Chapter 2

TWO

Logan

I still get nervous before training camp.

Nobody but me is ever going to know that, though.

This is my fourth season in the NHL. My fourth full season; I spent a couple of seasons in the AHL and got called up a few times while there. I've been training hard all summer. Even so, I get nervous about the fitness testing and the risk that some young pup could perform better than me at camp and steal my spot on the roster. Nothing is guaranteed. Especially since my last two seasons have been…unexceptional.

I know I'll never be the best player on the team. I was a fourth-round draft pick and I've had to fight my way up to the majors. I'm still fighting, now for more ice time and a spot on the third line. So I try to ease my nerves by telling myself training camp is an opportunity . An opportunity to show the team how hard I've been working, how much I want this.

But I won't let anyone see me sweat.

Okay that's a total lie, I sweat like a horse. I mean, I won't let anyone see me metaphorically sweat. Nobody knows how scared I am that I'll always be seen as second rate. A fourth liner forever. Just like my dad. On the outside, I'm confident. Cocky, even. I play with grit. But hitting guys and finishing the check and then being caught out of position doesn't help the team. I need to focus more on taking the puck rather than taking the body, even though my dad keeps hounding me about playing tough.

Just thinking about my dad gives me a bad taste in my mouth. Ugh.

It's day two of training camp and we're on the ice for the first time. And so is Annie Bang.

"I'd like to bang her ," Beav says in my ear, looking her way.

I slide him a sideways glare. "Shut the fuck up."

His eyebrows rise. But he shuts up and skates off.

Jesus bungie jumping Christ.

Speaking of banging Annie Bang…my palms break out in a sweat in my gloves.

It was six years ago, the night I met her. A long time ago. It still lives vividly in my fantasies, however.

Years after that, I was playing against Jensen Bang in Los Angeles. Everyone knew the Bang brothers—all five of them play in the NHL I didn't know any of them very well; just from playing against them over the years.

That night my desperate attempt to divest Jensen of the puck in the dying minutes of a game went horribly wrong. I still to this day swear I wasn't trying to hit him. I was honestly trying to stop, because he didn't have the puck, but I ended up falling on him. I know how it looked. I got suspended for four games and was crucified in the media and by the fans for a "dirty hit."

When that incident happened, I didn't make the connection between Jensen and Annie right away, but the whole thing blew up on social media and I realized I'd banged Jensen Bang's sister. And then I'd injured him. I'd reached out to Jensen, and I considered reaching out to Annie, but my agent told me I'd said what I needed to say to the media and to let it drop.

I watch Annie Bang lap all of us on the ice effortlessly. Some of the guys are impressed. Okay, sure, she can skate. But figure skating is entirely different from hockey.

I have to ignore her. I have to put in my best effort. I have goals for this season.

I skate my ass off doing the drills the coaches have us working on, focusing on hockey and not Annie. Until the end of our session and we're all leaving.

And she busts Jake's balls.

It's all I can do not to laugh. Especially at the look on his face. I meet my buddy J-Bo's eyes and he's fighting back laughter, too.

Jake stomps off and I risk a glance at Annie. Our eyes meet in a brief but mighty punch to the gut.

She's aware of me, too.

I turn away and head to the locker room. My heart rate slowed a bit after that practice, but now it's racing again. Shit, shit, fucking shit.

I shower and dress on auto pilot, getting ready for my meeting with Coach Shipton, my head full of confusion. I don't want Annie Bang here. She's a figure skater. She can't teach us anything. But also…she's still hot as fuck.

And that move with Jake—ballsy. Bold. Badass.

I fucking loved it.

But I still don't want her here.

"Hey, Logan," Coach greets me when I walk into his office. "How was your summer?"

"It was really good." I slide the glass door closed behind me and take a seat across the desk from Coach. "I did a lot of training but had some fun, too."

We make small talk and then Coach gets into the meat of it. "So. Like Brad said earlier, we made some moves over the summer. As you know, James was traded to Pittsburgh. We got draft picks in return, and we used those to draft some really good prospects, in our opinion."

I nod. James, who we called Red, had been around for a long time. The loss of an experienced veteran, not to mention our second line center, leaves a huge hole.

"Brad also talked about our draft strategy and getting the best players available at the time. Which means right now, a lot of our talent is waiting in the wings. And then there's the issue of Bergie's injury." Our team captain got his Achilles tendon sliced up. "We don't expect him back in the lineup until possibly December."

I bob my head again.

"So our first line from last season is intact. For now."

That's Easton Miller, Jay Bobak, and Brandon Smith. Also known as Millsy, J-Bo, Brando.

"But at this time of year, nothing's guaranteed," he adds. "Our second line last year was Red, Bergie, and Cookie."

Two of those guys are out.

"There's opportunity for some guys to make an impression and fill that line."

Me. That's me . I clamp my lips closed, though.

"We've got two experienced guys here on PTOs. One winger, one Dman. And we're light on experience in our forwards."

"Yeah."

"I also mentioned how we want to focus on our identity. We want to be more than physically tough. We want mental toughness. We want smarts."

"I know I've been known as more of a physical player," I say. "But I've been working on trying to play smarter. I did a lot of work over the summer with Jimmy Bilinksi."

Coach nods, recognizing the name of a former player who now does training. "Good, good. Glad to hear that."

I smile tightly. He just said a lot of stuff but I'm not sure where he's going with it.

"We'd like to see you do well this year." He leans forward. "You've got a few years of experience under your belt. You've got talent. Good hands, good at finding open ice. Great shooter."

"Thanks." My thoughts are darting all over the place.

"What I'm telling you is, there's opportunity here for you. We want you to succeed. We'd love to see you playing more minutes. Maybe even second line with Axe or Morrie. Or maybe with another center."

Gulp. Is he really saying what I think he is?

Top six? I was hoping to move up to the third line!

"We give all you guys the opportunity in camp." Coach meets my eyes. "The rest is up to you to show us what you got."

"Absolutely." My breath has gone shallow. "I want to play smarter. I know in the past I've sometimes put myself out of position for the sake of a hit. I don't want to sacrifice my positioning to make a hit that leaves the other guys at a disadvantage."

"But still use your body to force the puck away from players."

"Yeah."

"You're good at that. I love to see the puck knocked off an opponent's stick and taken the other way because of smart body checking.You know who's good at that?"

I think. "Nate."

"Yeah. But I'm really thinking of Jackson Wynn."

He plays for the Chicago Aces. I can see the comparison.

"He's so good at finessing though players and using his stick in unison with his body."

I nod. I admire Wynn.

"He plays the game with his mind, then puts his body into action." He pauses. "You have good hockey intelligence."

"Thank you."

"One thing we would like to see you work on is your skating."

I frown. "What?"

He nods. "We have our new skating coach this year. She's going to be a great asset."

"I know how to skate," I say, trying for humor.

"Of course you do. But it's not one of your strengths." He pauses. "If you want this, you're gonna have to work for it."

I let that sink in, then lift my chin. "That's what I want, too."

"Great." He smacks his hand on the desk. "I can't wait to see what you've got for the rest of camp."

"I'm looking forward to it, too." I stand.

"Your dad must be proud of you."

I pull in a slow breath through my nose. What the fuck do I say to that? My dad's not proud of me unless I'm slamming bodies into the boards or dropping the gloves. "I guess so," I reply awkwardly, feeling like a puck just settled in my gut.

"He was quite the agitator," Coach says with a reminiscing smile. "The game's changed a lot since his day."

"Yeah, it has." Too bad my dad doesn't see that.

Now I'm done for the day. Sometimes I carpool with the guys who live in my building, but today our schedules are different. So I find my buddies Evan Russell (Russ) and J-Bo to go for lunch. At the last minute, Barbie joins us (real name Igor Barbashev). We hit up a nearby place, Hudson Valley Market. It's great to hang with my buddies again after the off season.

The waitress takes our order with a big smile and flirty glances for all of us. She's new here, I think. The other waitresses are older women who roll their eyes at us.

J-Bo returns her smile with one of his own. His bad-boy appearance—long dark hair, beard and moustache, dark eyes, well-worn leather jacket—always appeals to chicks.

Oddly, Barbie's broken nose and missing tooth also appeal to women. But he's happily married and doesn't notice. Russ also pays more attention to the menu than the flirty waitress, although her gaze lingers on his face and shoulders. He's more of a clean-cut guy, with thick hair the color of maple syrup and an easy smile.

Hell, the waitress even looks at me with interest.

"So Millsy's married off now. Who's going to be next to bite the dust?" J-Bo asks.

"I'm not comfortable with the term ‘bite the dust,'" I say. "You make it sound like his life is over because he's married."

They all look at me.

I grin. "What? It's true."

J-Bo nods slowly. "You're right."

"My life is not over," Barbie says in his Russian accent. "My life started the day I married Nadia." We all groan at that and he grins. "Is true. She is my life."

I roll my eyes but inside I'm a little envious. I've had girlfriends, but I've never been in love. I'm not actually sure if I believe in love. In my family, love is something you use against someone to get something from them. "Cookie's next."

"Hmmm. Could be." Russ purses his lips. "Or Morrie. He and Kate seem pretty serious."

"What about you?" I ask Russ. "You and Hannah have been together a while. When are you gonna propose to her?"

I fully expect him to say "soon" or even "I don't know" but instead he frowns, one corner of his mouth turning down. "I don't think that's going to happen." He pauses. "We broke up."

"What!" We all gape at him, everyone making shocked noises. "What happened?"

He makes a face. "Long story."

"Ah, shit, man, I'm sorry." I shake my head.

"Yes." Barbie nods. "Nadia will be sad. She loves Hannah."

"Crap." J-Bo makes a face. "Sorry, man."

Conversation segues to training camp and which rookies we think are going to make the team. Our first draft pick this year seems to be a good player.

"I hear he's going back to college," Murph says. "Boston University."

"Probably for the best," I say. "Get him more experience, a little stronger."

"Yeah. I think Brickards will make it this year," Russ says.

We drafted the guy two years ago and last season he got called up for a few games and played well. "Yeah, I agree." I'm also aware that Brick plays left wing like me and could be my competition for a spot on that third line. Or maybe the second line? "Also it'll be interesting to see how the guys they signed over the summer fit in to the roster."

"Do you think things are going to be different this year, with the new team ownership?" I ask my buddies.

"Hard to say." Russ rubs his chin. "They did say they weren't going to make a lot of changes right away."

"They can say whatever they want," I point out. "It's what they do that matters."

"So cynical," Russ says.

"Realistic," I correct him.

"It adds a little pressure to training camp this year," Russ says.

"Oh, yeah." I'm already putting pressure on myself to do better, and having to prove myself to new owners doesn't help.

"They made some good moves over the summer," J-Bo says.

"According to Coach, that was all Brad," I say. Our general manager, Brad Julian, is a smart guy. "I think we're all glad Brad's still here."

"Yeah."

Russ shrugs. "The Hellers have lots of experience too."

All four brothers had great careers in the NHL. They moved on to other endeavors after they retired from playing. Tag managed the NHL team in Winnipeg for a long time.

"It has to be better than last year," J-Bo says. "All the bankruptcy rumors about Mr. D'Agostino made things kind of tense."

I tried to ignore all that, but yeah, it did play on our minds.

"It made him tense," Barbie says with a rueful smile. "He was a bear sometimes."

It definitely affected our play and despite a desperate run at the end, with several hard-fought wins, we finished out of a playoff spot.

We move on to some gossip about why the coach in Seattle got fired and a big social media disaster that unfolded on TikTok involving a few teams.

"Stay off social media," I say, shaking my head. "It's dangerous."

"Like a field full of land mines," Russ agrees. "We've all seen it."

"Like that picture of Kravchenko with a cucumber up his ass that got circulated all over the socials," I say.

"Christ. Yeah. His girlfriend was a whack job."

"I don't know why it was such a big embarrassment. Nothing wrong with a little back door play," Russ says.

The rest of us remain silent.

"Oh, come on," Russ says. "You all probably like it."

"Maybe so, but having your naked ass all over the internet is never great," I say.

"Also food up the butt is not a good idea," J-Bo adds.

"I saw a post on Reddit from a guy who wanted to put a cheeseburger up there," Russ says.

We all make horrified noises.

"Fuck off." I scowl at my buddy.

Russ laughs. "I swear. But it was Reddit. Who knows."

"That would definitely lead to an infection," I say with a shudder. "Jesus."

"Things can get sucked in there," J-Bo says. "Don't risk a trip to the ER with something weird up your butt."

"Have you watched that show ‘Sex Sent Me to the ER?'" Barbie asks. "Holy shit, some people are weird."

"Evergreen comment," I agree.

We're all laughing now.

"I learned from that show never to eat hot sauce before going down on a woman," Russ says, to more laughter.

"I once gave a woman an orgasm so intense she ended up in the ER," J-Bo says.

We guffaw. "Bullshit."

He laughs. "Okay, it wasn't me. I saw it on TV."

"One chick got appendicitis from swallowing a condom."

This gets a roar of laughter loud enough to have other patrons in the restaurant looking at us.

"Okay, change of subject," Barbie says. "Let's talk about tart cherry juice."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Is that some kind of sex euphemism for virginity?"

He gives me a what-the-fuck look. "What? It's juice."

"Loco has a dirty mind," J-Bo says. That's my nickname. "Okay, what is it?"

"It's good for recovery," Barbie says. "Tons of nutrients. Helps with muscle soreness and strength."

"Huh." Russ tips his head. "Have you been drinking it?"

"Yes. I am a believer."

"I'd try it," I say.

"Make sure you get the kind with no sugar," Barbie says. "I read a book about recovery this summer."

"That's important for a guy your age," Russ deadpans, then cracks up when Barbie nails him with a glare.

"What else did it say?" I ask, always interested in doing better. "Anything new?"

"Whole foods rich in antioxidants, whole carbohydrates, and lean protein," Barbie says. "Also sleep. Lots of sleep. Seven to nine hours."

"I love sleep," I say with a sigh.

"You love being in bed," J-Bo corrects me.

"How do our conversations always come back to sex?" I demand.

"You're the one with the dirty mind." He shrugs.

It's tough to argue with that. I do have a dirty mind. I do like sex.

And now I'm thinking about Annie Bang again.