Part Four

‘Yes, you do. All we asked was for you to behave like a human being on one day. One single day! So don't bother saying that you don't have a hangover. You do!'

Laura was on the first landing shouting at Gerard.

Nancy remained in the kitchen. Soon she would go upstairs and check herself in the full-length mirror on the inside of the wardrobe door in her room. Both Miriam and Laura had said that they liked her outfit.

When Gerard told Laura that he would be ready in five minutes, Laura withdrew into the living room, joining Miriam who had been ready for the past hour.

Nancy was glad that she had insisted on Laura driving to the cathedral, even though it was close enough for them to walk. She did not want people stopping her on the way. Once she got to the cathedral she would try to keep out of the limelight. All the attention would be on Miriam in her full-length white dress, her simple veil and plain white high-heeled shoes.

Gerard would walk his sister up the aisle.

As she waited in the doorway for the car driven by Laura to appear, Nancy remembered how she had walked up the aisle of the same cathedral on her own father's arm. She had almost felt sorry for George's mother who had spoken too freely in the town of her feeling that George might have done better. This had been passed on to Nancy's own mother by some of her neighbours. Nancy had been tempted to have it out with Mrs Sheridan in the days before the wedding but then she decided to forget about it.

She remembered Eilis Lacey arriving at the cathedral that day with her mother and Jim Farrell and how everyone was sure that theirs would be the next big wedding. But more than Eilis or Jim, it was Mrs Lacey she recalled, the look of undisguised satisfaction on her face. Her memory of the wedding party itself was a jumble of faces and voices, people trying to be heard over the music and George catching her eyes as often as he could and smiling at her. No one knew that she and George would be spending the first night of their honeymoon in the Strand Hotel in Rosslare. It was customary, then as now, to keep such details secret. But she had recently told Miriam who had arranged for her own first night to be spent in the same hotel. And Miriam had told no one except her mother. Even Laura did not know.

‘I blame Jim Farrell,' Laura said as she drove up Main Street.

‘For what?' Nancy asked.

‘That's where Gerard was until two in the morning. Drinking after hours, if you don't mind.'

‘Was Jim serving him?'

‘Jim went to bed and left that Andy fellow with the keys.'

As she and Laura walked through the cathedral gates, Nancy was stopped by the groom's brother to inform her that his mother had also arrived.

Since the Waddings lived closer to New Ross than Enniscorthy, Nancy had met Mrs Wadding only when she had come to inspect the wedding presents in Nancy's newly decorated living room. Miriam had arranged the visit so that the two women could get to know each other, but Mrs Wadding's interest in the presents was so overwhelming that she barely even sipped the tea she was offered. She pointed at sets of sheets and towels and cases of cutlery and glass and bedside lamps, asking who precisely had given them. As each name came up, she sought to find out as much as possible about them until Nancy wished she would go.

‘Now, which Kirby is that?' she asked when Nancy told her that a set of Pyrex dishes had come from the Kirbys.

‘It's from Nurse Kirby,' Nancy said.

‘Isn't there a Sarah Kirby who went to England?' Mrs Wadding asked. ‘Is she one of the same Kirbys? Someone told me she was home. There was a man in Bree, a cousin of my sister-in-law, who was dying about her.'

‘No, she is a different Kirby,' Nancy said.

Mrs Wadding was now standing outside the cathedral beside two women who were clearly her sisters. Each of the women, Nancy saw, wore a dress made of some shiny material that had been put together by some country dressmaker. Mrs Wadding's was pale blue, the others wore yellow and pink.

As she turned, Nancy saw Eilis Lacey, who was standing with a group of women but managing to remain apart from them. It was hard to believe that the yellow of her dress was the same colour as the dress worn by Mrs Wadding's sister. It seemed brighter, purer, more glamorous. The jacket Eilis wore was black, as were her handbag and shoes and the small pillbox hat.

‘Nancy, it's so lovely to be here,' she said.

‘How lucky that you were home just now,' Nancy replied, refraining, as Eilis did, from smiling or laughing or saying anything inconsequential. Moving away, she felt the encounter with Eilis was too polite and controlled but perhaps this was how she should behave for the rest of the day if anyone approached her. When she looked back, she saw that Eilis had rejoined the group, and was listening intently as one of the other women spoke, nodding her head but not saying anything herself. In the years when she knew Eilis, she thought, and saw her every day, there was nothing special about her. Now she stood out. She seemed like a different person. Something had happened to her in America, Nancy concluded. She wondered what it was.

Jim, when she saw him, smiled at her warmly and knowingly. He was wearing a sober grey suit and had had a haircut. She must, she knew, stop worrying about how the day would go or how she looked or what Jim thought. She had what she had wanted. Matt, whom Miriam was marrying, was decent and hard-working. The couple gave every sign of being happy. And, she, Nancy, had Jim and soon they would be together. She would start her life again, something that had seemed unimaginable a year before.

She and Laura took their places in the front pew. They were early enough to witness the arrival of Matt's family, his father and then his mother with her sisters and then, settling into a row behind, some of his siblings, including two young women who, in their figure and bearing, bore an astonishing resemblance to their mother and their aunts.

Miriam, she knew, had often visited Matt's family but she had said nothing about how old-fashioned they were. Matt's own quietness and shyness, his good manners, could seem like a kind of quaintness. Maybe he would smarten up as time went on. Just now, Nancy concentrated on ignoring the nudges from Laura as more members of Matt's family came to genuflect in front of the altar before finding their places in the front pews on the opposite side of the aisle.

When she looked behind her, Nancy saw that her sister Moya and her husband and daughters were coming up the aisle. They would not take their seats, she knew, before crowding around her and Laura to comment on their clothes and speculate on the type of wedding dress Miriam would be wearing.

‘I hear that Gerard was in Jim Farrell's until the dawn,' Moya said. ‘I hope he's in a fit state to walk his sister up the aisle.'

‘He is perfect,' Laura said drily.

‘Did you get that in Dublin?' Moya asked, indicating Nancy's dress.

Nancy nodded.

‘I think we all look lovely,' Moya said.

It was Laura's idea to have no bridesmaids and no best man. She thought the ceremony should be kept simple. Nancy now wondered if this was a sly way of keeping Matt's family from appearing at the altar.

George would have loved this. Because he had worked in a shop all his life, Nancy thought, he could talk to anyone. He would have a way of being friendly with the Waddings, receiving them naturally, that Nancy didn't have, nor Laura indeed, nor Gerard.

Since Jim did a good trade with country people, he would know how to talk to them too. He might not even notice their clothes, Nancy thought. But he would notice Miriam, she was sure, as she walked up the aisle, the congregation turning to look at her.

The mass was simple, the sermon short. As Miriam and Matt made their vows, Nancy concentrated on keeping the tears back, aware of how much Laura would disapprove. She smiled at the thought that she really was afraid of Laura, as they all were. And Laura would have no mercy on her were she to be seen to cry at her own daughter's wedding.

But no matter what she tried to think about, the memory of her own wedding came back to her and then the feeling that George was not watching over them, but he was gone, no part of him was here at all.

Laura nudged her severely as she began to weep, handing her a small white handkerchief.

‘Think about something nice.'

She thought of George smiling and then she thought of Jim coming from his kitchen with glasses and mixers and ice and pouring drinks for them, no one aware that they were together.

The pride that George would have felt and the image of Jim watching her daughter merged in Nancy's mind as she set out with Laura and Gerard to follow the bride and groom out of the cathedral after the ceremony. As they passed Jim, Nancy took him in openly, letting her gaze linger on him and enjoying how he kept his eyes fixed on her.

They had been right to wait, she thought. If she and Jim had become engaged, then people would be paying too much attention to them and too little to the bride and groom.

She presumed that, by now, Jim had noted the presence of Eilis Lacey. There were a few times when Nancy might have told him that Eilis was coming to the wedding, but she had held off until there was a chance to allude to it in passing, as another small detail, something of little consequence. Such an opportunity had not come, however. She felt now that he did have a right to be warned and she should have found a way to let him know. It must be strange for Jim to see Eilis after all the years. At the wedding dinner, Nancy had remembered to place them so that they had their backs to each other. Jim was at her own table, facing her. Maybe she and Jim could dance with each other at some point in the evening. They had never danced together before.

—

While the guests began to mill around the tables, checking the name cards, Nancy caught sight of Gerard.

‘You look very handsome in your suit,' she said.

‘Can you call Laura off? She won't leave me alone.'

‘You were out until what time?'

‘I got in the door at twenty past two.'

‘That's what men do the night before a wedding. You can tell Laura I said that.'

It was strange, she thought, how much she was living in Jim's mind. When Matt's father at the end of the meal made a heartfelt speech about the good character of his son and then went on to praise all of his children, Nancy imagined that she was Jim listening and tried to see what he might think. Jim did not like jokes or easy laughter so he would probably feel respect for Matt's father and his earnestness.

When Gerard spoke for the Sheridan family, reading from a script that his sisters had helped with, he began well. Jim would approve of the way he described his mother and his sisters and his being the only man in the house after his father's death. But when he told a joke about four nuns, Nancy was sure that his sisters could not have seen this beforehand. There were people in the room, she thought, who might not even get the joke. But most of those who understood would not think it was funny. Nancy was almost afraid to look up and catch Jim's eye. His response could be severe. She was relieved, however, when he made a gesture towards her of mock despair, a suggestion that this was how young people behave and there was nothing they could do about it. Then Gerard, as though he realised that the joke was a mistake, began to speak again about his mother and how much effort she had put into holding the family together, how it was her love and her care that had rescued all of them, including Miriam whose wedding day it was. He had gone back to the script.

Jim was watching Gerard closely as though he might guide him towards ending the speech soon but not before he changed his tone from the solemn to something warm and uplifting and celebratory. Gerard, Nancy observed, was looking towards Jim, getting support from him. And then, when it came to the moment to drink a toast to the bride and groom, Jim raised his glass while focusing all his attention on Nancy.

Later, the dancing started, Laura having engaged a band that could play both classic songs and the latest hits. Nancy danced with Matt's father who directed her around the floor, she thought, like a man driving a tractor. He neither looked at her nor spoke to her, concentrating fiercely on his steps, with one of his hands gripping her hand tightly and the other hand on her waist.

Once the dance with Miriam's new father-in-law had ended, she saw that Jim was waiting for the right moment to ask her to dance with him.

When they took to the floor, the music was not too loud; they could talk.

‘Gerard did well,' he said. ‘I was worried about him. He got into a bit of a state last night. You know, it was a speech that should have been made by his father.'

‘I thought he just stayed out late drinking.'

‘He did that too. I left him with Andy and a few others and they made sure he was all right.'

‘I didn't like the joke.'

‘It's one of Andy's. He was telling it to everyone in the bar until Shane put a stop to his gallop. His big mistake was telling the story to Colette who has an aunt a nun.'

‘What did she say?'

‘She threatened Andy that she would tell his mother. He's afraid of his mother.'

The band played a slow Elvis song. They stopped talking. Nancy shut her eyes and felt Jim's hand on hers and enjoyed how close to her he was. She would remember this. It was fate, she thought, that had brought them together. If Eilis Lacey had not gone back to America, Jim would be married to her. And if George had not died, Nancy would be dancing with him. She wondered, since Jim would always have been invited to this wedding, if she and Jim might still have noticed each other, perhaps even danced together.

She looked around her and saw Eilis Lacey deep in conversation with one of the Waddings, who was, like nearly everyone else, constantly glancing about and smiling and laughing. But Eilis was not doing that. She was listening and nodding.

Nancy welcomed the two boyfriends of Moya's daughters who had come in time for the dancing. One of them was, she realised, an habitué of her chip shop at the weekend and never too sober. And then she was glad to be joined by Lily Devereux with whom she had worked before she was married. Lily, no matter what her real opinion, would reassure her.

‘The Waddings seem very nice,' she said.

‘Yes,' Nancy replied.

They looked at each other, making clear that there was much more they could say.

Jim brought them over drinks and then turned away to talk to a group of men.

‘My mother met Jim recently,' Lily said.

Nancy was barely listening, too busy studying everyone on the dance floor, until Lily said that her mother had a long talk with Jim down in Cush when he was walking past her house.

‘With Jim?' Nancy asked. ‘Are you sure it was Jim?'

‘Oh, it was Jim all right. Mammy never gets anything like that wrong. And he was half-lost, she said. She didn't know what he was doing down there.'

‘What day was that?' Nancy asked before realising that she should not seem so interested.

‘Oh, I don't know that. It must have been last week.'

Jim was now standing at the bar talking to Gerard and one of Gerard's cousins. More and more, he let her know the smallest changes in his routine. If Andy arrived late, or one of Shane's daughters got a good mark in school, Jim told Nancy about it. How strange that he would not tell her about a trip to Cush and a meeting with Lily's mother. What could he have been doing there? As she thought about it, Nancy became sure that Lily's mother must have mixed him up with someone else.

The band stopped and left the stage for a break. Voices rose in the high room and it was hard for Nancy to make out what Lily was saying. Although she heard tapping on the microphone, she paid no attention until someone began to shout. When she looked, she saw that it was one of Matt's brothers.

‘It is a long Wadding family tradition,' he said, ‘going back into the old days, that my mother and her two sisters, the great Statia and the legendary Josephine, will sing "The Old Bog Road". So can I have a round of applause for the three of them and can they come to the stage without delay.'

‘He must be joking,' Lily said.

The three sisters ascended the stage and began their song. And it was as if they sang with one voice. None of them moved higher or lower than the others. They looked neither happy nor sad, nervous nor excited. They simply remained placid as they sang. At the second verse, Nancy hoped she would never have to hear this again, no matter who the singer was. Even the radio had stopped playing it because it was too doleful.

As they intoned ‘My mother died last springtime', Lily whispered, ‘Imagine singing this at a wedding!'

Nancy glanced towards the bar. Jim Farrell, Gerard and Gerard's cousin had been silenced by the performance. Jim was gazing with great seriousness at the singers. Moya, Nancy thought, would never stop describing this event and soon the whole town would be talking about it. Miriam had her eyes cast down. Nancy did not dare to look at Laura. And she felt a sudden pang of remorse that she had even considered inviting Eilis Lacey to witness this.

‘We'll put it down to experience, Nancy, that's what we'll do,' Lily said. ‘We'll have a great laugh about it in the months ahead.'

Once the song had ended, Matt's brother was back at the microphone.

‘No wedding this side of the Tramp's Heartbreak,' he said, ‘is ever complete without a rendition from Miss Suzanne Wadding of a song we have all come to love. It is the Wadding family national anthem.'

‘It would be great if it was something to cheer us all up,' Nancy whispered.

Suzanne, who had changed into a leather miniskirt, called for silence and then, placing her mouth up against the microphone, let out a roar. She repeated the word ‘I', the emphasis more dramatic each time until she embarked on the song itself.

‘Lord,' Lily said, ‘she is singing "Delilah".'

She sang it in a rough, raspy voice, as if she were, in fact, the man in question, a man in a state of uncontrollable passion. She grimaced fiercely as she belted out each line. When she came to the chorus, Nancy noticed that some of Suzanne's brothers and their friends had gathered behind her and, after each mention of Delilah, they shouted in unison, ‘Get them off you.'

‘Did you hear that?' Lily asked.

‘Do they mean what I think they mean?' Nancy replied.

Nancy decided that it was time she went to a room Laura had reserved for them to refresh themselves. She invited Lily Devereux to accompany her and also Moya who came over to deplore the rendition of ‘Delilah' they had just heard.

While Nancy sat on the sofa in the room, Laura told her aunt and Lily about the house in Wexford town that Matt and Miriam were restoring. They were adding a room that would open right out onto the garden. As she spoke, a waiter came to the door with a bottle of champagne in a bucket of ice and some glasses.

‘Who ordered this?' Nancy asked. For a second she thought that it might have been Jim who had sent it to the room.

‘I did,' Laura said. ‘This is what I was trying to do when I saw you. I could tell you were going to get away from all that racket. It was enough to make you want to emigrate.'

The waiter opened the bottle ceremoniously and poured the champagne. They were soon joined by others and had to order another bottle and more glasses. When the room got too crowded and the second bottle had been finished, Laura insisted they should go back to the hall as surely the dancing would have resumed.

‘I'm in the mood to dance the night away,' she said.

On her return, Nancy was waylaid by Mrs Wadding.

‘Now, sit down for a minute with me,' Mrs Wadding said. ‘I have to make a big apology. We've been singing that old song since we were little girls. I mean, someone should have told us to think of some more suitable song now that times have changed. And this is a wedding. What were we thinking of?'

As Mrs Wadding sipped her drink, Nancy felt very tired.

‘And then Suzanne with that song and then her brothers and their friends. We'll all have to learn new songs. And I have issued strict instructions that there is to be no further display from our side of the family, just nice dancing.'

It occurred to Nancy that she, in turn, should apologise for Gerard's joke, but she decided not to.

‘I'm sure the rest of the evening will be lovely,' Nancy said.

Mrs Wadding was looking at her closely.

‘And someone just told me that you were a Byrne from Court Street before you were married. I think one of your aunts married one of the Gethings of Oulart and my mother knew her well.'

Nancy thought she would love another glass of champagne. When she took in the room, looking to see where Jim was, she could not find him. Instead, she caught Gerard's eye and signalled to him.

‘I think Mrs Wadding and myself would like a drink, Gerard, and we know that you will be kind enough to get one for us.'

—

When Miriam and Matt were saying their farewells with much cheering, Jim Farrell came and stood beside Nancy. For anyone watching, she thought, they could have seemed like a couple. She considered for a second asking him for a lift back to Enniscorthy, but Laura was waiting for her and too many people would notice. For a second, having said goodnight to Moya and her family, she saw Jim Farrell speaking to Eilis Lacey. But then Lily Devereux approached her. When she looked again, there was no sign of either of them.

Once ready to go, however, she regretted not having taken the risk. Surely no one would care! Gerard was staying in Wexford. Laura could easily drive home on her own. She decided to find Jim and tell him that she wanted to travel with him. They could even go back to his house and have a quiet nightcap.

The staff were clearing away chairs and tables but the area around the bar was still crowded. She stood back to check where Jim was but she could not see him. Then she saw Gerard talking to someone whom she did not know. She pushed her way through the drinkers to ask him where Jim was. He told her that Jim had left. He was sure about that.

‘When did he go?'

‘A few minutes ago. Do you need him for anything?'

‘No, nothing. I just wondered if he was still here.'

They walked towards the side street where Laura had left her car. Nancy stopped for a moment when she saw Jim's Morris Oxford parked on the other side of the street. She was tempted to ask Laura if they could wait by the car for a few moments and even thought of going back into the hotel to see if Jim had returned to the bar. But she could not think how she might explain this to her daughter so she resigned herself to travelling back to Enniscorthy in Laura's car.

Even as Laura started the engine, even as she nosed the car out into the street, Nancy was looking back in case Jim appeared. But he did not appear. Nancy knew that Laura would be eager to discuss the wedding and she gave in to this as they made their way home.