Chapter Eleven

After the shadow, named Kreich, walks me back to my zone, he tells me he is returning to our realm. I watch as he crosses over but am not sure he will stay there. I watched him go through last time, yet he came back to test me. Perhaps he plans to test me further on this night. Or a future one. Maybe he has been assigned these tasks in the way Jhai was assigned to monitor me.

I am grateful when the rest of my shift goes by without issue and with no more pop-up check-ins. I stop by Jhai's room on the way to mine, but find it empty. Not surprising, as he could be making his way back, so I continue to mine. Though I am usually exhausted upon returning after a shift, I find myself restless. I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of shadows walking around outside. I look around my room, noting everything looks untouched, though something feels off. There is something in the air that has me on edge, and I can't figure out what it is.

I scan over the small desk and chair by the window. Normal. I bring my gaze to the small aperture above the desk that allows me to see down into the streets. Normal. My bookshelf lined with books. Normal.

Except, as I pull my gaze away, I dart it back as something catches my eye.

The Guardian Handbook. It is not in the same place I left it. The handbook was always the first book on my third shelf, beside Shadows and their Sins, a non-fiction book about shadows who have done terrible things and reside in prison.

Now my handbook is fifth from the left, between The Loyal Shadow and The War of the Realms. I have no recollection of moving any of these books. Honestly, I can't recall the last time I read through my handbook. I get up from my bed and move to the bookshelf. No other books look out of place, but I spend a few moments looking anyway. When I'm convinced it is the only book that's been moved, I pull it from its spot and take a seat at the desk and flip open the front cover.

Guardian Handbook

Third Edition.

It's rare for changes to be made within the handbook—rules are rules, but it has happened a few times. When a change is made, we receive a new copy and are ordered to review changes to ensure we are aware of them.

As I skim the index, unsure what I am looking for, I realize there is a gap in the pages about a third way into the book, as if something is in there, stopping them from shutting completely. Curious. I stick my finger through it at the top of the book and flip it open.

A pulse of emotion so heavy it feels like a boulder slams into the center of my chest, causing me to suck in a breath. I jerk back, jumping to my feet and stepping away so quickly the chair falls to the ground with a clatter. My eyes refuse to leave the flower that is between the pages. Brittle and fragile, but not fully stiff. Meaning, it hasn't been there for long. I can still see the bit of moisture in the petals. My chest aches as I take it in. This flower has some sort of emotional connection… but why? A flicker of two bright blue eyes are seen behind my closed lids.

I suck in another breath, and I'm hit with a sharp pain that zaps through my head, settling at the base of my neck. I lean forward, pressing my palms to the cool desk, hissing as waves of memories flood my brain.

The girl lying on the ground.

The warm air around us.

Her smile.

Her moans.

Her legs shaking.

"Everything okay in here?" I whirl around to find Bouran, a fellow guardian, standing in the doorway. "I heard a commotion."

I step back, hiding the book with my body, then offer a smile. Though my heart is pounding, I must remain calm. "Yes, I tripped on the chair. I'm tired," I admit with a slight shrug.

He nods understandingly. "You should get some sleep, Vesperon. The night will come too quickly, and that means another shift. You don't want to be tired while on duty."

"You're right. Thank you, Bouran."

He nods his head, then continues down the hall. I wait a beat, then turn and glance down at the book, the pressed flower, and the memory that comes back to me this time isn't in small bits. It's a full picture.

I lean down and inhale her sweet scent, my mouth watering. Tasting her would be a dream. One day, I will get a taste, and I'll never stop. I stay there for a moment, close my eyes, and just breathe. I need to keep it together. Her scent is intoxicating, the sight of her dripping for me is... gods, I'm going to lose my mind. I sit back but keep my eyes on her sweet cunt.

"Spread yourself open," I say through gritted teeth.

"Wh-what?"

"You are dripping wet, aching to be touched. These beautiful pussy lips aren't allowing me to get to your needy little clit."

Her eyes are as wide as saucers, but she says nothing. She does as I said, though, and uses both hands to spread herself. From here, I see how tight she is. I'm aching to stuff her with my cock, allowing me to make it as big as possible so I can feel her tightly wrapped around me, stretching her as much as she can take.

"Has anyone been inside you before?" I ask, holding my breath as I await the answer.

I close my eyes when I recall her answer. It wasn't the no I'd hoped for, but it doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Knowing she is mine now is enough.

I run my trembling fingers up the brittle stem, brushing over the fragile, crisp petals. Warmth spreads through my fingertips, up my arm, and settles in my chest.

I sigh out a slow breath, closing my eyes.

What is going on here?

A wave of emotion pulses in my chest, causing me to curl over. My fingers rake down the desk for something to grab but find nothing. Pulse after pulse, wave after wave. It's so strong it's almost painful. I breathe through it, and after a few moments, it subsides.

With a shake of my head, I glance out the small window as I try to recall when this intimate moment occurred. When did these memories take place? Pieces fall together. The time I cannot remember. The time before the girl, my mate, started calling to me in the night. Thank the gods it hasn't been that long. A little over a month. Any time without my mate is too long, but had her suffering been going on for many months… even years, I'd feel treacherous.

I flip back to the index of the book, leaving the flower where it is, safe and secure, and find the page that explains Guardians cannot have mates.

Section T.

Guardian Code of Conduct - Mate Prohibition and Interpersonal Relationships ……. Pg 1013

As stipulated within the foundational tenets of the Guardian Code of Conduct, it is imperative that guardians acknowledge and uphold the following directives regarding personal relationships:

T1. Mate Prohibition:Guardians are expressly forbidden from pursuing or establishing romantic connections leading to the acquisition of a mate. This crucial prohibition is inherent in maintaining an unwavering focus and commitment to the sacred duty of safeguarding humanity against darkling threats. Guardians, upon undertaking their oath, forego the privilege of seeking or maintaining a mate, ensuring undivided allegiance to their primary obligation. This is assisted in the form of a spell completed by the shadow witch employed by the Guardians of the Realms.

T2. Interpersonal Relations:While camaraderie and acquaintance with fellow shadows are permitted, the cultivation of deep or enduring relationships among guardians is discouraged. The primary emphasis remains on fostering a professional and collaborative environment conducive to the execution of assigned duties. Any entanglements that may compromise the impartial execution of responsibilities or the sanctity of the Guardian Code are strictly prohibited.

I read through the passages multiple times, which is what makes me realize there is nothing here stating what happens when a guardian finds their mate despite the spell. As I've heard, guardians have been in trouble for forming "too close" relationships with other guardians, but nothing about one of them finding their mate, regardless of the magic. Is it possible this has never happened before? Doubtful. Highly doubtful.

I read through it one more time and get caught on something different. The shadow witch.

That feels important. I think as hard as I can but come up with nothing. It's like the memory is right there, floating around, but I cannot grasp it. The shadow witch does not work during the day and requires an appointment, so going to her now is impossible. I also do not think I could make it to her without being seen. Surely I'd be questioned as to why I am visiting her. Guardians do not go to her on a whim. But what shall I do? If I make it to her, what do I say? She works for the guardians; going to her could be the last nail in the coffin for me.

It looks like I am in a corner, and there is only one way out.

When I go to the human realm tonight, I must speak with my mate.