12. Chapter 12

W atching Cory fall asleep, knowing I'd been able to help ease his pain, made me feel as content and satisfied as my cirri did. It was, admittedly, even better than the way it felt when Cory brought me to completion in the morning.

I stared at him for a while, studying him without him seeing. His lips were parted slightly and he let out soft huffs in a slow rhythm. With his eyes closed, I missed seeing the dark ocean swells in them, but the corners were no longer pinched in pain. Cory looked so peaceful and overwhelmingly beautiful in this state. His short yellow hair was ruffled, and I itched to play with it, but I didn't want to disturb him. So I stared instead.

After a while, the novelty of watching him wore off and my attention waned. Unfortunately, without something to focus on, my mind began to swim. Soon it returned to the cove, to the cavern where I dug frantically, trying to find my shell. Digging over and over, covering every inch of the small cave. The panic I felt then was creeping back in. Any warmth I’d felt within me from my time with Cory had dissipated and a chill began sweeping back in.

My shell. It was gone.

Gone. Gone. Gone. The words became a whirlpool, catching me in its strong currents, pulling me under until I got pummeled into the depths. The whirlpool wouldn’t be a problem for me if I had my shell to protect me. The worst that would happen would be getting disoriented, but it would be righted quickly with my cirri puzzling out where I ended up. Now I had no shell. I wasn’t even safe from a fictional whirlpool.

Fictional. I’d learned the word from Cory when we were watching the movie about the snowman. It was fun, and watching the couple fall in love made my heart happy, but I connected with it in a way, too. The snowman had to learn what the human world was like, but his girlfriend never cared. Just like Cory. He didn’t care that I was different. In fact, it seemed he was rather intrigued by all three of my forms.

Not three. It would never be three forms again without my shell. I couldn’t change into my nautilus form, and I couldn’t return to a life at sea. It was dark outside; the city was quieter. Too quiet. I was used to the constant whirls and whooshes from the constant movement and the songs of other sea creatures.

Movement? Not here. Not now. The room felt too still. I felt too still. Cory’s chest rising and falling was the only rhythmic sound in the room. I pressed my ear to his chest and closed my eyes. Hearing the ba-bumps beneath me helped, but it wasn’t enough to surround me. To make me feel as I did when I was underwater.

I didn’t sway and rock back and forth on the bed, no ocean currents to cradle me. Still. Quiet. Big.

Aside from the short rest I’d had after Cory and I had sex, I usually slept in my nautilus form. Confined within its pearly walls, tucked in, safe, and secure. Cory’s apartment felt as if it had tripled in size. There was nothing to bind me and hold me tight. My arms and legs were loose, just hanging there. My cirri were occupied, but even then, I felt stretched too big.

Trying not to move Cory’s leg as it was in a position which gave him the greatest comfort, I turned away from him. My cirri extended from their sheaths so they could reach further, as I brought my knees up to my chest. I circled my arms around them, hugging them to me. In my nautilus form, I would fold in half, with my backside going into the shell and my head and cirri meeting at its entrance. It was harder to get so compact in my human form, or even hybrid form as I was now; my joints didn’t bend the right way. Knees to my chest was as close as I could get .

Making myself small, trying to imagine being inside of my shell, it didn’t bring as much comfort as I hoped it would. Tears burned my eyes, and I began to shake. I cried in silence while tremors wracked my body.

I didn’t know how long I’d been in that state. It could have been minutes, it could have been a millennium. The night was long, far too long, in a world that was too motionless and too vast.

“Nemo? Sweetheart, I’m here. I’m right here.”

Cory’s voice broke through the too-much-ness of everything, but it was faint, and I was worn. Emotionally, physically, I didn’t have any strength.

My cirri were showing me Cory had moved through their vibrations as he shifted beside me. They released from him and returned to me, nestling beneath my head to comfort me. It didn’t help.

A warm hand landed on my back, rubbing soft circles. “Nemo? What’s going on? Are you all right?”

I couldn’t answer. I simply squeezed my arms tighter around my legs.

“What can I do, little one? What do you need?”

The fear in Cory’s voice reached through the bigness of it all. I didn’t want him to be afraid, but I was feeling so…lost. I forced myself to concentrate and pushed out the two words that nearly broke me. “My shell.”

I felt Cory scoot closer to me. “I know. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I wish I could make that happen for you, but even if I could it, won’t be tonight. What do you need right now? Just for this moment?”

Concentrating on the heat radiating from his body, I tried to calm myself enough to speak. “Too big.”

“What’s too big, Nemo?”

“Everything. Land, the city, the room. Me.”

Cory kept rubbing my back, and it felt nice, like a rope I was holding tight to as I was spun around in the whirlpool. “You? What do you mean?”

“My shell. Feeling confined within its walls is comforting to me. Safe. I can’t shift into my nautilus form, and I feel too big right now.”

He kissed the back of my neck. “I’m going to try something. Do you trust me?”

“Yes, Cory. Very much.”

“Okay. Can you let go of your legs?”

I whimpered at the thought of unfurling. Doing so would make me bigger, not smaller, but I trusted Cory. It was the one thing I knew to be true at that moment. I drew a deep breath and released the tight grip I had on my legs.

“Good. I’m going to move you a little and after, if it doesn’t help, I’ll let you return to your little ball.”

I sniffed and nodded, bracing myself for whatever was coming. Cory reached under my legs and stretched them out. They were still bent at the knee, but my body was in more of a Z-shape than an oval. My legs wanted to come back to my chest so I could tuck myself into them, but I forced them to stay where he put them.

Cory scooted behind me until his chest was at my back. He formed his body against mine, so they followed the same shape. His knee was pushed into the bend of mine. His hips were so tight against me that I could feel his dick nuzzle my ass. It didn’t stimulate me this time, but I liked the way there was no space between us. Cory slipped an arm under my neck and folded it across my chest while his other one came over my side and clutched around my belly, pulling me even tighter to him. My head was under his chin, my feet rested on his.

He surrounded me in every way he could. His warmth filled me from behind, radiating through me. It was as if Cory had become…a shell. Overwhelmed by it all, I choked on the sob that came out of me.

“How do you feel now, Nemo?”

It was as if a hole had been carved out of Cory and I fit perfectly inside of it. He covered me from head to toe and I felt… “Smaller.”

“Good. Just concentrate on me, on our bodies together. You are not alone. You are not in danger. I’m here.”

“Safe,” I whispered softly, and Cory tightened his hold around me, squeezing me almost too tight. It was perfect.

“That’s right, little one. You are safe.”

I did as he said, concentrating on his body formed around mine. On every inch of skin where we connected. My tremors began subsiding, and I felt as if I was gaining some traction, enough that the whirlpool wouldn’t drag me under.

My cirri reached behind me, sliding over Cory’s waist and legs. They squeezed and pulled him tighter, snugging us together so that nothing could pull us apart.

Cory rubbed his chin on top of my head reassuringly. “It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

With him there, feeling him, hearing him, I was able to relax enough to sleep.

It was a fitful sleep, but each time I stirred awake, I would feel him, both against my back and through my cirri, reminding me he was here with me. My human-shell mate gave me enough comfort that I was able to tuck back into him and fall asleep again.

I woke with a shout when a high-pitched tone sounded. Cory jerked behind me and then I felt him relax. “It's all right. That's my alarm I have set to wake me up. I'll turn it off.”

He relaxed his grip around my waist and chest, but when he tried to move, he couldn't. Cory let out a chuckle. “Can you get your cirri to let me go?”

“Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot they were holding you.” I called them back in, shifting to my human form.

“You don't have to be sorry. It was nice, like being spooned front and back.”

Cory rolled away from me and picked up his phone, stopping the obnoxious sound. I turned around to look at him. His furry chest and stomach were on display as he stretched his arms and rolled his head from side to side. “What do you mean spooned ?”

“Hold on, I'll show you.” My mate walked across the room to the kitchen. I sat up in the bed, curious to see what he was doing. When he returned, he held two utensils in his hands. “Spoons, right? When you stack them in the same direction, they nestle together.”

He put one on top of the other and I could see how the rounded side of one sat perfectly inside the other, and even the stems lined up. It was like Cory moving my body until it could line up with his. “So we were the spoons?”

Cory sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hand on my leg. “Yes, we were spoons or spooning. Did it help?”

I nodded. “Yes. It helped. You made a good temporary shell.”

He leaned forward and caught my mouth in a gentle kiss. “Good. I’m glad I could help.” He hesitated for a moment, his lips quirking to the side in thought. “Normally, I would be getting ready to head to the beach to get some kayak-surfing in before I open the shop, but I can wait. I do need to work today, though. The next couple of days are bound to be really busy, and it would be foolish of me to miss out on it. You can stay here and watch more Christmas movies if you like. ”

I leaned forward. “I want to go with you. I don’t think I’m ready to be here by myself.”

Cory gave me a half-smile. “Okay. I’d be happy to have you with me. I just don’t want it to be boring for you.”

“No. Not boring. I can help, too, if you show me what to do.” I wanted to be useful, and the thought of sitting and waiting for him all day made the panic Cory helped me fight off last night prickle under my skin.

“I’d be happy to. In fact, I have a shipment coming in today, so you can help me tag and organize everything.”

Having a job wasn’t necessary in the ocean. One’s job was simply to survive. As scary as the human world seemed to be, every second of the day wasn’t filled. There was more time for leisure, and well, I wasn’t exactly sure how humans filled their days. Being given a task felt nice. With all the ways Cory had helped me, I liked the idea of being able to do something for him, too.

“You can still do your kayak-surfing, Cory. I don’t want you to miss the things you love because of me.”

He brushed his knuckles across my cheek. “I wouldn’t consider spending time with you to be missing out on anything.”

My heart did that little flutter it did when he touched me so sweetly. “If you keep saying things like that, I might change my mind and keep you for myself.”

“I’m already yours, Nemo.” Cory gave me a wink. “But if you really don’t mind, I would like to hit the water. Aside from waking up with you, it’s my favorite way to start the day.”

“I really don’t mind. I think I’d like to watch you. I’ve only ever seen it from below.”

Cory smiled and stood up, pulling me with him. “Let’s get moving, then.” He gave my ass a pat as he pushed me toward the bathroom.

We parked in the lot at the beach, and I helped Cory unload his kayak from the back of the truck. As soon as the smell of the sea reached my nose, I was hit with a powerful mixture of emotions. Longing, sadness, comfort, rightness. Perhaps coming today wasn’t the smartest decision, not so soon after losing my shell.

Cory must have noticed I stopped following him, and he set the kayak’s cart down and hurried to me. “I can take you back home.”

I shook my head, trying to shake the dread away. “No! No, I don’t want you to do that. We’re here. I’ll be okay. I just wasn’t expecting…so much.”

“Will you tell me if you change your mind?” he asked softly.

I loved how considerate Cory was of my needs. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to handle being by the water without going in it, but I was going to try. Even if all I wanted was to hide away from the world, my shell was gone, which meant I couldn’t. For all I knew, I might never get it back. I would have to learn how to adapt .

Cory ran his hand over his hair, but then his eyes brightened. “Wait! I have an idea!”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“I’ll show you. Let’s get down to the water.”

Curiosity helped push out some of the dread within. I walked beside him as he wheeled the kayak across the sand and parked it near the edge of the water. Cory took off his jacket and pants, revealing a skin-tight black-and-blue outfit that covered him from his ankles to his neck. Then he grabbed another piece of clothing from the kayak that he slipped his arms into and zipped up his chest.

He scanned me and clicked his tongue. “I don’t have a life vest for you, but then…you don’t really need one.”

“What’s it for?”

“It’s a buoyant vest that can help keep you at the surface if you fall into the water. I started wearing one after my accident, so I would never be in the same position again.”

“I am very glad that you do, but I would be able to protect you if something were to happen. And no, I wouldn’t need it to save me. I am a strong swimmer.” Even without my shell. I might not be able to shift into my nautilus form, nor would I be able to stay in the ocean. I was vulnerable to predators without it, but it wouldn’t stop me from being able to help Cory. Nothing would stop me from helping Cory. The determination to be there for him filled me and helped pull me out of my own woe .

He grinned. “And the cold water doesn’t bother you, either, right?”

I shook my head. “Nope. I am perfectly comfortable in cold water.”

“Okay, good, because I don’t have a wetsuit for you.” He pointed to the suit he wore. “It provides insulation. I’m afraid you’ll have to keep your pants on, but you are welcome to take your shirt off to keep it dry.”

I was wearing a light green matching set today. I liked the white because it reminded me of my shell’s interior, but I found changing colors made me feel excited. It looked completely different against my skin and was an easy way to have a different appearance. But… I much preferred being naked to any form of clothing. Without knowing why, I happily shrugged out of my shirt and added it to Cory’s pile.

He pursed his lips in amusement. “Okay, first things first. I have to let Gramps know I’m going out on the water. It’s the rule, but I’m sure he’ll be happy to know I’m not alone. Afterward, I’m going to push the kayak into the water, and once it’s deep enough, I’ll get in. You can sit between my legs. It’s not really meant for two people, but you’re small enough, so I think it will work just fine.”

Understanding dawned on me. “Oh! You want me to surf with you?”

“What do you think? Are you willing to give it a try? ”

Riding on top of the water? It wasn’t something I’d ever done. I’d played in currents and let the tides move me, but I’d never experienced the power of the ocean from above. Except for when I had helped Cory and got him to safety after his accident. The idea of it was scary without the protection of my shell, but I would be above the water, not in it. And as Cory said, I would be fine if I fell into the water. Maybe I could do it.

“Yes. I think I would like to try it.”

“We can paddle out past the waves and hang out where it’s calm. We don’t have to ride the waves. It’s up to you.”

I nodded and stared out at the ocean. A pain gripped my heart when I looked at it. Even more so as my toes touched the edge of the water. It almost felt like I was a visitor instead of someone who’d lived their entire life in the sea.

The water lapped at my pants, making the material cling to my skin. Cory pushed the kayak, and I trudged behind, fighting to keep my cirri within and not shift into my hybrid form. When we stood a few feet deep, Cory handed me the paddle to hold while he climbed on top of the kayak.

“All right, hop in, and you can sit here.” He patted the space between his legs as he pushed them as wide as the kayak allowed. Cory held out his hand to hold me while I lifted my leg over his, careful not to bump his bad knee. Once I was in, I turned around until my back was to his chest. An arm wrapped around me and pulled until I was snug against him. It was a tight fit, but I didn’t mind being wedged in with Cory. Aside from my shell, in his embrace was my favorite place to be. I only wished he didn’t have the thick life vest on, so I could feel his chest against my back.

Cory’s arms were on either side of me and he held the paddle across us. “How are you feeling? Is this okay?”

Sitting in the kayak and looking down at the water was an entirely unique experience. We floated above, and though we were in the shallows, I knew there was a whole world beneath us. My world. It was surreal, and yet, it wasn’t all bad. “I’m…strangely a little excited.”

Cory leaned forward and kissed my cheek. “That’s great! I think you’re going to like this. Just a little warning, though. I might jostle you a bit when I paddle with us sitting so close.”

“That’s okay. You can jostle me however much you’d like.” I was simply happy to be this close to him and get to be a part of something he loved doing.

He dipped one side of the paddle into the water, pushing it back, and then the other side. My body tilted from side to side with each movement, his shoulders moving me with each pass of the blades. We started picking up speed and burst over the top of a small swell, making a sound pop out of me. “ E-yah .”

Cory chuckled. As we reached the bigger waves, he had to work harder to push us through them. I was fascinated by watching the smooth, fluid movement he had with the paddle. My hands slid down his arms, feeling his muscles tighten. With my touch, I could feel his cock grow hard against my ass, so much so that I wiggled back to feel it better. It made me happy to know I could have such an effect with a simple touch. Or maybe it was because we were surfing. Did it make him hard, too?

I wiggled again, loving the way it felt, and wishing I could get even closer than his life vest allowed. Cory chuckled. “You gotta stop that, little one, or I’m not going to be able to concentrate.”

“Does surfing always stimulate you?”

He laughed and pushed us through another wave. “In many ways, yes. It’s an adrenaline rush, but no, if you’re talking about my cock, that’s all because of you.”

A satisfied smile stretched my lips, happy to be the cause of it. But since he didn’t want me to continue rubbing against him, I put my hands on the middle of the paddle to give me something to focus on. I felt the up-down movement of it as Cory continued to work it. Learning the rhythm of it, I spread my hands until they were just inside where Cory’s were placed. Instead of simply holding on, I began to push and pull along with him and I felt our speed increase ever so slightly. Had that been because of me? My heart jumped. It almost gave me the same feeling as when I was in my nautilus form and drew water into the chambers of my shell before expelling it and propelling myself through the water.

“That’s it, you’re getting it,” Cory said from behind me, making me feel a burst of warmth with his affirmation.

When we reached the calm part of the water past the waves, Cory slowed his movements and lifted the paddle to rest across our laps. His arms folded around my middle. “How are you feeling?”

I let out a sigh. I didn’t expect to feel this…good. The combination of the sun shining on me, the sound of the water, our movement over it, and being enveloped by Cory all made for a rather enjoyable experience. “I’m okay. Surprisingly, better than okay. I’m having fun.”

I could feel Cory relax behind me. “That’s great to hear, Nemo. I love coming out here early in the morning, but it’s even better having you with me.”

I nodded and leaned back against him, looking out over the water. The land looked far enough away that it felt as if we were the only two who existed. Of course, I knew otherwise. Millions of creatures kept us company. I wished I could leap off the boat and swim down to the depths to encounter them. The pang that I expected to come with the thought was minimal, as I was fairly content where I was.

“Should we try to catch a wave, or do you want to stay here?” Cory asked and leaned his head to rest on mine. It felt really nice to just simply be here together, to be in his arms. I probably could have stayed like this all day. I wanted to know what it was like, though. To feel the rush that Cory talked about, to know what it was like to ride a crest.

“Let’s catch a wave.”

“Yes! All right, here’s what we’re going to do.” Cory gave me instructions for when we would paddle and when we would stop and lift it out of the water, so we didn’t create drag. We would have to work in tandem, our movements in sync.

He turned us around and pointed us toward the shore. “You ready?”

My heart raced in anticipation as I gripped the paddle with my hands right beside his. “I’m ready.”

“Okay, here we go.”

We pushed down with the right side first, then left, both of us moving together perfectly. A swell was building, and we raced to get to the top of it. When we reached the peak and felt it lunge forward, we drew the paddle out of the water and let the wave do the rest of the work. Suddenly, we were soaring. Flying at a speed much greater than I could reach with my own propulsion. A laugh burst out of me. Without thinking, I threw my arms out to the side, and my head fell back with my eyes closed as I surrendered to the sea. Surrendered in a way I never dreamed of .

It wasn’t long before the kayak slowed, and the bottom of it scraped the sand. My eyes opened. “Oh. It’s over already.”

Cory snorted. “Yup, it doesn’t last very long.”

“So, what do we do now?” I couldn’t help the disappointment that bled through my voice. The rush had stopped far too soon.

“We paddle back out and do it again.”

I turned slightly, so I could look over my shoulder at him. “Really? Can we?”

He met my gaze with a wide grin. “Absolutely, sweetheart.”

“Yes!” I shouted triumphantly.