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iii

Eilis lay asleep beside Jim in the narrow single bed. If he moved at all, he would wake her, so he stayed still. It must be coming towards eleven in the morning, he supposed. Normally, he would be dressed by now, taking his time, getting ready to open the bar.

He had, since the Montrose Hotel, been imagining their next encounter when he could ask Eilis, plainly, if she wanted to be with him.

There would be time to discuss these things once she was awake.

Two hours ago, when she had opened the door of Martin's house to him, Jim had been afraid to ask her if she had made a decision, even when she had whispered how happy she was to see him.

They had gone together to the cliff's edge and looked down at the strand and the calm sea. Asking a direct question about plans would have broken the ease between them. He let the moment pass. And then they had returned to the house together.

Eilis woke up and smiled.

‘Why did you let me fall asleep?'

He touched her face with his hand and then he sat up and reached for his shirt and his trousers and underpants.

‘Those underpants will have to go,' she said.

‘What's wrong with them?'

‘How long have you had them?'

‘Go on with your American fads!'

The morning had been overcast when he had parked his car behind hers on the lane. Now the clouds had blown away and the sun was seeping through and felt warm on his skin.

He heard her in the bathroom. Saying that his underpants would have to go suggested that she had plans to see him in the future. But maybe it was just a joke.

Something would have to be said in the next hour or two that would let him know precisely how things stood. Any day now, Nancy would decide it was time to let the town understand that she and Jim were engaged. Even though they had decided to wait until the beginning of September, she could easily suggest bringing the date forward.

‘I stopped in The Ballagh,' Eilis said, ‘and bought something I might cook, a sort of breakfast.'

‘Like what?'

‘Scrambled eggs, tomatoes, toast.'

‘I sit here and look out at the sea and you cook my breakfast?'

‘That's what's on offer.'

Once they had eaten, they went towards the steps that led to the strand, Eilis carrying a towel.

‘The water used to be beautiful at the end of summer,' she said, ‘but maybe that's something I imagined.'

‘Which way should we go?' he asked.

If they went south, he knew, they could find people on the strand at Keating's, holidaymakers but also day-trippers from Enniscorthy, especially now that the sun was out.

‘What are you thinking about?'

‘If we go towards Knocknasillogue, we'll see no one,' he said.

They took off their shoes and left them near a pile of stones. Eilis went to test the water.

‘It's not warm,' she said. ‘Maybe it's too early in the morning.'

There were a few seabirds flying low over the waves.

‘But if we can just brace ourselves and get down quickly in the water it will feel great,' she said.

‘I haven't been in the sea since that time with you, that time with Nancy and George,' Jim said.

‘That's not possible.'

‘I just never went into the water again. No big reason.'

‘Not even in Curracloe?'

‘I'm not even sure I know how to swim any more.'

She was briskly taking off her clothes, having put her bathing costume on in the house.

‘You did this all those years ago. We thought it was so modern, not changing on the strand with everyone looking.'

Eilis seemed to flinch at the coldness of the water. He watched her as she jumped to avoid being splashed by a wave. And then she began to swim. He stood with the towel at the ready so she could dry herself quickly when she came out.

On their last night home, Jack and Pat had come into the pub with their sons and Martin and Larry. Jack appeared to Jim drunker than his two brothers. He came to the bar when Jim was alone near the sink washing some glasses.

‘I don't know if you know that Eilis is home as well,' Jack said.

‘I saw you all at mass on Sunday,' Jim said. ‘Your mother is looking very well.'

Jack moved in closer.

‘I always thought it was a pity that it didn't work out between the two of you that time.'

Jim shrugged.

‘Ah, now. That's years and years ago.'

‘I'm sure you haven't forgotten it and I'd say she hasn't either.'

‘Water under the bridge, Jack. Water under the bridge.'

‘You know, if you were ever going to have another try, I could help out.'

Jim knew immediately to do nothing, say nothing.

‘Just so I've marked your cards,' Jack said. ‘Do I need to say more?'

Jim smiled at him as though he had not spoken at all.

‘She is a young-enough woman and has her whole life ahead of her,' Jack added.

Jim went down the bar to find Shane.

‘Can you serve that Jack Lacey and his company for the rest of the evening and keep him away from me?'

‘It's a done deal.'

As Eilis dried herself, Jim checked that there was no one watching from the edge of the cliff.

They walked north towards Knocknasillogue and Morriscastle.

‘Are you going to ask me?' she began.

‘What?'

‘Why I phoned you this morning and not some other morning.'

‘I'm asking you now.'

‘I got news from home and it made me realise that I don't want to stay married to Tony. But there are complications and I need to let you know about them.'

They walked silently for a while close to the water, Jim feeling that he might find out more the fewer questions he asked.

‘I'm going back next week on the same flight as the children if I can change my ticket. I need to get them both settled, Rosella at university and Larry back at his high school. I also have to return to work and get everything back to normal as soon as possible.'

Jim refrained from asking where her husband would be during all of this.

‘My brother has offered to help me buy my own house. It will be in Lindenhurst where we live or in one of the towns close by. It will take me time to find the right house.'

‘How much time?'

‘Maybe six months.'

They walked on until the cliffs were higher and there were no easy ways down to the strand. Ahead were miles of empty beach. When Jim looked behind, he saw no sign of anyone. Even the birdlife was scarce, despite the pocket-size tunnels in the cliff made by the sand martins.

‘All those years ago,' he asked, ‘when we danced together and saw each other, were you thinking about, you know, the fellow in America, the one you are married to, and were you looking forward to seeing him?'

‘That's the longest question you've ever asked me.'

‘What's the answer?'

‘I was confused,' she said.

‘Are you confused now?' He deliberately kept his voice soft and low.

‘No.'

While there were some stray clouds banked on the horizon, the sky was mostly blue and the sun was becoming hot. Jim knew that the skin on his face and neck would turn red very quickly, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Just before Morriscastle, a small stream cut through the sand, enough for a flock of seabirds to have gathered. The light had a dreamy edge to it. At first, the birds did not fly up in alarm at the intruders as quickly as he expected. They waited. And it seemed for a moment that they might even remain where they were. But then, as one flew upwards, the rest followed, letting out small shrill cries, the last few flapping their wings noisily as though in protest about being disturbed.

Eilis stood for a moment looking out to sea before they turned back. He waited behind her.

‘I don't want to be responsible for you uprooting yourself and then maybe coming to regret it,' she said. ‘You would be away from all your friends, from everything.'

He presumed that she meant he would be living with her in the house she would buy.

‘I'd rent the pub out to Shane and Colette,' he said. ‘Obviously, I haven't asked them but I believe they'd be happy to take it on.'

‘What would you do in America?'

‘I don't know. Who would give me a job? And I don't know about visas or how I would get legal over there.'

‘My brother-in-law is a lawyer and I'd enjoy asking him to recommend someone to help with that.'

‘When should I come?' he asked.

‘I can send you word.'

‘You mean you want me to wait but you won't know until when.'

She did not reply.

‘I couldn't do that,' he said. ‘I'm sorry. I would worry so much about never hearing from you at all.'

‘What do you want, then?'

‘I want to go to New York as soon as I possibly can.'

‘I won't be able to be with you, though.'

‘But we can see one another. And then eventually . . .'

She moved close to the water's edge.

‘Where I am on Long Island,' she said, ‘it's very quiet, it's a neighbourhood. It's not a town or even a village like we have villages.'

‘I could live somewhere else and see you when you're free.'

They heard a noise on the cliff-face and looked up to see some crows squabbling.

‘I need to concentrate on getting the children settled and being really diligent at work.'

‘In the beginning,' he said. ‘I could see you once a week. Say on Sundays.'

She sighed.

‘I live in a sort of enclosure with four houses. Tony's two brothers and their families have a house each and my parents-in-law have the fourth. It sounded like a great plan. And it has been very good for the children. It's very safe. But it hasn't been good for me.'

‘Is that why you are –?'

‘No, there are other reasons. But what's vital for me now is that, if I leave, I do not want to be blamed for anything. Everything that happened, they did. Or Tony did.'

‘You are the innocent one?'

‘I am the innocent one.'

‘And coming back to America with me would not help that?'

‘So you understand it? Also, it might matter in a divorce settlement.'

‘Eilis, I can't stay here and wait for some sign from you. I need a decision now. I really do.'

‘And you know that you will have to spend months, and it will be the winter, on your own, and I won't be able to meet you much or even talk to you on the phone very much. It will be really hard.'

‘It would be harder here when I would worry all the time that you would never get in touch.'

‘And we tell everyone that you just happened to be in New York and we happened to meet up and I was single and you were single and we began to see each other. That's my story. What's yours?'

‘That I always wanted to go to New York and spend a while there. Though I'm not sure who'll believe that. But when I'm gone six months people will have forgotten all about me anyway.'

‘Maybe if I gave you the address and phone number of the garage. And I will write to you from there. But my boss misses nothing and he's a friend of Tony's father. Maybe I could come in early some days and we could talk on the phone then.'

Jim thought for a while. She was going into too much detail while still not telling him when she thought he should come. He decided to change the subject.

‘What did Tony . . . what did your husband do? I mean, what went wrong?'

‘He had a baby with a woman. He was working in her house.'

‘So he's still seeing her?'

‘No, but he has decided to take care of the baby and he's moved it in with his mother.'

‘But not the woman as well?'

‘No, just the baby. Is that not bad enough?'

They had passed Knocknasillogue and were coming towards Cush.

‘So this time next year,' he asked, ‘or even earlier, we will be living together in some place on Long Island and we will be planning to get married?'

‘That could be our plan,' she said.

He kissed her and then looked around, almost making fun of the worry that someone might be watching them, and then he kissed her again.

‘Can I ask if you love me?' he enquired.

‘That's why I am here.'

‘Can you say it?'

‘Yes, I can.'

They stood together at the edge of the water. When he looked at his watch, he found it was half past one.

‘I told Shane I'd be back by two. He's manning the fort for me.'

‘Why don't you go ahead, then,' she said. ‘Don't forget your shoes.'

‘Can I see you before you leave?'

‘Yes, I'll phone you. I've learned how to press button A.'

‘Was that you? I guessed it was you.'

‘I got cold feet.'

‘Could you get cold feet again? You won't leave me a note to say you've changed your mind?'

‘I won't do that. I promise I won't do that.'

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