19. Chapter 19 - Ash

The day had been long and weird.

I had woken up late, but was still tired from being up all hours with Lochie. I lay in bed for a while googling the Tree of Life and Yggdrasil. Come to find out, it was Norse mythology, an ash tree that holds the world of humans and the world of the gods nestled in its branches and roots. Then I looked up what an Ash tree looked like, because I had never thought about it and it made me feel like a dumbass.

I have been in bed too long. I got up, made my bed, and then made a pot of coffee.

I cleaned up the kitchen, washing our dishes thinking about how much fun we had had — there had been an ease to our conversation... He was also very hot, but not in the normal way, he was a hot guy who didn't know he was hot, like he wasn't a player.

He reminded me a little of Tarzan, like he had been brought up somewhere far from civilization and didn't know how to judge or compare himself to anyone else.

There had been a look in his eye like he really really liked me. We hadn't talked much, we were just barely getting to know each other, but I had been comfortable enough to invite him home. There was something so amazing about the way he gazed at me, like he thought I was beautiful.

I had made a mistake inviting him home. What had I been thinking? I had been too trusting… This wasn't like me, usually I was a better judge of character and knew to keep dangerous guys at arm's length.

Except Buck. But Buck had happened because he was familiar, I knew him in high school, he had been easy. A pain in the butt, but easy.

I was better than that.

I prided myself on being independent. I didn't need anyone. So what was I doing inviting a stranger home…? But...

In my defense Lochie had seemed so lost and vulnerable, disarming the last of my good sense.

The way he had put Buck in his place with a sense of humor, he had seemed so competent, kind of badass and self-assured.

I sighed.

Then, when my defenses were down, he had started talking about fighting and had seemed like a whole ‘nother person and before I could even decide what to think, he had fled down the stairs, just about knocking himself out.

It had happened so quickly I didn't truly understand what it had all been about.

I stacked the washed dishes, pulled a dish towel from the drawer, and began drying, thinking about how his eyes had looked — so haunted when he had said, ‘I daena fit.'

I put the dried dishes on the shelves, closed the cabinet doors, and appraised my attic room. I loved this place in the morning — the eastern sun came through the window, my plants glowed green, the sunny yellow of my bed quilt looked cheery. I tried to decide what to do with my day: Errands? I needed to get some food, Lochie had eaten my whole pie.

I chuckled to myself, it was a funny thing to have done, to invite a boy I just met to my home to eat my pie.

And man, he had loved my peach pie.

I chuckled again, then sighed.

I could get some ice cream too, but why…?

It was almost like I wanted to get it for Lochie, but the way he left…? It seemed likely that he was not going to come around again. Why would he?

I had gotten weird, he was too hot to chase a weird girl and why would I want him to? He was a danger-boy. Hadn't I had enough of danger-boys? Between the soldiers and Buck, I had had plenty of it.

Too much of it.

Lochie was rich. A rich, handsome, danger-junkie. An MMA fighter. Sheesh. Why did I seek out violent dudes?

He wouldn't answer if he had killed someone or many someones. Why was I thinking about him at all?

I had promised myself after Buck, no more trouble. I wanted a nice, decent boy to take me out for pizza. To rub my feet when I had been on them all night. One who would speak fondly of his nephews like Lochie. Who would really like pie and would compliment it when I baked him his favorite and would be grateful when I served him a slice.

Drat.