41. Memphis

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

memphis

I tried like mad to stay busy while he was gone. I didn’t want to spend even a single second thinking about the endless number of other embarrassing things from my past or my home that he could be retrieving. Utah would be the kind of man to go find present day millimeter peter to bring him here and make him apologize to me for turning down my dance invitation and making me feel like a fool all those years ago.

Indy and I covered almost every possible way things could play out if we allowed Nevada and Salem inside our little ring of misfit corn children. We didn’t respond to Salem in any fashion, just in case there was something else that neither of us had considered yet. We both agreed we were better off giving it another day of just fucking thinking it through before we made any moves. There was too much at risk now to allow just anyone on this side of things all because I was in a hurry to make something happen. Instead, we started considering the next sets of teams to recruit.

Then we moved on to comparing the United States Marshalls and the missing children and women from a narrowed down portion of Tennessee. We considered sending Utah out after a Marshall or two, rather than worrying about the other Executioners. We both wondered what Utah might be able to achieve single-handedly if we just pointed him in the right direction and told him to ruin somebody. The man who couldn’t be killed might not even need a whole team of former Executioners behind him to achieve what I asked of him. That led to a very inappropriate discussion about the limits to which I might be able to get Utah to go depending on when I timed the requests.

That was the best thing about Indy. He could focus every bit as hard as I did and was the best sounding board I’d ever had when it came to tossing these ideas back and forth about where this goal might move next. He also knew that what we were doing was heavy and painful and it hurt the deepest part of my heart. He was somehow very aware that I needed his absurd immaturity to chime in and derail the actual work every so often.

When we decided to take a break from it all, it took some significant effort on my part to avoid tracking Utah’s phone just to find out what he was doing. I closed myself back in my room and stared at that frustrating little box that came back with Utah the last time he’d done this. I forced myself to change into my own clothes to occupy my hands instead of tracking the frustratingly thoughtful man. That left me smiling to myself like a moron while I pulled up his contact in my phone just to try to come up with something to text him.

But I didn’t actually have anything to say to him.

I wasn’t sure when I’d regressed to behaving like a high school girl with a crush, but it had definitely happened.

A knock on the door kept me from being a dumbass anyway.

“It’s open, Indy,” I said and continued to stare at the picture of us that Utah had taken at that orchard. He’d opened the front facing camera on his phone, grabbed me from behind, held it out in front of my face so the image was almost entirely of me with just this little sliver of his head in the picture. The little sliver where he was kissing my temple while I laughed and called him an idiot.

“Hey, boss lady.”

I turned to the door while my phone fell straight to the floor.

“Jersey Boy?”

I wasn’t sure why my first thought was to wonder if someone had drugged me and if I was hallucinating as a result.

“Missed you, lovebug.”

The sob that exploded out of me brought him the rest of the way into the room to try to squeeze me to death.

“Don’t ever call me that again,” I choked out around all the crying while he managed to tighten his hold even more. Triss squealed from somewhere behind him until he released me, and she moved right into his place to hug me as soon as he was out of her way. Through the ridiculous flurry of her hair nearly swallowing me whole while she bounced up and down in that hug, I spotted Utah leaning against the doorframe smiling at me.

“You called him?” I squeaked.

“God, no,” he chuckled. “I called Trista.”

“They managed to not even speak to each other the whole drive from the airport,” Trista laughed. “Turns out they’re both children.”

“He was pouting about having to ride in the truck,” Utah said, shrugging his shoulders.

“And he was pouting that the size of that pumpkin truck still hasn’t improved the size of his dick,” Jersey said in an instant. They glared at one another for a painfully silent few seconds.

“See,” Triss added with another laugh. “Children.”

“I’m going to get the rest of our stuff carried in,” Jersey said and kissed Triss on top of the head when he walked by her toward the door. I very much expected Utah and him to just stand there and stare at each other until one of them died, but Utah simply stepped aside to let him through.

“You just get bored without all the tension that he brings to the place?” Triss asked Utah and laughed at herself while she followed Jersey. “Decided you needed the chaos back around here?”

“Good to have you back, Retirement,” Utah said to her over his shoulder once she was gone, too.

“Why?” was all I managed to get out when it was just us again.

“What?” he asked and laughed.

“You can’t stand him,” I said and went the rest of the way to him. “Why? Why would you have him come back here? You don’t even like him, Utah.”

“I like you , angel,” he said, and his hand went to my cheek. “That’s why.”

“What’d you tell him?”

“I didn’t tell him anything,” he laughed. “I told Triss that you missed him, sugar. I don’t have to like him to be able to see that you care about him.”

My mind moved quickly into what this could mean about the things we’d be able to achieve now with both of these men back here. Utah was capable of just about anything. He’d proven that more than once now, but something in me was way more hesitant about sending him into the obviously dangerous jobs than I’d ever been about Jersey.

Then I pressed pause on my own brain, wondering for a split second what this might mean about the depth of my feelings for Utah.

“I can see you overthinking,” Utah laughed. “Like, I’m actually watching it happen this very moment.”

“I didn’t realize I needed both of you to be able to —,” I said before he interrupted.

“Memphis,” he said and sighed. “What I want you to realize is that you don’t actually need me. You sure as fuck don’t need Jersey. Or even Triss or Indy. You can count on yourself, angel. I want you to want me, but you don’t need me.”

“That’s sweet of you, but I can’t imagine I’ll be taking apart a human trafficking operation single-handedly.”

“I’m not talking about work, Memphis. I asked Triss to bring him back here just because you missed him. Just because I want you to be happy. Not because he’s a crutch that gets to decide who you are or how you live. I want you to be able to smile again when you think about him. I don’t like having to see your heart break at the same time every single day when that alarm on your phone goes off.”

I stepped the rest of the way into him just to put my arms around his waist. “Thank you, Utah.”

He kissed the top of my head. “And I’m not going to stop touching you just because he’s back in this house. So, whether you need to be the one to break that to him or you want me to do it, let me know.” His hands went to either side of my neck and he used his thumbs just under my jaw to raise my face up to him so he could kiss me. “No cranky old fuck is taking this from me.”

It hadn’t even crossed my mind that he might stop touching me with Jersey back here, but just the thought of it made me feel sick to my stomach.