Chapter 35

CHAPTER

THIRTY-FIVE

DANI

“I’ll get it,” Tyler yells as he runs to the door.

“What have I told you about answering the door?” I call out, but it’s too late. Tyler swings the door open to find Alexander on the porch with bags of food. I’m not sure who he’s planning on feeding, but he’s loaded down.

“Here, let me help.” I take the Mcdonald’s bag and drink carrier holding a shake and Sprite. He remembered Tyler isn’t allowed to have caffeine after school, or he’ll never sleep. His thoughtfulness touches me. It also looks like he and I won’t be eating McDonalds.

“Come on in.” I close the door and take a moment to appreciate his ass as he walks past, making his way to the kitchen. I love that he’s comfortable in my house, even though it’s not as fancy as his penthouse. He spent a few hours here once when Tyler was at my parents, but he didn’t see much of the house outside my bedroom. I blush, thinking about how he took me against the wall and again in my bed. Our sexcapades are things of fantasy n ovels or porno movies. I think there’s a fine line between the two, and we’re walking it. I went from born-again virgin to sex addict quickly, thanks to Alexander, and I’m not mad about it one bit.

“I got us Thai. I wasn’t sure what you’d like, so I got several options.” He unpacks the bag.

“Smells delicious, but it’s just us. There’s enough food here to feed an army.” I get Tyler settled at the table and tell him to eat. He devours his fries, and I steal one to his protest.

“Figured you could take some for lunch tomorrow if you want,” Xander continues from the kitchen.

He’s considerate and does things like this to care for me. It’s sweet. That’s not what I expected from the grumpy, brooding guy I met a few months ago. One of his most admirable qualities is his thoughtfulness to the details in our lives. I appreciate his attempts to keep money from affecting our relationship because I’m more than aware for both of us.

We fill our plates with pad Thai and curry chicken and settle at the table next to Tyler. We chat about school and baseball. Tyler challenges Alexander to a round of Mario Cart after dinner. To my surprise, he accepts the challenge and even talks smack about his skills.

“Trevor thinks he’s the video game champion, but don’t underestimate me on Mario Cart. I’ve got a decent score on Rainbow Road.” This is another side of Alexander’s private persona that’s endearing. When coaching the kids, he’s focused, letting them have fun while teaching them the skills. He’s also always on high alert, watching all the kids to ensure they’re safe. He’s in protector mode on the field, and I worry he’s not having fun. I asked him about it once because he preaches fun to the kids, but I want it to be fun for him too. He assures me it is.

But this Alexander? His shoulders are relaxed, and he’s laughing with Tyler, enjoying the smack talk. Here’s another layer of this complex man, and I’m enjoying each new glimpse he shares. It's fascinating to see his complexity in action and understand w ho he truly is. Watching them together makes me rethink my views about complex and complicated.

After dinner, true to his word, he plays Mario Cart with Tyler. For all the smack talk, Tyler beats him. Mr. Tough Guy is a big softie. He asks if he can stay while I put Tyler to bed and I agree, but cryptically let him know there will be no sexy time. Not with Tyler home. First, I don’t want to explain it, and I can’t save enough money for his future therapy. Second, I can’t keep quiet when Xander is inside me. I’ve never been loud or vocal during sex before, but something about this man and his constant praise makes me lose my mind. Not complaining, but just setting boundaries. Third, I’ve got to get some sleep because I’m up at six-thirty on school days to get us ready and at school by eight. Who thought kids needed to be at school that early? I’m exhausted most days and feel much older than my thirty-two years.

“Mom, is Xander your boyfriend?” Tyler asks as I tuck him into bed after reading a quick bedtime story.

“What? No, um,” I stutter.

“I know you like him. I like him too. But I wish Matt was your boyfriend because he’s gonna help me be a ballplayer like him.” He gives a little shrug, and I can’t help but smile. I love the way this kid thinks.

“Well, first, Matt has a girlfriend. You know he loves Darcy, right? And I’m way too old for him.” Matt’s a good kid, but he’s, what, twenty-three or so? I’m pushing thirty-three. “But Xander isn’t my boyfriend.” I think about our evening, a smile filling my face. Is it time to tell Tyler the truth? Xander is more than my boyfriend. He’s worked his way into my heart. He could be our future if I allow it. It would be nice to have evenings like this be our normal routine. I can almost picture it. Us. A family.

“It’s okay if he is, that’s all.” He rolls over and tucks his stuffed Scoville under his arm. He’s been sleeping with the baseball-playing pepper since his first game a few months ago. Has it already been a few months? It’s hard to stop and think about. Time moves so fast these days.

“Sleep tight, tiger. Love you.” I kiss him on his head and quietly close his door.

Tyler accepts Xander. I let his acceptance sit with me. I didn’t realize how important it was to me. I need to get a few things wrapped up and put behind me so I can look forward.

“Hey, sorry, that took so long.” I join Xander in the kitchen. He’s cleaned up dinner, put dishes in the dishwasher, leftovers in the fridge. Wow. Who knew he would develop domestic skills too?

I wrap my arms around his waist. That’s when I notice his body is rigid and tense, his content demeanor a thing of the past. He’s not pulling me in like he always does. Oh no. Did he hear my conversation with Tyler? What would that have sounded like from his perspective?

I pull back and look up to see his brows furrowed. “What’s wrong?” I’m on heightened alert.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His tone is flat like he’s holding back anger. It’s that hardened boardroom Alexander I first met, one of restrained emotion. The one that is sexy as hell but a little frightening and a lot standoffish.

“Tell you what?” Oh no. He heard me.

“About the summons.”

My stomach drops to my feet. Shit. I’m immediately angry and embarrassed, and my emotions swirl like a cyclone of disaster. I thought we had moved past the victim thing. I didn’t tell him about the summons and deposition because I want to put everything behind me. Become less complicated. But I’ll never be less complicated. Not to him.

But wait? How does he know about the deposition?

“Did you go through my things?” I snap.

“No, but you left it out. It caught my eye.” There’s no apology this time.

“I can’t believe you went through my mail.” I don’t want to talk about t his, so I direct all my anger toward his keen eye of observation. I wasn’t even thinking about it being out on the kitchen counter. My house is not the neat and orderly living space he’s used to, that’s for sure.

I’m overcome with the memory of the brutal interview last week. An attorney accused the Deckers of using me to lead Pauly Jackson on and set up the incident. He grilled me for two hours, twisting my words, making it sound intentional and sordid. The entire experience was worse than the assault itself. If I wasn’t a victim before, I was after that deposition.

Jackson sat there and smirked at me the entire time. I was asked about my involvement with the Deckers, which became uncomfortable when they showed pictures of us on the kiss cam. I tried not to answer their questions, but that made it worse. I didn’t lie, but it’s none of their business. This was about what Jackson did, not the Deckers.

All I could think of during the barrage of horrible accusations was to protect this family. They’re nothing but kind, generous, and loving. They don’t deserve to have their reputations slung through the mud.

Maybe I should have told Alexander about it, but what could he do? It’s my complication. Besides, he had enough on his plate with the team and others depending on him. I’m used to facing life on my own, and I thought I could handle this. They were just going to ask me about the incident, right? Boy, was I wrong. It ranked up there with Riley’s funeral as one of the worst experiences of my life. Or maybe worse, because they were threatening Alexander. It was confusing, humiliating, and terrifying, and I want to put it behind me. Like Riley’s family.

Unfortunately, the trial is in a few weeks, and I’ll have to go through it all again. This is precisely why I didn’t want to press charges. And looking at Xander’s reaction now, why I didn’t want to tell him about it. I’m filled with anxiety and dread.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice is strained.

“Because it’s none of your business!” I raise my voice, which is very out of character. My outburst shocks him, and he reaches out, but I pull away. I put my hands to my face to keep him from seeing me broken.

“Dani,” he says softly. “I’m sorry, sunshine.” His hand touches my arm, and I flinch away. His face goes through multiple reactions in a split second. He settles on hurt, and my heart breaks a little looking at him.

I can’t handle the pain I’m inflicting and need to do something, anything, to make it end. “No! Stop. I hate this.”

“Hate us?”

“No, this!” I point at him. “How you always see me as a victim. Someone you have to care for. I’m not a victim! I can take care of myself. I don’t need you to swoop in and fight my battles. I’ve done it before you, and I’ll do it after. I’m not your charity case!”

The lawyer’s questions fed my fears and bore into my insecurities, where they took up residency in my mind. He implied the Deckers were using me. I don’t believe it, but suddenly all my fears and frustrations manifest into words, and my filter has left the building. I’ve always felt it a little, especially at first, but I’d convinced myself he liked me for me and that I might be more than his PR problem. Why did I lash out at him? Say those things? I don’t know, but they hang between us, the damage done.

“Wow.” He turns around and runs his hands through his hair, pulling at it. When he speaks, it’s a quiet shout, keeping his restraint in check. This is the Alexander I don’t like. His walls are up, and I built them myself.

He turns back to look at me. “Is that what you think of me? That I’m here because you’re a charity case? That I feel sorry for you? Or that I’m using you? That’s the kind of man you think I am?” I’m surprised by his words.

“Mom, are you okay?” Tyler stands in the doorway looking at me, then Alexander, concern filling his face. The last thing I want my kid to do is worry about me. I flash back to the assault. I need to pr otect him, keep him safe. He’s never heard me raise my voice to anyone, so I’m sure my shouting frightened him. I need to fix this for him.

I hold my hand out to Tyler, and he comes and stands beside me, snuggling into my side. I cradle his head into my hip. Yeah, Alexander may be complex, but I’m complicated. This legal stuff is so complicated I hope I can get through it and keep the Deckers from having another PR problem. I need to free him of this complication. It’s the merciful thing to do.

“I’m fine, tiger. Alexander was just leaving.” I look at Alexander and will my tears to hold until he’s gone and I’m alone.

“Dani,” he starts.

“I can’t,” I whisper. “You said you’d never make me uncomfortable, so please leave.”

His eyes plead with me, but when a tear escapes, he gives me a curt nod and leaves. The front door closes, and my focus turns to Tyler.

“Come on, let’s get you back to bed.”

I look down into his big brown eyes, seeking reassurance. I dig deep and muster a smile. “We’re fine. Come on, we both have school tomorrow. Let’s go.”

I lead him back to his room, tuck him back in bed, and go to my room. My phone is lying on the nightstand, tempting me to call him, apologize, and explain. Instead, I turn it off, get ready for bed, and cry myself to sleep. It’s best for him.

God, I hate complicated.