PROLOGUE: PATRICK

_ AGE NINE _ _ GOING THROUGH CHANGES _

This is it, our new life in London. I should be grateful maw and me are safe, and he can't hurt us anymore, but this isn't home. It's so far away from Scotland. It will never be home. Call me greedy, call me whatever you will – I am an outsider here and will never accept this change. I hate it here already. Take me back to the woodlands, this concrete city isn't fer me.

In the wee hours of the morning we relax in the sitting room, listening to Billy Joel cassettes as I line up my small rock collection in a single row, as I always do. Not one rock is the same, which makes them special to me. I'm grateful to have my rocks and will do anything to keep them safe. Anything.

Three days ago, maw saved my rocks from being tossed in the rubbish bin by my father, which started a fight between them and had me terrified. It was my fault they fought; I left them out when I knew he'd be coming home. I dinnae want maw to be punished for my mistake, so I got in between them to protect her, but in his rage, he hurt me, too. Before this, he always came home smelling rank and manky and I would run to the wardrobe, cover my ears, sing songs in my head to drown out the noise. Hearing her cry is the most awful thing and I'd give her cuddles to make her feel better after he passed out in his chair.

That night though, she would'ne wake up no matter how much I screamed and begged her to. All I wanted was for her to wake up. Her face and neck were purple and sticky blood covered the floor. There was so much blood, it scared me . It got on my clothes and hands, but I didn't care. She needed me, and I need her.

[Patrick flashback] Please maw! Please wake up! Ye have'ta get up! Don't leave me with him! Please maw! Please!

There were so many flashing lights and people wearing uniforms in our home. The police put my father in the car and told me I'm safe now. My head ached and was bleeding down my cheek, and I willed my wrist to quit aching. I didn't want them touching me. They should'ne fuss over me; all I wanted was maw to wake up, but she would'ne. They put her on a bed, and we rode in an ambulance together. This wasn't our first time at the hospital. I broke my collarbone falling out of a wagon when I was four. I don't remember much of it, although it still hurts sometimes.

Not once did I weep as the doctors patched me up; crying is for infants as my father says. I'm nine now and have taught meself ways to mask the pain he would inflict with his belt. Some nights were easier than others.

I dinnae miss the way everyone whispered and fussed over me. I hated it. I just wanted to be with me maw. The nurse said the cast on my wrist will need to stay there for a wee bit so it can heal. It doesn't hurt as bad as when my father grabbed it and squeezed, and my head is feeling better, too. She had me pick a colour for my cast and of course I chose green. It's my favourite colour, like the grass and trees, and one of my favourite rocks. She said I can have my mates sign it with a marker, only, I dinnae tell her I have no mates, just me maw. Maw will sign it once she's better.

The kids at school think I'm weird with the way I go on about the same things for weeks on end. Maw said she would'ne want me any other way and told me I have what they call autism. She told me it's not like the flu, I cannae give it to anyone; it's just something that makes me unique. As long as it doesn't make me crazy like my father.

So, here we are, from Livingston, Scotland to a small two-bedroom flat on the outskirts of London where I share a room with me maw. I like having her close, and she says I make her feel better with my cuddles. My first day at the new school is today and at this point I'm just trying to grasp the thought of a new routine. It's going to take a long time to get used to.

As much as maw tells me she's fine, I know she's in more than a wee bit of pain. I'm worried about her, only I'm too afraid to ask her and say the wrong thing. She doesn't need added stress. As Billy Joel's It's Still Rock and Roll to Me faded out on the cassette tape, I felt dread weighing me down, and a reluctance to leave her.

[Patrick] "Maw. Why cannae we stay with Uncle Leland? No one will understand what I say – they think I speak gibberish." Maw is laying on the sofa watching me play with my rocks, her red eyes expressing her exhaustion from the past few days. She's too tired to reason with me as her voice cracks from the hands that squeezed her throat.

[Ayda- mother] "Uncle Leland has his livestock to tend to. He cannae be lookin' after ye, too." Uncle Leland has a farm in Edinburgh, a place maw would take me for a few days when things were bad at home. I love helping at the farm, it's a place I can just be me, no crowds or loud noises, just a heard of highland coos, sheep and lambs, a bunch of chickens and ducks, a couple horses, and a few barn cats. Oh, and many a wee beasties in the pond. I get along with the animals better than I do people. As much as I want to be at the farm, maw needs me here with her. She is all I have.

[Patrick] "Okay, maw, but maybe we can we visit soon?" Maw hums a sleepy agreement, all to make me happy. I'll accept that, after all, we tend to see him around Hogmanay which is not too far away.

[Ayda] "Best get ready fer school, Patrick. Let me help ye." She shifts around and tries to stand. My father beat her far worse than any other time before, and now her face has bruises from his fists, and stitches from the glass bottle, but to me she is still the most beautiful in the world.

[Patrick] "Aye, maw. I've got it, please, stay on the sofa." Not wanting her to get up, I set my rocks in their container then stand and put it in my school bag at the end of our bed. My rocks go everywhere with me.

I ate breakfast with Auntie before she left for work and I packed my bag last night, so I just need my shoes. I grab maw a glass of water and place it on the side table. I won't show her my worry, she has enough of that already. I have'ta be strong fer the both of us.

[Patrick] "Cya later maw. I'll tell ye about my day when I get back." I plant a light kiss to her forehead as she starts to nod off from the pills the doctors told her to take to make her better.

[Ayda sleepily] "Love ya, my sweet boy. Have a great first day."

[Patrick] "Love ya, too, maw."

I make it to school with time to spare and decide to wander around. Noticing a haunting melody coming from the music room, I peek through the window and observe a young lass sat in the middle of the room practicing her cello. Keeping my distance as I listen through the open door, she made it to a measure that had her brow creasing, the notes not quite as she intended. She paused as an older woman knelt beside her and read the music.

[Gran, music teacher] "We want it staccato and allegro, together; tah-tah, ta-ta-tah. Tah- tah, ta-ta-tah." She sang the beat. "Dinnae be afraid to try it with the same note and eventually work yer way up by adding the next note. ya ken?" My heart leapt. Our music teacher is Scottish! I'm not alone here.

[Lili- age eight] "Aye, aye okay." The lass played the same note a few times then paused, and I feel as if my heart will explode from all the joy it's unearthing. "Hey, Gran. Do ye have'ta stay late today? Maybe we can stop by the café for sweets before heading home?" Just then, the door I was leaning on gave way and I stumbled inside. I scramble to my feet and fix my clothes, embarrassed by the thought of being caught.

[Patrick stammering] "Apologies, I followed the music and-" I trail off, unable to think of anything else to say. The teacher is quick to my side.

[Gran] "Ahh. You must be Patrick, the new student from Livingston. Lovely to meet ye, laddie. My name is Ms. Hayes; however, I insist ye call me Gran." She gestures to the empty chairs next to the girl. "Come, sit – sit. Yer welcome anytime. Lili and I would take well to yer company." She smiled then continues organizing her sheet music across the room .

My mind still whirls with what just happened. How embarrassing . This lass will think me nothing but a bampot who enjoys spying on people.

I listen to Lili as she starts the song from the beginning, her mind far away as she fell deep in concentration. It's amazing to see just how in-tune she is with the instrument. As she plays, I study her without being too obvious. She's quite the bonnie wee lass with beautiful long hair the colour of Scotland's late-season grass draped that's in a light dusting of snow. Her eyes remind me of the storm clouds that roll in from the sea, and she has a bright smile like the first rays of sunshine after a storm has passed. Will she think me strange? I hope not. I'd like to be her friend, if she let me.

The haunting melody ends with a long drawn out note from the beginning of her bow to the tip. I make my best attempt at clapping with this bloody thing covering my hand. She releases her breath and I glimpse the moment when her mind returns to the present.

[Lili] "Yer a Scot? That's pure barry! I've been the lone Scot fer so long. Most here are numpties; pay them no heid." She rambled as she set her cello and bow in the case then sat next to me, offering her full attention. "I'm Lili, Lili Hayes. Gran said yer name is Patrick? Nice to meet ch'e." She's bubbly, and I don't miss how the fingers on her left hand move in a snapping motion without the sound. Is she nervous? I do that sometimes when I'm nervous.

[Patrick shyly] "Aye, I'm Patrick Shaw." She watches as I flex my fingers around my cast. It's bloody itchy and won't be coming off fer awhile yet.

[Lili, bold] "Well, Patrick Shaw. We are going to be the best of mates; I just know it. We Scots have'ta stick together. Ya ken?" Her smile is ear-to-ear… and I dinnae have'ta wonder if she meant it, which makes me smile a real smile fer the first time in days. I nod once at her declaration then get an idea, remembering the nurse's words at the hospital.

[Patrick] "If we're to be mates…" I pause, grab my bag, and pull out a black marker, and hold it out to her. "Will ye be the first to sign my cast?" Smile still in place, she took the marker and pops off the cap, no hesitation whatsoever.

[Lili] "I'd love to, mate." Lili replies then concentrates as she prints the letters L-I-L-I with a heart near my thumb. "How's it look? Now there's nae chance of ye forgetting my name." She caps the marker as I inspect her work. It's only been me and maw fer as long as I can remember. Can she see what her kindness means to me? A flood of emotions rush in as I try recovering my voice.

[Patrick] "It's great." I take a beat and gaze into her eyes. "Thanks, mate."

That first day at school I met someone who shares similar interests as me, and the best part is she thinks my rocks are the coolest things ever. After school Lili and her Gran invite me to the café fer a special treat, and it's not even my birthday. That's pure barry. I return home and tell maw about the fun I had, and about my new best mate.

Maybe London will not be too bad after all now that I have Lili by my side. We are best mates, forever and always.