TWENTY-NINE

- sedona -

The steady thumping of Kuvier's heart is what finally wakes me up. For a moment, I just lie there, savoring the warmth and comfort of being so close to him. It's a new feeling; one I'm growing increasingly fond of.

His chest rises and falls gently, pressing into mine with each inhale. I'm sprawled across him, our limbs tangled together. His tail is wrapped around my upper thigh, desperately close to a place I can't help but wish he'd touch again. I sigh, pushing away the encroaching dirty thoughts. Today is our last day of travel and we need to get up and get started.

A glance around the cave tells me that others have started to wake up too. It won't be long until we are supposed to be leaving. I sit up slowly, carefully swinging my leg off of him and ending up kneeling next to his still sleeping form. I stretch my arms above my head, working out the cricks in my muscles. The one thing I really miss about Earth is a bed. Sleeping on a fur covered metal floor was doing horrendous things to my back.

A hand dives under my shirt and brushes over my breast, tweaking my nipple. I inhale sharply and look down into bleary, golden eyes. I grab his hand before it can do anymore to get me riled up.

"Good morning to you too," I tease with a soft chuckle, leaning down to press a kiss to Kuvier's forehead.

He gives me a small smile, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Good morning, ti khesi," he replies, his voice deeper and a bit rough from sleep.

I study his face for a moment, my fingers tracing the line of his jaw. I can sense the tension in him. His muscles are tight, and his usually calm expression is marred by a furrowed brow. Something is bothering him, and it's impossible not to notice.

"Are you alright? You seem…upset." The word I wanted to say was ‘tense' but I don't yet know how to say that in his language. I make a mental note to ask Xiomara, who has become like my Lieq to English dictionary.

He hesitates, then nods. "I have many thoughts. I will share them, but first we must prepare."

I can tell there's more to it, but I don't press him. Instead, I crawl out of the furs and stand up. The bitter cold hits me almost immediately and I quickly start getting dressed, pulling on the layers we've fashioned to protect us from the cold.

I always wear my yellow scrubs as a base, and when I sleep, that's all I wear. Kuvier is such a space heater, that he and his cloak draped over me are all I need to stay warm. Walking around alone, however, I need a tunic, these wonky pants, and snow wraps around my ankles to fight back the cold. And even then it's not always enough.

The morning moves fairly quickly with everyone pitching in to get us ready. Xiomara is organizing the supplies and making sure everyone has what they need. Renata, Sabrina, and Meghan are sorting the last of the food, and I catch sight of Amari and Enikk sharing a quiet moment near the fire as they bind red reeds together to pack away for the journey. Samra sits tinkering with her tablet and Krissy is french braiding her hair.

No one has started breakfast, so after I've folded up our sleeping furs to give to Kuvier, I make that my job. Knowing that we need to be fueled well for today, I make the alien version of steak and beans using diced xiixii and a deep purple bean that Kuvier once told me was used to make the mala bread. Mushed up with spices and water, it was the texture of refried beans and the taste of butter beans. Coupled with diced, sauteed oftii meat, it's a hearty and filling breakfast.

I can't help but feel pride when the others make comments about it. Xiomara's words the other day about finding a place in the group stuck with me. She's right, as long as I have Kuvier, I don't have to worry about my place. Still, I don't want my only saving grace to be the man I'm attached to or my terrible sewing. So, discovering that my love and skill for cooking translates well on Atiqarii is a big win in my book.

After breakfast, I'm packing away the cooking things when Kuvier finally approaches me. He'd been almost avoiding me since this morning. His expression is serious and Xiomara is behind him, so I know that whatever he has to say is important. He hates including her in our conversations if he can avoid it.

"What's going on?"

"Ti khesi," he says softly, and then in a mix of his language and mine, "there are things you need to know before we reach my clan."

"And he asked me to translate." I look between the two of them before gesturing for them to sit in front of me. We settle in a triangle and I look to Kuvier expectantly.

Kuvier takes a deep breath, glancing at Xiomara, who nods encouragingly. He begins, his voice steady but tinged with apprehension. I listen intently as Kuvier explains, with the help of Xiomara, his childhood, his words coming slowly and heavily. He tells me that he was born through infidelity. The bond that we have is abnormal for his people, but they are still heavily monogamous and enter chosen matings that seem similar to Earth marriages. His dad was shitty, though, and cheated on his chosen mate with Kuvier's mother. That is something that apparently never happens among his people.

"It brought shame upon our family and has placed struggle upon our heads." He looks away from me as he talks, and it pains me to see him believe that he has any need for shame over the choices of his father.

I glance at Xiomara, who translates the more complex parts, her voice gentle. Kuvier continues, explaining how after his birth, many bad things happened to the clan—a cave-in, an epidemic that Xiomara calls the Death Calling, the death of his father, and a sudden drop in birth rates. Essentially, everything went to shit, and the clan, superstitious as they are, blamed Kuvier and his mother for these misfortunes. They believed they broke the sanctity of mating laws in the Great Mother's eyes. My heart aches for him as he speaks.

"Because of this, the current Atan, my father's brother, will do anything to ensure that I am not happy." His eyes meet mine with intensity. "He will turn the clan against us and try to sway you away from me."

I peer at Kuvier for a long moment, taking in the dejected set of his shoulder and the subtle fear in his eyes, and I realize that he thinks I will be swayed. He thinks that this story he's told me somehow changes my mind about him. I feel a deep surge of anger towards his father, his clan, his chief—all of them are at fault in my eyes.

"Thank you for help, Xio," I say instead of addressing Kuvier right away. "I got it from here."

"For sure, call me if you need me." She pats Kuvier's shoulder comfortingly and gives me a soft smile before heading back to the group.

I scooch closer to Kuvier, my hand reaching for his. "Kuvier." When he doesn't look at me, I crawl closer to him, swinging my leg over him until I'm straddling his lap. He still doesn't meet my eyes, though his hands slide over my hips, clutching me closer.

"Hey, look at me." I put a finger under his chin and tilt his head up. When his eyes meet mine, I speak firmly, a mix of his language and mine as I work to get my meaning across. "I'm not superstitious, and none of those things are your fault, Kuvier."

"It will be hard. Junq will do everything in his power to take you from me." He looks so forlorn it literally tears at me.

"Kuvier, your chief sounds like a terrible dude, but I don't care." I speak with conviction. "No one is swaying me away from you. Not him. Not anyone."

Kuvier's eyes soften, the majority of his anxiety alleviated, and he leans forward, brushing his lips over mine. "I will work my whole life to be worthy of you."

My heart clenches and I rub a hand across his jaw. "You already are. Don't doubt that for a moment."

He pulls me into his arms, holding me tightly. "Thank you, ti khesi," he murmurs, his voice thick with emotion. "You have brought me great comfort on this day."

Kuvier kisses me deeply, pouring all his relief into the embrace. I respond with equal fervor, my hands tangling in his mane. The world around us fades away until the sound of wolf whistles and playful laughter from the other women brings us back to reality. We pull away, both of us chuckling softly, our foreheads resting against each other.

"Mine?" Kuvier murmurs, his breath fanning across my face.

"Yours." I say the word with the most conviction I've ever felt because I know it's true.

Whatever might happen going forward, Kuvier has taken my heart for his own and I am never getting it back.