4. Chapter 4

E verything inside of me zinged, my senses humming with excitement. A pull, stronger than I’d felt in a long time, drew me toward the shallow waters. I watched from below as the small boat sat on the surface. I’d seen them before, not usually so close, but something about it drew my attention. When the man’s foot touched the water, it was as if I’d been shocked by an electric eel.

I was compelled closer. I pulled out of my shell and shifted into my half-human form, letting my eyes and ears gather information along with my cirri—my tentacles—which used vibrations and touch to collect information. Needing to get closer, I propelled beneath him, zipping by, so tempted to touch him as I did, but not wanting to frighten him. His foot disappeared from the water and took with it the sensation that made me feel on fire within. The loss of it was almost as shocking as the first zap I’d felt.

Staying several feet beneath the surface, knowing the dawn’s light wasn’t bright enough to reach me, I circled, waiting to see what would happen. He didn’t flee or cry out. Instincts told me I was too close to the shore, too close to humans, that it wasn’t safe. But just as much was this deep need to see the one human I’d thought about for many, many seasons.

As I began to wonder if I would feel that sensation, or be this near to him again, I felt another pulse. I looked up to see his hand in the water. He wiggled his fingers, almost like he was calling me, inviting me, and I couldn’t resist.

I wanted to reach up with my own human hands, to entwine my fingers around his, but I pulled back with uncertainty at the last moment. Instead, I let my cirri explore him. It was a light brush across his skin, but it ignited something in me. A confirmation. Even having seen no more than fingers and toes, there was no doubt whatsoever that he was the very same human I’d rescued. The same one who stared at me through pain-filled wonder for a brief moment before he lost consciousness.

His hand disappeared from the water, and I knew the moment was over. I propelled myself deeper to retrieve the shell that had been cast off and glanced upward with a look of longing and regret as I saw his small boat glide away. I clasped my shell to my chest, holding it tight, as I surrendered to the rocking motion of the sea.

With a pain in my chest, I shifted my form, shrinking to fit within my shell once more, folding in half as I filled the empty cavern within. Perhaps the ache would ease if I let my mind sink, and let my base form take over. Except… I didn’t want to ease it. Now that I’d found him, I didn’t want to lose him.

In my nautilus form, I shot through the water, cutting diagonally toward the shore, drawing closer and further from the man with each propulsion. I needed to see him, but I couldn’t abandon my shell to the sea, whose changing tides and activity might risk me losing it. I never ventured too far from it. Without my shell, I would be left vulnerable and couldn’t shift into my full nautilus form. Not only that, but it was my home, my refuge.

I followed the shore until I reached the small cove I’d explored the night before. Shifting into my full human form, I floundered for a moment as my two legs fought to keep me upright, pushing me to the surface. In this form, I needed to breathe air, and I always forgot how urgently it happened.

Gasping and coughing, I looked around in a panic to see if anyone had seen me, but fortunately, the cove was empty. I needed somewhere safe to keep my shell until I could return for it. Several caves were carved out of the bottom of the cliff that overlooked the cove. One was fenced off with a lock, prohibiting access. The next one was open, with no fence. It had a low overhang, but if I crouched, I could enter it. It wasn’t a big space, but at least it felt a little more secure than leaving my shell beneath the water or somewhere out in the open.

I crawled to the back of the cave, about twenty steps, and tucked my shell against the rocky wall and packed sand around it, creating a small barrier in the hope it would protect it from the rising tide. I sat on my knees and stared at it with a mixture of emotions. Whenever I’d gone ashore in my human form before, it was always in areas that felt safe. I knew my shell would be right where I left it. But here?

The risk was big, huge. This area was too big, too populated. I’d never done anything like this before. The years I’d spent migrating and returning to this location pressed in on me. My inner compass pointing me here, the tug too strong to ignore. Knowing he was so close, how could I possibly leave? With one last look, I bolstered myself, and crawled back out, leaving a part of me behind.

I looked at the giant rocks and they seemed far too daunting to traverse. The only other option was to go back in the water and swim around, but I didn't dare with my shell now hidden away in the cave. There was a set of stairs that led to the top of the rocks. Stairs . We had no use for them underwater and I'd only had to use them a couple of times before, though those had only been two or three, nothing as steep or high as these.

The pull within was impossible to ignore. I didn't understand it. Why was the need to see this particular human woven into my every fiber? After crossing oceans, all that stood between us was a set of stairs and a wall of rocks. I placed my hand over my ribs and breathed in deep, feeling my chest expand with air. It was a strange sensation, but one I found calming in this form. Lifting one foot to place it on the first step, I gripped the railing and held tight.

“I can do this.” My voice always sounded funny to me. I could go months without saying a word, and it always surprised me to hear myself or to realize that I remembered how to create words and vocalize them. It was as instinctual as gliding through the water in my nautilus form. This side of me was as much who I was as my shelled side. It was easy to forget, though.

My legs were shaky, and my breathing came harder by the time I reached the top of the steep steps. I took a minute to appreciate the view that was offered from the top, revealing the length of beach that stretched out before me. It was quite big, but luckily not crowded. Only a few people could be seen. He was out there, I could feel him. If I was going to do this, I needed to act soon, before more humans arrived.

Thankfully, there was a path that led down on this side of the rocks. No more stairs. With my heart pounding so loud it thrummed in my ears, I began down the path. If I was seen by other humans, I looked the same as them. They would have no reason to suspect I was anything else…I hoped.