12. Chapter 12 - Lochinvar

"Who are you?" Buck was growling, spittle flingin' from his lips — I wanted tae kick his arse so badly, but he was just a bully and a weak man. From Ash's face I could see he frightened her and I dinna want tae cause her anymore alarm.

I said, "I am Lochinvar, and where I come from we fight and we recite poetry, sometimes at the same moment. Dost ye like an epic poem, Buck?"

He said, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Ash said, "Lochie, maybe you can wait outside?"

I shook my head. "Nae, this is a public bar, I am nae goin' out, I am not causin' trouble. I hae never met this man in m'life, and I hae never heard of him — what is yer surname, Buck?"

"Buck Foster, what are?—"

"Ye ken Ian Foster? I ran across him in Ord, back in '88?"

"No," he shook his head.

"How would I hae heard of ye? I am fairly new around here. I haena met many people, but ye hae barely introduced yerself and yet ye are botherin' me. Ye put yer hands on me…" I looked around, "Ye all saw it, dinna ye?"

People nodded in agreement.

I continued, "I am wonderin' by what rights ye started a fight? Ye hae nae claim tae the room, tae the people inside, these are yer lands?"

"What the?—?"

"How would I ken ye?"

"I was um… Ash is my girl?—"

Ash said, "Was, Buck, we broke up months ago. You were sleeping around. Come on, stop causing trouble."

I smiled. "That is it, tis all of yer reputation?"

"I played football in school."

I raised my ale. "Och aye, good on ye! That is wonderful! I am new tae the game but I do like tae watch with m'brothers and we play a bit on the beach. Tis a fine game, ye were good at it?"

"Yeah, I was good."

"Has a poem been written about ye?"

Buck shook his head, "No, of course not, that's?—"

I said, "I hae had a poem written about m'own exploits, tis by Sir Walter Scott. Ye heard of him?"

Buck said, "Yeah, but... what?"

I looked around at the room and boomed over the music, though I dinna need tae get their attention, many of the patrons were watchin' us already. "Hae ye heard of Sir Walter Scott?"

A lot of people nodded and said, yes.

I raised m'glass, "The poem is called, ‘Lochinvar,' see, tis about m'self — dost ye want tae hear it?"

Everyone nodded, a few people cheered. I stood on the rungs of the stool tae raise m'self, because by this time most everyone was watchin' my performance. "It goes like this, ‘O young Lochinvar is come out of the west,' this part means the Isle of Skye in Scotland, but Sir Walter Scott used the direction of west tae hae a better word tae rhyme." I continued, "‘Through all the wide border his steed was the best; And save his good broadsword he weapons had none, he rode all unarm'd, and he rode all alone. So faithful in love, and so dauntless in war, There never was knight like the young Lochinvar!'"

My phone rang, vibratin' m'pocket. "Och nae, the poem is interrupted, I must answer m'phone!"

A man said, "Don't answer a phone in the middle of a poem!"

"I hae tae, it might be good news!" I put down my beer and fished the phone out. Twas a call from Magnus. I held up a hand, and pulled the phone tae my ear, "Aye?"

Magnus said, "The bairn has come, James is goin' tae call him Junior."

"Sophie is well?"

"Aye, they are both doin' well. How is yer?—?"

"I canna talk now, I am brawlin' and in the midst of recitin' a poem!"

Magnus said, "Och nae Lochinvar, daena brawl, ye will get sent from the bar. Be more neighborly, ye can buy a round of drinks, I will?—"

"Thanks, Og Maggy!"

I hung up the phone and raised m'ale even higher and boomed, "M'mate, James Cook, has had a bairn! Delivered just now by his wife, Sophie, tis a boy! His name is Junior! I am an uncle again! A round of drinks for the bar!"

Everyone cheered.

I climbed off the stool, shaking hands all around.

Don shook my hand, "Congratulations, and you're certain about the drinks? Orders are coming in." He put out his hand.

I looked at it blankly, "What?"

He had to lean forward and yell over the commotion. "Your card for the drinks!"

I looked at him blankly again. But then there was a clap on my shoulder. I turned around, Magnus and Fraoch were standing there. Dripping wet, unzippin' their raincoats because it had begun tae pour outside.

Magnus said, "Ye causin' trouble, Lochinvar?"

"Nae, nae trouble at all."

Buck had taken one look at Magnus and Fraoch and moved down the bar, pretending not tae be botherin' me. Twas a wee bit irritatin' that he found m'brothers more dangerous than me, but they were auld and big, a dangerous combination.

Fraoch asked, "Who ye brawlin' with?"

"Nae one, tis long over, and the poem is finished anyway, I got tae the best part."

Don said, "He offered to buy the bar a round of drinks but doesn't seem to have the money."

"He has the money, he meant it." Magnus pulled out his wallet and pushed a card across the bar.

Ash sighed, "I guess I better go start taking orders."

I said, "Och nae, I dinna think of that, canna they all come tae the bar?"

"Nope, I need the tips. But you'll still be here when I'm done?"

"Aye, Mistress Ash, I will remain." I bowed over her hand, brushin' my lips on her knuckles, then looked up.

She smiled, lightin' up, and fanned herself. "I could definitely get used—" Another waitress rushed by, "Ash, come on, your tables are grumbling."

"See you in a minute, Lochie." She disappeared intae the crowd that had pressed up against the bar tae order their free drinks.

Magnus asked me, "Tis all right if Fraoch and I stay for a round?"

"Aye, ye are buyin' rounds for the bar, ye ought tae hae one for yerself."

People came up tae the bar tae place their orders, saying "Thank you," as they passed.

I nodded. "A bairn is a blessin', it ought tae be celebrated."

Magnus caught Don's eye and held up three fingers and gestured toward my ale.

Fraoch kept his feet wide, forcin' a space so the other patrons had tae press taegether at the end of the bar. He looked all around the room and said, "I see the man ye were brawlin' with, he looks as if he has been bested."

At the far end of the bar, Buck was scowling. He finished his drink and pressed away through the crowd. My eyes followed him as he stopped beside Ash and they spoke for a moment. I couldna tell what they said, but from his face it looked as if she were tellin' him tae leave. He left.

I said, "If ye guessed the ‘sweaty carbunkle squeezed intae the poorly stitched leather' ye would be right."

We all chuckled.

Fraoch said, "From the looks of it ye bested the man and won the lass."

Don slid our three ales in front of us, then went back to making the complicated expensive drinks everyone else had ordered.

We all picked up our ales. I said, "Tae James Cook's bairn!"

Magnus said, "Slàinte!" We all drank.

I said, "I finally had a chance tae recite the poem of ‘Lochinvar,' ye ken — it has been a good night."

Fraoch chuckled, "Ye hae been searchin' for the good moment since ye first heard it."

"Aye, twas perfect, he wanted tae brawl with me?—"

Magnus shook his head. "Och nae, he has never seen ye fight."

"He shoved me in the chest."

"We are fortunate he lived."

"Aye, twould hae been easy tae beat him, I wanted tae, but I dinna want tae frighten her." My eyes traveled across the room and settled on Ash.

Fraoch said, "Och, he is smitten with the maiden. That is usually a way for a young man tae lose his head, but she has caused ye tae take heed and keep yer composure. This is a good thing. I think I speak for all of yer family when I say we are proud of yer newfound thoughtfulness, we ought tae raise our glasses tae Og Lochie not bein' a complete arse in front of the bonny lass."

We all raised our glasses and said, "Slainte!"

Magnus teased, "Perhaps ye ought tae grow yer beard out, Lochinvar, down tae yer mid-chest, so they winna think ye such a weak and incapable lad."

I joked, "I tried, if ye remember, Madame Hayley winna let me."

Fraoch said, "Tis because yer beard is as patchy as the shadow-side of a moor, she was tryin' tae make ye bonny for the lasses."

Ash glanced over at us, I nodded, she smiled and waved.

Magnus said, "It seems tae hae worked."

We finished our ales.

Magnus said, "I ought not hae another as I am the driver. Dost ye need us tae wait for ye?"

"Nae, I will remain. I hae a maiden tae speak tae."

Fraoch clapped me on the shoulder. "Good lad, Og Lochie. Call us when ye need a ride."

I said, "Or I might walk. Tis a fine night."

We looked at the windows of the Palace where there was rain pouring down outside.

Fraoch said, "Spoken like a true Scot."

Magnus spoke tae Don and signed for the drinks.

Then they took their leave.