Chapter 2

TWO

M aybe it was leftover paranoia from being in covert ops, but whenever plans changed for no good reason, Zed's skin crawled.

He surveyed their surroundings as he and Elias walked to the meet, watching for anything out of place, anything that didn't fit. Nothing jumped out at him—literally or figuratively—but that could be because of the damned headache that had set up residence between his temples. He should've taken something before they left the ship, but that would've clued Flick in that something wasn't right…and he wasn't ready for that, yet.

"Headache?"

Fuck. He should've known Flick wouldn't be the only one watching him. "No."

Elias arched a dark brow. "You sure? Because you get these little furrows right there when?—"

"I'm worried about our meet."

"Uh-huh." Elias's lips opened, then closed—then he shrugged. "Now's not the time."

Zed grunted and led the way into the private dock belonging to their potential client. There would never be a good time for that conversation, which was why he planned to never have it. Even as he had that thought, his gut clenched with a sense of betrayal—not for him, but for Felix. He owed Flick that conversation, didn't he? As painful as it would be, didn't Flick deserve to hear the truth?

With an effort, Zed turned his attention back to the task at hand when they entered the office area. Their client, a rotund man with pale skin and thinning, dirty blond hair, sat behind a nondescript desk that bore no signs of actual work. No holos floated above it. It was like walking into one of the AEF's top-secret installations, where they announced that personnel without the appropriate security clearance were on the floor and every spook shut down their wallets and holos so nothing could be observed.

Yep. He was definitely paranoid.

"Mr. Collins? I'm Elias Idowu, Captain of the Chaos. " Elias stepped forward and held out a hand, which the portly Mr. Collins grasped across the desk. "A pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise." Mr. Collins's head bobbed in an enthusiastic nod. "Sorry to mess up your timetable?—"

Elias waved a hand, dismissing the concern. "It's not a problem. This is my security officer, Mr. Loop."

Zed didn't offer his hand, but instead leveled a look just short of a glare at the client. He knew his role. It was to say "Don't fuck with me" without a word.

"R-right, hello." Collins's smile wavered, then fell away as he took in Zed's bulk. It wasn't the first time someone had been intimidated when they realized just how much muscle was packed onto Zed's frame, but it seemed as if it was an effort for Collins to turn back to Elias. As though he was afraid to take his eyes off Zed?

Paranoia…

"I had another meeting get rescheduled, so I had to move some things around." Collins sat down again without inviting Zed or Elias to do so. His hands twisted in front of him, constantly in motion, and he didn't seem to be aware of it. A bead of sweat sneaked out from his hairline to trail down his cheek next to his ear.

Zed's frisson of paranoia pinged louder. No way was he that intimidating.

He grabbed Elias's biceps. "We're done."

Collins rose from his seat, his hands braced against the desk. "W-what? But we haven't even discussed?—"

Zed ignored him and leaned in closer to Elias. "He's too scared."

"Shit." The curse had barely escaped Elias's lips before he turned and opened the office door.

Only to come face-to-face with a pair of thugs armed with laser carbines. The moth tattoo poking above their collars stated their affiliation loud and clear.

Agrius.

Everyone on the Chaos had gotten more familiar than they'd ever wanted to be with the criminal cartel after acquiring a shipment of antibiotics out from under Agrius's nose. Zed had unintentionally intensified the cartel's interest in their ship by protecting his crewmates—killing a bunch of Agrius thugs to steal away Emma, one of his oldest friends and a veteran of the same secret training he'd participated in. She'd been in trouble, and he couldn't not act.

That Emma was now dead, that she'd sacrificed herself to save Elias didn't matter. Or maybe that was the main reason Agrius was after them now—they'd robbed the cartel of a valuable operative. Zed wasn't about to ask for clarification.

He reached for the Zone. The calmness of the altered state of consciousness brought with it a clarity of purpose he rarely experienced at any other time. With his emotions stripped away, life became simple. He had no fear, no doubt, no concern for his own life. Only the mission mattered.

Protect Captain Idowu.

Shoving Idowu behind him, Zed grabbed for one of the thugs' weapons. He slammed the barrel into the man's face, the crunch of cartilage telling him he'd struck well. He sliced his other hand into the second man's throat, then curved his fingers into the nape of the guy's neck and yanked him forward into his upraised elbow. Another crunch, another cry of pain.

"Don't kill them," Idowu said.

Zed grunted. "Acknowledged." That was an addendum to every mission—despite the risk it entailed, he was to leave as many opponents alive as possible. It made no sense in wartime, but…

This isn't wartime.

Zed blinked. The Zone faltered but he held on with his mental fingertips, knowing that if the altered state of consciousness fell away now, he'd be less than useful to Idowu. The mission was not complete.

"Are there more?" Idowu demanded from Collins, who was hiding behind his desk.

"Th-there were six. Outside, maybe? I don't know! They told me I had to cooperate or?—"

Zed glared at the man. "Alternate exit?"

"I-I don't?—"

Engaging his superior speed, Zed darted forward and grabbed Collins by the throat. Hefting his bulk against the wall wasn't easy but the way the man's eyes bulged with fear illustrated the effort was worth it.

"Alternate exit?"

"Col—" Collins swallowed hard. "Collins-five-eight-eight-nine!"

Behind the desk, part of the wall flickered then faded, revealing a door. Idowu had already started for it as Collins explained that the holo would stay down for fifteen seconds, tops.

"Don't call us for any more jobs," Idowu growled as he opened the door.

"W-wasn't my fault. They threatened me, and I?—"

Zed changed his grip and slammed Collins's head down into his rising knee. The portly businessman crumpled into a heap, unconscious. Or maybe dead—Zed didn't bother to check.

"We need to—" The Zone flickered again and Zed staggered against the doorjamb.

"Shit, Zed, you okay?"

No. He wasn't.

Review later.

He brushed past Idowu, calling up his mental map of the station and comparing it to their current location. This wasn't one of the stations built and operated by his family so he wasn't as familiar with it and had no special access codes, but that hadn't stopped him from memorizing the blueprints from the Net.

"We need to leave Xihe Station as soon as possible."

"I'll get Qek to reserve an earlier spot in the exit queue." Idowu grabbed Zed's elbow as the door slid closed behind them. "You're pale as hell, man."

Zed kept walking. "Review later."

"Fuck," Idowu grumbled. "There better be a later."

Felix ran his hand over the top of his scalp, enticed by the soft tickle of the two millimeters of hair he had left. After his date with the chemical wash station, an hour in engineering with his latest project—a replacement web-work glove for his mangled left hand—would hopefully dull all memory of the intimate scrubbing.

"You look much younger with no hair."

Eyeing Qek's bald head, Felix scowled. "I look like an ashushk."

Her face wrinkled into a smile. "You are not blue."

Nor was he brown, anymore. In fact, Felix had never felt so clean, and he hated it. Not that personal hygiene and he had a loose relationship—he liked a hot shower and would sell children into slavery for an hour in a deep tub. Okay, maybe not children. Or slavery. And he liked his baths best when he had Zed there to wash his back.

Mmm-hmm.

The wallet resting on the work bench buzzed and skittered into the base of the mold they were using to construct his new glove. His left hand was next to useless without it, and a ship's engineer functioned better with two hands. Felix tapped the wallet, flipping it open.

"Fixer?"

Alert to the urgent tone of Elias's voice, he immediately replied. "What's up?"

"Zed has a headache."

Shit. Only one reason Elias would call with a seemingly inconsequential health update for Zed. Gut clenching, Felix pushed away from the work bench. "What happened?"

"Tell you when we get there. Have Qek confirm our departure time, maybe see if an earlier slot opened up, and alert Nessa to the situation."

Qek had her own wallet out and unfolded across her palm, holographic display shimmering above. "Would now be a good time to employ one of the override codes Mr. Anatolius stored in the pilot's comm?"

"Not on a Shi Corp station. Too much attention." Reciprocal agreements were all well and good until criminal cartels got involved, and a niggling sensation at the back of his squeaky clean neck told him that Agrius was the cause of Zed having to Zone. Everyone else liked the crew of the Chaos. Mostly.

Elias conferred with Zed, their conversation just out of range of Elias's comm, then he reported back. "We should be safe in the jump queue. See you in ten."

Jump-space was the shortest navigable distance between two galactic points. Someone who was sufficiently determined might figure out where they were headed, but the Chaos would be practically invisible until they got there, secure in the envelope provided by their ashushk star drive.

Felix tapped the wallet again. "Ness! Zed and Eli are on their way back. Something happened with the client. Zed must have had to Zone. Eli reported a headache and he's still talking, but I don't know if that means?—"

"Take a breath, Fix. I'll take care of him."

Felix breathed out, but the tightness in his chest did not ease. Though he knew Nessa would take care of Zed, any reminder of his infirmity coiled him tighter than a one-millimeter helical spring.

Qek touched his hand before he could leave engineering. "Elias is with him." She did not fully understand human relationships, but she understood what Zed meant to him. "All will be well, my friend."

Felix caught her blue hand in a gentle clasp. "Thanks, Qek."

He rushed toward the forward access. With his old glove crushed beyond repair, he'd figured out how to climb the almost vertical stair one-handed. Still, in his haste he tripped onto the middle deck, catching himself with his bad hand. A dull pain traveled through his arm, following the tendon to his shoulder. Wincing, he stumbled upright and ran through the mess to the aft corridor, where he chased the echo of his footsteps to the cargo bay. The chemical odor of scrubbed metal assailed him as he passed the ramp. Growling, teeth gritted so tight they might crack, he jumped down from the ramp and pushed his way through the clumps of humanity clogging the dock.

He spotted the two dark heads of his companions and made his way toward them. Zed had one arm wrapped around Elias's shoulders. Still, he lurched as he walked. The blankness of his expression gave him the appearance of a drunk or drugged-out spacer, neither of which meshed with his large, tightly muscled frame. Accordingly, bystanders stepped back and away from the pair.

Moving in beside Zed, Felix got the big man's other arm over his shoulder and took some of his weight. Elias hissed a quick thanks and jerked his chin toward the ship. Zed merely groaned. His eyes had that flat, unfocused look.

"Agrius?" Felix asked, torn between hoping for an old foe and a new one.

"Yeah," Elias confirmed. "Six of them."

"Damn it."

"Didn't kill anyone," Zed slurred.

Elias shot him a warning glance. "Let's just get to the ship."

Jaw clenched more tightly, Felix stowed the combination of emotion that struck every time he saw the results of the AEF's project, what they had done to Zed. Anger, sorrow, aimless guilt. Quietly banked rage. None of that would help Zed. None of it would soothe his headaches, fix his blood chemistry. Halt the deterioration he kept trying so hard to hide.

Blue eyes opened, blinked and focused. Tension sliding off his shoulders to land in a heap on the floor, Felix breathed out. "There you are."

"Here I am." As always, Zed tried to sit up. As always, he groaned and flopped back onto the med bay bed. His eyes closed and a muscle ticked along his jaw. "How long?"

"Two hours."

"Are we?—"

"We're in the jump queue."

"Any sign of pursuit?"

"No. Can you stop being a soldier? For one minute?"

Zed rolled his head to the side and opened his eyes again. His steely gaze roamed the contours of Felix's face, then lifted to his hair, or lack thereof. "You're bald."

Felix ran a hand over his shorter-than-short crop. "Pretty much."

"Holy fuck. Why are you bald?"

Felix glared at him. "Do you really want the answer to that question?"

The crease appeared between Zed's brows. He winced, a fold of skin apparently being too much sensation, and then his lips twitched. "Oh…"

"Yeah." Felix cocked his head. "Next time you Zone and pass out, I'm going to shave your head."

One dark brow arched. "Seriously? Flick?—"

Felix waved him into silence. "I know. Listen, Eli told me what happened. I guess Agrius is pissed about Chloris."

Zed winced again. "You think?"

The confrontation between the crew of the Chaos and the Agrius cartel was going to continue escalating until they found a permanent solution that didn't include more bodies. They didn't need a war with Agrius on top of Zed's issues. Either situation would be a tough course, but both at the same time?

"Fuck." Felix pushed the heels of his palms over his closed eyelids.

Fingers caressed his cheek. "Hey."

Felix shook his head, not ready to reveal his expression. He didn't want Zed to see the pain in his gaze, nor did he want to see the remorse in Zed's. Holding still, he squashed the urge to go hide in his quarters. He'd taken on Zed's problems as his own, promised his friend—his best friend and lover—that he'd be here, and he was. But…

Double fuck.

"If it hadn't been for that stupid InstaShine bot, you wouldn't even have gone to the meeting. Hell, Eli?—"

"Might have more than a sore shoulder from helping me limp back. You could be the one lying on this cot."

"Damn it." Felix looked up. "That's…I…" He trailed off into an inarticulate growl, teeth grinding together for the tenth time that day.

Zed's hand cupped his jaw. "You're going to crack your molars."

"I'll get them replaced."

"I'm not going to say I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to, I just want…" Felix waved his hands around in a helpless gesture. "I want not this. "

Zed recovering from another near miss with a seizure. Agrius, they could deal with. Zed's health wasn't a simple matter of negotiation.

Neither was Agrius, obviously, but…

Triple fucking fuck.

Zed stroked his cheek again.

"We should talk to Marnie." Another old friend from their Academy days, she had a position in military intelligence that gave her access to information neither of them even knew existed.

Zed's eyes flattened, the spark disappearing from the cool blue. "No."

"She has ways of getting stuff that no one can track. She might be able to help you."

"No. Subject closed."

"I'm trying to help!"

Zed shook his head. "Too many people know too much already."

Felix slumped back in the chair he'd pulled up to the side of the bed. "I'm sick of sitting in this chair feeling useless." And it had only been a matter of weeks.

"This is the first time I've Zoned since Chloris. It's not a regular thing, okay? And I'm fine. Nessa has exactly the right pain meds."

"The ones that knock you out for two hours. And what about that shit with the droid? You had a headache earlier today. I know you did. You get this crease?—"

"Everyone gets headaches."

"But not everyone has stin poison running through their veins!"

That's what Zed's experimental training had done—shot him full of stin venom. The attempt to unlock the secrets of the aliens' ability to phase-shift had been successful, but at a terrible cost. Headaches and seizures were just the beginning. It had been a desperate act for a desperate time. Not many people knew how close humanity had come to losing the war with the stin. Zed's team had changed all that. Their reward? Being forcibly retired by the AEF, told to get lost and lie low.

"Felix, I'm fine. I'm going to be fine."

Rather than give voice to his gut feelings on that, Felix bit his lips.

Zed sighed and flopped onto his back. "I don't want to fight with you," he said, rubbing at his temple. A second later, his broad hand spread across his eyes, as if the striplight was still too bright.

Guilt slashed through Felix's chest. Zed had just recovered from another head-splitting migraine, but he still probably hurt. And, likely, he was right. If he hadn't attended the meeting with Elias, the consequences might have been more dire.

Felix forced air from his lungs in a long sigh. He breathed in, and exhaled again. Then he reached over and clasped Zed's hand, the one covering his face. "This is what we missed out on last time."

Zed rolled his head back to face him. "Hmm?"

Felix produced a half smile, the tug of it not quite comfortable, but somehow necessary. He squeezed Zed's fingers. "We've never been together long enough to fight."

"You punched me before the first hour was up last time."

Felix flapped his bad hand. "You were being a thinky ass, that was different."

"Not sure I see how."

"We were younger then." Less messed up. Less scarred. "Zed…" Felix worked to thrust his worry into one of his mental boxes. He'd wait until Zed didn't have a headache. Until he had a good day, then he'd ask again. Make him understand that if anything happened to him, he'd be leaving a lot more than a pile of dead cartel members behind. "Galaxy was a different place nine years ago," he murmured.

Zed caught his gaze and held it, and between them, their shared history unraveled. Silently, meaningfully. The near misses of their long relationship, the translation from friends to lovers. The war. Felix being declared MIA only six months in, KIA shortly after that. Zed's involvement in the AEF's most desperate bid. And now this—what they'd always wanted, finally handed over with a big fucking codicil.

Lifting one hip, Zed dug into the utility pocket on his thigh and pulled out a small package wrapped in bright red paper. "Here."

Felix regarded the little box—about two centimeters thick, less than ten square—then looked up. "What's this?"

"It's for you."

Felix reached for the box. It was light and for a moment he suspected Zed had wrapped up nothing as a joke—as a distraction. That would be just like him. Get everyone all worked up and then distract them with…

No, that was more his own style.

He shook the box near his ear.

"It's not a fucking bomb. Just open it."

"Why would I think it's a bomb?"

"Why haven't you opened it yet?"

He tore at the paper, revealing one corner of the box beneath, and gasped as he recognized the package. It was a new bracelet, a wrist-model wallet and comm to replace the one he'd lost. Same make, latest model.

"These are fucking expensive!" Oh nice, Felix. Beautiful show of gratitude. "I mean…"

"Even if I couldn't afford it, I'd buy it for you. Want to know why?"

Felix shook his head.

Zed answered anyway. "Because you'd never buy it for yourself. I had to get you new pants before you disgraced your crew and let's not even get started on the state of your underwear."

"Seriously?"

Humor and affection had Zed's eyes twinkling.

Felix looked down at the bracelet and swallowed a little lump in this throat. "Thanks. I…you're right. I wouldn't have bought one for myself."

"You're welcome." Humor morphed into mischief. "Now give me a kiss."

Felix leaned forward to do as he was told. See, he could follow instructions sometimes.

Zed tugged him closer and murmured against his lips. "Ever come right when a ship transitions into j-space?" When stomachs dropped and all internal organs paused function for a brief interval.

A quick thrill of desire shot from his chest to his groin. "Can't say as I have." He quirked a brow. "That would take some careful timing."

Zed's hand wrapped around the back of his nearly bald head, pulling him in again. "Yep."

Felix melted into the kiss for a moment, let the taste of Zed, the feel of his lips, feed the hunger inside, then he pulled away, breathless. "Not here. Nessa would have a fit."

Chuckling, Zed levered himself up. "Then we better head downstairs and make sure everything in engineering is properly stowed for departure."