Chapter 1: Robyn

As I turn the corner onto my street, I notice the lights are on in the apartment I share with my roommate, Ricky. My stomach knots, as this is one more red flag in a recent avalanche of red flags.

It’s only ten P.M., and Ricky doesn’t get off until eleven. He shouldn’t be home. We each work two minimum-wage jobs, and it’s barely enough to pay the bills. He knows better than to take off early. We need every penny we can get.

I’m just now getting home from my job as a server at a local diner. I have barely enough time to change clothes and grab a bite to eat before I head to my next job stocking shelves overnight at a small grocery store.

After parking near the back door, I shut off my engine, but instead of getting out, I sit here. I know I’m procrastinating, but I don’t want to think about going inside. I don’t want to face Ricky.

Things haven’t been going well for us lately. He’s been acting strangely, distant one minute, manic the next. I have my suspicions as to why, but it’s not something I want to admit even to myself.

Ricky and I have a complicated history. We were in foster care together from the age of ten, living in the same house, facing the same challenges. He was like a brother to me. He was my protector. He watched out for me. He confronted the bullies who made fun of me in school. He had my back.

He also slept on the floor beside my bed every single night to keep our foster father—Doug, the pervert—from bothering me. He was— is —the closest thing I have to family. And now, he’s not.

Something’s changed.

Something’s different.

And I’m afraid I know what it is.

We aged out of the foster care system at the same time, and neither one of us had anywhere to go, so we stuck together. We lived in a family shelter for a while, working whatever jobs we could get until we’d saved up enough money to put down a deposit on an apartment—this apartment.

But lately, Ricky’s been off . He’s been distant and secretive. He’s been making hushed phone calls in the middle of the night. He’s hardly ever home anymore.

I’m afraid for him. I’m afraid for me.

I’ve been around enough addicts to recognize the signs. I just don’t want to face the truth. He’s all I’ve got, and if he’s doing drugs, then I’ve lost him. He knows how I feel about the stuff. I lost my mother to a drug overdose when I was ten. And my father is rotting in prison for the rest of his life on drug trafficking convictions.

Drugs destroyed my life. They’re the reason I ended up in foster care.

And now I’m pretty sure Ricky’s going down the same road.

Hoping to avoid him, I come in through the back door, into the darkened kitchen. I can see a flickering light coming from the living room, which means he must be watching TV. I also hear his muffled voice. He’s on the phone.

I sneak down the hallway to my bedroom, slip inside, and carefully close my door. Only then do I risk turning on my light. I strip off my diner uniform and shoes, and then I grab a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt from my closet. Just as I’m pulling on my sneakers, there’s a knock on my door. My heart rockets into my throat.

“Robyn? You in there?”

Shit! “Yeah. I’m changing for work.”

My bedroom door opens, and Ricky steps inside, a beer bottle clutched in his hand. He’s a mess. His shaggy blond hair is filthy. His clothes are stained. One look at his dilated pupils and glassy eyes confirms what I was afraid of—he’s high as a kite. He’s doing drugs, probably meth. My heart hurts so badly I could cry.

He smiles. “I’m glad you’re home. I been waitin’ to talk to you.”

“Sorry, but I’ve got to leave again for work.”

He frowns. “No, wait! Forget about work. I got some really big news.”

“What are you doing home, Ricky? You should be at work.”

He shakes his head. “Nah.”

“What do you mean, no? You know we need every penny—”

“That’s just it, Robyn.” There’s a huge grin on his face. “We don’t. Not anymore. I got somethin’ better lined up for us.”

My stomach knots, and I feel sick. “What are you talking about?”

“I got us a deal. A huge deal. We do this one thing, and we’ll make more in two days than we would normally make in an entire month.”

“Ricky, what are you talking about?”

“I met this guy—I’ve actually been working for him for a few weeks now. And he’s got a job for us.”

“Us? What do you mean, us ?”

“Yeah, us. I can’t do it myself, because my license is suspended. But you can do it.”

“Do what, exactly?”

“It’s nothing really. No big deal. You just drive up to Seattle, deliver this guy’s merchandise to his business partner, and then come right back home. It’s a nineteen-hour drive one way. You can make it there and back in two days. Piece of cake.”

“ Merchandise? Don’t you mean drugs?” He’s talking about delivering drugs. I shake my head. “Ricky, you can’t! If you get caught—” His driver’s license is already suspended because of multiple traffic violations—speeding tickets, a drunk driving charge, even a minor hit and run.

His eyes are twitching now, which makes him look a bit demented. “I didn’t say I’d be the one making the delivery. But you —law enforcement won’t profile you. A pretty young girl? No way. If you get stopped by the cops, just smile and bat your lashes at them.”

“ Me? ” I’m horrified that he would even think of asking this of me. My entire body tightens, I’m so angry. “Are you out of your mind? You know how I feel about drugs! There’s no way I’d have any part in this. My mother’s dead , and my father’s in prison for the rest of his life—”

“This isn’t about them . This is about us . It’s about our future, our financial security. Robyn, we can make a ton of money doing this. The shipment is 60 pounds of meth. Do you know how much that’s worth on the street? I’m talking easily a million. Our cut—”

“I don’t give a shit about the money.”

His expression hardens in an instant, and when his eyes narrow on me, fear trickles down my spine. Ricky’s made me uncomfortable before, and he’s made me worry, but he’s never made me afraid. Not until now.

“You don’t get it, Robyn. You have to do this. I already told Verne you would. He doesn’t want me doing it. He says I’m too conspicuous. And he can’t do it because the DEA is breathing down his neck. But you? He says you’re perfect. Cops won’t be too suspicious of a pretty girl like you.”

“Verne? Who’s that? Your dealer?”

Ricky’s demeanor changes once more, and now he’s all smiles. His eyes light up. “Don’t you see, Robyn? This is our big break. No more struggling to pay for groceries. No more worrying about bills. This is our ticket. I’m talking easy money. All you have to do is drive to Seattle. Verne’s contacts will handle it from there. And we’ll get paid a fortune for just two days of your time. It’s a no-brainer.”

I can feel my heart breaking. “Ricky, you know how I feel—”

“Grow up, Robyn.” The smile is gone, replaced by a coldness I’ve never seen in him. “I’m not asking you to take it, or even sell it. You’re just delivering it. That’s all. Your hands are clean.”

“Bullshit!” My eyes fill with tears. “No, Ricky. I won’t do it.” My mind is racing. If this is the track he’s going down, it’s time for us to part ways. He’s the only friend I have in the world, and I’m losing him. Now I’ll have no one. I will literally be alone in the world.

Ricky grits his teeth. “I already told Verne you’d do it. You can’t say no. He’s counting on us.”

“ Us ? You mean me , right?” I shake my head. “No, Ricky.”

“You can’t bail on me, Robyn. Verne will—”

“I don’t care what Verne will do. I said no.”

As I start for the door, Ricky grabs my arm and pulls me around to face him. He backs me into a corner and wraps the fingers of one hand around my throat, tightening his hold, not enough to cut off my air, but enough to get my attention. His eyes harden. “No isn’t an option, Robyn.”

I don’t even recognize the guy standing in front of me.

“Verne’s guys are on their way over right now,” he says. “As soon as they load the merchandise into your car, you’ll drive it up to Seattle, meet with Verne’s contact, and then head back home.”

Now? I shake my head. “How could you do this to me? We used to be a team. What happened?”

His blue eyes narrow on me. “Life happened. Reality happened. I quit my warehouse job two weeks ago. We need this money.”

My stomach drops like a stone. “You quit your job? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I knew you’d act like this. It’s easy money, Robyn. Be reasonable.”

“It’s illegal!”

Ricky rolls his dilated, twitchy eyes at me. “Stop being such a princess.”

The hand around my throat tightens until I can’t draw in any air. I can’t breathe.

His eyes narrow on me once more. “I’m not asking you, Robyn. I’m telling you.”

I start to see flashing lights in my peripheral vision, like tiny fireworks. I feel lightheaded, and my lungs feel like they’re going to burst.

He reaches back and pulls a gun from the waistband of his jeans and presses the hard muzzle to my cheek. “We don’t have a choice, Robyn. I already said we’d do this. And Verne’s not the kind of guy who takes no for an answer. This is happening tonight. Nod your head if you understand that.”

I nod. I have no other choice. I want to breathe again.

Ricky releases my throat. “Smart girl. I’ll call and let them know we’re ready. You’ll leave as soon as they load the stuff into your car. I’ll text you the address in Seattle.”

As soon as Ricky walks out of my room, I grab my backpack out of my closet and stuff it full with whatever I can easily grab—another pair of jeans, a couple of T-shirts, a sweatshirt, underwear, socks. I slip into the hallway bathroom and grab my toothbrush, toothpaste, and shampoo. As I’m packing, I can hear him on his phone in the other room, making arrangements.

With my backpack slung over my shoulder, I grab my jean jacket and purse before I slip out the back door. I’m in my car and backing out of the driveway when the door crashes open and Ricky runs outside, wildly waving his arms.

“Robyn!” he screams. “What the fuck!”

I don’t dare stop. I pull out onto the street and my tires squeal as I drive away. I have no plan. No idea where I’m going. I just know I need to get out of Denver before I end up a statistic like my parents.

When a chill sweeps through me, I crank up the heat. It’s early October, and winter comes early in Colorado. I could kick myself for not grabbing a warmer coat.

All I have is the money in my purse—twenty dollars from today’s tips. That’s it. I got paid yesterday, but the rent came out automatically this morning, so there won’t be much left in my bank account. I stop at an ATM and withdraw the last forty dollars in my account.

Half a tank of gas and sixty bucks. That’s all I’ve got. I have nowhere to go, but I know I can’t stay here. I head for the nearest highway on-ramp and head west, needing to put as many miles between me and Ricky as I can.

I jump when my phone rings. As Ricky’s name shows up on the screen, I send the call straight to voicemail. He calls again, almost immediately after, and I reject the call.

He sends a text message, and I glance at it on the screen.

Ricky: get back here right now! i mean it. get your ass back here

I ignore him.

Another message follows right after the first one.

Ricky: i’m serious robyn you don’t want to cross this guy he’s dangerous

I put my phone on silent and keep driving because what other choice do I have? I keep one eye on the road ahead of me, and one eye on the rearview mirror, as if I can feel the boogeyman breathing down my back. Surely, they won’t be able to follow me. They have no idea where I’m going. Even I don’t know where I’m going.

Still, I keep an eye on the rearview mirror, watching the road behind me.