42. Chapter 42 - Ash

Istood, brushed off my knees and shook out my legs. I was still lost, but I had found some clarity.

I knew there were two options: One, if you can escape safely, escape.

I had escaped, but this wasn't safe.

I had no food, no phone, and no idea which direction to travel. The woods looked endless. There was a large lake in the distance. I could be walking for days before I came to civilization.

The second option was to stay put and try to survive until rescuers found you.

Was someone coming, did they even know I was gone?

I had called Kaitlyn Campbell. Don had already been worried. For sure one of them called the police.

There was definitely a search for me.

But I couldn't go back to that compound, no way.

I decided to follow the river, I would definitely come to a town, eventually. Probably.

I walked down the hill and continued following the river east and then as it turned to the south east. I walked for a really long time.

Until I was hungry and exhausted.

My mind was complaining, this is like some nightmare horror movie.The reason why they let you go is because there's no way you can leave.

And, I am going to die out here and no one will know.

I collapsed down on a rock.

I was so tired of walking. It was hard to think of a worse fate than disappearing like this. I thought about my mom, what would she think had happened to me? She would never know.

Then the deep voice came to me again, and this time it was indisputably Lochie's voice. I was certain. He said, clear as day, I am lookin' for ye.

I'm scared, I don't know what to do.

I am comin', daena be scared.

I took a long deep breath. I felt the sun on my face, and watched the river streaming over rocks, a silvery flash of a fish as it followed the current back the way I had come...

I needed to be logical.

A man had come looking for me at the Palace. He knew Lochie by name. He was why I had been taken.

Because of Lochinvar.

This was some kind of dispute, I was a hostage, and likely there would be a negotiation of some kind. I needed to stay alive so I could be rescued.

The people in the compound were feeding me.

And I hadn't brought any food with me.

And it was growing colder.

It was dangerous to go back but I might not survive out here.

Then I wondered if there might be bears.

I scrambled to my feet.

I would go back.

I would gather food, put on more layers, and tomorrow I would walk out heading west.

In the meantime I had a weapon. I looked down at the spike in my hand. Hefted it into the other hand, and began walking back.

I wouldn't let myself think about it, until finally, exhausted, hungry, and scared, I thought, did I remember where the path was?

But then, one of the women from the compound was standing on the riverbank, watching in the direction I had gone.

She waved her hand.

As I neared, she headed into the woods.

I was tired, starving, cold, so I followed on the path.

Was I going back?

Yep. And I was furious with myself about it.

But I wasn't sure what else to do.

The other woman met us and they both walked with me back to the room. She set me in the chair and food was brought for me. I ate slowly a meal that tasted of gamey fowl and gravy. I drank two mugs of ale even though I knew I shouldn't drink. I needed my head about me, but I wanted to drink, I desired numbness. I stuck some of the bread aside for my next escape.

I was lonely and confused. I ate and watched the woman encourage the flames in the fireplace and slowly it grew dark. I kept my spike near me within reach, but no one wanted to harm me and then finally it was night. They bowed and left me to sleep.

I went to bed with the iron spike beside me, holding it in my fist.

I barely slept.

It was very quiet on the one hand, no hum of electricity or machines, and noisy on the other: wind howling, and when it stilled the sounds of animals moving, people talking, coughing, laughing, then more wind.

It was too dark, darker than I ever thought dark could be. I got up and used the pot, feeling my way to it, and the woman came in, spoke to me — it seemed as if she were asking if I was okay. I nodded, climbed into bed, and stared into the darkness again.

At dawn I didn't want to get up, so I stayed there. The women came in a little later and tried to nudge me to get up, but I just shook my head and pulled the pile of blankets up over my ears. I lay there, trying to decide what to do.

Later, the door was open, the women were bustling around the room. One put a bundle of sweet-smelling lavender in the corner to dispel the stench of the piss pot. The other put a bouquet of flowers in a bowl on the table. There was bread and cheese set in front of my place with a blaze in the fireplace.

My first thought waking up slowly had been Lochie, the mystery of how he had come into my life and somehow now this — a flash in my mind of his smile, his jawline right beside my gaze, his cologne in my nose, his neck muscles as he raised his head to tease me. He had really liked me. I knew it.

He had told me that he did dangerous work. Did it involve the guys in the SUVs? Was he in the mafia and was I caught in some turf battle?

Except how was this the turf?

None of it made sense. If this involved Lochie, if it involved his work fighting for his brother's lands, then the story was magical, how were the lands like this?

And magic didn't exist.

This place seemed like something out of Game of Thrones — if a dragon landed in the courtyard I would be like, yeah, of course it did.

God, I really wanted a pizza. Followed up with a piece of chocolate cake, whipped cream on top.

I thought about Lochie's lips pressed against my forehead. Then when he walked across my apartment with his ass so freaking perfect.

He had been like a Roman god. A ginger Roman god, and he had adored me.

He thought I was bonny.

And he had eased into my life as if he were marrying me, as if we had settled it. When he said ‘We hae decided,' putting down the menu, it had seemed like he meant so much more. He took it for granted we were going to be together. It was hard to describe, no one would believe me — I had known him for two days.

And now I was kidnapped. Hostage in a primitive foreign camp where people bowed when I passed.

I got up. I peed. I sat at the table in my disgustingly dirty clothes with the wrap around my shoulders and ate breakfast. Drank some ale with it. I gestured and mimed that I really wanted water. They gave me more ale.

They brought in another dress. It was beautiful and in a different color, but I refused it.

No way. Even if it did look warmer. I was not joining this cult, not for a layer of clothes in a pretty shade of blue.

The wind was howling outside, so I didn't try to escape again. I stayed near the fireplace and the day was long and boring. I slept more because I was tired from the long walk yesterday. And I had raw blisters from carrying my spike. I was overwhelmed by all of this. I collected a bit more food.

If I collected bread tomorrow, the following day I would be ready to leave.

Another night passed. When I woke up the wind had calmed, so I explored the compound, looking inside the different buildings and stalls, getting the lay of the space. I left the spike leaned against a fence to climb up a ladder leaning against the outer wall and looked out over the landscape. I was going to go west. I peered out in that direction, my eyes following the path as far as I could see. There had to be a town out there.

A police department.

In the meantime I wanted a bag to take my food with me when I left. I climbed down the ladder, picked up the spike again, and began exploring the different buildings searching for gear. I found a long building, low and thatched, with a large fire going, smoke billowing up from the chimney. The interior was dimly lit, and smelled of earth and grains and yeast and smoke — casks were settled around, and a couple of vats. Big kettles boiled over a fire. It smelled like ale. Along the wall was a pile of empty cloth sacks.

There were about seven men inside, working. They paused when I entered, and bowed, deeply. I gestured for them to go back to work then went over and made myself at home, picking through the sacks, checking them for rips. I found one that had a rope that would work for a shoulder strap.

While I was busy at this, one of the men brought me a stool and another brought me a mug full of ale. So, I held my new sack on my lap, holding my spike in one hand, drinking the ale, while watching them work.

Why was I here in a compound with a brewery? Who was holding me?

It had been days.

No one was coming, it was apparent I would have to escape. But not today, today was already growing long. I would put my collected bread in the sack. I had my spike, no one had taken it from me. Tomorrow I could hike out of here.

Heading west at the fork. That was what I would do.

I left the brewery to walk around the compound, counting: there were two large buildings, and about fifteen small buildings, including the one I was being held in. It seemed like there were ten guardsmen, but I glanced in a door and saw bunks inside, with men on them, so there might be double the number. I found a kitchen and counted four people inside. I looked in all the rooms I could access looking for an address, a map, or any weapons.

A boy was raking hay in the stable. There were women bustling by carrying full baskets. I stepped into a large room where about ten people were sitting at tables. They all turned, went quiet, bobbed their heads.

A really weird thing was that I couldn't find anything written down. No letters, no signs, no notes. I guessed there were about seventy people living here, and not one book. No one spoke a bit of English. And they all oddly hushed and bowed their heads when I entered rooms. I needed explanations, I needed anyone to understand one word of English.

The two young women were at the chicken coops, laughing. The sound of laughter was a relief.

One offered me a stool and I sat and watched them feed and chase chickens, laughing and talking about things, looking as timeless and ordinary as women through history. But then a deep melancholy grew in me and I stood and returned to my room to sit by myself in despair.