Chapter 5

5

The beach is warm with a hint of a cool breeze, and the waves are mild, the color of turquoise, rolling in the pale seafoam. I glance around during the ceremony, spotting Sage and Tenn ahead of us, Laurel and Alex Ramirez next to them, and Nadia and Sky to our left. Just behind them is Leilani and her mom, Helena.

Finally, I relax enough to sit back and watch as Nate exchanges vows with Fern Santos. She's got hair as black as onyx, pinned up with bejeweled pins that sparkle in the sunlight. Her dress is a full-on princess grown, with embroidered lace covering her chest, down to her wrists, becoming a scattering of crystals that waterfall the skirt. Nate wears a black tux with an emerald tie and forest green Converse peeking from the bottom of his trousers. They are both so giddy with nervous joy, I can feel it all the way over here.

He hired her as a social media manager to put Cranberry Rose Company—which he technically owns—firmly in the twenty-first century. I heard the story third- or fourth-hand, but word has it that they hit it off when they met in person only nine months ago. Which was only like two months after he and I broke things off.

I look inside myself for any other feelings about Nate getting married. Any hint of resentment or jealousy or longing. But there isn't any. When the officiant declares them husband and wife, though, his face erupts into a smile so bright, my stomach drops. Not because I want him . But because I want that . I want someone to want me like that someday. To be wanted so bad that the idea of being with me forever just makes them so happy, it spills over in the biggest smile in the universe.

Carter's to my right and I look at his legs, wondering if that ring is still in his pocket. 'Cause that's what I got. Not a man looking at me like I make the world go round. Instead, here's a man so desperate for his inheritance, he wants to use me to get it.

We stand and clap as Nate and Fern run down the aisle, lifting their joined hands in the air. While the officiant explains to everyone where we're all supposed to go next, I elbow Carter's ribs.

"Jesus, your elbow's pointy," he grunts.

"What's in it for me, Carter? 'Cause you being my date to this shindig isn't enough."

I know I said I wanted to be a better person. Stop being selfish , that's what I told myself when I accepted this deal without knowing what I was getting into. That said, not being selfish doesn't mean I'm going to let anyone, even Carter, walk all over me. Being a plus-one to a wedding is not equal to being the bride of a wedding.

Not to mention, what I really wanted from this agreement was for Carter and me to repair the friendship we'd lost. The friendship I'd broken. Instead, we're acting like acquaintances who barely like each other. If I have to pretend to marry him, I need way more to get me through a marriage like that, no matter how fake.

People start to stand and chat, with others heading toward the ballroom behind us. Carter and I don't move, except to turn and stare at each other. It's dumb, but I swear I almost gasp when we make eye contact. The bright sun is making his eyes look like yellow crystal flames.

His eyes drop to my mouth for a second. I wonder if I missed a lipstick smear after all. "I can pay you. You'd get a cut."

I scoff. "I don't need money."

Carter shrugs. "Everyone could use money."

As long as billionaires exist, that statement isn't even remotely true. But I don't want to fight with him right now. "How long would we have to be married?"

He shrugs. "Till I get the money. However long it takes for her to give it to me."

"Where would we live?"

Carter shrugs. "My place, I guess."

I furrow my brow. "Where are you living now again?"

Before he can respond, arms from behind wrap around my neck so tight, I can barely breathe. When I glance over, it's Lani and her mom. "Hey!" I stand to give them both proper hugs and cheek kisses.

We all small talk for a few minutes, but then Helena tugs at her arm. "We can't stay for the reception," she tells us. "With everything happening next week, there's no time for fun or wine or dancing."

I shake my head, my eyes going back to Lani. "What's happening next week?"

"The universe in motion!" she exclaims, lifting her arms. Her mom chuckles and we all hug and kiss goodbye. "Tomorrow," Leilani tells me before they leave. I think she means it to sound like a promise, but it's almost—almost—a threat.

I turn to Carter, about to comment on how weird that was, but he's turning toward the ballroom. "I need a drink," he barks over his shoulder.

To which I respond, "That's the best idea I've heard all day."

Inside, I wait behind Carter in the line for the bar. I let my eyes drift over the crowd, pretending to act neutral. But what I'm really doing is making sure my ex, Johnny, isn't here. Not that he'd do anything to me. Last spring, Sage scared the shit out of him so thoroughly with her gift, I'm pretty sure he'd leave immediately if he spotted me or her or any of us Flores women here. But generally speaking, he's the last person I ever want to see, ever. Even though we're not together anymore, the idea of being near him sends my nervous system into fight or flight.

He abused me. There's no pretty, nice way to put it. It started with light shoves—just when he was angry, and I happened to be in his way. Except I started noticing that he thought I was in his way only when he was angry. Like he coincidentally needed to get to the cupboard behind me for a plate, or to knock me out of the entrance to the bathroom because he needed it first.

The realization of what was really happening came to me too slow. He wanted to shove me, so he made damn well sure I was "in the way."

Then he began to push me. At first, against furniture, so I'd hopefully land on something cushioned. But once, he pushed me against the wall so hard, the knot at the back of my head didn't go down for three days. Once, he made sure I didn't have anywhere to land but the cold, hard floor.

The last thing to come was the grabbing, the squeezing, the hitting. They were more infrequent, so Johnny could say things like Well, at least I don't hit you . I guess if a man hits a woman only every three or four months, it doesn't count, apparently.

He threatened me by saying he'd ruin me, putting explicit photos of me on the internet for all the world to see if I even thought about dumping him. That's why I didn't leave at first. Not till Sage saved me.

And to add insult to injury, just before the new year, his cousin Rhett Miller took over Cranberry Fitness. And the first thing he did was lay me off. I mean, yeah, he said they had no choice. They'd had to cut several workers. They needed to get back in the red. Blah, blah, blah.

Did that explain why they fired their most popular fitness trainer?

The problem—of which there are many, mind you—with being a DV survivor is too many people think you're exaggerating or outright lying about what happened. Against all statistical evidence, most people assume the victim is making shit up for fucking fun, because becoming the town outcast—of which there are many—is such a joy to endure.

It was pretty clear what Johnny's cousin thought the first time I met him. He looked me up and down with a snarl and ignored my outstretched hand. I knew I was unemployed right then and there, even though it took another month for it to be official.

I blink out of my thoughts when a drink is shoved in my face. "Oh!" I glance up as I take the glass. Carter looms over me, and he got me a whiskey neat. It's what I always order at the Lounge.

Before I can thank him, he's disappeared into the crowd all around us.

"Well, then," I say, lifting my whiskey to the no one in front of me now. "Cheers."

As soon as I realize that neither Johnny nor anyone else from his stupid family is here, I relax, drink, and dance with Nadia, Sage, Tenn, and Sky, in that order. The whole ballroom is decorated so beautifully, with Cranberry heritage roses and other flowers I don't know just everywhere, a pastel rainbow of petals pinned to the walls and chairs and centerpieces, making everything smell so intoxicating that I can push aside the stressors of this morning for a few songs. But it doesn't take long for them to creep back, one by one, like sneaky little brain goblins.

Carter seems to have disappeared, and I convince myself that he's ditched me. He's changed his mind about everything. That, or I dreamed up the entire proposition. It's preposterous enough to feel like a delusion. Like my mind would've been that creative because I was so desperate to have my childhood best friend back.

"Did you hear me?" Sage is asking, waving a hand in my face. "Earth to Teal."

I shake my head. "No, what did you say again?"

She narrows her eyes at me. "Where did Carter go?"

I shrug. "Who knows?" I say, in probably way too cheery a voice, because Sage simply narrows her eyes even more.

She decides to let it go, and instead, she points to the centerpieces. "Aren't all the dahlias gorgeous? That's what I was asking you before."

They are. I didn't even know they were all the same flower—some were teeny tiny, with tight little petals, and others were enormous, about the size of my face, their petals all loose like ribbons.

Sage sighs. "What I wouldn't give to have these at our wedding."

I furrow my brow. "And why couldn't you? You know, with your gift."

Sage can basically think a flower at a plant and in the next second, it's covered in them. But she shakes her head. "I've noticed I get so tired after using my gift since…" She lowers her voice, her hand going protectively to her stomach. "I don't think it's hurting the baby, but I don't want to risk it, either. And this many dahlias…that's so much work."

"Can't you order them in?"

Sage snorts and laughs.

"What?" I frown.

"Oh, you were serious." She shakes her head. "This would cost a small fortune. No, forget that. A very large fortune."

I swallow, and maybe it's the whiskey getting to me, but number two of my Become a Good Person New Year's resolutions lingers on my brain. Make it up to Sage. The words become larger and larger, like an oncoming spaceship, until it lands and I must speak. "Leave it to me."

Sage widens her eyes at me, and then she shakes her head again. "I'm talking thousands of dollars, Teal. No."

"I said, leave it to me. Consider the flowers handled." I can't help the anger flying up in my tone, that spacecraft zooming away. "When do you need them again?"

"Right." She winces. "September."

" This September? I thought the wedding wasn't happening till next year!"

Sage takes a deep breath. "We wanted to do it before the baby came. So we could have an actual honeymoon, just the two of us…"

"Right," I say. Sage and Tenn were going to Santo Domingo, to spend time with his family and frolic in the turquoise blue waters. A pang of jealousy thumps through my heart. "Well, no matter. I got the flowers. Take them off your budget."

"Teal."

"I said, for the last time, I got it."

Sage looks hurt by the sharpness of my voice, but she conceals it with a false, bright smile. "Okay. You got it."

I wish I could feel triumphant, but apparently I'm not even the kind of sister who can do a favor without being an asshole about it. I close my eyes. This is why I'm trying to be better. Be less selfish. Make it up to the people I love.

"Sorry," I say softly. "I just really want to do this for you."

Sage gives me a look of shock for a moment but covers it with a smile. I guess that's a sign of how often I've apologized our entire lives. This may well be the second or third time ever. "It's no problem, Teal. I just don't want you to go into debt over a few flowers."

"I won't. I promise." And before this conversation gets any weirder, I announce, "I need another drink," and speed away. I stand at the bar, waiting for the bartender to notice me, when a big, bulky body appears in my right periphery.

I turn and glance up. A man in a black suit and a ridiculous jawline stares straight ahead. He's got close-cropped auburn hair and a slightly redder five o'clock shadow dusting that blade-sharp jaw.

"You're Sky's sister, right?" The guy asks the question without glancing my way.

Immediately, my hackles go up. Because if I thought barely anyone believing my past abuse was bad…well, Sky has it way worse with what she went through last summer and the last eight years all put together. Though all of us have managed to scare off most of the weird people who think Sky's an alien or ex–cult member or something, every now and then someone will try to weasel their way in, trying to find out "the truth."

"Yeah, and what the fuck about it?" I respond.

Now he glances my way, revealing a lightly freckled face and rich blue eyes. "She's been helping my grandfather. William Noemi."

"Oh. You're Adam ." Now the look I give him is appraising.

When Sky wasn't-quite-dead, she wandered this world, the world of the living, as a ghost. Nadia says it was espanto. This translates to "terror." In this case, Sky's terror when she fell meant a piece of her soul was severed. When Sage and Nadia found her body, that soul went back, I guess, and things are hunky-dory now.

But while Sky was a ghost, she did a lot of snooping. And this snooping made her develop a crush on our neighbor Old Man Noemi's grandson, Adam. Once in a while she'll bring the old man homemade flan or cookies, hoping Adam is back visiting from New York City, I guess, so she can be the small-town lady in a Hallmark film who lures the big-city journalist back for good…except this small-town lady is also a witch who is greeted by wildcats and bears when she goes on walks in the woods.

"I'm Teal."

He nods at the empty drink in my hand. "Want another?"

And just at this moment, another figure appears. Carter slides in between me and Adam. "Ready to go?" he grunts out. His tone is so pissed, if it were any louder, he'd be barking at me.

"Nice to meet you, Adam." I say it while glaring at Carter.

Adam grunts something incomprehensible in response, and I hop off the chair, scrambling after Carter. I'm breathless by the time I catch up to him in the parking lot.

"What is wrong with you?" I hiss. "First you leave the reception, only to come back to be an asshole?"

"What about you?" he growls back. "Were you going to text me after you'd gone home with that guy, or just let me figure it out all on my own?"

"Are you seriously slut-shaming me right now?" I have to tighten my hands into fists so I don't jump over a car to strangle him. "Carter, you've slept with more people in the last six months than I have in my entire life. Calm down with the hypocrisy." It's probably mega-embarrassing to admit that I've been keeping tabs on Carter's dating life that closely, but I'm too pissed off to care right now.

We both open our car doors and thrust ourselves in at the same time. I snap my seat belt on. "And besides. I was there with you . I'd never leave with someone else."

Carter snorts in response. I know he's thinking about me rushing home with Nate two days after kissing him. But this isn't the same thing at all.

He sighs and I think he's going to apologize. Instead, he says, "I've only slept with three people in the last six months."

Well, that sentence feels like a knife directly in my gut. "What do you want? For me to stand up and clap? Make an announcement?" I mime speaking into a megaphone. "Everyone, allow me to extend our congratulations to Carter Velasquez, who managed to get his dick wet not once, but three times since October."

The smile he gives me is dry. "No, it's…you made it seem like I…" He runs a hand over his beard. "I'm sorry, Teal. I was an ass."

I fold my arms. "You were the ass of an ass."

He furrows his brow. "You mean like a donkey?"

"No. If regular asses had asses, that's how you were acting."

He tilts his head as he tries to imagine what the hell I'm describing, and I can't help it. I snort and then I burst into laughter. When I look at him again, he's staring at me like I've presented him with a chest of jewels. I smack his arm.

He rubs his biceps like that actually hurt. "What was that for?"

"Being an ass of an ass." I glance out the window as we settle into silence. "Speaking of sex."

Carter clears his throat.

"How would—if we got married, I mean—"

"I'm not sleeping with you, Teal. That's not part—that would never be part of it."

Disappointment rushes through me and I have no idea why. "But wouldn't you? Need it?"

He cuts me a look that I'm hoping will be full of heat, but it's the opposite. Cold like stone. "I'm never going to sleep with you, Teal."

Well, if the idea of him sleeping with other people was a knife in the gut, the fact that he can't help but be so obviously repulsed at the idea of sleeping with me is several dozen knives right in the heart.

It's not that I'm desperate to fall into bed with him. It's more like I can hear my ex Johnny's voice in my head. No one but me would ever want you.

I'm not dumb. I know that sentence was a manipulation tactic, designed to make me stay with him, to not consider any other romantic options. He wanted me to believe there would never be any other romantic options.

Still, though, it stung then, and it stings now. Even though it's not what Carter said, I can't help but feel the insult echoing in my body. I try to dislodge it with an angry huff. "Point taken. Jesus. I was talking about you wanting someone else. Because going without sex is hard for some people." It certainly was hard for Johnny. He didn't like to go a single day without it. He insisted it was how men were. Men need to come , he'd lecture at me. But for women, orgasm isn't the point of sex. The point is to make her man happy. Funny how he didn't include these beliefs in the YouTube videos he uploaded.

"I'm not cheating while we're married. We might not be together, but I'm not cheating." He pulls up in front of Nadia's home and cuts the engine. When he looks at me…well, now he's heated. His eyes have darkened and his jaw ticks. "Is that what you want? To be able to fuck whoever you want?"

"I wouldn't cheat, either." I cross my arms and glare at him. "I've never cheated and I won't start with a marriage, no matter how fake."

He breathes out a sigh that sounds suspiciously like relief. "So you'll do it."

"We still haven't established what's in it for me, Carter." He didn't even stick around at the wedding to be my date. We didn't share one dance. Not a single reminiscence about our childhood. I blink back tears and sigh an inward groan when the sky darkens with a group of clouds.

"I told you. Money."

"I don't want your money."

We stare at each other until finally Carter gives. "It's a lot of money, Teal. Enough to…" He bites his lips. When he releases them, they are unfairly plump. "Enough to get that PI you always wanted. To find your mom."

My breath is frozen in my chest for a moment.

Well. He has me there.

We were thirteen and fifteen when he and I first looked up how much personal investigators cost at Cranberry Library, where we did school research on their internet-connected computers. Both of our jaws had dropped open the second we saw the quotes. I couldn't afford that expense even when I still had my trainer job.

The reminder of me and Carter looking it up brings up a lot more crap I don't want to deal with.

Like the fact that we're not supposed to tell anyone about our gifts, but I blabbed to the two people I had trusted most in the world, Lani and Carter.

Like the fact that of those two people, I trusted only one enough with my theory that my mom had broken my power somehow. And that I wished more than anything I could find her to get it back. And now I'm sitting in a car with him, trying to figure out if I can handle pretending to love him for however long it takes.

"I'll think about it," I finally tell him. I get out of the car too fast to let him respond, and when I'm inside and he drives away, I grab my running shoes and change. Even though I ran too much this morning, I'm doing it again.