Chapter Nineteen

Mira wasn’t sure when she realized that she was awake, but it had something to do with the birds outside her window being extremely loud. They were so loud that she rolled onto her side and put her hand over her ear, but it didn’t help. Her sleep-fogged mind struggled against consciousness until she finally had to give up.

The birds won.

Rolling onto her back, she found herself staring up at the ceiling of the chamber she shared with Helen and Davina and Astoria, only a quick perusal of the chamber showed that the girls weren’t there. But someone else was.

Douglas was standing over by the window.

When their eyes met, he smiled.

“Did they wake you?” he asked, pointing to the eaves outside of the window. “I have been standing here for quite some time trying to convince them to quiet down, but they refused. I am sorry.”

Mira smiled faintly. “It was a lovely thing to awaken to,” she said, rubbing her eyes. “What are you doing here, alone with me? Does Isabel know?”

“Not to worry. She knows.”

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Since last night,” he said. “It is almost the nooning hour now. The physic gave you something to sleep last night.”

“Why?”

“Because you needed it.”

Mira’s smile faded. She took a deep breath, heaving a heavy sigh. “It was not a dream, was it?”

“What, love?”

“Raymond.”

Douglas came away from the window, making his way to the bed and taking her hand to kiss it. “It was not a dream,” he said softly.

Mira gazed at him a moment before gently removing her hand from his grip and holding both of her hands up to look at them. They were battered, with scabs, and she flexed her sore fingers gingerly.

“What did you do to him?” she asked, lowering her hands to look at him.

Douglas shook his head. “What do you mean?”

“Did you punish him?”

He didn’t answer her right away. In fact, he thought that was an odd question, so he cocked his head curiously.

“What do you remember about your struggle with Raymond?” he asked.

Mira drew in a long, pensive breath. “I came down the stairs after Astoria told me that there was rot in some of the grain,” she said, fighting through the cobwebs. “I thought I heard the servants in the vault. Someone called my name, I think. But when I went down to investigate, Raymond was waiting for me. He grabbed me and we fought.”

Douglas nodded, reaching out to take her battered hand again. “Is that all?”

Mira tried to think very hard. “I… I do not know,” she said. “I feel like it was all a dream. I was fighting him. I tried to run. I was still fighting him and then I heard your voice. But I do not remember much more. That is why I asked if you punished him.”

Considering she’d taken a serious blow to the head, he wasn’t surprised that she didn’t remember all of the details, but what he was fixated on was the fact that she didn’t seem to remember Raymond was dead or that she had been the one to smash his brains in with a rock. Perhaps it was her mind’s way of dealing with such a violent event, but in any case, the fact remained that she didn’t seem to remember what happened. He thought not to tell her at all, but inevitably, someone would mention it.

He wanted her to hear it from him.

“Raymond is dead, love,” he said quietly. “You fought him and he tried to kill you. He did not survive his attack against you.”

Mira stared at him for a long time. From her expression, he knew she was trying to remember everything. He could almost see her thoughts and memories in her eyes. But it was clear that some things simply weren’t coming easily to her, and she reached out, grasping him with her other hand.

“God’s Bones,” she whispered. “Did you kill him, then? Is that why I heard your voice?”

“He will not rise up against you ever again.”

She took it to mean that he’d killed Raymond, and a tear trickled down her right temple. “Are you in trouble now?” she asked. “I never meant to cause you such trouble, Douglas, believe me.”

He squeezed her hands. “I am not in trouble,” he said. “You are not in trouble. Raymond is dead and he is no longer a threat.”

That didn’t ease her, and more tears started to come. “But his father is here,” she said. “He surely must be… Douglas, what will his father do to you for killing his son?”

She was becoming distraught, and he sat down on the bed, her hands against his lips as he spoke. “Listen to me,” he said softly but firmly. “Mira, you will not worry over anything because there will be no retribution. You were attacked. Raymond died because he attacked you and for no other reason than that. You did nothing wrong. Do you understand me?”

She was sniffling, her eyes watery. “A-aye,” she said. “But… I remember that he was following me during the feast, too. He told me that he had heard I wished to dance with him. Do you recall that I told you that?”

“I recall.”

“He seemed so insistent.”

Another thing that Douglas was compelled to tell her simply so she would not be so confused by it. The truth would cause her some distress, but it was something she could at least reconcile. Therefore, he decided to be honest with her where Astoria was concerned. Given the situation, she was going to find out eventually.

“He was insistent because Astoria was telling him lies,” he said. “In fact, Astoria manipulated the entire situation. She was the one who told you to go to the vault, was she not?”

Mira nodded. “She was.”

“Because she had created the situation,” he said. “She was trying to force you into Raymond’s arms, which I was to discover so that I would cast you aside. She was the one orchestrating the entire thing to punish you for the fact that you have my attention.”

Mira’s tears seemed to be fading as a shocked expression took hold. The pieces of the puzzle were coming together in her muddled mind as she began to understand the extent of Astoria’s involvement.

“Is that what happened?” she said incredulously. “God’s Bones… I knew she was trying to harass me, but I can honestly say that it goes beyond what I thought she was capable of.”

Douglas wasn’t hard-pressed to agree. “I have seen things like this from much more important and mature people, men playing games that shape nations, but nothing like what Astoria attempted,” he said. “She was trying very hard to separate us.”

“And she pulled Raymond into her scheme.”

“Exactly,” Douglas said. “I suppose we will never know if he would have attacked you without Astoria’s prompting. Mayhap he would have, mayhap not, but her lies pushed him into it. I wish we’d known that from the beginning. Mayhap we could have prevented what happened in the end.”

Mira pondered her last memories of Raymond, remembering the smell of earth in the vault and the terror in her heart but little more than that. “I cannot be glad for his death, though I will admit I am relieved,” she said. “So many years of harassment have ended, Douglas. It seems too good to be true to never have to worry about him again.”

“His reign of terror, where it concerns you, has come to an end.”

She gazed at him for a few moments before a smile spread across her lips. “For that peace of mind, I will thank you,” she said, squeezing his hands. “I’ve never had a champion before.”

He smiled in return. “Not only a champion, my lady,” he said. “A husband.”

“And you know this for certain?”

“Lady Isabel has given me permission to court you,” he said. “She said that your mother would not care, so she gave her permission. I was going to tell you the good news last night before the evening got away from us. I will, therefore, tell you now. I have permission to court you.”

Her smile was huge. “Are you sure you want to, given the madness of last night?” she asked. “If you have changed your mind, I would understand.”

He shook his head. “I will not change my mind,” he said. “You are, and always will be, my choice.”

My choice.

The words from the pendant. Suddenly, Mira’s smile vanished and she sat up quickly, looking around in a panic.

“The pendant,” she said. “I was wearing it when Raymond… Where is it?”

He held her arms to prevent her from pitching herself right out of the bed. “It is safe,” he assured her. “When I brought you up here after the fight, I took it off your bodice and tucked it away in the wardrobe. It is quite safe.”

Mira was visibly relieved as she turned to him. “Thank you,” she said sincerely. “I could not bear it if something happened to it.”

It was a heartfelt sentiment. He could feel it. He was holding her hands but he let them go, reaching up to stroke the side of her head. He just wanted to touch her. Her blonde hair was like velvet in his hands, soft and warm and glorious. He tried very hard not to think about this petite, beautiful woman in a fight for her life against a man who was intent on brutalizing her.

That made him want to kill all over again.

“Nothing is going to happen to it,” he murmured. “Or you. You have me now and I will see that you are always safe and warm and protected, Mira. I promise.”

Mira leaned into his hand, her green eyes glittering at him. “It seems like a dream,” she said. “I have never been courted before.”

“And I have never courted before.”

“Do you know what to do?”

He shrugged, his eyes glimmering with mirth. “I think so,” he said. “I have four older brothers who have courted women. I have learned something.”

“Is that so?” she said, interested. “What have you learned?”

He thought on that question. “Peter is the eldest,” he said. “From him, I learned persistence. The man was very persistent when he courted Liora. Curtis is the second eldest and he married a Welsh princess. Do you know how they met?”

“How?”

“She tried to kill him in battle.”

Her eyebrows lifted in surprise. “And he married her?”

Douglas chuckled. “He did and he is very happy,” he said. “From him, I have learned patience. Women require great patience.”

Mira waggled her eyebrows. “I think some require more than others,” she said. “I hope I do not tax yours overly.”

“You haven’t yet,” he said, grinning. “Where was I? Oh, and Roi is the brother who is a king’s chief justiciar. He is quite scholarly, but also an excellent knight. His story is a little sad, in fact. The woman he married was meant for his eldest son. When Beckett was killed, Roi married Diara in his stead, and I swear to you I have never seen him more content. From him, I learned acceptance. Sometimes you must accept what life brings you.”

“And it has brought you to me?”

He chuckled. “Something like that,” he said. “Myles is the fourth brother, the one I am closest to. He is a glorious stud of a man, much pursued, and he fancied himself in love with a woman who, in fact, was no good for him. That pushed him into the arms of a bookish, beautiful woman whom he had no interest in, or so he thought. But Veronica is the best thing that could have happened to him, so from Myles, I have learned that what you want in life is not always what will make you happy.”

She was watching his face as he spoke. “Does that apply to you?” she asked. “Wanting something in life that has slipped away from you?”

He shook his head. “Nay,” he said. “Nothing that mattered, although I will say that out of all of my brothers, Myles and Westley and I seem to be the most pursued by women. I suppose we all look somewhat alike with the hair and the big build. Women seem to find it pleasing.”

Mira started to laugh. “God’s Bones, man, are you so humble?” she said. “Douglas, you are positively gorgeous. Surely you know that.”

He looked at her rather coyly, part of his hair hanging down over one eye, which made him look impish. “If you say so, then it must be true.”

Mira rolled her eyes because she could see that he was toying with her. “Spare me the false modesty,” she said, reaching out to playfully pinch him. “You are a man among men, and if you ever cut your hair, I will disown you. I find it wholly attractive.”

He grinned, flashing his teeth. “You needn’t worry,” he said. “My hair has never been cut and never will be.”

“Why not?”

“Because my mother never had the heart to cut it as a child and I got used to it that way,” he said. “It has become part of my identity. As strange as it sounds, I do not think I would know myself if I did not have it.”

Mira inspected his hair, running her fingers through it, feeling its strength in her hands. “Odd how things define us,” she said. “Mayhap not to other people, but to us.”

He closed his eyes, relishing the feel of her fondling his hair. “What defines you?”

She stopped grooming his hair and thought on it. “This,” she finally said, turning her head and pointing to a little freckle on the edge of her chin. “See this? Strangely enough, my brother has one, too. In the same place.”

“That is strange.”

She nodded. “With everything that has happened in my life, with my mother virtually disowning me or even the harassment by Raymond, this little freckle ties me to someone I will always be part of,” she said. “My twin brother. He will always be Payne and I will always be Misery. No matter what, I have him and he has me.”

She resumed stroking his hair, and he watched her face as she did so. “You’ve not spoken much about your brother,” he said. “Is he good to you?”

She nodded. “Verily,” she said. “Where do you think the dowry is coming from? Payne inherited my father’s lands and title and has always been kind and generous with me. When my mother sent me back to Axminster, he is the one who escorted me. He wanted to make sure I was well settled and had a good position. He knows I am happy here and he is content with that.”

Douglas found himself wrapping his arms around her as she continued to stroke his hair, feeling her sweetness against him, dipping his head down to kiss her bare shoulder gently.

“I suppose I should ask him for permission to court you,” he said. “He is technically the head of your family, is he not? I am not entirely sure I can accept Lady Isabel’s permission because she made it sound as if your mother had the final word on your future.”

His warm, soft kiss to her bare shoulder brought her movements to a halt. It was the naughtiest, most decadent thing that had ever happened to her, and her heart began to race. He caught her looking at him with a startled expression.

“What?” he asked. “What is it?”

The startled expression transformed into something of a smirk. “You should not have kissed me,” she said. “In fact, you should not be alone with me in here. You know that.”

He lowered his gaze but didn’t move away. “Do you want me to leave?” he said. “I will if you want me to.”

She reached up, pushing a long strand of hair that was hanging over his eyes back behind his shoulder. “I did not say that,” she said. “But we should, at the very least, have a chaperone.”

“Why?” he said, eyeing her. “Are you afraid of what I might do?”

She bit off a smile. “What are you going to do?”

“If you keep touching my hair, I just might have to touch something of yours.”

“You can if you wish.”

He looked at her fully then. He studied her face for a moment before lifting both hands and cupping her head between them. His thumbs brushed her cheeks, his fingers found their way into her hair, and before he realized it, he had pulled her to him and his mouth was slanting gently over hers. Every so gently. He was acutely aware that she was battered and bruised from the day before, but that wasn’t going to stop him from kissing her.

He was desperate to do it.

Mira had never been kissed before, at least not like this. Raymond’s childish attempts those years ago had been the only time she’d ever come close, and since he filled her with revulsion, that had been her predominant opinion of kissing in general. Sloppy, rushed, and unwelcome. But this…

This was not unwelcome.

The moment Douglas put his mouth against hers, she felt a jolt. His touch was warm and soft, but there was an undercurrent of… something. She wasn’t sure what it was, but it felt as if lightning was coursing through his lips and bolting into hers. It was thrilling to say the least. For the first few moments, she kept her eyes open, looking at him because he was so close to her. She could see his eyelashes and eyebrows, the pores on his skin. Then she inhaled through her nose and his scent filled her. Something musky and salty and delicious.

That was when her eyes finally closed.

Now, her other senses were experiencing Douglas in a way her eyes couldn’t.

Mira felt like flotsam in the sea, being pushed around by wave after wave of Douglas’ strength. He suckled her lips, first the top, then the bottom, and managed to pull her mouth open when he did that so his tongue could stage an invasion. Mira’s arms were around his neck, holding him fast, as he tasted her deeply. She let him, experiencing every movement, every sensation, with the greatest of curiosity. When he finally pulled away, he was breathing as heavily as she was.

For a moment, they simply stared at one another until Mira broke the spell.

“What… what did you do?” she said breathlessly.

He grinned, his lips red from his onslaught. “I think that should be quite obvious.”

Mira struggled to regain her wits. “That… that was a kiss?” she said. “I’ve never known a kiss like that before.”

He cocked a blond eyebrow. “Well and good that you haven’t,” he said. “Did you at least like it?”

She nodded eagerly. “Will you do it again?”

His mouth was on hers before she even got the last word out. His powerful arms went around her and she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him so tightly that she was nearly strangling him. His hair got wrapped up in her grip and he finally had to ease up because she had trapped him with her vise of an embrace. He started laughing, pulling his hair out from underneath her arms, from her hands, and even from her mouth. It was everywhere. Mira laughed along with him, smoothing his hair down because she’d mussed it so badly.

“Are you done now?” she asked.

“Done with what?”

“Kissing me?”

His laughter grew. “Never,” he said. “But if I keep going, we may… Well, I do not want to be caught in a compromising position. Lady Isabel might box my ears.”

Mira grunted. “You’ll be fortunate if that is all she does,” she said. “But… it would be worth it, wouldn’t it?”

Grinning, he cupped he back of her head, leaning over to kiss her again in a most tender gesture. Mira groaned softly, throwing her arms around his head and knocking him sideways in the process. She ended up pushing him into her and his teeth cut her lip. He realized it almost immediately because he could taste blood.

“Christ,” he muttered, stopping his onslaught and holding her chin in his hand so he could get a look. “Let me see what I’ve done. I’m so sorry, love. I did not mean to.”

He was looking at her lower inside lip even as she answered. “It was my fault,” she said. “I’m not very good at this.”

There was only a tiny speck of blood where he’d shoved a tooth into her gum, and he leaned down to kiss it. “You are excellent,” he said. “But we will become more coordinated with practice. Enough so that I don’t bite your lip or knock you silly.”

Mira giggled. “I would not mind, I assure you,” she said. Reaching up, she stroked his beautiful hair again. “It would be pain most pleasurable.”

He chuckled, too. In fact, he couldn’t seem to stop smiling or laughing. Everything about this moment made him want to smile and shout it to the world, to experience a joy he’d never known before. He wanted more of it, but he was also very conscious of the fact that Mira was bruised and battered from yesterday, so he didn’t want to pile onto that. Better to let the woman rest and heal before he ravaged her again.

But he honestly wasn’t sure he could wait that long.

“This is not supposed to be a game of pain or battering,” he said. “This is supposed to be something passionate and tender, as much as two people can be, but I appreciate your sentiment. And your confidence. In any case, I think we have pushed the limits of propriety as far as we can, because I keep waiting for the chamber door to open and Lady Isabel standing in the doorway with a club that has my name on it. Therefore, may I summon a servant to help you dress?”

Mira’s smile faded. “If I must.”

“What’s wrong?”

She shrugged, averting her gaze. “It is nothing, truly.”

“Do you not trust me enough to tell me?”

She looked at him. “Of course I do,” she said. “I simply do not want to sound silly with petty complaints.”

“Let me be the judge of whether or not they are petty,” he said. “I hope you feel that you can always tell me anything and I will never judge you. I will help you if I can.”

Her smile returned. “That is very kind,” she said. “I suppose… I suppose I was thinking that I do not want to leave this moment in time between us and face the world. When it is just the two of us, I feel very safe and happy. It’s something I’ve never felt before.”

“Nor I,” he said. “I should not like to leave this moment, either, but the truth is that we must for now. But moments like this will come again.”

“Then I shall look forward to that,” she said. “It shall keep me fortified for what is to come.”

“Meaning?”

She gestured toward the door. “Meaning I am not looking forward to facing what is outside that door,” she said. “I am sure Lady Isabel wishes to speak with me about the incident involving Raymond. I can only tell her what I told you, but I know she’ll want to hear it. Speaking of it again is reliving it, and I am not looking forward to that.”

He cupped her face with one hand, kissing her on the cheek before he stood up. “I wish I could make this all go away for you,” he said. “I will be with you when she questions you if you would like.”

“I would, thank you.”

He smiled at her, encouragingly, and she nodded as if to acknowledge that she could face whatever she needed to as long as he was by her side. Strange how a woman, so independent and used to being alone, now found herself swept up in this glorious creature who had declared his intention to court her. To marry her. God, how she could so easily give herself over to Douglas and blend in with him until there were no lines between her and him. Until they were one mass, one mind, one thought, one body.

Oh… to be so happy.

It was finally within her reach.

“I’ll send a servant up to you then,” Douglas said as he moved for the door. “I will wait for you down in the solar. I must speak to Lady Isabel anyway, so come when you are ready.”

Mira nodded. “I will,” she said. “And Douglas?”

He paused at the door, hand on the latch. “What is it?”

“Thank you.”

With a wink, he was gone. Mira sat there a moment, an enormous smile on her face, before tossing off the coverlet and leaping from bed.

Oh… to be so happy!