Chapter 4

Zale

We stepped up to The Red Door. It opened and the doorman scanned our passes from our phones.

"I can't believe you wanted to come back here with me," Errol said. "You told me nothing happened last week."

"Nothing did. But I didn't mind. The club is interesting, and I didn't want to stay home alone on a Friday night."

"Where to this time?"

"Nosey, aren't you?"

He laughed. "Curious. You've got that look."

"What look?"

"Like you're searching for something."

We'd gotten to the bar by then and ordered drinks, so I didn't have to reply. Our drinks came and, together, we went down to THE CELLAR. When I stopped by the daddies, boys and littles playroom, Errol said, "I thought you weren't a daddy."

"I'm not."

Errol shook his head. "Okay then, maybe you like to play with toys?"

"Depends on what toys you're talking about. Everyone seems to use toys in this club."

"I can't dispute that. Have fun." He went sauntering off toward the changing rooms.

Before going in, I looked through the window. It was busy in there, as expected. Lots of boys and littles ran around in shorts, onesies, or even just diapers. Some played together, some stood off to the side, watching.

The daddies were at their usual adult table or on the couches. A few held their boys in their laps, stroking their backs, giving affection. One thing I noted from last week—this room did not appear to be a public sex room. I didn't see any rules posted, but with littles running around, all with different psychologies, maybe it an unspoken rule out of respect. I was still learning how it all worked.

I didn't see Kendry—if that was truly his name; I'd only heard it last week from the men talking about him—and walked inside for a more thorough inspection. He didn't know my name. I had never given it and he hadn't asked. Pushing Kendry's boundaries, whatever they were, was not my intention. If he wanted to know my name, and me to know his, he'd ask.

As I moved into the room, many heads turned, but I ignored them. The reading corner was empty.

I couldn't help but feel disappointed. Something about Kendry had held my attention. He was why I came back tonight, of course. But not for sex, like most guys. It was about something else I'd wrestled with all week, still finding no concrete answers. It was a feeling, and I wasn't super great at articulating those. Something about him made me feel comfortable and comforted at the same time. Being around him was relaxing, like meditation. Without expectations. I hadn't played "daddy" with him last week and he'd seemed okay with that.

If the two daddies I'd overheard were telling the truth, Kendry might not even be looking for a daddy. But what, then? He was definitely a little. He had needs. Kink needs. Just maybe not the usual kind that went with the little label.

When I was fascinated by something, it made me curious. I would investigate from all angles. I knew about littles and daddies, but not intimately. I'd found very little about the subject online.

Now, here I was, back in the playroom at The Red Door hoping to figure some things out. And to see Kendry again without any pressure.

I was still a stranger to these regulars on a Friday night. It didn't matter. I made my way to the reading corner and sat in one of the low-to-the-ground chairs again. Through half-closed eyes, I watched the boys and littles play. It was strangely relaxing.

Maybe Kendry had other plans for tonight. Maybe he didn't always come here on Saturdays. The club was dark on Tuesdays but had activities every other night of the week. If I missed him this time, I'd keep trying.

The bright colors on the walls and shelves full of toys were lulling. If this had been a daycare with real children, I would not feel the same. Children were stressful beings who needed constant care. This was different. While some littles did appear to want attention from their daddies, it was on agreed terms. The room was like a hug with no strings attached. I could hang out, watch, and ease my thoughts.

The other rooms of the club came with a lot of expectations. Public and private performance expectations. Sex was a given. I'd learned that from other clubs through the years. That was enjoyable, of course, but came with its own rules and stresses. I liked this room because no one expected anything of anyone. Roles were acted on, but in a more private way.

I wondered when I'd gotten so old that my hormones weren't calling to me every moment of the day and night. What was wrong with me? I asked it of myself many times over the past few months. Now I tilted my head back, my feet splayed out in front of me, my hands folded on my stomach, and decided nothing was wrong. Maybe I just wanted something different.

Kendry was different, for sure. He had been in my thoughts all week.

"Hey. You're in my spot."

I looked to my right and there he stood. The boy who loved to read to himself.

Tonight, he wore cute pink shorts showing off his slender legs and a little white t-shirt that didn't quite reach his waistband, showing a delectable inch of bare midriff. The t-shirt had a baby pink elephant on it. A necklace swayed against his chest. It was a clear blue plastic bunny.

He was the most adorable being I'd ever seen.

"Hello again," I said. "Do you want me to move?"

"Well, I guess you're not exactly in my spot. Just near it." He sat in another chair beside me, placing a stack of books in his lap. He rested both elbows on the top book. "You do take up a lot of room."

"I was born this way, remember?"

He blinked his thick lashes. Said nothing.

Now that he was here, everything seemed to fit into place. I could have dozed off not from boredom but from pure social rightness. Like something had ended in me, and something new was beginning.

Kendry's scent was a mix of baby powder and soap. I breathed deep. My body warmed all over. It wasn't sexual arousal, although that was under the surface and could be accessed at any time. The interesting thing was I was distracted by other things that transfixed my mind and body. His soft voice. His clothing. His bare skin. His books. The beauty of the whole picture reached other parts of me. Deeper parts.

He sat with his knees bent, pressed together, his feet slightly apart. The feet were bare and clean. And pretty. The books gave off a sweet dusty scent that blended beautifully with his powder. His hands were delicate but strong, half the size of mine. It was both odd and wonderful.

Kendry opened the top book. "This one's about an owl."

"Will you read it to me?"

"Yes, sir."

A thrill went through me, like being slightly dazed or drunk. The drink I'd ordered from the bar was watered down, so it wasn't that. Men had called me "sir" before, but only in play because it was what they wanted. I didn't ask for that term; at the same time, it didn't bother me.

Hearing Kendry use the word evoked a whole new set of feelings.

We got through three books before Kendry cleared his throat.

"Would you like a juice box?" I asked.

"Okay, but only if you're getting one."

I got up and retrieved two from the playroom fridge. I'd finished my own bar drink an hour ago.

When we got through all the books he wanted to read, I realized time had passed quickly. It was past the time he'd left last week.

I wasn't ready to let him go.

"Would you like me to read a book to you?" I asked.

"It's past my bedtime. I usually don't stay this late unless I get involved and forget the time."

"Do you come every weekend?"

"Yes. And sometimes on weeknights if I'm not too tired."

"I'd like to see you here again," I said.

"You want me to read to you again?"

"Very much." I wanted to ask for his number, but something told me it was too much. For now.

I had looked up the definition of ace online to make sure I understood what that was if it actually did pertain to Kendry. There were so many nuances of it. If the men talking were correct about that, I wanted to respect Kendry's feelings. I had decided ahead of time he would hold all the control unless he stated otherwise. I wanted it that way. Right now, if he said no, I'd leave. I would respect that and not try to see him again.

"I don't even know your name."

His statement pleased me. My heart revved up a few beats. "It's Zale."

"That's a good, strong name. I'm Kendry and I'm not really looking to date right now. Just so you know."

"Okay." I'd prepared for that. "I'm taking a break myself for the time being."

"Someone like you?" He said it softly, as if he didn't believe it.

"What do you mean?"

"Just that, um, well, I'm not sure. You seem like you might belong in one of the other rooms here. People would like that, someone like you."

"Because why?"

"You're big. People like big guys."

"What people?"

"The people who come here to the club."

"People like little guys, too. And some like to take breaks and come into a room where it's not so fogged with sweat and lube and other liquids."

"You're not a daddy. I can tell."

"No."

"But you like being in here with the boys and littles?"

"I just found out that I do."

"Are you a little, too, deep down?"

"I don't think so. I just like the feeling in here."

He smiled for the first time. "That's okay, Zale. It's okay with me if you come back to read with me. I'll be here tomorrow night."

My stomach flipped in a sweet way I hadn't felt in years.

"Then I'll be here, too."