Chapter 28

TWENTY-EIGHT

Annie

"I really am sorry."

I roll my lips in because my bottom lip is quivering and I might start crying. Mom is nearly in tears and I can't handle that.

I never saw Mom cry over anything until her best friend Diane was diagnosed with cancer. It was a roller coaster of ups and downs until Diane's cancer came back last year and she passed away. It hit Mom hard, losing her best friend.

"I know," I choke out.

"I feel terrible that I said that."

"It's okay."

She sighs and wipes one eye. "I was disappointed and worried about you being with someone not good enough for you. I want you to be happy, above everything else. Truly."

"I know, Mom."

"That's all I want for my kids. Happiness. Love. Trust."

I nod.

"And I'm also sorry that you feel like you're in competition with your brothers. It's not a competition, sweetheart."

"Mom. Everything's a competition."

She smiles. "I know sibling rivalry is a normal thing, to an extent. But the thing is…you all are different. Even the boys have their differences. I don't expect Kingston to be as laid back as Leif. You are different from your brothers. It doesn't mean you're not as good—you're just different, with your own unique qualities and talents. You're fearless and determined and loyal. And a truly beautiful skater. I admire you for how you moved on from the disappointment of having to give up figure skating. I know how hard that was for you. You've done amazing work here with this team and I can tell they all respect you."

Yes. I'm different.

Now the tears do brim over and slip down my cheeks. I use both hands to wipe them and Mom and I move together for a long, tight hug. "Thanks, Mom. I love you."

"I love you, too, my special girl."

As we draw apart and I reach for a Kleenex, my phone buzzes.

It's a couple of days after Logan's figure skating debut and Mom's still here. She's making my favorite chicken and wild rice casserole and Logan's coming for dinner tonight. It'll be a real chance for her to get to know him better.

I pick up my phone and unlock it. There's a text from Logan that says,

Uh oh.

I frown. What does that mean?

Then he sends me an Instagram link.

I click through and it's a picture of him and me, at Bryant Park, skating.

I smile.

Then there's a pic of us kissing.

Uh oh.

Nobody's supposed to know about us.

Except…people do. Now my whole family. Logan says he told his friends about us because he needed advice. Ivan knows, obviously. And now…people who were there that day are posting pics of us.

My stomach tightens. "Oh shit."

"What's wrong?"

I tell Mom and show her the post.

Logan sends another link.

"Yikes." I sink my teeth into my bottom lip and stare at my phone.

LOGAN: I'll be over in about fifteen. We can talk more

ANNIE: Okay

I feel a relief that he's coming, because…facing this with him seems a lot less daunting than facing it myself. I can deal with it myself, and I will, but having someone who's got your back is…well, it's wonderful.

Ivan comes out of his bedroom. He wanted to give Mom and me privacy.

I tell him, too, about what happened.

"Well, shit." He lowers himself into a chair. "But duh…of course this was going to happen."

"I'm sorry," is the first thing Logan says when he walks in. "This is all on me."

I take his jacket and hang it up.

"Hey, Ivan. Hi, Stella."

She smiles at him. "Hi. Your figure skating routine was impressive."

He takes off his ball cap and shoves a hand into his thick hair. "Maybe so, but it was dumb." He sits on the couch beside me.

"I thought it was such a beautiful thing." She sighs, hands on her lap. "I shouldn't have encouraged you."

"No, no." He shakes his head vehemently. "This is not your fault at all."

"I've been poking my nose in too many places."

Logan looks at me and meets my eyes. "I promised you no one would find out from me."

"I feel responsible, too," Ivan says.

"No," Logan and I say at the same time. We smile at each other.

"I didn't post it anywhere," Ivan adds, hands up. "I swear. I just sent the video to you."

"I know. It wasn't you," Logan says.

"We would have to deal with this at some point," I say.

"True." Logan meets my eyes.

"It's okay." I lift my chin. "I've been thinking about this and I have a plan."

Mom smiles. "Of course you do."

"Are you going to tell us about it?" Logan lifts an eyebrow. "What do you need from me?"

"Or me," Mom says.

Ivan grins. "Or me."

I smile at them all. "Thank you. I appreciate your support so much. Especially if this doesn't work out. I'll need it, then."

"Of course we're here for you. Always." Ivan looks at Logan. "Just don't make any short jokes."

I blink at him.

Logan tries not to smile.

"They go right over her head," Ivan finishes.

Logan and Mom burst out laughing. I throw a cushion at him.

I love these people.

* * *

"This is my resignation." I push the paper across the desk to Brad Julian.

He pushes it back. "I can't accept this."

I go very still. I glance over at Jennifer Sattler, VP of People and Culture for the hockey organization, sitting in Brad's office with us. She nods.

"I thought you were going to fire me," I say.

"No." Brad shakes his head. "We saw the stuff on social media. I gather you and Logan are involved in a relationship."

"Yes." I keep my head up. "We are. We've been trying to keep things discreet, but we knew we would have to deal with it at some point. I don't want to cause any problems for the team. So I'm quitting."

"You don't need to do that," Jennifer says. "There's no real conflict. We just ask that you maintain a professional relationship while you're both working."

"Logan's overcome his attitude about the skating," Brad says.

Brad knows all.

"And he's been playing great. It's good to see."

I nod slowly. "Yes." I take a deep breath. "Okay." My mind is working. I like the idea I've come up with and still want to pursue it. "I won't quit right away. I'll finish the season. But next year…I have a proposal for you."

Brad frowns. "Okay. What is it?"

"I'm going to start my own coaching business. I've been approached be a few players, from other teams. I think in this market there are enough professional players interested in my coaching services." There are three NHL teams near here, not to mention their affiliates. "And that would include the Bears." I tip my head. "I think our professional relationship would be more comfortable for all of us if I'm not an employee of the team, but rather a contractor."

Brad's face is inscrutable as he considers this. "Interesting."

He looks at Jennifer. She gives a small shrug.

"That could work," Brad says. "I'll discuss it with the Hellers. Do you have information on how you'd be compensated?"

"I'm working on that and I can give you a written proposal in a few days."

Ivan has put me in touch with a contact at Chelsea Piers, where he works, so I can rent ice time. I'll need to figure that and other expenses into my business case and work out how much I'll need to charge to make money.

"Okay." Brad smiles. "I'm glad we're not losing you. You've been a huge asset to the hockey club this year."

"Thank you. I appreciate that." My confidence has grown.

They don't see me as second rate. I am good enough for this job. I am as good as my brothers—I'm just different. I'm doing this, something I love, and maybe it's not what I always dreamed of, but it's fun and rewarding.

As I leave Brad's office, I get a text. I pull out my phone.

It's a message in the WAGs group chat. They added me yesterday. There's a game tonight and I'm going to it with them, sitting with the wives and girlfriends of the players I coach. But I won't be there as a coach.

Okay, I can't let go of the skating thing entirely. Of course I'll be watching with a critical eye. But that'll be for a different time.

Tonight, I'll be there cheering on my boyfriend. My boyfriend who's currently playing on the second line.

Dear Diane,

Well, I almost messed this one up.

I came to visit Annie in New York, excited to see her and Ivan together again. You know I love him and have since they were partnered up when they were twelve years old. As they grew up, I always wished they would be a couple. They had so much chemistry on the ice it was hard to believe those feelings didn't exist off the ice! Remember the things people used to say about them? Remember that crazy conspiracy theory that they had a secret baby together they were keeping hidden? Oh my gosh, that was so funny.

But deep down inside—I wanted it to be true.

As I do for all my kids, I wanted Annie and Ivan to find their happily ever after. And I'm embarrassed to admit that I ignored what they were telling me—that they are just friends. I kept pushing and pushing. I had good intentions! I know you won't judge me.

When I found out that Annie is involved with Logan Coates, I just about had a heart attack. Remember, he's the one who hit Jensen a few years back, when he ended up in the hospital and out for months? We all thought it was a dirty hit and Logan should have been punished more than he was. I couldn't believe she was involved with a player like that.

And it's serious!

It was a hard thing to accept. Lars and I talked a lot. He's such a reasonable man. One of many reasons I love him. He settled me down and got me thinking. And then Annie showed us video of the hit, showing that Logan didn't really intend to hit Jensen like that.

More than that, it showed me that Annie believed in him no matter what. And that she wanted us to know the truth about him, no matter what. She's grown up into such a mature, strong, determined woman. I'm so proud of her. I always have been, but I never realized how much she's tried to live up to her brothers. I should have made sure she always knew how talented and wonderful she is (except when she got caught drinking underage that one time and was almost kicked out of the skating club). (Well, maybe there were a few times she tested my limits…)

And when I got to know Logan a bit better, I saw how much he loves her, too.

And that is what I want for her. Plain and simple. To love and be loved by someone unconditionally, someone who's always got your back, someone who respects and worships you. And if that's Logan…I'm good with that. I'm more than good—I'm ecstatic.

After my missteps, do you think I've changed my mind about finding love for my last single child? No! I'm off to visit Tanner now, the baby of the family. He's still young, but I have a feeling he's ready for love.

I still miss you so much. I'll write again soon.

Love, Stella

* * *