26. Memphis

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

memphis

I was doubting everything about this plan as I stood in front of the giant mirror in Jersey’s bathroom. Appearances were something I really did well, regardless of never actually going anywhere to show it off. I had way too much time to teach myself to do my makeup flawlessly over the last few years. I didn’t have giant breasts to use to my advantage, but I did possess a push-up bra that was capable of performing real life magic. I’d always been very much on the thin side, but I filled out jeans well enough that I wasn’t normally self-conscious about my body.

Even with the ability to stand in front of this mirror and acknowledge that I looked good, I was not feeling great about the choices that put me in this position. I asked Utah to take me to a bar for the night of drinking I’d never been able to experience like a normal college kid, but I’d asked for it because I felt terribly insecure after having to meet Nevada. She projected confidence like the sun sent out light. She was stunning, and she knew it. She also hadn’t made any attempt to hide the fact that she wanted Utah, and there was nothing at all that I could do about it. He and I weren’t dating. We weren’t sleeping together. We damn sure weren’t exclusive because we hadn’t done anything at all that made two people a couple. We weren’t anything. I just admired him from a safe distance, and he seemed to silently watch every move I made. I wanted to believe that he kept an eye on me because some part of him wanted me, but I also hadn’t realized I was up against women like Nevada in terms of competing for his attention. And that was…devastating. I couldn’t compete with women like Nevada.

All of these were problems that were foreign to me. I hadn’t spent a single moment of my life concerned about men in the real world since I was in middle school. Jersey had been my only contact with men for several years, and I never once felt about Jersey the way that I currently felt about Utah. I’d heard Jersey talk about women and talk to women. He was smooth when he needed to put on a show, but it was just that. A show. The real Jersey was a disaster. Utah was something very different. I hadn’t spent years watching him transform into whatever the situation called for in order to be successful. He was the same calm and collected man every time he spoke to me.

This bar outing was supposed to give me a chance to find some random guy and use him to make Utah jealous. It seemed like the only available option at the time that I’d suggested it. It sounded like the kind of thing that Trista would do. Maybe Utah would see it happening and feel as shitty about it as I did about Nevada. Maybe he’d finally react and just do something about it. Or, on the other hand, there was always the chance that he wouldn’t even notice. At least then I’d know that this hadn’t been anything more than lust for him and that I didn’t measure up to what he’d had before or what he could have in Nevada.

But again, even while I could stand here and admit that I looked awesome right now, I didn’t know how to just use one man to make another jealous. I didn’t know how to get drunk and flirt.

Suddenly, I wanted no part of this night, and I wondered if Utah would still let me back out.

“Hey,” Indy said walking right into the bathroom without bothering to knock or say anything before just opening the door. “She finally answered.”

He turned his phone until the screen faced me, and I was looking at Trista’s smiling face.

“Oh, look at you,” she said, smiling even wider. “Indy said you had a big night planned.”

“What big night?” I heard Jersey ask from somewhere behind her. Just the sound of his voice had me reaching for the phone to take it from Indy’s hand.

“Hey,” I said in the weirdest, most unpleasant and shaky voice to ever come out of me. I watched his hand swoop in front of Trista’s face to take her phone from her, too, until he was looking back at me.

“Well, okay then. Fuck me, right? You guys called me . But sure, J. Have my phone,” Trista said.

He looked so happy.

He looked well rested, and somehow younger.

He looked better than I’d ever seen him.

Seeing him somehow took all the pressure of this evening right off my shoulders but managed to add a different weight to the way that my heart missed being able to interact with him at the press of a button like I used to.

“What’s the big night, boss lady?” he asked.

“Uh, right,” I hesitated. This call really was supposed to be with Trista so I could ask her if I looked the way that I should for a night of bar drinking. “Utah is taking me to a bar.”

“Why?”

“She’s never been to one,” Indy chimed in from behind me.

“You’re not really missing out on much. Cigarette smoke, liquored-up assholes, shitty lighting, and bad choices. There. Perfect summary. No need to go anywhere now.”

“He’s just trying to be nice. I missed out on being able to do a lot of the things that normal kids do while they’re growing up.”

“You don’t need to look like that for him, princess,” Jersey added.

“Will you leave her alone?” Trista added quickly. “She likes him, J. She can look however she wants for whoever she wants. Give me the phone if you’re going to make her feel weird about it. Go bother somebody else.”

She tried pushing him. She tried taking the phone from him. She smacked him in the back of the head. All while he smiled and held her off with a single arm.

“Can I talk to her, Jersey Boy?” I asked.

“See. She doesn’t even like you. Give me the phone,” Trista said.

“Stay out of trouble, Memphis. Maybe remind him that I’ll come back there to remove his head from his shoulders if he lets anything happen to you just because he thinks getting you drunk will get him laid,” Jersey said before he handed the phone to Trista.

“He doesn’t think that, ” Trista snapped and pushed him out of view of the screen. “God, you’re the worst. Hang on a second, Memphis. I’m going to go lock myself in the bathroom really quick to do this in peace.”

“Right. Tell yourself that a lock could keep me out, Fancy Face,” Jersey called to her as she walked through their house.

“So, he’ll never stop being a psycho. No matter how long we stay here,” Trista said as she closed a door between them. “A bar, huh?”

I looked at Indy uncomfortably.

“Oh, you expect me to leave for this conversation, too?” he asked and put his hand over his heart like I’d stabbed him in it.

When I only stared at him for a few seconds, he sighed and started to back toward the door.

“Fine. But I’m going to go tell him to be on high alert for the night because of whatever this is,” Indy said and motioned between me and the phone before he closed the door behind him.

“What’s wrong, Memphis?” Trista asked when I looked back at her.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I whispered. “I don’t want to go.”

“What?” she asked and laughed. “Then why is he taking you to?—”

“Triss,” I interrupted. “One of the teams we met with was two women. You should’ve seen this Executioner. She’s like a blonde Sarah Connor.”

“Who’s that?”

“Really? The mom from the Terminator movies.”

“What does this have to do with?—”

“Fine. She’s like a blonde Wonder Woman. Does that one make more sense? You should have seen her. She’s got muscle. Like one of her thighs was as thick as my entire waist. And it looks fucking amazing on her. She could fight and she probably already knows how to use a gun. And she drives. And she’s cute. She was quick-witted. You should’ve seen the way that she touched him, Trista.”

I felt like an absolute fool for the way that all that just poured out of me.

Fucking word vomit style.

Trista just stared back at me for a second, apparently equally stunned by my outburst.

“Memphis, are you making Utah take you to a bar tonight to try to prove a point?” she whispered and giggled.

“I don’t think I want to go anymore.”

“Don’t be like that,” she said quickly. “But you know, don’t be crazy about it either. You don’t have to make Utah jealous to make him want you. And I’d bet just about any amount of money that you don’t actually have anything to worry about with this other Executioner.”

“You didn’t see it. I can’t be anything like her.”

“Why do you have to be like her? He noticed you . The guy couldn’t even breathe for like the first month that he spent in the house with you. Did he choke on nothing while this other woman was around?”

“Triss—”

“Why can’t you just go have fun with him?” she asked. “Let him take you on this date. Don’t make it into anything more than that.”

“Is that what you would do if this incredible woman was hitting on Jersey in front of you?” I asked.

“Incredible women do hit on Jersey in front of me,” she laughed. “Have you seen the man? But I’m also distinctly aware that he uprooted everything he thought he wanted out of life just to have me, so I don’t spend much time worrying about other women these days. Besides, a woman like the one you’re describing would just murder a man like Jersey the moment that he opened his mouth.”