Chapter 1

ONE

O n the computer, Lena Caldwell eyed her mom in her peripheral view, pacing around the living room. Crap. That pacing told Lena all she needed to know. Her mom was about to start another lecture about finding a man and getting married. She sighed loudly but her mom didn't seem to notice, too preoccupied with her not enough grand babies problem.

Why was it always like this? At thirty-six, Lena wasn't a spring chicken, but damn, why did her mom feel the need to remind her that her love life sucked balls? Okay, so maybe she could try a little harder, but she was a busy woman. She had goals. She had dreams. She had video games to play.

Lena had always embraced her inner nerd. She preferred the company of video games and fantasy novels over nightclubs and high heels. Unfortunately, her family didn't share her sentiments, especially not her mother or her sister Tara.

"It's time you found yourself a husband, Lena," her mother declared right on cue, her voice laced with determination and a dash of impatience.

"Mom, I thought you asked me to come check your WI-FI, not to lecture me on my poor dating habits."

"Lena, honey, you have no dating habits," her mother said matter-of-factly.

"Mom, I'm fine. I love me a fictional boyfriend." She grinned at her mom and wagged her brows. "My fictional boyfriends don't snore or leave the toilet seat up."

Her mother wasn't amused. "Fictional boyfriends can't give me grandchildren, Lena." She raised a brow. "Fictional boyfriends don't give my daughter enough orgasms she forgets her own name."

Did that happen? Did men give orgasms that made women forget their own names? God. She kind of felt bad for how shitty her love life was. She really was missing out. A good orgasm didn't happen unless she made it happen. Great orgasms? That was like a unicorn. Something mythical she hoped existed but had never actually had any proof.

Of course, Tara chimed in from the living room where she was attempting to wrangle her two energetic toddlers. "Mom's right. It's not healthy to be alone." She winked at Lena. "And they do."

"What?" Lena asked with a frown.

"They do give you orgasms that make you forget your own name." Tara laughed. "I can see you wondering about it."

Shit. Maybe she should rethink this no-dating thing and give it another shot. Name-forgetting orgasms didn't sound so bad.

"Look at me—married with kids. It's chaotic but fulfilling," Tara mumbled while handing each of her toddlers a sippy cup.

Lena shot her sister a look. "Yeah, ‘fulfilling' looks like being covered in spit-up and surviving on three hours of sleep."

Tara laughed, picking up little Ally and bouncing her on her hip. "Better than talking to your game console every night."

The conversation was all too familiar. Lena adored her family, but their relentless matchmaking was a force to be reckoned with. They had made it their mission to see her settled down, convinced that her life was somehow incomplete without a partner. "What am I doing here, again?"

"Fixing my WI-FI," her mother replied. "And agreeing to meet my book club friend's son for dinner."

Lena groaned. "No."

"Yes," Tara laughed. "Right, Ally?"

Her niece nodded as if she understood Lena's crummy love life and sided with her mother and grandmother in the matchmaking schemes.

"Mom, please. I don't want to go on a date with some guy who lives in his mother's basement and buys used women's underwear off the internet."

Tara snorted and her mother gasped.

"Lena Marie! I would never set you up with a creep. This guy happens to be very nice."

Lena raised her brows, swiveled in the desk chair, and blinked at her mom. "How do you know?"

Her mother's mouth gaped. "Well, his mother said so."

"Great."

Tara gave a full giggle and the twins as if humored by her laugh joined in.

"Awesome. My life's a joke."

"Stop being so dramatic," Tara said and sat both her kids down with some snacks. "What if this guy is your soul mate?"

"What if he smells like old cheese?"

Tara giggled again. "Mom, she's a lost cause. She doesn't want any orgasms."

"I didn't say that," Lena added hastily. Let's not get crazy. She wasn't that averse to dating. But it wasn't every day a woman in her industry met a guy that wasn't a little weird.

"Oh," her mom gave a triumphant smile, "good. So you'll go."

Yeah. She was in deep shit.

That's how Lena found herself preparing for a blind date set up by her mother, with Tara's enthusiastic endorsement. "He's a nice guy, Lena. Give him a chance," Tara had said, echoing their mother's assurance with a knowing smile.

"You don't know this guy either," she argued.

"True," Tara shrugged. "Can't be worse than your last date."

Oh, god. The twenty-three-year-old genius with mommy issues. Yeah, that wasn't one she wanted to think about any time soon.

"You know," she said in her old bedroom while sitting on the bed, "I moved out for a reason. Why do you still keep my old clothes."

Her mother frowned. "This might be your old room, but these are Tara's old party clothes. They helped her land Wesley."

Maybe the clothes would work some kind of magic because Wes was the kindest guy on the planet. Tara had found her perfect match and had the most beautiful family. There were moments when Lena envied what her sister had. But she knew she just hadn't met the man for her.

"When does Wes come home?" she asked Tara.

"Tomorrow night," Tara sighed. "I'm glad he's finally going to be home so we can spend time together."

Tara's husband owned a furniture business, and while Tara was a shareholder, Wes did the traveling to factories. He was so dedicated to the family, they usually traveled as a unit, but with the children having been sick, they decided he would go alone and allow Lena's mom to help Tara care of the babes.

Choosing an outfit felt like preparing for battle. "None of these clothes are my style."

"Here," her mother said and pulled out a pair of black jeans and a cute graphic tee. "This is more you. I kept some of your old tees. The jeans were Tara's."

Tara eyed the jeans longingly. "Man, I wish I could shove just one thigh into those."

Lena smiled and shook her head. "You know Wes loves the extra weight you put on after the kids. That man can't keep his hands to himself whenever he's near you. Grabbing your butt is his favorite pastime."

"Yeah," Tara sighed. "That's true. Never mind."

"Don't worry, honey," her mother smiled. "I'm on the hunt for your own handsy man."

Please, god, no. "Mom, I'm good."

Her mother's smile turned evil. "Put these on."

Shit. If this "nice guy" was going to win her over, he'd have to accept her love for all things geeky.

Before leaving, Lena checked her reflection in the mirror. "Okay, you've survived family dinners and Tara's baby shower. You can handle one blind date."

Armed with a list of creative excuses to leave early, Lena set out.

As she drove to the restaurant, Lena couldn't help but rehearse one of her escape lines: "Oops, looks like I need to return some library books...immediately."

She gulped. The thought of trying to sell herself to some guy made her want to throw up. Why was dating so hard? If nothing else, she could use the story for her vlog, "Geek Girls Date Too."

The restaurant chosen for the blind date was the kind that tried too hard to be trendy, complete with an Instagram-worthy wall for photos and videos and menus that boasted items like "artisanal water."

Lena arrived first, choosing a table that offered a clear view of the door and, more importantly, a quick escape route.

While she waited, Lena couldn't help but imagine who this "nice guy" might be. Her mother's track record wasn't exactly stellar. There was the conspiracy theorist who spent the entire date discussing alien invasions, and the guy who believed himself a psychic who needed to have sex with her to awaken his ability. Lena had started to think her family might be pranking her.

When the date, Kevin, finally arrived, Lena's first impression was that he seemed...normal.

She sighed. Maybe it wasn't too late to order a glass of wine. She didn't really drink but maybe it would help her relax and not tune poor Kevin out. He was really…boring. With his pressed khakis and a smile that looked practiced. The date started off with the usual awkward small talk about the weather and what they did for a living. Lena found herself zoning out despite telling herself not to, her mind wandering back to her unfinished game at home.

Trying to steer the conversation toward something more interesting, Lena mentioned her love for fantasy novels. Kevin's response was to nod politely, though it was clear he had no idea what to say. It was when Lena brought up her passion for video games that things took a turn for the worse.

"Oh, I don't play games," Kevin said, his tone suggesting he considered them a waste of time. "They're childish. I prefer to spend my time on more productive hobbies."

As Kevin detailed his five-year plan, complete with career trajectories and the optimal timeline for children, Lena's smile was starting to cramp her face.

"...and after the second child, we'd need to start thinking about schooling. Of course, private is the only way to go," Kevin asserted, nodding at his own words as if they were gospel.

Lena's mind scrambled for something to say, anything that would steer the conversation away from this unsolicited future mapping. She played with the stem of her glass, searching for a lifeline. Fuck it, she might as well mess with him a little.

"You know," Lena interjected, "I've always been more of a ‘go with the flow' type of person. My sister says my spirit animal is a jellyfish—just drifting along currents. No plans." What the hell was she saying? She couldn't stop now, the look on Kevin's face was priceless. If nothing else, she would get a laugh out of this date.

Kevin blinked, clearly derailed. "A jellyfish?" He seemed to be momentarily speechless which Lena counted as a win.

"Yes, a jellyfish. You know, just bobbing along the ocean waves, embracing the freedom." She made a wavy motion with her hand, which, in her mind, looked like a jellyfish in motion.

Kevin frowned. "But jellyfish can't steer. They're at the mercy of the ocean. That's no way to live."

"Well," Lena quipped with a smile, "I guess I like a bit of unpredictability. Plus, they glow. How cool is that?"

He didn't seem to find it cool at all. "Unpredictability is a leading cause of stress."

Lena bit back a laugh. "I'll take my chances. Besides, stress can be good for you—builds character."

Kevin didn't laugh. Instead, he launched into a monologue on the health implications of chronic stress.

Lena glanced toward the restroom, considering the age-old dine-and-dash. But that wasn't her style. She'd just have to wait it out and maybe get a good story to share with Tara.

When Kevin excused himself to use the restroom, Lena seized the opportunity to text her sister: "SOS. Now. Before this guy plans our future children's names. Send help."

Tara's response was immediate and laden with laughing emojis: "Tell him you're abstaining from marriage until you're at least forty. Or that you're an alien sent to study human courtship rituals."

Lena couldn't suppress a giggle. Leave it to Tara to find humor in any situation. When Kevin returned, Lena decided to employ a more realistic escape plan. Feigning a sudden headache, she apologized and made a hasty retreat, promising to call him later—fully aware she wouldn't.

As Lena drove home, she felt a mix of relief and disappointment. Another disastrous date added to her collection. She dialed her mom and gave the pizza box next to her a longing glance.

"I heard," her mom said, her voice filling the inside of Lena's car.

"Okay, great. So I did my part for this month. No more blind dates, Mother."

"Then go get laid, Lena," her mom said without hesitation.

"What's that got to do with anything," she grumbled. "Getting laid doesn't guarantee I'll get married."

"No, it doesn't," her mom sighed, "but it guarantees your stress level will decrease. You need some fun in your life. Plus, you really do need some good orgasms. They're life-changing."

There she went with her orgasm talk again. "Okay, yeah. I could do with an orgasm or two, but I can take care of that myself."

"Not the name-forgetting type."

"Mom!"

"Fine. I'll take a break from matchmaking."

"Thank you. Have a good night, Mom."

"I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you too, Mom. Even if you need to learn to let me figure out my love life on my own."

Her mom hung up on a chuckle and the words "as if you could."