Chapter Ten Heimdall

S heer unadulterated panic filled my body as we walked into the darkness, winding our way through the heart of the mountain. I kept my lips firmly sealed, and my teeth clenched as we walked, terrified that if I spoke, I'd somehow destroy this tenuous truce that was barely holding us together. My hands were shaking, fingers balled into fists. And there was a rush of adrenaline that had been coursing through me since we touched, and I couldn't seem to get it to go away.

I hadn't been able to answer Loki when he asked why I'd kissed him. The truth was, I didn't know. I'd hoped it was due to him casting a spell on me. At least that, in some way, was explainable. But after he told me about his mother, I was convinced he was no mage. And that's when the confusion started to press down on me like I was being crushed between two boulders.

My feelings didn't make sense, but they were real . There was no other explanation, which meant that the constant repeating of mate in my head whenever I was near him was also real. And that was a big fucking problem.

Father expected me to take a mate, had even encouraged me to do so. But he left no doubt in my mind that he wanted me to take a female mate and produce pups so that our bloodline could continue. He wanted heirs to carry on his life's worth and run the packs once he reunited them and set things right. But if Loki truly was my mate, pups weren't something that was going to be possible. Not only that, but I was absolutely certain my father would never accept my being mated to another man. Homosexuality was one of those things that he didn't talk about often, but his disdain for it was evident. He thought humans were the reason some wolves had male mates. That they'd somehow infected us with their deviance.

Until now, I agreed with him, having no reason to think otherwise. However, now that I felt myself suddenly and inexplicably attracted to Loki, I began to doubt. I'd grown up under my father's tutelage. My exposure to humans was nearly zero, and I had no access to the outside world. Tyr and the Skoll pack and the mountain were all I knew. Hell, I'd never even been to a restaurant before or ridden in a car. If there was anyone who was untouched by the human world, it was me.

And yet, despite all that care and isolation, I still felt that Loki was my mate. I knew it with my body, heart, and soul. Judging by the way he leaned into me when I slipped my tongue in his mouth, I had a feeling he felt it too. Clearly, he was feeling just as confused about it as I was. The look on his face as he pulled away from me proved that he didn't expect either of us to give into those urges. I couldn't believe I'd been the one to make the first move.

How could I not, though? With him pressed against me like that, his cock grinding against my own. The heat of him was enough to drive me wild. But with his scent filling my senses and the electricity shooting through my body, I had no other choice but to kiss him. Not to mention, he'd just saved me from certain death when he had every reason in the world to let me fall.

Something was clearly happening between us. But Loki kept to himself, and I was too fucking stupid to know what to say. We were still enemies, and we still had conflicting goals. I couldn't let him kill my father and he wouldn't be happy until Tyr was dead. We were at an impasse. What words could I possibly come up with that would clear up all that animosity between us? I was certain it was an impossible task.

So how were we going to move forward? Was that even possible to begin with? Would we even survive this cave?

"Hey Hamball," Loki said, his voice startling me.

"Yeah?" I couldn't believe I answered that ridiculous nickname. I truly hated it. But for some reason, when Loki said it, it didn't seem so bad.

"There's a light up ahead."

"Is it a way out?!" I asked, suddenly thrilled by the idea of leaving this cave and all the confusing feelings behind forever. "Did we find it?"

"How the hell should I know?" Loki barked back. "Let's go look at it before you piss yourself with excitement."

I looked over Loki's shoulder, noticing the shaft of light ahead as the cave widened out. Part of me wanted to push him aside and run for the exit. But I forced myself to stay behind him. I didn't want a repeat of what happened last time. And if there was a hole to the outside, there could be a hole to the depths too. Best just to keep myself in check.

Loki led the way into a natural cavern with another domed ceiling covered in stalactites. Here and there I caught shimmers on the walls, quartz crystal growing from veins running through the stone. The air took on a damp smell, thick with minerals. A moment later, I was glad to have stayed behind Loki as we came to a sudden halt. He tilted the phone's light downward, showing the edge where the stone stopped and gave way to water. It was so still that it would all but be invisible if not for the slight fogginess the water took on. But something else caught my eye, a metallic glint at the bottom of the pool.

"Are… Are those coins?" I asked, cocking my head to the side.

"They are," Loki replied, holding the light out over the water. "And there's a bucket too."

I glanced up at the hole in the ceiling, noticing the rotted rope hanging down from the world above. "This must be the old well."

"Old well?"

"There was one I used to go play near as a kid," I continued, craning my neck to get a better view. Sure enough, there was a perfectly circular hole in the ceiling with a few stray vines hanging down from the edge. "Yeah. This has to be it."

"How exactly do you play at a well?"

"Mostly we just threw rocks and sticks inside it," I chuckled, remembering the other boys and me trying to find bigger and bigger things to toss down. "The bucket was still there when I was a kid, but it must've rotted off the rope once I quit coming back."

"Do you think this water is safe to drink?"

Loki's question made me realize how terribly thirsty I was. In the cold and dark, I was too focused on staying alive and trying not to give into my feelings to notice. But now that it was brought to my attention, yeah. I was fucking parched.

"Nobody has drunk out of this well in decades," I said, staring at the water and the coins submerged within it.

"It doesn't smell dangerous," Loki added, taking a deep sniff. "I'll taste it."

"No," I said, grabbing his shoulder as I felt suddenly protective. "Let me."

Loki just rolled his eyes and gestured toward the water. "Well? Get to it. I don't want to wait all day. I lost a lot of blood earlier, you know?"

I nodded, walking to the edge of the pool and dropping down on my knees. Leaning over the edge, I braced myself and lowered my lips to the water, staring into its depths. As far as I could tell, it wasn't full of fish or bugs or whatever creepy crawlies I didn't want in my body. I took a few sniffs close to the water as well, but it only smelled of minerals.

"Are you gonna look at it all fucking day or drink it?"

I looked up at Loki, furrowing my brows. "Are you always this disagreeable?"

He crossed his arms, not somehow managing to look even more grumpy. "Yes."

I didn't respond. Instead, I went back to the water, dipped my lips below the surface, and drank. It was surprisingly cold but refreshing. In fact, it tasted just like the water we had back in the village, and I wondered if maybe we pulled from the same source. I drank it down greedily, filling my empty stomach in a matter of seconds before I finally forced myself up and took a breath.

"It tastes fine," I said, wiping my mouth on the back of my forearm. "I think we should be okay."

"Thank god," Loki said, dropping to his knees.

He tucked his phone in his back pocket and practically plunged his face into the water. I could hear him gulping water down and for a moment, I thought he would make himself sick. But he came back up, gasping for air. He ran his hands over his face, slicking his wet hair back that had fallen into the water.

"Fuck that tastes good," he muttered, sitting back on his heels. "All the water at the resort tastes just a little sulfuric from the hot springs. Usually, I only drink bottled water up there."

"We just have a well in the village with a hand pump," I said.

"Do you guys even have electricity?"

"Only at my father's house."

" Convenient ."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"He doesn't allow any of you to participate in the human world, but he can?" Loki crossed his arms, giving me a good long look. "What else does he do that nobody else is allowed to?"

"I don't know," I shrugged, not really liking the implication in Loki's tone. "He smokes I guess."

"Store-bought cigarettes?"

"Yeah. He goes into town to get them."

"Who is allowed in town besides him?"

"Nobody."

"Huh."

"Huh? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that your father, for all his preaching about hating humans and their world, doesn't seem to have a problem if he enjoys their world. But the rest of you aren't allowed to even watch movies or have electricity or running water because of his stupid rules."

"He's doing it to keep us safe. So we're not tainted by the humans!"

Loki leaned close, poking a finger into my chest. "He's doing it to keep you stupid and complacent. That way none of you have the inclination to call him out on his hypocritical bullshit." He gave me a good hard look before pulling back. "How can you not see that he's lying to you all? This is classic cult leader stuff."

"Whatever," I scoffed, turning away from him.

We were both silent for a long while, the pair of us resting at the edge of the pool. It went unspoken that we needed the break after all the effort to save me from falling to my death. I was surprised Loki could keep on going after that at all. There was a lot more strength in that lithe body of his than I gave him credit for.

"So is one of these coins yours?" he asked after a minute or two of silence.

I glanced over at him, my brows furrowed. Following his gaze, I saw he was staring down at the coins flickering in the light at the bottom of the pool.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I never felt the need to wish for things. I knew I already had everything I needed." I paused, a memory coming back to me. "But one of them belongs to my mother."

"Did she get her wish?"

I sat there for a long moment, mulling it over.

"She got half of it."

"What was her wish?"

"To leave the Skoll pack and my father behind and build a better life in the city." I stared at the unmoving water, my stomach twisting as I thought of her. "And she did."

"What's the half she didn't get then?"

I looked up at Loki, my gaze catching his. "She went alone," I said quietly. "Without me."

"She left you here?!"

"No," I replied, shaking my head again. "I chose him over her."

Loki didn't have to ask for clarification. The look on his face told me he understood what I meant. I had to pull my gaze away, a new sensation filling my chest and spreading through my veins. This past day with Loki had brought a lot of things to my attention, questions that I never knew I should have until now. For the first time since the day my mother left, I felt something other than pride for choosing my father.

I felt… regret.