Epilogue

Zack

I sat at the bar and sighed with frustration as I glanced at my phone for the hundredth time. Today was Lily’s thirtieth birthday. I couldn’t help but wonder what she was doing, who she was with. Nine months had passed since the split. Despite everything, I hoped she was having a better birthday than mine had been. She could be anywhere, with anyone, it wasn’t even worth thinking about. The past was the past, at least that’s what I told myself.

I sipped at my expensive whiskey as the snow fell in heavy drifts outside the window. I was going to be in Iceland for three months now. It was easier than travelling backwards and forwards in the winter weather, and I preferred being here, away from the memories and with work to keep me busy.

At times I hated my stubbornness. It would have been so easy in those first few weeks after Spain to try and fix things, to work through the problems. That nagging thought at the back of my head wouldn’t stop, though, and I knew I’d never fully quieten it; I’d always wonder about her and him. It didn’t stop me missing her, sadly.

Work had saved me. I’d thrown myself into this job, learning the language, travelling anywhere and everywhere they wanted me. Which is what found me back in this hotel, the hotel I promised I wouldn’t come back to, not that it mattered anymore.

I’d be living in an apartment that had been rented for the three months. I didn’t even care that I’d be here alone over Christmas. Yet that night, I’d felt like being around other miserable company, and places like this were full of people travelling alone for business, propping up the bar. I laughed to myself as I downed the whiskey; I’d been miserable about Lily last time I was here, too. Sometimes I wished I’d never met her, just sometimes.

I looked up, ready to order another drink, and saw the barman walk away, his replacement taking over with a smile… His replacement who I had vague memories of entering my hotel room, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember her name. A pity because I’d stand a chance of being able to pronounce it by now. I was just wondering if it would be easier to sneak to another bar wh en she locked eyes with me, and her face flashed with recognition.

“Zack?” she asked as she headed towards me, her eyes wide, taking me in.

I nodded, clearing my throat awkwardly. “Yes, I’m sorry, I remember you, obviously, but I don’t remember your name.”

She laughed. “You couldn’t say it, I wouldn’t expect you to. It’s Arnkatla. Just call me Kat.”

“I’m sorry about… I wasn’t in a good place, and it’s not fair that I took advantage of you.”

“You didn’t, it was me doing the chasing, if you recall.” She filled my glass up as she watched me, quizzically. “You still don’t look like you’re in a good place? Not the same girl, is it?”

I shook my head. “No, we split up months ago. I work for a company based in Reykjavík now, I’m here for three months.”

“Hmm,” she pursed her lips before she continued. “So, you’re here for three months, and you’re single? I hoped you’d come back, you know.”

Her confidence suddenly seemed sexy and appealing, no shyness or blushes here.

“You didn’t want it to be a one-night stand?” I asked.

“No, but I knew I wasn’t likely to see you again. I looked at your room details, but it was all booked under the company name. ”

I raised an eyebrow at her, hoping this wasn’t going to turn into a weird stalker moment. She just laughed, a sweet, playful chuckle that lit her whole face up.

“Sorry,” she replied. “I had a great time that night. I was hoping I would see you again.”

“Are you just starting your shift?” I asked, wondering what I was going to do with the answer.

“Yes, I’m working until the bar closes, will be late. But it’s my day off tomorrow…” She let the end of the sentence tail off as she smiled at me mischievously.

Kat was stunning. I hadn’t taken it in that last time I saw her. Her eyes were ice-blue, set perfectly amongst her pale skin and pointed lips. Her long hair was white-blonde and wavy. As she smiled, I noticed a gap between her two front teeth, which was actually the cutest thing I’d ever seen.

“Well, I’m working until five, but it would be lovely if you wanted to do something after that?” I was surprised as I asked. I’d been one hundred per cent sure I wasn’t ready to see anyone after what had happened, but, this felt different. Maybe because I already knew her, sort of, maybe because I was so far from home. Whatever it was, I hoped she was going to say yes.

“One condition,” she said, tilting her head to the side. “No bars, I’m fed up with being in a bar.”

“Deal,” I smiled back at her. “I don’t know what there is to do around here, though. I’ve only seen the office and a couple of hotels. ”

“Meet me in the lobby, here, tomorrow at six,” she said, that confidence on display again. “I’ll plan something fun.”

“I’ll look forward to it.” She walked away with a smile to serve customers whose patience grew thin as she’d spent so long with me. I finished my drink and gave her a wave goodbye. Suddenly, tomorrow seemed a lot brighter.

I spotted Kat straight away as I entered the lobby. Her laughter echoed around the lofty reception as she chatted with the staff on the concierge desk. The sound was warm, vibrant and lovely. A huge fire dominated the entrance to the hotel. Outside it was way below freezing and the wind stung any exposed skin.

Kat wore dark, fleecy jeggings and thick soled, black boots that laced halfway up her calves. The girls here dressed differently to Cheshire, no wobbling around these unforgiving icy streets in heels and a strappy dress. Her beautiful, pale blue jumper caught my eye as it matched her own eyes. Understated perfection.

She said goodbye to her friends and headed toward me with a smile, a padded coat, and large handbag slung over one arm. Raised up on her tiptoes, Kat kissed my cheek. She was more petite than I remembered, and I ducked down as I returned the gesture, kissing the warm skin of her cheek.

“Glad to see you dressed for the weather,” she grinned as she took in my warm clothes and coat. “So many tourists underestimate the cold.”

“Hey, I’m more than a tourist,” I replied. “I’m learning the language and everything.”

Kat reached for my hand; I loved how confident she was to make moves like that. “Well, maybe I’ll give you special tuition. First of all, though, I’m taking you to one of my favourite places.”

She drove for about twenty minutes. Things between us felt natural as we talked about how I ended up working over in Iceland. I learned that she was studying to be a teacher, the bar work was just to top her student loans up. She would be leaving the bar in the new year, it seemed serendipitous that I’d met her now, just in time.

“Here we are,” she said as she pulled into a large car park. “I’m worried now that this was silly. I love this place; I adore animals and the ocean. I thought it would be different, for a date.”

Well, that answered the little doubt in my head about if this was a proper date or not. I glanced across the car park to the large building and saw giant posters of whales everywhere, there was even a whale themed climbing frame outside, although it was way too cold for anyone to play out right now .

“I love whales!” I grinned with real, actual enthusiasm; I hadn’t felt that in a long time.

We hurried over to the entrance, eager to feel the warmth inside. Kat had already booked tickets and driven us here. I felt guilty that she’d paid, but she didn’t seem concerned and refused any money.

We held hands as we strolled around; her delicate fingers wrapped in mine. I was awe struck by the life size models of the whales, all the different species and their relationships with the Icelandic coast. This was an amazing country. Suddenly the thought of three months here seemed exciting and full of possibility.

We seemed to have so much in common and maybe the fact that the ice had, literally, been broken when we first met made this less stressful. I wasn’t worried about what I said or did, or what she thought. It felt natural and every time I looked at her, she appeared even more beautiful.

Two hours later as we climbed into her car and hastily switched the heater on, I wondered whether I should suggest a drink at mine. Kat beat me to it.

“So, Zack, are you going to invite me to this apartment of yours for a drink? Just because I don’t want to hang around bars doesn’t mean I don’t like a drink.”

“I’d love that,” I replied. “Maybe you can teach me how to say your name at the same time?”

“I’ll have you saying my name by the end of the night, don’t worry,” she winked before driving out of the car park, and I think, for the first time ever, a woman had left me speechless.

From there, three months flew. January rolled around and the thought of going back to Cheshire whilst Kat remained in Iceland was horrible. We’d become inseparable; she stayed at the apartment most nights with me. She was everything. I knew I’d said that before about someone else, but I’d been mistaken, because what Kat and I had was special, different, and I’d become sure of that fact very quickly.

Kat held onto me in the airport lounge; her face pressed into my chest. I looked down on that icy blonde hair that took my breath away, she was pure beauty, inside and out.

“I’ll be back next month. I’m going to speak to them and see if I can be in the office here more, just like we discussed. You can come visit me in England, too, it’s only a short flight. We’ll get you booked on, OK? Please don’t cry.” I stroked her hair, not wanting her to feel this sad, even though I felt that way myself.

“I love you,” she sniffled into my chest as she spoke.

“ég elska tig,” I whispered as I stroked her hair. She looked up at me, a laugh brewing at the corners of her mouth. I knew I hadn’t pronounced it correctly, yet again.

As the plane lifted off into the sky, taking me back home, I felt sadness. It wasn’t home anymore, it just wasn’t. Home was wherever Kat was.

Twelve months later and I remembered that plane journey as I ran the length of the hospital corridor. The realisation of what I wanted, and, where I wanted to be, had struck me like lightning as I headed back to England. As soon as I’d got into work the next day I’d asked to be moved permanently to Iceland. The situation ended up the reverse of my original contract, but it worked for everyone- three weeks in Iceland and one week in England.

Kat and I bought a house together just outside of Reykjavík, and on the day we moved in, she nervously told me she was pregnant. It hadn’t been planned, but within minutes the two of us danced around the house, dodging cardboard boxes, filled with happiness.

I burst through the door into room four on the delivery suite. Kat still managed to smile at me as she focused on what the midwife was saying to her. I placed a kiss on her forehead and took hold of her hand, just in time for her to scream, and squeeze the life out of my bones. I don’t know what the words were, but I don’t think they covered them in the language classes I’d been attending.

Time passed in a blur but this tiny, blonde warrior woman was awe inspiring; her strength and perseverance through labour, her stubbornness as she refused all the drugs. I adored her more each second, if that were possible. We weren’t a couple anymore; we were a family.

I cuddled Kat close to me on the bed as she held our baby boy to her chest. The only sound in the room- his soft murmurs. Every single thing that had happened had brought me to where I was supposed to be. I’d never imagined love like this existed, but, here I was, surrounded by it.