fashionably, wearing a denim jacket, printed button-down shirt, and wide-brim hat that looked effortlessly chic. They spotted Gray and greeted her with a warm hug. "You're even cuter in person!" Skylar said, holding on to Gray's elbows while looking her up and down.

"Oh, thanks," Gray said, warming to Skylar immediately. "You look great too. Like you just walked out of an Autostraddle fashion column."

"This old thing?" Skylar said, looking down at her outfit. "I only changed, like, twenty times before coming. You're kind of intimidatingly cool."

"That's definitely not true," Gray said, a smile creeping up on her face. Skylar's honesty was refreshing. "I spent two hours this morning playing a videogame in my pajamas with flamingos on them. Let's forget intimidation and have a good time, yeah?"

"Deal. Speaking of…" Skylar dug in their pocket and produced a plastic bag of what looked like candy. "I brought weed gummies! Want some?"

"Oh! Um…" Gray paused. She and Cherry had dabbled in smoking and eating edibles in their younger years, but McKenzie had always frowned on it, and Gray had dropped the practice at some point during their relationship.

"They're the best for just, like, vibing and listening to live music," Skylar said.

Remembering her commitment to trying new things, Gray nodded. "Sure. But I haven't had edibles in forever, so my tolerance is probably super low."

"No problem." Skylar pulled an orange gumdrop from the bag and used their thumbnail to tear it in half. "Five milligrams should do it." Gray popped the gummy in her mouth and chewed, surprised that it tasted like normal sour candy instead of the skunky taste of the brownies she and Cherry made in college. Skylar popped the other half of the orange gumdrop and a whole yellow gumdrop in their mouth. "Cool. Let's go."

They started walking toward the outdoor stage, already hearing the syncopated rhythm of an electric guitar and accordion echoing from down the block. "By the way," Gray said as she matched her pace to Skylar's, "your profile said you use she and they pronouns. Do you prefer that I use one or the other or both?"

"Could you mix it up?" they asked. "I like hearing them used interchangeably."

"You got it." That was easy, since it was already what Gray had been doing in her head when thinking about Skylar.

Skylar looped their arm through Gray's and they continued walking. "This is already a great date."

"Yeah, it is," Gray said, relieved to find herself feeling more connected to Skylar after a few minutes than to most of the people she'd met lately.

Once they turned the corner, Gray spotted someone waving from across the street. She saw a familiar bright smile and voluminous curls. It was Aisha, the Leo. Gray smiled warmly and waved back. Her smile faltered a little, wondering if Aisha seeing her with another person on her arm was breaking dating protocol, but Aisha seemed unbothered. She winked at Gray before turning back to a conversation with her own group of friends.

"Holy shit," Skylar said under her breath, looking between Gray and Aisha. "You know her?"

"Uh, yeah, a little," Gray said. "Do you?"

"Not, like, personally," Skylar said. Seeing the confused look on Gray's face, she clarified. "That is AJ Carson, the soccer player, right?"

"Oh," Gray said. She suddenly understood why Aisha had looked vaguely familiar, why strangers gave her free admission to shows and asked to take pictures of her. And, if she went by her initials professionally, why she hadn't turned up in Gray's cursory internet searches.

"I mean, she's a celesbian. And an Olympian. I can't believe you're on, like, winking terms."

"Yeah, she is pretty cool," Gray said. Skylar's comment did bring up some deep memory about the U.S. women's soccer team at the previous Olympics, something about a gorgeous, queer star player scoring two goals in the last ten minutes of the game. If it was true, if it really was Aisha, then she'd had sex with an Olympic gold medalist. How's that for trying new things?

"When I played soccer in high school, she was totally my hero. I had a poster of her on my bedroom wall and everything," Skylar said, craning her neck to catch another glimpse.

Gray was momentarily jarred by the fact that Skylar was young enough to have idolized Aisha in high school. Aisha must have started playing professionally as a teen. "I never kept up with soccer much, to be honest," Gray admitted. "I was too focused on softball. I played through college."

"Really? I played a little of that in middle school too before I focused on soccer. What position?"

"Shortstop. They called me the Home Run Hurricane back in the day," Gray said, some of her university pride showing. It had been a long time since she'd relived her glory days, so she enjoyed reminiscing for a few minutes of their walk.

They arrived at a small city park with a raised stage where the zydeco band was already in full swing. It was a beautiful spring day, with the sunset peeking through freshly green leaves and a promising warmth to the air. Audience members were spread across the park, some picnicking on the grass, some dancing in front of the stage, others chatting or listening on nearby benches. Skylar located a soft, green patch of grass and they both sat down, enjoying the warmth of the sun on their skin. As they swayed along with the beat of the music, Gray asked Skylar about other music venues and festivals in the city.

The band switched to a slower song, and Gray lay all the way back in the grass, her fingers laced under her head and a look of bliss on her face. Skylar leaned back next to her. "Feeling the gummy, huh?"

Gray had almost forgotten about the edible, but as soon as Skylar said it, she noticed a gentle hum in her limbs, a light sensation in her stomach, a calmness in her brain. "Yeah, I think so."

"Me too," Skylar said, then rolled onto her side and snuggled against Gray, throwing an arm over Gray's stomach. It was a moment of physical intimacy that would have surprised Gray on another first date, but with Skylar, it felt nothing but perfect. Gray pulled one hand from under her head and tucked her arm around Skylar's shoulders. "So tell me your story. Start at the beginning. Where were you born?" Skylar asked.

The combination of the weed with the beautiful weather and great music had lowered all of Gray's defenses. She told Skylar about her childhood in Tulsa, some of her fondest memories with Cherry, even shared a brief description of her now-nonexistent relationship with her family, something she'd fully avoided discussing on any other date. Skylar kept asking probing questions, completely captivated by Gray's every word. Gray talked about coming out and her terrible experience at conversion therapy, all with a kind of distance she'd rarely been able to achieve in past conversations, and was moments away from talking about how she met McKenzie when she caught herself. No talking about your ex, Cherry's voice said in Gray's head.

Seeming to sense the direction of the story, Skylar asked, "And then you met someone?"

The idea of talking about McKenzie on this perfect day felt wrong, and lying felt even worse. Gray could already feel the telltale itchiness creeping up the back of her neck. "I've been talking your ear off. It's your turn to tell me your story for a while."

Skylar complied, diving into their own tale of growing up in the panhandle of Florida. Like Gray, Skylar had had a rocky experience coming out first as pansexual and then as gender nonconforming, and ultimately left her parents' home to move in with an older cousin in Baton Rouge. Gray responded sympathetically and probed Skylar to share more about her cousin, Louisa, who sounded lovely.

"We've talked a lot about our pasts," Gray said when they hit a lull. "What about our futures? Where do you want to go next?"

"Everywhere!" Skylar said, their voice dreamy. "I've spent most of my two-plus decades in Louisiana. I've finally got a stable job and a salary and vacation time. I want to see the world!" With their hand tracing an invisible map in the air above them, Skylar pointed out all the places they wanted to travel. "Some people dream of having a big house, but I've never wanted that. I want, like, four tiny apartments in major cities so I can rotate between them. January in Mexico City, April in Tokyo, August in Lisbon, the holidays in New Orleans with Louisa." Skylar sighed. "That's the fantasy, anyway."

"Sounds amazing," Gray said, tightening her arm around Skylar's back. "Your whole life would be an adventure."

"What about you?" Skylar asked, rolling over to rest her chin and interlocked fingers on Gray's stomach.

"I guess I'm one of the boring people who wants a big house," Gray said, laughing to cover her embarrassment.

"Not boring!" Skylar said. "Just different from what I want. So you want to buy a house in NOLA?"

"Maybe." Gray scratched the back of her neck as she thought about how to put the vision she had for her future life into words. The vivid picture of her old softball teammate's two moms at the Tastee-Freez jumped back into her head unbidden. "It's not really so much about the house as the family in it. I want a big, messy, chaotic, but most of all loving family. Growing up, we were the classic family of four: mom, dad, brother, sister. But it never felt like a family, like the ones you see on TV who love each other fiercely and laugh together and fight a little because they care. At my parents' house, it was all about church, following the rules, and getting in trouble for not being exactly the daughter my mother wanted. If I'm honest, it wasn't all bad all the time. They loved me in their own way. But looking back, it's hard not to let all the bad overshadow the good. My parents said loud and clear that their love comes with conditions."

"And you don't talk to any of them anymore?" Skylar asked. "Not even your brother?"

"I haven't spoken to my mom and dad since a couple of years after I moved out, back when I still tried to occasionally check in to see if they'd gotten cooler about the whole gay thing. It fell apart in 2015 after same-sex marriage was legalized and they completely lost it. If I saw them around town after that, at a restaurant or the grocery store or wherever, I'd hide. My brother and I stayed in touch a little longer. We went to the same college for a couple of years before I graduated, and it felt different for a while after he moved away from home, like we could understand each other, like he might realize how limiting our upbringing was." Gray paused for a moment, pushing down the discomfort of talking about her brother. She missed him the most. Or at least she missed him differently from her parents. It used to feel like they were on the same side against their family's rigid rules. The pain of losing that relationship used to sting; it still hurt now, but more like a distant ache, an echo of what it used to be.

"But he met this girl right after I graduated," Gray continued, "in a Baptist student group. And it was like…I don't know, like following what my parents and the church told him he should want in life was just natural. Easier. Whatever. I met her a couple of times, and she was fine. A little boring, but he seemed happy in that everything-in-my-life-is-laid-out-for-me kind of way. He invited me to the wedding at my parents' church, the summer after he graduated. But he wouldn't let me bring…a woman as my plus-one." McKenzie, Gray filled in internally. They'd been together for six years then, a lifetime in heterosexual dating years. Benjamin had met McKenzie, and Gray thought they liked each other enough. Gray swallowed past the knot in her throat and continued. "And if I couldn't bring someone I loved to his wedding, if I couldn't bring my whole self…Well, we had a big fight. I skipped the wedding, and we haven't talked since."

Skylar made a sympathetic noise, their eyebrows angling upward. "That sucks, dude. I'm sorry."

"Me too." Gray blew out breath toward the sky. "When I have a family, when I have my own kids, it won't be like that. My love will come with no conditions, just endless support for them to be exactly who they want to be." Gray pictured her old softball teammate's two moms, the private smile they shared over their kids' heads, the way they exchanged bites of ice cream. Wasn't that the kind of love they had? Wasn't that why Alyssa and her brother always seemed so happy, so confident? Because their moms loved them without trying to change them?

"Sounds like your life would be pretty full of adventure too," Skylar said.

"Yeah, I guess so," Gray said. "Anyway, any travel plans soon? Where do you want to go first?"

Skylar dove into a list of places she wanted to visit in the United States before exploring the globe. But as their discussion continued, the itchy sensation continued to creep along the back of Gray's neck. She wasn't even lying about anything, so why wouldn't the itching stop? Gray scratched the offending area and felt something moving on her fingers, then quickly found the answer to her prickly problem: ants. Lots of ants, all over the back of her neck, in her hair, down the back of her shirt.

Hearing Gray gasp, Skylar rolled away and sat up to find they were also crawling with the tiny bugs. Both of them jumped up and began swatting at themselves, attempting to brush away the ants, looking a bit like they were moved by the music but had no sense of rhythm.

Recognizing their dance as a lost cause, Skylar said, "My apartment is a mile away. I know it's a little far, but I'd rather walk and shower off to avoid an ant infestation in my car. Want to join me?"

"Absolutely," Gray said, batting at another ant as it emerged from her sleeve.

By the time they reached Skylar's apartment, they'd gotten so lost in conversation that they almost forgot the reason for their walk. Plenty of the ants had found their way out of sleeves and pant legs, although the memory of the bugs was itchy enough on its own.

As they walked up two flights of stairs, Gray asked, "So what's our best bet for getting the ants off of our bodies without spreading them all over your home?"

"I know this is a first date, and your comfort is more important to me than a few ants," Skylar said. "But I'd recommend we strip down, throw our clothes in the washing machine, and get straight into the shower."

"I'll be most comfortable when I'm not covered in ants, so sounds like a plan," Gray said.

"But," Skylar said, "I only have one bathroom."

"Oh," Gray said, realizing the predicament. But with the bubbly sensation of the edible making her feel like she was floating an inch above the ground, and with the memory of Skylar curled up against Gray's side in the grass, showering together sounded not only acceptable to Gray but like a fantastic idea. "I've already bared my soul to you today, so I guess I'm fine with some bare skin too. If you are, I mean."

They exited the staircase to a small landing area. Skylar dug in a pocket for keys. Gray noticed a hint of a blush on their cheeks. "I'm down for sure. All right, let's do this."

She opened the door and ran inside, Gray right behind. Suddenly, the de-anting mission felt less disgusting and more like a hilarious adventure. Giggling, they stripped off their shoes, socks, and pants. Skylar pulled off their denim jacket and started to unbutton their shirt, then paused. "I should warn you that I, uh, I had top surgery a year ago, so I have some scarring."

Gray shrugged. "No big deal."

"It's just that I've had people be weird about it before."

"I'm so sorry that's happened to you, Skylar," Gray said, stopping with her jeans in hand. "I promise I have absolutely no problem with your scars or your surgery. Actually, I find it really sexy that you don't let other people's expectations control your body, that you do what makes you happy."

A tentative smile crept up on Skylar's face, one that slowly morphed into a confident grin. They finished unbuttoning their shirt and dropped it to reveal a flat chest with two shiny, pink scars along the rib cage.

"You look amazing," Gray said, then pulled off her own long-sleeved shirt and sports bra to even the score.

Skylar stepped closer, her eyes trained on Gray's body, then slowly reached out a finger to trace a line down Gray's sternum. Gray's skin hummed with anticipation. Skylar held up the finger to show a single ant. "Got one."

The ant crawled around the edge of Skylar's nail. Gray laughed, the tension of the moment broken. "God, it's still alive! We've got to get in the shower before one crawls in my ear and takes over my brain." She pulled off her underwear and bundled up her clothing in her arms. "Where's the washing machine?"

After dropping their grass-covered clothes in the washer, Gray and Skylar were left with nothing between them but a few determined ants. Despite their nudity, Gray found herself feeling completely at ease, perhaps because of the edibles, or maybe because of her connection with Skylar.

Skylar led Gray to the bathroom and turned on the shower, luckily big enough to comfortably fit them both. As they waited for the water to heat up, they laughed about what should have been a terribly awkward situation, but somehow still felt funny. After a few minutes, steam rose in the shower, and Gray and Skylar stepped through the glass doors and took turns rinsing ants down the drain.

"Can you check my back?" Gray asked, turning to give Skylar a clear view.

"Ant-free," Skylar announced. But before Gray could turn back around, Skylar ran their fingernails across Gray's shoulders, then started kneading their palms across Gray's tense muscles. Gray relaxed into the steamy air and Skylar's massage, feeling so serene she thought she might turn into water herself and slip right down the drain. She returned the favor, soaping up her hands to rub Skylar's back. What started as a genuine attempt to debug themselves turned into something much more pleasurable. With slick, soapy bubbles coating their skin, Gray and Skylar took their time, both finding immense pleasure before the water went cold.