Chapter 9

9

Picturesque - Holding Me Down

The room is dimly lit, the neon glow from outside seeping through the thin curtains, casting a faint light on the dingy walls. The air is thick with the scent of sweat, sex, and anticipation. I’m buzzing, the drugs in my system mixing with the thrill of what’s to come, making me feel invincible.

The girl stands in front of me, her wide eyes locked on mine, her lips parted in a soft gasp as I run my hands over her body. She’s so fucking soft, her skin smooth under my fingertips. She’s trembling, a mix of excitement and fear, and I fucking love it.

I lean in, pressing my lips against hers, and she melts into me, her hands clutching at my waist, pulling me closer. The kiss is messy and frantic, our tongues tangling as we both get lost in the moment. I can feel her heartbeat against my chest, pounding in time with the music still echoing in my head.

I glance over at Caius, catching his eye as he watches us, his gaze dark and intense. I can tell he’s turned on, his breathing heavy, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. He’s holding back, waiting, letting me take the lead, and it sends a surge of power through me.

Breaking the kiss, I pull back just enough to see the girl’s flushed face, her pupils blown wide. She’s fucking beautiful, but it’s more than that. She’s mine right now, under my control, and it feels so fucking good.

“Do you like this?” I whisper, my voice low and husky, my fingers tracing the curve of her jaw.

She nods, her breath hitching as I trail my hand down her neck, over her collarbone, and then lower, cupping her breast through the thin fabric of her top. She arches into my touch, her lips parting in a soft moan that sends a shiver of pleasure down my spine.

“Tell me,” I murmur, my thumb brushing over her nipple, feeling it harden under my touch. “Tell me what you want.”

“I-I want you,” she breathes, her voice trembling, her body pressing into mine. “Please…”

“Please, what?” I tease, leaning in to nip at her earlobe, my fingers slipping under her top to feel the warmth of her skin. “I want to hear you say it.”

“Please, touch me,” she begs, her hands clutching at me desperately. “I need you.”

Her neediness makes me smile. I lean down, tugging her top over her head and tossing it aside, leaving her bare-chested before me. I take a moment to admire her, the way her chest rises and falls with each ragged breath, the way her nipples pebble under the cool air. She’s perfect, and she’s mine.

I lower my head, taking one of her nipples into my mouth, sucking gently while my hand trails down her stomach, fingers slipping under the waistband of her skirt. She gasps, her back arching as I move lower, finding her wet and ready for me.

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” I whisper against her skin, my fingers teasing her clit in slow, deliberate circles. “Is this all for me?”

“Yes,” she moans, her hips bucking against my hand. “All for you.”

“Good girl,” I purr, sliding a finger inside her and feeling her tighten around me. She’s so fucking tight, so responsive, and it drives me wild. I add another finger, pumping them slowly, watching her face as she gets lost in the pleasure I’m giving her.

I glance over at Caius again, seeing the way his eyes are locked on us, the way his chest rises and falls with heavy breaths. I can tell he’s struggling to hold back, to let me have my fun, but I know he’s close to losing control. I want to push him over the edge.

I pull my fingers out of her, making her whimper at the loss, but I’m not done yet. I push her back onto the bed, spreading her legs wide as I kneel between them, my hands gripping her thighs to keep her still.

“Do you want more?” I ask, my voice low and dangerous as I look up at her.

“Yes, please,” she begs, her voice trembling with need. “Please, Tatum…”

Hearing her say my name like that, so desperate and full of want, sends a jolt of pleasure through me. I slide my hand up her skirt, and pull her cotton panties down her legs before hovering my mouth over her core, letting her feel my heated breath against her sensitive skin.

“Good girl,” I murmur before diving in, my tongue flicking over her clit, making her cry out in pleasure. I take my time, teasing her, tasting her, bringing her to the brink of release, only to pull back, leaving her trembling and needy.

“Please,” she whimpers, her hands clutching at the sheets, her body writhing beneath me. “Please, don’t stop…”

I glance up at Caius, seeing the way his jaw is clenched, his hands fisting at his sides as he watches us. I can tell he’s barely holding on, and that’s exactly what I want. I want to make him lose control, to make him need me as much as I need him.

I focus back on the girl, my tongue working faster, my fingers slipping inside her once more, pumping in time with the movements of my mouth. She’s close, so fucking close, and I can feel her body tensing, her breath coming in ragged gasps.

But just as she’s about to fall over that edge, I pull back, leaving her whimpering, desperate for more. I look at Caius, a wicked grin spreading across my face as I reach for the knife hidden in my boot.

The girl doesn’t even see it coming. One moment, she’s lost in the pleasure I’m giving her, and the next, her eyes are wide with shock as the blade slices through her throat. Blood gushes out, warm and sticky, splattering across my face and chest, but I don’t flinch. I revel in it, in the power, in the control.

The guy panics, rushing forward, but Caius is there, grabbing him, and slamming him against the wall with a force that makes the whole room shake. The guy struggles, but he’s no match for Caius, who’s all raw strength and fury, his eyes wild as he takes him apart, piece by piece.

The room is a blur of movement, blood, and screams. I can barely keep track of what’s happening, but it doesn’t matter. All that matters is the rush, the adrenaline, the heat of Caius’s body against mine as he finally loses control.

We’re on the bed before I even realize it, our bodies crashing together in a frenzy of lust and violence. The blood-soaked sheets stick to my skin, but I don’t care. All I care about is Caius, his hands on me, his lips against mine, his body moving in time with mine.

It’s rough brutal, but it’s exactly what I want, what I need. The violence, the blood, it’s all part of the thrill, the fucked-up dance we’ve been doing since the beginning. And as we reach that peak together, all I can think is that this is who I was always meant to be.

Just like he told me.

The room is silent now. The only sound our ragged breathing as we collapse onto the bed, spent and covered in blood. I can feel the weight of everything we’ve done pressing down on me, but it’s a comforting weight, one that makes me feel alive, more alive than I’ve ever felt before.

Caius wraps an arm around me, pulling me close, and I close my eyes, letting the darkness take me, knowing that when I wake up, everything will be different.

Because I’m different now.

I’m finally who I was always meant to be.

When I wake up, the world is different. I’m different.

But it’s not the way I thought it would be.

The high is gone, leaving behind a sharp clarity that cuts through the haze, making everything too real, too vivid. The bed is cold beneath me, the sheets sticky with dried blood. My blood, their blood—it's all the same now. I force myself to look around, to face the carnage I’ve created.

They’re still here. The bodies. Their lifeless eyes stare back at me, wide with fear, mouths frozen in silent screams. The girl’s throat is a jagged mess, the gash I made cruel and deep, her blood painting the walls, the floor, me. Her lifeless body is sprawled across the bed, twisted in a grotesque parody of sleep. The guy lies crumpled on the floor, his chest caved in where Caius crushed him. He looks young, younger than I thought last night. They didn’t deserve this.

None of them did.

Not the girl, or her boyfriend. Not the guy from the other night. But I killed them all, didn’t I? I was so fucking eager to please, so hungry for the power, the control, the love that Caius dangled in front of me like a fucking prize. And now… now they’re all gone, and it’s all my fault.

A sob tears its way out of my throat, the sound raw, animalistic. I clutch at my chest, trying to hold myself together, but I’m falling apart, unraveling at the seams. The guilt is suffocating, wrapping around me like a vise, squeezing the air from my lungs until I can’t breathe, can’t think. It’s too loud—everything is too loud. The pounding in my head, the silence of the dead, the echo of their screams still ringing in my ears. I want it to stop. I need it to stop.

Forever.

Caius stirs beside me, his arm still draped over my waist. I hate the way it feels now, like a shackle holding me in place, chaining me to this nightmare. He wakes up, groggy and disoriented, his eyes narrowing as he takes in my frantic state. “Tatum,” he murmurs, his voice thick with sleep. “What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong? Everything. Everything is fucking wrong.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I choke out, my voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t… I can’t live with this.”

“Hey, hey,” he says, sitting up, his hand reaching for mine. “It’s okay. It’s okay, baby. We’ll get through this. We always do.”

But his words only make it worse. The more he tries to comfort me, the more I hate myself. I should blame him—he’s the one who led me down this path, who pushed me to the edge and watched as I jumped. But I don’t. I can’t. Because after everything, I still fucking love him. The one person in the world I’m not supposed to love, and I love him so much it’s killing me.

I don’t even realize I’m holding the knife until I feel the cold metal against my skin, the sharp edge digging into my palm. It’s the same knife I used last night, the same knife that sliced through her throat that ended her life in a spray of blood. I turn it over in my hand, watching the light glint off the blade, and for the first time in a long time, I feel calm. This is it. This is the only way to make it all stop.

“Tatum, no,” Caius says, his voice suddenly panicked as he realizes what I’m about to do. “Don’t do this. Please, don’t do this.”

But I’m already gone. I raise the knife, pressing the tip against my skin just above my heart. The pressure is a strange comfort, a promise of the silence I so desperately crave. I look at Caius, his face twisted in fear, in desperation, and it breaks my heart. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I never meant for it to end like this.

“I love you,” I whisper, the words breaking me, tearing me apart. “I’m sorry.”

“No!” Caius lunges for me, but it’s too late. The blade sinks into my flesh, cutting through muscle and bone, finding its home in my heart. The pain is immediate, sharp, and all-consuming, but it’s nothing compared to the pain in my soul. I twist the knife, driving it deeper, feeling my life drain away with every beat of my heart.

Caius is screaming, his hands covered in my blood as he tries to stop the bleeding, trying to save me. But it’s useless. I can feel everything slipping away, the world growing darker, quieter. The noise is fading, the pain is fading. I’m fading.

The last thing I see is Caius’s face, twisted in anguish, and the last thing I hear is his voice, broken and pleading, begging me to stay. But I can’t. I’m done. I’m finally free.

And then, there’s nothing. Just silence. Peace. An endless, all-encompassing blackness where nothing can hurt me anymore.

And I let it take me.