Chapter 25

Inever really understood heartbreak. I didn’t know it would feel like this. As if whoever I was before is gone. It’s like my heart is shattering inside my chest and there isn’t enough duct tape in the world to put it back together.

I also never expected to be the cause of my own heartbreak. I did this to myself. I let myself believe that I could keep him. That I finally found a man who was worthy of me and I was going to get my happily ever after.

Except girls like me don’t get that fairy tale. In my story, one heart has to break to ensure the other keeps beating. I will endure the pain, the despair. I’ll endure it all if it means that Travis is okay. I won’t be the reason he’s no longer living. I refuse to be his downfall. Instead, I’ll be my own. I’m giving myself another day to wallow in my grief before I’m going to bury all of these feelings somewhere deep down and carry on living a life that I no longer want.

I don’t want to return to New York and pretend that I haven’t left the other half of my soul behind. I don’t want to carry on as if he never existed, but I don’t have any other choice.

“Okay, we’re doing this.”

I peek my eyes open at the sound of Gray’s voice and watch as he walks over to the window and spreads the curtains open.

“Go away.” I roll over on the bed and bury myself under the covers.

“Nope, no can do. If you’re going to have a pity party, then who better to join you than me, Lil? I am the master of self-loathing after all.” Gray yanks at the blanket, pulling it off the bed completely.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I tell him.

“Good, because neither do I. What I want to do is get drunk.” He places two glasses down on the nightstand before shoving me over to make room for himself on the bed. “Why are you hiding out in here anyway?”

“I’m really not in the mood, Gray,” I grumble.

“Too fucking bad. Sit your ass up and have a drink with me. You owe me that much,” he says, laying the guilt trip on thick this time.

“I don’t owe you shit,” I groan.

“You helped my girlfriend disappear for six years, then sat by my side while I mourned her death, Liliana. You owe me.”

“I helped my best friend disappear. I did it for her, and I’d do it again if I had to,” I warn him.

“I just came from the hospital. Your boyfriend’s all up in arms about checking himself out against medical advice to come and get you.”

“He can’t do that.” I sit up straighter.

“It’s not wise, but he can do it. If he wants. And he’s determined to talk to you.” Gray pours two glasses of whiskey and hands one to me.

“I’m going home. I can’t be here,” I tell him.

“Travis know that?”

“I can’t be with him. It’s because of me he almost got killed.” I take the glass from Gray’s hand, down the contents, and regret it instantly. My throat and chest burn from the liquor.

“Bullshit. That bullet had nothing to do with you, Lil,” Gray says.

My brows furrow. “You don’t know that.”

“I do know that. If anything, it was probably because of us. Valentinos have no business in Vancouver, Lil.”

“Travis took a bullet because of your family?” I punch his shoulder.

“Ow, damn it. Don’t hit me.”

“My boyfriend took a bullet that had your name on it, didn’t he?” I hold out my glass, waiting for Gray to refill it.

“He did. So, you see, it had absolutely nothing to do with you.” Gray smiles like he just solved world hunger or something.

“It doesn’t matter. It would have happened because of me eventually. The world I live in, the kind we both grew up in, Gray… it’s not meant for normal. And Travis is as normal as they get.” I shake my head and stare into my whiskey. “I never should have got involved with him.”

“So, what? You’re going to stick to dating made men?” Gray raises his brows at me.

“I’m never dating again.” I chug the rest of the amber liquid and set my glass down on the nightstand.

“Yeah, okay.” He rolls his eyes. “You’re being dramatic, Lil, and the only person you’re hurting is yourself. Well, yourself and Travis.”

“I’m not hurting Travis. I’m protecting him.”

“What the fuck are you doing in here? Get off that fucking bed before I leave your ass to bleed all over it.”

Gray and I turn towards the door at the sound of my brother’s voice.

“Calm down. We’re just talking,” Gray grunts.

“You can talk without being on her fucking bed,” Alessandro counters while storming into the room.

Gray pushes up from the bed and lands me with a glare. “Lil, call him,” he says before barging past Alessandro and out of the room.

I look to my brother. “That was unnecessary, you know.”

“Actually, it was very necessary. Pops is here.”

My eyes widen. “What is he doing here?”

“What do you think? Looking for you.”

“Tell him I don’t want to see him.” I reach down and pick up the blankets Gray tossed on the floor. Then I lean against the headboard and bring my knees up to my chest.

“You can’t avoid him forever, Lil, but if you really want, I can try to get you out of here before he figures out which room you’re in.”

I peer over at the door. I’m about to tell my brother to get me out of the house when my father’s body fills the opening. “Alessandro, get out,” he says, stepping into the room.

Alessandro looks at me. “You want me to stay?”

“I said get the fuck out,” Dad yells, his jaw tense and his eyes narrowed at my brother.

Alessandro turns around, his arms folded over his chest. “And I’m asking my sister if she wants me to stay or not. If she says yes, then you’ll have to drag my dead body out.”

The corner of Dad’s lips tip up, and there’s a hint of pride in his eyes. He doesn’t say anything, just raises a single brow and shoves his hands into his pockets like he’s amused.

“Lil?” Alessandro looks over his shoulder at me.

“It’s fine. Go,” I tell my brother.

He nods once. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

Dad waits for Alessandro to leave the room before he closes the door and walks over to the bed. He sits on the edge of the mattress, right next to me. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to. I know I hurt him. I know that my outburst before I left home hurt him a lot. I’m still not one hundred percent convinced he didn’t do this, though, and I hate that I’m doubting my own father.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“For what?” he asks.

“I…” My words die off. I take a deep breath as a fresh bout of tears fall down my cheeks.

“Fuck. Liliana.” Dad reaches out and pulls me into his chest as his arms wrap around my back. “Please don’t cry,” he says as he kisses the top of my head.

“It hurts,” I sob. My fingers wrap around the lapels of his jacket.

“I know, sweetheart. He’s going to be fine, though. I spoke with his doctor,” Dad tells me.

I shake my head. “I can’t…”

“It’s okay. Just breathe.” Dad rubs his hands up and down my back.

“He’s… Seeing him in the hospital, all the tubes, everything… It was… I can’t see that again.”

“He’s okay, Liliana,” Dad repeats. “You want me to take you back to the hospital to see him?”

I shake my head again. “I can’t. I have to stay away.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to get him hurt more than he already is. I don’t want our world to touch him.”

“This wasn’t your fault, Liliana. This had nothing to do with us,” Dad tells me.

“We don’t know that. I don’t know that.” I pull back and look up at him.

Dad sighs and runs a hand down his face. “It’s not like I haven’t wanted to fill his body with lead.” He smirks. “But I would never do anything to hurt you, Liliana. Watching you fall apart like this is fucking destroying my soul.”

I can see the truth in his eyes. I believe him. I don’t know if that just makes me na?ve or desperate, though. Because I also want to believe him. “I’m sorry.”

“Why don’t you just talk to him?”

“I can’t.”

“Tell me something… What made you want to move to fucking Canada of all places with this guy?”

“I love him, Daddy.” I lift one shoulder in a half shrug.

“Why?” he asks me.

“Because he’s… he’s everything. Kind, patient, and when he looks at me, I feel like I’m the center of his world. When I’m with him, I feel a peace I’ve never known before. And when I’m not, all I do is count down the time until I see him again.” I wipe at my cheeks. “You always showed me what love looks like, the way you love Mom, the way you treat her. That’s the kind of love I’ve always wanted to find myself. And I did find it. Travis is that kind of love for me.”

“Then why are you so ready to walk away from it?”

“Because I love him too much to watch him get hurt again,” I admit.

“Liliana, there are no guarantees in life. No matter what you do for a living or how you live. If you want me to take you home, I will. If you want me to take you to the hospital to see him, I will. But you shouldn’t let fear dictate your decisions.”

“I want to go home.”

“Okay.” Dad tugs me back against his chest. “I need to do a few things first. We’ll leave in the morning,” he says.

I nod my head against him and tighten my arms around his waist. “Thank you.”

“I love you, Liliana.”

“Don’t be too hard on Alessandro. I made him promise not to tell you where we were,” I say. “And you taught us never to break our promises.”

“Your brother makes his own choices. And he chose you. That’s not something I’ll ever be mad at either of you for. You should always choose each other.” My father squeezes me one more time, then pushes up from the bed and makes his way to the door.

“Dad, I love you too,” I call after him.

He nods before walking out of the room.