Chapter 4

Makayla

I guess my primary goal here is just to have as much of him as I can. This is a very foolish thing for me to do. I think it's a bit of a miracle that I even survived my breakup with Daniel. Now here I am sucking his cock almost lovingly and running my hand over his abdomen and chest lovingly, too. I can taste my pussy on his cock. I can taste his semen, too. I don't know why that turns me on so much. I guess it's just the reminder that what's happening right now with him is round two rather than round one.

It"s day two.

I could see on his face when he stepped in today that he wanted to have the conversation. You know, the conversation about how it was a mistake? Well, I'm not ready to go back to us being separate. I'm not saying that yesterday's sex means that he's my boyfriend again but he's not exactly broken up with me when my mouth is on him.

Anyway, he stepped in and I kissed him immediately and got my hand down his pants before he could react. He may be the best man I've ever known in my life but that doesn't change that he's a man. If you know any men in their late thirties (or maybe early forties) who can resist a twenty-two year old girl who pretty much fits society's definitions for sexy, beautiful, nubile desirability, I'd be surprised.

So, we end up on the couch and I end up moving my body over him and then, afterward, just staying on top of him for a long while. And now I'm on my knees in front of him with one hand on his balls and the other caressing his abdomen as I enjoy the reassurance of his shaft in my mouth.

I think this is going to sound kind of strange. I'm going to say it anyway. There's something really comforting about having Daniel's dick in my mouth. I don't know how to explain it any other way. I haven't been celibate for the last four years. I've had two college boyfriends. One of them got a lot of hand jobs and blowjobs. I went all the way with the second one. I'm not trying to say that those experiences were negative. But with my mouth on David's cock, they seem so insignificant and unimportant.

But comfort. That's the thing that's strange to me. It's not like I'm saying it's a pacifier or something like that but I can't pretend that it doesn't have at least a somewhat similar effect on me. I feel my mind calm. I feel my body relaxing, and I feel absolutely safe and secure. I don't know what that says about me. I can't pretend that it's some sort of normal everyday thing. I mean, I'm sucking on a cock, not taking a hot bubble bath or some sort of drug.

But it works that way for me, and I love it.

And then, I want more, too.

I can feel my arousal growing. It's crazy after the power of the orgasm (or maybe orgasms) I already experienced. I still feel, in fact, almost like I'm cumming right now. I don't understand how I could feel arousal growing in those circumstances. I don't care, though. I mean, it's not like there's a whole lot of rational thought going on here.

I suck hungrily. I don't mean I act hungry so that it will turn Daniel on. I mean, sure I know that when a girl acts very enthusiastic and excited when giving a blowjob that it's better for the guy. I understand that but that's not what's happening at the moment. Right now, I really am hungry for his cock. Right now, I really do want it, and it's damned exciting for me.

I still feel like I'm moving around willy nilly, if that makes any sense. I mean, I don't feel like I'm actually making decisions. I'm just caught up in the moment even now. It feels like I've been caught up in the moment from opening the door and seeing Daniel. I know that I'm going to be unhappy with myself when this is all figured out. I'm putting myself in a horrible position, and I'm sure that I'll end up hurt again.

But I still suck that cock of his like there's no tomorrow!

Not only that, but I love doing it. I think that's the part about all of this that makes the least sense to me. I'm enjoying all this even though I'm fully aware of the situation. I mean, I'm not in denial about all this. I know that I'm doing something foolish. I know it's going to end up causing me a great deal of pain. I know that it's a damned stupid thing for me to do. I know I need to stop. I know I need to, at the very least, calm down, finish up getting him off, and then politely excuse myself so I can go beat myself up.

But I don't do anything of that.

I give Daniel this blowjob with a sense of fulfillment that seems entirely inappropriate for the circumstances. I mean, it's like I'm fulfilling my life's purpose or something by sucking Daniel's dick! What the hell, right?

I can't help myself. I mean, I can't stop myself from giving him the blowjob and I can't stop myself from feeling great about it. I don't understand that but it's what's happening. I don't have any illusions here. I don't believe that somehow fucking me and then getting to feel my lips and tongue will suddenly wipe away all traces of thought about the conversation he wants to have.

But I won't have to have the conversation right now.

And maybe I won't have to deal with the conversation for another day or even two.

Right now, all I need to deal with is giving Daniel pleasure.

And I have to tell you that there are very, very few things I can imagine that could possibly be better things to deal with. As my lips move up and down on his shaft, all of the good memories flood me. All of the good things fill my mind and it's beautiful. I think about the time he took me into the woods and it seemed like we would be lost there but then suddenly the trees parted and we stood on the shore of a beautiful lake. He already had a picnic blanket set up there and drinks on ice. I think about how this man opened up my heart and my life in the same way as those trees opened up. He opened my heart and let me see the beauty beyond.

I pull my mouth off him and stare up at him. "I know you want to end this before it gets started, Danie," I say. I stroke his cock softly as I say those words. "But give me a little bit of time, please. Just until the end of the month. Just a few weeks. Give me until the end of the month to either show you it can work or to at least have something to remember when it's over." I feel pretty damned fucking stupid for saying that in the middle of a blowjob. I feel pretty damned stupid for saying that at all. I stare at him and feel stupid enough that I almost start crying.

He reaches down and caresses my cheek. "I don't deserve you, Mackie," he says, "and I don't think I can ever get past that but I won't try to end things until the month is behind us. I promise."

I do start crying a few seconds later. I just do it without making any noise and do it while my mouth is on him so all he sees is the top of my head. I'm crying for good reasons, though. Just over two more weeks with him. That's what I get.

I haven't lost the man I love, not yet.