5. Five

Five

I leaned forwards in the tough plastic of the airport seat as Zack kissed me for approximately the hundredth time. “Are you sure you’re going to be OK?” he asked.

“I’m not the one off to Iceland to start a big new job. I’ll be fine. Just you wait, I’ll have found us a perfect house before you get back.” Zack rubbed his nose against mine. “Call me every night?”

“Of course. I miss you already,” Zack sighed. “I’d better go, all the security stuff takes ages.”

I kissed him on the lips once more for luck. “You’re amazing, and they know it, that’s why they picked you. Have a great first week. I love you.”

“I love you more.” He stroked my cheek, his touch tender. “Wedding plans when I get back, yeah?”

I watched him make his way through the security gate before I headed home, paying the extortionate car park fees on my way. It was Sunday afternoon, and I was on my own. It felt weird. Yet not along ago, it would have been my norm.

I messaged Zack’s mum, Lydia, to see if she wanted to come and peruse estate agent windows with me, which, of course, she did. I’d heard so many horror stories about mothers-in-law, but Lydia was fantastic! With five kids and four grandchildren, she managed to still look much younger than her fifty-eight years. Her dark eyes were like Zack’s, and although her brown hair may now be coloured, the whole family had a dark-haired, attractive theme going on.

I earned a lot more since I’d moved to Caddel worry scratched at my mind. Did that really describe us? Hadn’t we run out on each other not so long ago?

A couple of hours later, I flopped onto the couch and threw down a pile of house pamphlets, a stack of wedding magazines, and a few travel brochures just for good measure. I poured a large glass of wine, knowing that before I began on those, there was something I’d been meaning to look up for a while now.

Egg Donation.

Cassie and I hadn’t discussed it in a while, she’d not wanted to put any pressure on me. I hadn’t mentioned it to Zack yet because I wanted to get all the facts myself. There just hadn’t been time. So, off to Dr. Google I went.

The medical side of how they got the eggs didn’t bother me, the potential side effects seemed rare, and, let’s face it, everything had potential side effects. I fit all the criteria - I didn’t smoke, I was the right age… Would it be too weird, though? That’s what I needed to think about. I wanted to make Cassie’s dream come true but not if it would ruin our friendship through awkwardness .

I filled up my wine glass as I called Cassie.

“Hello, future Mrs Beaumont.” Her face beamed down the phone as she answered, the novelty of the engagement still excited her. It looked as though she was in another soft play center.

“Are you busy?” I asked.

“Nope, just at another party. Not even a hot dad to sit close to.” She rolled her eyes comedically. “Zack get away OK?”

“Yep. On my lonesome until Saturday now.” I pulled a sad face.

“Hmm.” She had a mum look on her face. “No funny business. You’re an engaged lady now.”

“Cassie, I’m surrounded by house brochures, wedding magazines and holiday plans. I’m like the best-behaved fiancée in the world, trust me.”

“God, that’s a lot of planning. Shall I come over one night?”

“Definitely! I wanted to talk to you. I wondered if you and Guy had discussed the egg donation? It’s the first time I’ve felt I had space and energy to think about it.”

“We did,” she said. “He’d rather go anonymous, if at all. He’s also happy to stick to two kids.” She ran her hand over her forehead. “But I explained I don’t want some random weirdo.”

“Cassie, they’re not weirdos, I’m sure,” I replied. Her eyes flitted towards my wine glass .

“Why are you drinking at this time?”

“I’m looking at wedding magazines, I’m allowed to drink. It’s bridal.”

“Have you talked it through with Zack?”

“I plan to when he’s back. The mechanics of it don’t bother me. The thought it might make things weird between us does, though. I don’t want anything to come between us, but I also want to help you,” I attempted to explain.

“Well, see what Zack says, and then we’ll take it from there. I wouldn’t hold it against you if you didn’t, you know that, don’t you?” she asked.

“I know. But I do want to help you, lovely.”

Her eyes flicked to the right and flashed darkly. “Agh, better go, I think Emilia just slapped a little boy. Bloody kids. I’ll call you soon.” Then she was gone.

I flopped back on the couch. I was fed up already, and Zack’s plane would only just be landing. How on earth did I used to love living alone? All of a sudden, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I put loud music on, stuff that Zack would’ve complained was too girly, and spread all the house information out on the floor. Then I organised them into yes, no, and maybe piles.

Next came wedding lists. What type of dress? Flowers? Bands? Venues? Bridesmaids? Budget? We hadn’t even discussed a budget. Number of guests… I only had a small family, but Zack would need big numbers. I felt a headache brewing even thinking about it. By the time a couple of hours had passed, and the wine had settled on me, my mind slipped into a different mode, and I had to ring Cassie back.

“You again? What’s up?” she joked as she answered.

“If I ask you a question, don’t shout at me. Promise?”

I heard her let out a long sigh. “Go on…”

“Does he know?” I asked, as I bit my lip.

“Yes.”

There was silence - frustrating, awkward silence.

“And?” I asked, my voice high pitched.

“And nothing. Just stop, Lily. You have to stop,” Cassie sounded exasperated.

“I miss him.” I was in total self-pity zone.

“Lily, you’re just emotional because Zack’s away, and you’re thinking about all the wedding stuff. You and Luke… It’s in the past. You need to focus on the future.”

I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. “Is he OK, though? I just want to know if he’s doing well?”

“He is. Him and Guy go out all the time, he’s doing great at work. Please don’t worry,” she tried to reassure me.

“Does he ask about me?” I was scared of the answer.

“I’m changing the subject now, Lily. What was that message the other day about Zack’s birthday?”

I knew there was no point trying to get her back to my question, she was a stubborn woman. Part of me also knew that she was right, and I needed to stop it. “We want to surprise him for his thirtieth, get a huge villa and have all his family there as a surprise. All his sisters and the kids. Do you guys want to come along?”

“That sounds amazing. He’ll love it. When’s his birthday again?”

“Not until February. Shall I add you to the list, then?” I warmed at the thought of us all there together.

“Yes, sounds perfect. Now, are you going to snap out of it?” Her voice was firm but kind.

“Yes,” I sniffed away the last few tears.

“You’re the luckiest girl in the world to have Zack. You just need a bit more time. You aren’t having second thoughts about the wedding, are you?”

“No,” I said. “I love him. I just can’t get rid of this ache about Luke.” The pain hit again as I said his name.

“It takes time. Are you going to be OK tonight? I can try and sort a babysitter and come over?” she offered.

“I’ll be fine, promise. I’ll put the wine down and get an early night.”

“Good plan. Call me tomorrow.” It was more of an order than a request.

“Will do. Night bestie.”

“Night, Lils.”