v

Eilis tried to put the man's visit out of her mind, but his voice came to her in odd moments. It was like a change in temperature, or a shift in the light, and it made her shiver.

Tony still did not tell her what he and his mother planned to do. As the days were growing longer, she suggested that they take a walk around the neighbourhood once he had cleaned up, hoping that he would talk to her about it. When this had happened a few times and she was getting nowhere, Tony too taken up with examining any house they passed that was undergoing repairs, she was tempted to tell him everything that Frank had shared with her and was dissuaded only by the thought that she might need Frank to tell her more in the future. So she did not mention the baby or the spectre of adoption but she listened to Tony's stories and his jokes and followed his comments on the houses. Anyone seeing them, she thought, would believe they were the perfect married couple.

—

One day she took her camera to work so she could take pictures of Mr Dakessian and his son, Erik, and some of the mechanics and also of her own office.

‘I will send them to my mother,' she explained. ‘When I write to her, I enclose photographs in each letter.'

‘And what does she send you?' Mr Dakessian asked.

‘News from home, if there is any.'

‘You must miss her.'

‘Yes, I do, especially when I don't get a letter for a while, and then I worry about her.'

‘Why don't you invite her over?'

‘I don't think she would come. She is almost eighty.'

‘How long is it since you have seen her?'

‘More than twenty years.'

‘She has never seen your children?'

‘No.'

‘That must make her very sad.'

—

The next day, when Eilis got home, Lena was standing in her doorway.

‘I thought I might find you,' Lena said. ‘I slipped over because no one was looking. But you never know, they see everything here.'

Inside, they sat at the kitchen table, Lena refusing any refreshment.

‘I came over to say that if you need anything I am ready to help. Anything. If you need money or advice, or just need to talk. And Clara says the same. She didn't want to come too because it would crowd you out and then Francesca would launch an investigation into why two of us had come over here. We are shocked about this awful baby. That is what I came to say.'

She stood up then and put her finger to her lips.

‘Don't say a word to anyone, or Enzo will find out I came here. He is sleeping in his parents' house for the moment until he learns manners.'

—

On the hall table, she found a letter from her mother and when she opened the envelope she smiled at how her mother had reverted to a system she had adopted when Eilis first came to America. She simply listed all the people she had met in Enniscorthy over the past few weeks who had asked how Eilis was and had sent best wishes to her. They included every type of person from shopkeepers to neighbours to girls she had been to school with, including Nancy Sheridan who had been her best friend.

The name that was missing, Eilis saw, was Jim Farrell. Surely, her mother might have run into Jim at some stage, since he lived in the town centre over the bar that he owned!

If their paths crossed, they would each remember the return of Eilis from America more than twenty years ago after her sister Rose had died.

That summer, in Enniscorthy, Eilis had a romance with Jim Farrell. No one, not even her mother or Nancy, and certainly not Jim, knew that she was, by that time, married to Tony. They had got married in Brooklyn. Eilis had wanted to tell her mother as soon as she arrived home, but it was too hard because it meant that, no matter what, she would have to go back to America.

So she told no one, no one at all. And then, at summer's end, she had abruptly left, just as Jim was making clear that he wanted to marry her.

Once she had come back to Brooklyn and settled down with Tony, Eilis had put that whole summer out of her mind. It was strange to be reminded of what had happened by the absence of Jim Farrell's name on a list of people in the town, some of whom she barely remembered.

—

The late May days were blustery, often threatening rain. It was like Ireland, she thought, or Wexford anyhow, when hints of summer would be dulled by a faint chill in the wind. The raked light forced her to concentrate harder when she drove.

One afternoon, close to the turn for home, she made the decision to drive on. She would go to Jones Beach to walk by the sea.

The first summers when the Fiorellos moved to Lindenhurst from Brooklyn, Tony and Eilis often arrived at Jones Beach early on a Sunday, carrying a cooler with drinks and sandwiches and a large sun umbrella that, with its yellow and blue stripes, stood out so that Tony's brothers and their friends could easily locate them. At that time Enzo was with Lena but Mauro had not met Clara.

By lunchtime on those Sundays, a crowd of friends would gather around their umbrella, holding space so that others could come and join them. Some old friends of Tony and his brothers came from Brooklyn, young men perfectly dressed for summer and the women wearing the most fashionable sunglasses and beach shoes and swimsuits. Usually, the men went swimming together, leaving the women behind. They played ball at the edge of the water and then came back exhausted and lay flat on the sand.

At the beginning, as the only married man among the group, Tony was loath to leave Eilis on her own. When the others shouted at him to follow, he seemed doubtful.

‘She will be well looked after,' Lena called out to him. ‘And we want to know the secrets of married life.'

Hesitantly, Tony joined his brothers and their friends, coming back a number of times to check that she was all right.

‘He is a devoted husband,' Lena said. ‘If I get half of that from Enzo, I will be content.'

All of the young women who came on those Sundays saw the story of Eilis and Tony as a great romance.

‘I think you were destined to meet,' Lena said to general agreement. ‘Even if he had not gone to that Irish dance and found you there, you would have met somewhere else.'

‘And getting married secretly! You must have been so happy!' another said. ‘It makes me believe in love at first sight.'

It struck Eilis as strange how little they all knew about her, but she told them nothing.

At some point in the afternoon, Tony would edge away from the group and ask Eilis if she would come for a swim with him. By this time, the heat was sweltering and every inch of the beach would be taken up. They had to step around people and then work out a way to circumnavigate the next group. Tony held her hand as though they were just boyfriend and girlfriend.

He didn't seem to mind that she could swim better than he, and that she would drift away from him out into the deeper water. Tony was nervous about following her; he stood up to his chest in the water, jumping to avoid each wave, watching her, smiling, seeking her attention. When she came back and stood close to him, he shyly kissed her.

From then on, Tony did not leave her side. They found a place to be together under a smaller umbrella. The others left them alone.

—

Eilis drove to the parking lot near the water tower at Jones Beach. On weekend days in high summer, there would not be a single space free; instead, there would be cars circling, looking out for anyone who gave a sign they might be leaving.

When the children were born, they had tried to go to the beach as usual. But it was often too hot or too crowded. So, instead, they began to go in the evenings when everything had quietened and they would settle down for an hour close to the shoreline.

Eilis remembered one of those evenings, the heat still heavy in the air, the beach half-deserted, the water the warmest it had been for a while. She had gone in for a swim on her own, leaving Tony to look after Rosella and Larry, who was still a baby. As she waded out, she turned several times to wave at them. And then she swam away from the shore to beyond the breaking surf, where the water was calmer. When she lifted her head, facing the beach, she saw that Tony had Larry in his arms and Rosella by his side and he was pointing her out to them and laughing. She swam in towards them. When Tony put Larry down, Larry began to crawl in her direction. She presumed that he wanted to be picked up, but discovered instead that he was determined to make his own way towards the water. She and Tony and Rosella stood back and watched him, his pure determination.

It was nothing, she thought, except a picture of contentment that seemed complete.

Now Eilis looked up and down the beach, trying to gauge where she would have stood and where Tony might have been. But the beach was too long. It could have been anywhere along this stretch. She stayed still, looking out at the waves, dreaming of Tony standing with the children, imagining that they were waiting for her to come back from her swim.

—

As May went into June, Tony still did not reveal to her the plans he and his mother had. His easy manner and his good humour when he came in from work were, she thought, designed to seem unforced and natural. Watching his efforts to conceal his intentions made her wish that she did not have to sit opposite him at the table or sleep beside him at night.

One afternoon when she had just come back from work, she saw Francesca approaching across the lawn towards the back door.

Once they were seated and had tea and biscuits on a tray on the small table, Francesca came straight to the point.

‘Tony has told me about the baby. I am annoyed that he waited so long.'

Her mother-in-law left silence. When Eilis said nothing, Francesca continued.

‘It's a very big shock for all of us. Now, what do you think we should do about it? I hoped that you might have come to talk to me.'

Eilis saw how easily she could now be put in the wrong with the suggestion that it was her inaction that had caused her mother- in-law to feel that she had to intervene.

‘I told Tony two things at the beginning,' Eilis said. ‘One, this has nothing to do with me, it is for Tony to deal with. And two, I will not have the baby in this house.'

‘So what will we do if this man comes, as he promises, and leaves the baby on our doorstep? Now maybe it won't happen. Maybe he will see sense.'

‘If he leaves it on mine, I will expect Tony to return it since he knows the house where it was conceived, or he can take the baby to the police or to whoever looks after abandoned babies. But, as you say, maybe the man will see sense. Maybe we are talking about something that will never happen.'

‘Tony could not take his own baby to the police,' Francesca said brusquely.

‘It is not my baby.'

‘The baby will be a member of the family whether we like it or not. Tony is the father.'

‘It will not be a member of my family. I don't care who the father is.'

‘Do you want it put into an orphanage?'

‘I have no interest in talking about it. I told Tony my views on this. They haven't changed and they won't change.'

She was deliberately making things difficult for her mother-in-law.

‘What would Rosella and Larry feel if they knew that their half-sister or -brother was to be put into an orphanage? Have you taken them into account?'

‘Leave them out of this. How they feel is none of your business.'

Eilis realised that she had gone too far.

‘No one has ever said anything like that to me before about my grandchildren.'

Eilis was tempted to ask Francesca to leave, but then thought that, since she was unlikely to want to discuss this again with her mother-in-law, then she really did need to hear everything in this meeting.

‘I will not have the peace and happiness of this house disturbed, or my children –'

‘What's done cannot be undone,' Francesca interrupted.

‘It is not my responsibility.'

‘You are married to him.'

‘Yes, and I have told him as his wife what my feelings are. Since he spoke to you, I am surprised that he did not let you know how I feel about this.'

‘Oh he did, he did. But that isn't going to solve the problem.'

‘Do you have a solution?'

She had, she hoped, opened a door for Francesca. She could now declare what she had in mind.

‘No, I don't. I just don't know. It's as simple as that. And I feel sorry for you. When Tony told me, that is the first thing I said to him. And, of course, I didn't think it was true! I thought that Tony could never be so foolish. He should be ashamed of himself. And then I could not believe that any man would not let his wife keep her own baby. But Tony says we have to take the man seriously. I think this is a really sad situation for all of us. And I came to see what you thought.'

Francesca seemed, Eilis believed, to have closed the door she had opened for her. She would not help her again. She looked at her coldly.

‘If he comes here with a baby,' Francesca asked, ‘what will you do?'

‘Nothing. I will not answer the door.'

‘And if the children are here?'

‘The baby will not pass the threshold.'

‘Even if it's lying on the ground outside?'

‘I will call the fire brigade if I have to.'

‘And what if Tony has a different view?'

‘You can take it that Tony's view is the same as mine. Unless he has told you something different?'

Her mother-in-law looked at her quizzically.

‘I am sure he didn't say anything different to me than to you.'

‘So you know my position, then?'

She could see Francesca trying to work out how to answer this.

‘I think all of us will stand with you and help you.'

‘There is no help you can give me other than listen to me when I say that I will not look after another woman's baby.'

‘What if I looked after it?' Francesca asked and quickly added before Eilis could interrupt her, ‘If the man does come. I can deal with it, and I fully understand you when you say you don't want to.'

‘I have told Tony he must not get involved with the man or the baby. That also applies to anyone else.'

‘Am I anyone else?'

‘It is very kind of you to offer to help. But I need to make clear to you that I don't want this child anywhere near us. The problem had best be resolved as soon as it arises.'

‘How?'

‘By returning the baby to its proper address or by calling the police.'

‘I meant that I would deal with the father if he should come with the baby.'

‘I don't understand you. How would you deal with him?'

‘Do you not trust me?'

‘I need to know what you mean.'

‘I guarantee that you will not be further troubled by this.'

‘I need you to spell out what your intentions are. I also need you to know that you and Tony have no right, none at all, to make any plans behind my back.'

‘I'm his mother.'

‘What does that give you permission to do?'

‘Eilis, I will do my best. That's all I can say.'

In the silence that followed, Eilis saw that she had been trapped. Even if she were to tell her mother-in-law that she knew the plan, all Francesca had to do was deny it. As she sat in the living room, she saw what was ahead. She would look out the kitchen window and see Tony's child being raised by its grandmother, taking its first steps on a lawn on which there was no fence to divide Eilis's house from Francesca's. If only she could think of one thing to say that might prevent this!

‘I won't tolerate,' Eilis said, ‘any threat to my children's happiness and well-being.'

‘No one is threatening anyone.'

‘And just in case this is in anyone's mind, I will not tolerate this child being brought up in your house, in plain sight of us here.'

‘But who has said that is even a possibility?' Francesca asked.

Eilis realised that the conversation had gone as far as it could. Her mother-in-law was setting out to deceive her.

‘I will do my best,' Francesca continued.

Eilis was going to ask her if she could oblige her by doing nothing at all, but then thought better of it.

‘We don't see each other enough,' Francesca said. ‘We should make an arrangement to meet more regularly.'

Francesca stood and waited for Eilis to stand up too and accompany her out. But Eilis remained seated. Francesca left the room and made her way alone to the front door. Since her mother-in-law was a stickler for form, Eilis knew that this studied insult would not be forgotten. As much as anything she had said, it would create a chasm between them that would not be easily bridged and that made her feel satisfied that something, at least, had been achieved.

—

Having checked the time, Eilis rang the garage. Erik Dakessian answered the phone and confirmed that his father was there and would likely not be closing up for a while. Eilis said that she would drive down to the garage immediately.

Later, as she worked in the kitchen, Tony came and joined her.

‘Was my mother here today?'

‘Oh yes, she was,' Eilis said. ‘It was lovely to see her.'

‘I think she was worried about you.'

‘We had a nice talk.'

‘So there is no problem?'

The idea that she was standing beside a drawer of knives gave Eilis pause for thought.

‘Why are you smiling?' Tony asked.

‘Just something funny your mother told me.'

‘About what?'

‘About Lena,' she said. ‘But I promised to keep it to myself.'

If they could tell her lies, she thought, she could tell them lies too.

—

Once the light was off, she waited for a while and then, afraid that Tony might fall asleep, touched him on the shoulder.

‘I am going to Ireland,' she said. ‘I am going to see my mother.'

He did not move.

‘I spoke to Mr Dakessian today and we agreed that I can go.'

‘When are you going?' he whispered.

‘Soon.'

‘For how long?'

‘My mother's eightieth birthday is in August. I am going to train Erik to do my job and I will be back to take over again just as he gets ready to go away to college.'

When she heard him whispering something after a while, she was not sure at first that she had heard him properly. She had to ask him to repeat whatever it was.

‘Will you promise to come back?' he whispered.

The question itself and the plaintive tone surprised her.

‘I am sorry for all this,' he continued. ‘I am sorry.'

She did not reply.

‘Will you promise to come back?' he asked again.

‘Maybe you will promise that I will never have to see this baby and that no one from your family will become involved in bringing it up?'

He sighed.

‘I don't know what to do,' he said. ‘That husband means what he says. He is a brute. He really is going to leave the baby here.'

‘I am waiting for your promise.'

‘I will do what I can,' he said.

‘On Saturday, you will go with Rosella to her game and leave Larry with me. I will tell him while you are away and I will tell Rosella when you come back.'

‘Is it not too soon to tell them?'

‘They need to know now.'

—

On Saturday, when Tony and Rosella had gone, Larry appeared in the kitchen to complain about Eilis's order that he was to stay in the house.

‘I need you here,' she said.

‘Why?'

She indicated that he should follow her into the living room.

‘What's this about?' he asked.

‘It's about your father.'

‘I know all that.'

‘What do you know?'

‘I was sworn to secrecy.'

‘By whom?'

‘By everyone.'

‘What is the secret?'

‘He has a girlfriend.'

‘Who told you that?'

‘On Sunday there was a big row at the table because Uncle Enzo and Uncle Mauro were laughing, pointing at Dad and making jokes. Uncle Enzo imitated a man holding a baby. And then when Aunt Lena found out what the joke was, she walked out and Uncle Enzo is sleeping in Grandma's.'

‘Dad does not have a girlfriend.'

‘That's what I thought, but it's not what they are saying.'

‘There is a woman who is going to have a baby and Dad is the father.'

‘She is his girlfriend, then.'

‘She is not and never was. He was doing a job at her house.'

‘And they are having a baby together?'

‘She is having the baby. The woman's husband says he will not have the baby in his house, so he says he wants to drop it here on my doorstep.'

‘And what are you going to do?'

‘I am going to Ireland. My mother's eightieth birthday is on the fifteenth of August. I want to be there for that, but I am going very soon.'

‘Is Dad going with you?'

‘No, he certainly isn't.'

‘Can I come with you?'

‘Do you want to?'

‘Yes. I have only met one of my grandmothers. I would like to meet the other one.'

‘Does Rosella also think that Dad has a girlfriend?'

‘No, they didn't know I was listening when they talked about it. Rosella had already gone home to study.'

—

As she waited for Tony to return with Rosella, Eilis realised that this was what she dreaded most. She knew how close Rosella was to her father. She waited for a while when she heard Tony's car and then found Rosella in her bedroom.

‘I knew there was something,' Rosella said. ‘But I couldn't think what it was. Are you sure?'

‘Sure?'

‘Could the man not be –?'

‘No. Seemingly, he means what he says.'

‘And the baby is definitely Dad's.'

‘That's what I am told.'

Rosella sat on the edge of the bed.

‘I wish I hadn't heard this. I know that sounds stupid but that's what I wish.'

She began to cry.

When Eilis let Rosella know that Larry was travelling to Ireland with her, Rosella said that she too would come.

‘I don't want to stay here. But my internship won't be over until the end of July.'

‘You and Larry can join me then.'

They sat in silence until Eilis went to find Tony.

‘Rosella and Larry are coming to Ireland as well,' Eilis said. ‘I will go on my own at the end of this month and they will come later. We might need to get a loan from the bank.'

‘So that's all decided then?' Tony asked.

‘Yes, it is,' she said in a voice she might use on the telephone to a customer.

‘Do I have no say in this?'

‘None.'

Rosella and Larry appeared together in the doorway.

‘What if I say I don't want you to go?' Tony asked.

‘You are the one who caused all this. It wasn't easy for me to tell your children about you.'

‘I've said I'm sorry,' Tony said.

He turned to Rosella and then to Larry.

‘I've told your mother I'm sorry.'

‘We are sorry too,' Eilis said. ‘And we will start making our travel plans on Monday.'

Rosella crossed the room to embrace her father. When Larry glanced at Eilis, she indicated that he should do the same. She stood back and watched, waiting to see if Tony would do anything to dissuade them from going to Ireland by making them feel sorry for him, the one left behind.

In the bedroom later, Tony moved awkwardly around. She knew that he disliked being alone, how if she and Rosella and Larry were not there he would go to one of the other houses rather than stay on his own. In all the years, they had shared a bed every night except when Eilis was having the children. She remembered that after Larry's birth, which was difficult, she had to stay some extra days in the hospital. When Tony heard that news, he was forlorn. He wanted her back home. He loved how things were, living with his family, having his parents and his brothers close by. She knew that he must dread her going. If he really did not want her to go, she thought, all he had to say was that she would never see the baby and never have to worry about its being brought up by his mother. But it was clear to her now that he would not say that.

Tony had asked her to promise that she would come back. Until then, it had never occurred to her that she might do otherwise. Tony was still moving around the room. She went to the bathroom and stayed as long as she could. When she returned, he was not yet in bed. She did not want him to come towards her or embrace her. She caught his eye for a moment; they exchanged a look that was filled with regret. She was glad when, eventually, they got into bed and the lights were turned off.