Chapter Twenty-Three Heimdall

L oki left me at the edge of the hot spring a little after dawn, telling me he would be right back. I had no idea what he was up to and when a half hour had gone by, I was starting to get worried. Getting out of the spring, I walked back through the pines to the rocky outcropping overlooking the mountain. I stood there for all of two minutes before he appeared once more in wolf form working his way up the steep incline with a white cloth bag held between his teeth. When he reached the ledge, he shifted back, tossed the bag up, and climbed up to meet me.

"I hope these fit," he said, untying the bag at our feet. "I wasn't sure of your size, so I guessed the best I could."

As the cloth fell away, I saw it was full of laundry. There were several shirts, a pair of jeans, and some comfy looking sweatpants. Hell, there were even shoes.

"Where did you get all this?" I asked, crouching down beside him.

"The resort," he said nonchalantly. "I snuck in the back door of the laundry room." He looked up at me with a mischievous grin filling his face. "There's gonna be some very upset rich people when half their laundry is missing."

"Won't that cause issues for your pack?"

"Nah. They'll just comp their stay. It'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Don't worry about it."

"Won't they smell you there?"

He paused for a moment, thinking it over. "I don't think so. There's a lot of smelly soap in that room. I should be fine. Oh! And look what else I found!" He pulled out a lanyard with a white plastic card hanging from the end. It had a name and photo that I didn't recognize. "This'll get us into the resort if we need to steal anything else! It works on all the outer doors! I had one tucked into my phone case back in the cave."

"Loki…" I sighed. "We can't go back there."

"Yeah we can!" He smiled up at me. "Listen, I've got it all figured out! We can live in that little shack for a while without anyone finding us, right? Well, it's easy enough to get food and clothes from the resort if we need them and nobody will know we've been in or out! I know that place like the back of my hand! We can just take what we need and live out here without worrying about–"

"Loki," I repeated, cutting him off. "We can't just sit up here and steal forever. Someone's going to notice."

"Well… I thought if we got a hold of some good stuff… you know, like diamonds or jewelry or something, then we could pawn it an get out. The resort customers are usually loaded so there's a good chance–"

"No."

He looked up at me, cocking his head to the side as all the joy left his features. "No? What do you mean, no?" There was that icy tone of his again. "Are you saying you don't want to be with me now?"

"That's not what I'm saying," I replied, placing my hand on his shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. "I want to be with you, more than anything. But this…" I gestured down at the pile of stolen clothing. "You know we can't live like this forever. Stealing from your pack won't go unnoticed for long. And we can't just run away either. Not when everyone is ready to kill each other." I took a deep breath, surprised by the words I was about to say. "We… We should do something."

"Do something?" Loki let out a contemptuous laugh. "Like fucking what? Your father isn't going to stop being a murderous asshole and Thor is never going to give up the Hati pack to him."

"I know my father has done some bad things," I started.

"Bad? BAD?! " He sounded crazed. "You call killing my father and several other wolves in my pack just bad ?"

I could feel the fury building in my chest. "People make mistakes–"

The moment the words left my lips, Loki tore himself away from me. He reached up, clawing his fingers through his hair like he was losing his mind.

"Mistakes?!" he shouted. "Fuck you! I lost everything because of that piece of shit! I had to lead a pack before I was ready, figure out how to grieve the only parent I've ever known, and somehow manage not to go so fucking crazy that I didn't kill everyone in the process! Your piece of shit father destroyed my family and you're going to stand here and tell me it was just a mistake? Go fuck yourself!"

"Loki, I didn't mean it like that–"

"No of course you didn't. Cuz you're too fucking stupid to know any better!"

He gasped and clamped his mouth shut the moment he said it.

"I… I didn't mean–"

"No," I said, holding up a hand to stop him. "You're right." I reached down and grabbed the sweatpants and a shirt and began tugging them on. "I was raised by a bunch of werewolves who never even went to school. We have hardly any books, no television, and no phones. So, you're probably right." I pulled the shirt over my head. "I'm gonna head home."

"Heimdall…" Loki said, reaching out a hand, a sad look in his eyes.

But I didn't reply. My chest was too tight and my stomach was twisted into a knot making it almost impossible to breathe. I turned away from him and headed for the ledge. I'd been kidding myself that there was a place in this world for me, one where I could be at Loki's side and still keep my life. But there was something else bothering me too, a familiar look in Loki's eyes that reminded me far too much of home.

"Heimdall, stop," he said, a hand coming to rest on my shoulder. "I'm sorry. I… I shouldn't have said that. Don't leave."

"I can't do this, Loki."

He flinched. "Can't do what?"

"Whatever…" I gestured to the pair of us. " This is. I can't do it."

He looked taken aback. "But… you're my mate."

"Am I?" I shot back. "Or is this just convenient for you?"

"Convenient?" he scoffed. "How the hell would this be convenient?"

"Oh, so you shacking up with the next in line of the Skoll pack doesn't play into your plans to bring both of them under your control?" The words were flying out of my mouth, all my deepest fears bubbling to the surface in an instant. "Once you kill Tyr and you've got me in your bed, then you'd have control over it all. The leader of the Fenris pack."

"I don't want to lead anyone ," Loki shot back.

"Then why are you here? With me? You already said I'm too stupid for you–"

"I did not say that! I just can't believe you'd stand up for your father after everything he's done!"

"WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!"

My shout echoed down the mountain, reverberating off the rocks and trees and carrying all the way down to the valley. I stood there for a long moment, heat rising from my collar as I tried to get my breathing under control. But the panting didn't stop and eventually turned to a sob. Tears welled up in my eyes as I stared at Loki. I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I was so emotional, but I just couldn't hold it in anymore.

"What would you have me do, Loki?" I croaked, barely able to speak. "You have a family at home, wealth, and a pack that cares for you even during your darkest hour. Do you know what I have back home?"

Loki just stared, unmoving.

"A crumbling village, a destitute pack on the edge of extinction, and a father that watched me get swallowed up by the earth and didn't even try to save me." The words burned like fire in my throat, the truth hurting me more than I could ever express. "I'm sorry you lost your father, but you still have love at home." I let out a hoarse laugh. "When I go home, I'll be lucky if my father even notices I'm still alive."

He didn't speak and he barely breathed. I saw his fingers twitch in my direction, like he wanted to reach out and hold me. But he didn't go further.

"I know I'm stupid for defending him. I… I know he's become a monster. I've known for a long time. But there's nowhere else for me to go. I don't want to go home without you, and I can't go home with you. I feel… stuck in limbo. My father might not be a good man or a good Alpha, but him and his ideas are all I've ever known. I don't know how to live any other way." I shook my head, turning back toward the valley. "And no matter how monstrous he becomes, he's my father. I can't help loving him even though I know he feels nothing for me. My whole life was built around taking his place. Without him here… I'm nothing ."

"That's not true," Loki said at last, his feet crunching in the gravel behind me. "You're my mate. You'll always be something to me."

"How?" I sobbed, not looking back. "How can we be anything? He'll never accept us, and your pack will never accept me. I know you want to run away, but I don't think I could ever forgive myself for leaving all this hate behind." I finally turned over my shoulder, glancing back at him. "Do you really want to leave your family behind to deal with all this alone?"

Loki let out a long sigh, shaking his head. "No. I don't want to make them carry this war alone."

"And I don't want to lose my father."

"I know," he said, stepping up beside me. "And I understand. Truly."

"Then what do we do?"

With a shaky hand, Loki wrapped his arm around my waist, leaning against me. I let out a small gasp as he touched me, causing him to pause for a moment. But then I pulled him close, feeling a rush of warmth through my body as we connected. We may not have mated to seal the bond yet, but it was there just the same. Having him close made me feel like everything was going to be alright, even when it was all falling apart. I needed him beside me, so we had to find a way out of this mess. Together .

"I'm not sure," Loki said honestly. "But we'll figure something out. I'm never going to let you go."

"Even though I'm stupid?"

He looked up at me with a grin. "Stop guilt tripping me. I said I was sorry."

"Okay, okay." I tried to smile. "Even though I haven't seen any movies?"

" Especially because you haven't seen any movies," he laughed. "Do you know how much fun it'll be to watch them again with a first-timer? It's like going to the theater all over again!"

I hugged him against my side, looking out over the valley. "I feel like I've missed an entire life in that little village."

"Don't worry. We have time to make up for it."

I let out a defeated chuckle. "Do we?"

"Yes, Hamball," he replied, glaring up at me. "We do. Because we're gonna figure this out and then you and I are going to watch movies, get fat, and fuck for the rest of time."

I couldn't help but smile at that. "Promise?"

"I promise."

We were quiet for a long moment. With a sigh, I stopped trying to hold back everything I'd been feeling for the past few days. Thoughts of my father, Loki, and our packs raced through my brain, the emotions welling up inside me. When they finally all bubbled over, I found myself hugging Loki tightly, my head resting on top of his.

"Loki?" I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I… I think I'm falling in love with you."

Silence. For a moment I thought I'd made a mistake. But then Loki cleared his throat, as if trying not to cry.

"Too late," he said, sniffling. "I fell for you first, Hamball."

I just smiled, held him close, and watched as Fenris far below began to come to life for the day. All those people down there went about their lives, never knowing that two Alpha wolves, opposed in every way, stood united at the top of the mountain, desperately trying to figure out how to save themselves and their packs.