Chapter 27

Istartle awake. I swear I could hear Travis calling out for me at some point. I rub my hands over my face, the reality of my current situation sinking in with each second that passes.

I drag my ass out of the bed and walk into the bathroom. Turning on the hot water, I wait for the room to steam up before I strip off and get under the spray. I let the tears fall freely down my face as I slowly go through the motions of showering.

I need to find a way to stop this pain, to ease it even a little bit. Either that or learn to live with the constant ache, the emptiness I feel in the pit of my stomach. As my hands angrily swipe at my tears, I make a vow to never put myself in this position again.

Travis will forever be my person. No amount of distance between us will change that. He’s just also the person I know I can’t have. Not if I want him to live a full and happy life. And I do want that. More than anything, I want him to live. Because as much as I’m hurting now, as hard as it is to stay away from him, I know it’d be a thousand times worse if he died.

I turn off the shower, wrap a towel around my body, and grab another one from the shelf. After wiping my face, I run the towel over my hair, squeezing the water out of the ends before dropping it on the floor. I pick up my hair tie and pile the damp strands into a messy bun on top of my head. Then I walk out of the bathroom and over to the bag I left on the chair by the window. I make it halfway across the room when I stop and stare at the figure currently propped up on the bed.

I close my eyes and count to ten. When I open them again, he’s still there. I thought for sure I was seeing things. I take in every feature, every part of his body, before I make the mistake of meeting his gaze. Neither of us moves for what seems like an eternity until Travis slowly stands and takes a step towards me.

My hand shoots up. “Stop. Don’t…” I shake my head. I cannot let him touch me. If I do, I don’t know if I’ll be strong enough to walk away from him again.

“Lili.” His voice is low, and I can see the hurt in his eyes.

“I can’t…” I swallow down the rest of my words. “Travis, what are you doing here? You should be in the hospital.”

“No, where I should be is wherever you are, Lili.”

“We can’t… You should leave.”

“I’m not leaving,” he says. “We need to talk about this, Lili.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. It’s not safe for you to be here, Travis. It’s not safe for you to be with me. I’m not going to be the reason you die,” I tell him.

“I didn’t fucking die, Lili. I’m alive and well. Standing right here in front of you.” He taps on his chest for emphasis.

“For how long? Until the next time? Travis, my family… we have enemies. I should have known better than to let you get so close. And for that, I’m sorry.”

“Bullshit. You’re scared and I get it. I really do. But I will not let you fucking run from this. You and me, it’s… I’m not giving you up,” he says.

“You don’t have a choice. You have to. You’ll find someone else, Travis. You’ll find a normal girl, with a normal family. And live a long, normal life.” My stomach turns even as I say those words. I don’t want him to find anyone else. I know that’s completely irrational and selfish of me, though.

Travis laughs. It’s a dark, hysterical kind of sound that lacks any actual humor. “You really want me to just move on? Go out there, find some other chick, and forget you ever existed?” His face screws up. Like just the thought makes him sick.

My mouth is dry, and my heart is beating out of my chest. “I don’t see any other way for this to end. Not if I want you to keep breathing.”

“That’s awfully dramatic, babe,” he says.

“It’s the truth. Do you know how many funerals I’ve attended in my life?” I ask him.

“No,” he says.

“Fifty-seven.” I throw my hands in the air. “I’ve been to fifty-seven funerals, and I will not make yours fifty-eight. Because that’ll be the one that ends me.”

“That’s not going to happen. You really think anything in this world is going to make me leave you, Lili? Not even you can prevent me from keeping you.” Travis closes the gap between us.

“Please don’t…” I ask him, my voice shaky.

“I love you, Lili. I love you so fucking much that I’m going out of my mind at the thought of losing you.”

“I’m doing this because I love you, Travis,” I attempt to explain.

“No, you’re doing this because you’re scared,” he repeats.

“Of course I’m fucking scared!” I yell at him. “I got a phone call telling me you were shot while I was thousands of miles away. I had to look at you lying motionless in that hospital bed. I spent hours wondering if you were going to live, if you were going to wake up. So, yes, I’m scared. I’m fucking terrified. Of you dying. Of something happening to you that I can’t control. Of losing you for good.”

“You’re not the only one who’s scared here, Lili. I’m fucking terrified of losing you too. I can’t. I won’t. So whatever bullshit is going on in your head, get rid of it. You and me are end game. There is no other option. You say you want me to live, but I’m standing here telling you that I won’t—can’t live without you. I’m dying here, babe.” He shakes his head. “How can I live without the one person in the world who makes me feel more alive than I ever have before? How can I live without the person who is my reason for living? That’s you, in case you were wondering. You are mine, Liliana Valentino, and nothing is going to change that. Ever,” he says.

My knees buckle. His closeness, his words… it’s all too much. I fall to the ground as sobs rack my body. Travis curses as he follows me down. His arms close around me and he pulls me tight against his chest.

“Lili, you’re breaking my fucking heart,” he whispers.

“Better to be broken than buried,” I reply through my tears.

“I disagree.” His lips press onto my forehead. “I’d rather not live at all than live in a world where you’re not mine.”

“I’ll always be yours,” I tell him. “I just can’t be with you.”

Travis rocks me back and forth, his hands rubbing soothing circles along my spine. “I love you,” he repeats over and over again.

“Sometimes love isn’t enough, Travis. Love doesn’t guarantee you a happy ending.”

“Our love does. You’ll see,” he says.

“I just need space. I just need some time. I need to go home.”

“Your home is here, with me.”

“I’m sorry.” I pull myself out of his arms. That’s when I notice the blood seeping through his sweatshirt. “Travis, you’re bleeding!” I shriek. “Shit. Oh my god.” I jump to my feet, run to the door, and swing it open. “Alessandro, Enzo, Dad!” I list off every name I can think of.

“Lili, I’m fine,” Travis grunts.

“You’re not fine,” I yell at him.

My dad and cousin come running up the stairs. With guns in their hands. Without a word, my father reaches out and throws me behind him.

“What the fuck?” he hisses when he peers into the room and sees Travis still on the bedroom floor.

“He’s bleeding. Get a doctor,” I tell him.

“Liliana, do not scream bloody murder when there’s not an actual fucking murderer in the goddamn house,” Dad huffs while holstering his weapon.

“Dad, he needs a doctor.” I run back into the room and lift Travis’s sweatshirt. I should have looked sooner. I should have found something to stop the bleeding.

“Is this all I had to do to get you to undress me, babe?” Travis looks at me with a smirk playing on his lips.

“You’re an idiot. Also, my dad is right there,” I whisper.

“He likes me.”

“No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t like anyone whose name doesn’t end with Valentino.” I laugh.

“When we get married, you’ll be an O’Neil. Bet he’ll still love you then.”

I stare at him. When we get married? I just told the man I can’t be with him, that I need space, and he’s talking about getting married.

“Doc’s on the way,” Enzo says.

“Thank you,” I tell him.

Dad walks in with a first aid kit a few seconds later. “Liliana, go and get a wet towel.”

I push to my feet and rush to the bathroom, running water over a towel before wringing it out. I watch in horror as red bleeds through the white of the fabric. There’s blood on everything I touch. I need to remember that I’ve caused this. That Travis’s blood is literally on my hands.