Chapter 7

7

Hurricane winds slice all around me as I walk, and thunder rumbles again.

"I thought you checked a weather app!" one woman says as she scowls at her husband.

"I did! It said four percent chance of rain!"

With every half-choked gasp of an inhale, the wind gets sharper. With every tear I force back in, thunder rumbles louder. It's going to storm so, so bad if I don't get it together soon.

I'm looking for a place to deep-breathe without anyone bothering me when I run face-first into someone's black shirt. Well, not just the shirt. There's a whole firm torso under there, too, and it startles me enough for the wind to instantly stop, for the thunder to cease midroar.

"Carter?" I can hardly believe it's him. He's never been to the craft fair. Not once.

He's looking down at me, a crease between his eyebrows, his mouth angled into a frown. "Teal? What's happened?"

I start to shrug it off, to say Nothing, it's fine , but I can't. I can't ever hide a damn thing because whatever is happening inside is reflecting in the deep black underside of the clouds, the shock white of lightning, the voice of angry thunder. "Leilani just dumped me as a friend," I finally say, not able to make eye contact. "Because I'm…" I don't know how to summarize it for him, but I finish the sentence with "bipolar." And I realize that's actually perfect. Bipolar disorder, or the way it shows up for me—deep depressions where I can't get out of bed for days interspersed with impulsive decision-making episodes like random shopping sprees or, I don't know, literal rainbows and sunshine, is too real for Leilani, who has carefully constructed a life made out of what she thinks are angel wings but are actually moth balls—toxic and highly flammable.

"She what ? Because of what ?" Carter's voice is low, almost a growl. He looks up at the sky and takes my hand.

"Where are we going?"

He doesn't respond. But we don't stop until we reach the oak tree in the middle of the pavilion, its huge, big limbs reaching over us like an umbrella. He pulls my hand until we're both touching the scratchy bark of the tree's trunk.

"Your sister said there's lots of water in trees," he tells me.

"Which sister?"

"Sage. Because she talks to plants, right?"

I nod, with a pathetic little voice in my head wondering if he really believes our gifts or not. "Right."

"Listen to the water in the tree, Teal." And then he begins to count.

One-two-three-four, in. And one to eight, out. I close my eyes as his rough voice smooths over me. I try to do what he said, focus on the water in the tree. And you know what? For a split second, I think I can hear it. Feel it. It's like I'm inside a waterfall. Like the water that makes up my body connects to the water in the circulatory system of the tree. But then it's over so quickly, I'm left wondering if I imagined it.

I open my eyes, and the sun shines thick. Not a single dark cloud in the sky. Not a single cloud at all.

Carter turns to me, his eyes as light as sunlight reflecting off a ground cherry. "Now, what do you need?"

I need to listen to my New Year's resolution list. I need to stop being selfish.

But I can't. Not right now, not when what Leilani's done still feels so fresh, it's like the weapon she used to hurt me is still lodged in my body. So I say, "I need revenge."

Carter smiles at me instantly, so genuine and warm that it takes my breath away. "All right."

And then he takes my hand and we're approaching a table. Sitting behind a display of handmade jewelry is Nora Jacoby. She's basically the Cranberry Queen of Gossip.

"Hey, Nora," Carter says.

"Carter Velasquez," Nora stands, grasping her heart. "I haven't seen you here in a dog's age."

"Yeah." He smiles sheepishly. "I've been busy."

"Well, I can see that." Her eyes are on his and my clasped hands, and even though I only know it's going to make her wonder more, I carefully pull my arm away. "Bless your heart, dear. I heard about your grandfather."

Carter clears his throat. "Yeah. That was hard."

Nora makes a pouty face I'm sure she thinks looks like sympathy. "Well, he was a great man."

Carter mumbles something affirmative, then looks at me, then back to Nora. "Say, Nora, if you see Leilani Rodriguez around, could you be a little extra kind to her? She ate way too many jalape?os for breakfast, if you know what I mean."

Nora's eyes are wide and she nearly folds over as she leans toward us. "No, I don't, honey, what do you mean?"

Carter leans in and lowers his voice. "I mean, it was a big mess. She ran out of toilet paper. We had to run and get her some baby wipes."

I snort so loud, it's almost impossible to turn it into a cough, but I manage.

"Ohhhh." Nora looks delighted. "I will be sure to be extra kind to her. In fact, I'm going to go ahead and give her some extra Pepto Bismol pills I keep on hand." She starts rummaging through her purse. "Do you think she could use Tums, too?"

At this point, my hands are over my mouth to keep the laugh in.

Carter sighs. "She needs anything you've got, Nora. And if anyone else has stuff to help her, that would be great. To be honest, she might need new clothes, if you catch my drift."

"Oh, bless her heart. Well, you know me. I'll spread the word. I'm going to text her mother to see if she can bring her a change of clothes, too."

When Carter and I turn away, I burst. I can't help it. I laugh so hard, tears fall down my cheeks. I double over. When I finally calm down, I look up, and Carter's so pleased, it makes my heart feel strange.

"Seriously? Telling the whole town Leilani shit her clothes? What are we, in middle school?"

Carter shrugs. "You saying you need more revenge?"

I shake my head. "This feels good for now."

Carter walks me back to my table, where Leilani is surrounded by concerned Southern elder women. One of them is actually holding a package of women's underwear. I bury my face in Carter's chest to keep from laughing too loudly.

When the ladies start to dissipate, Lani looks my way, her face contorted with horror. "Teal," she hisses, pulling me away from Carter. "Why is everyone acting like I'm covered in excrement?"

I make my face as blank as I can. "Aw, Lani. Maybe you didn't focus enough on the love of the universe today."

Her cheeks grow pink and I can see her figuring things out. But I honestly don't care anymore. She's more than welcome to not be my friend, if that's what she wants. But if she thinks she can kick me while she's on her way out the door, she's got another think coming.

"I knew you'd be a child about this," she hisses, gathering up all her things in one angry motion. "I knew it would be too much for you to act like a fully functional adult."

"Wow." I furrow my brow. "That sounds like a lot of negative energy you've got inside you right now. Maybe you should talk to your guardian angel again. Detoxify your aura. Take a break from the real world, with all these real feelings."

Leilani straightens, her eyes on me full of rage. I know she wants to erupt. She wants to scream and stomp her feet. It would be so good of her to actually let a single negative emotion express itself.

But she can't. That would be too unspiritual . Because to Leilana, spirituality is about putting on a mask of pleasantness and pretending nothing ever bothers her. And I am so annoyed with myself for it taking this long for me to see that her entire personality is a fragile shell made up of essential oils, crystals, and variations of the phrase, There's nothing but love in this world, right?

So, no, she doesn't express any of her real emotions. But I suppose she's not above revenge, either, because instead she says, "I'm going to cancel our table for the rest of the season. For this." And then she walks away.

I'm consoled by the fact that there's no way she's making it to her Lexus without someone asking her if she's okay since she last shit herself.

I sit back in my chair with a sigh, and Carter takes Lani's seat.

"What are you thinking?" he asks.

"I'm thinking there goes my entire income." Lani forgot one of her new ugly bookmarks on our table, and I turn it over and over in my hand as I try to figure this new mess out.

Carter frowns. "What about Cranberry Fitness?"

I shake my head. "That…I don't work there anymore." And I'm not in the mood to explain it. I guess Carter senses this because he doesn't ask. I run a hand over my face. "There's no way I can afford to rent a table for the rest of the season." Well, I guess I could, but there's no way I can make enough to cover the rental costs, plus my share of the groceries, plus my car payment and insurance, plus my phone…

And the dahlias I promised Sage for her wedding, which she had assured me cost in the thousands. I'm pretty sure she's exaggerating, but even if they were only a few hundred dollars, I wouldn't be able to keep that promise. And I need to.

"I can cover you." Carter says this after a long moment of watching me lose my shit. Figuratively, unlike what everyone thinks is happening to Lani right now.

I have my hands covering my face. I'm glad Carter can't see my expression right now. If he could, he'd know how hard I was trying to not accept his offer.

Old, Selfish Teal would. Without a single moment of hesitation.

I've taken a lot from people offering in good faith. I've taken money and presents from Nadia, even when I knew Sage needed it more. I've let Carter buy every meal and drink we've shared over the years. I've let Amá Sonya try to buy my affections, even though she says all she's doing is trying to make at least one of her granddaughters appear respectable.

And in return, I've turned away and pushed away the people in my life I love the most.

I can't keep doing that. I can't let everyone give me everything I need without offering them a single wholesome thing in return.

Is faking being married wholesome? Maybe objectively not. But Carter needs this. And I want to be able to give him something he needs, too. Not just the other way around.

I pull my hands from my face and tell Carter, "Let's do it."

He sputters. His face, ears, and neck turn a bright pink. "What?" His hands are clutching the table for dear life. "Here?"

I look around. "I mean, we could, but I don't see an ordained minister, do you?"

"Oh. Right." He loosens his fists and runs his fingers through his hair. Then he blinks. "So you—you're serious? You want to get married?"

I nod. "Yeah. I mean, I would still get a cut, right?"

"Yeah. Of course. However much you want, it's yours. And we could rent you a table here, and get that PI for…you know."

I shake my head. "I don't know if I need that PI yet. I heard Nadia and Sonya talking the other night? They acted like my mom was in town." I roll my eyes. "Of course they pretended like nothing was going on when they saw me."

And even if I didn't need money for a PI, I sure would want to keep driving my car, using my cell phone, eating, and eventually, figuring out Sage's dahlia situation.

"You really think she's in town?"

"Who knows." I sigh and close my eyes. The sky has turned from bright and blue to overcast. Which matches how I feel exactly—dim, numb. Exhausted. "I'll find out tomorrow. I have to go shopping with Amá and Sky."

"So how about Tuesday, then?" I open my eyes and he's pulling something out of his wallet. "We can meet in the courthouse. You can move into my place by the end of the week."

"Tuesday it is." It's not like I have anything else going on.

Carter takes my left hand and pushes on a ring. I get a little distracted by the feel of his warm skin against mine, so it takes me a second to notice the jewelry. When I do, my jaw drops open.

A line appears between Carter's brow as he takes a big breath. "Do you like it? If you don't, we can change it. It doesn't matter to me. We can get you whatever you want, you know?"

"I—" I tighten my muscles to keep my voice from shaking. "I just can't believe you remembered."

When I was a little girl, I thought Princess Diana had the most gorgeous engagement ring in the universe. Never mind that her husband fucked around, that her marriage wasn't destined to last. I remember cutting out a picture of the diamond-haloed sapphire from a magazine and pinning it to my wall, next to corny pictures of the Backstreet Boys. I was sure AJ was going to get me a ring just like it when he asked me to marry him.

But somehow I ended up with something even better. I mean, I know I've never seen the royal ring up close in real life. But there's no way it rivals this one. The gold is impossibly shiny, the diamonds so sparkly, I probably look like I'm cradling a damn disco ball around my finger. The sapphire is lighter than Diana's, a blue that reminds me of the distant ocean, the way it looks from the balcony of Nadia's attic, with the waves in the distance glittering just like the way this giant-ass rock does when I turn my hand in the sunlight.

"It's not as big a sapphire. Di's was twelve carats. This one's only a little over four. And the diamonds around it are smaller. And they're not flawless, but they are ethically mined. I mean, so is the sapphire. It's twelve-carat white gold. Diana's was eighteen—"

I interrupt him by throwing my arms around his neck. "It's the prettiest ring I've ever seen, Carter."

"Yeah?" He's breathless. Probably because I'm almost choking him.

"Yeah."

When I pull back, he's looking at me so closely, I feel frozen. Like the market all around us doesn't exist anymore. Like the whole world has blended into some abstract forms of color, and only Carter and me are the ones in detail.

He takes a shaky breath. "Teal, I—"

"Well, I'll be! Teal Flores, is that an engagement ring on your finger?"

I turn and there is Nora Jacoby. "Oh. Uh—"

"I swear I saw Carter there put something on you. It's a sapphire, isn't it? Good lord, look at the size of that thing!"

Before I know it, my hand is now being yanked by the biggest gossip in town. She wouldn't be around us if we hadn't told her Lani had a poopy emergency. This is me, instantly reaping what I have sown. "We're trying to keep it a secret for now," I mumble.

Nora grins. "Oh, honey, of course. Of course. I won't tell a soul."

Which means that by the end of the hour, everyone will know.