25. Sage

CHAPTER 25

Sage

Footsteps outside my door jerked me awake, sending pain throbbing through my chest and head, and for a moment I couldn't remember where I was. Darkness filled the strange narrow room, the only light coming from under the door and a small, strange glimmer on the wall. Then a loud, deep resonant bong from a large bell sounded and my thoughts lurched.

That was the first bell.

I was in the Black Tower.

The people outside my door were men who couldn't learn who I really was, and I was naked… and boneless and aching between my thighs from the most sensual dream I'd ever had.

Heat burned my face. One eyeful of Talon and I was fantasizing about sex in a way I'd never fantasized about before. Even my legs ached as if I'd actually been trembling and fighting to stay standing while that fae fantasy man had brought me to the most incredible climax.

A distinctly feminine sigh escaped my lips and the sensual ache within me froze. I couldn't ever make a sound like that again. But Great Father I wanted to. I wanted to go back to that dream, revel in the sensations, and be worshiped by that man's mouth again and again.

Shadows, what was wrong with me? I'd never wanted those things before.

Except I'd never seen a fae before, and Talon had said his magic awakened desires in humans.

So, all I had to do was avoid Talon. Which had to be why he'd been mean to me in my dream… before the dream had turned erotic and amazing and?—

And I wasn't going to think about it ever again. Ever.

I unclenched my hands — hands still closed tight like they'd been when I'd been clinging to the fence — and a softly shimmering pink petal slid from my palm.

My pulse stuttered.

I hadn't noticed any flowers anywhere in the Tower, and while I'd been tired after I'd finally scrubbed my clothes clean and climbed into bed, I hadn't noticed any in the bed.

What were the odds that the men of the Black Tower liked to freshen their sheets with petals?

More footsteps hurried past my door, reminding me that I needed to get something to eat before reporting to the stablemaster — and that I hadn't eaten dinner last night — and that I didn't have a lock on my door. Meaning I should never sleep naked again. I had no idea if those higher up the ranks like Grefin barged in on the sacrifices or not, and I should have thought of that last night when I'd gone to bed.

Except I hadn't had anything else to wear and I hadn't wanted to go to bed in wet or blood-encrusted clothes.

And that was no excuse. It didn't matter what happened, I couldn't let my guard down. Sure, eventually I'd be found out. I wasn't foolish enough to think I could keep up the act forever. But I was damned well going to make sure that didn't happen until Sawyer was at least out of the Five Great Kingdoms.

I grabbed the strips from my ruined dress to flatten my breasts, but the bruise from Edred's beating now covered most of my chest, making me pause. The dark red stain under my skin hurt every time I drew breath and hurt even more when I brushed it with my fingers.

Swell. The next few days weren't going to be fun, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I couldn't forego my bindings and look like a girl, but I also needed to figure out how to move without looking like I was in pain so I wouldn't get sent to whatever infirmary the Black Guard had — and with my luck, given that they had water in each room, a bathhouse, and laundry bins, they probably had an infirmary with a fae doctor who'd know the second he touched me that I was a girl.

I sucked in a deep breath to steady my nerves then wrapped the strips as tight as I could bear, then I gingerly pulled on the rest of my clothes.

My jerkin was still slightly damp and had a rip in the back where the shadow monster's claws had caught me, and I hadn't managed to completely remove the bloodstains on it or my shirt, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. And really, I was just grateful I'd managed to get through the fight with stained clothes and a headache from where I'd bumped my head.

I shoved my feet into Sawyer's old boots and then reached for the door. My hand trembled and I couldn't make myself open it.

This was the real test. Last night it had been dark, there hadn't been many men around, and those who had been around had been distracted — which had to be why Talon hadn't noticed the truth about me.

And while it didn't look like it was light out yet, I doubted that would last long. With my clothes more or less cleaned up, the men of the Black Tower would now be able to get a good look at me, and without a doubt they were going to know the truth the moment they saw me.

Great Father, I don't know if I can do this.

The vision of the mist swirling around Sawyer's body, his dead eyes staring at nothing, shuddered through me.

Except I had to do this. I could do it.

Just long enough for him to escape.

Keep your head down, take whatever punishment Lord Commander Rider gives you ? —

My thoughts stuttered at that. Was his name actually Rider or had I made that up in my dream as well? Although Talon had mentioned a Rider being upset and Grefin had referred to Lord Rider not liking lazy men so that had to be the Lord Commander's name.

And now I was just stalling.

Fighting not to grit my teeth so I wouldn't look like there was anything wrong with me, I eased my door open. A man in the Guards' black uniform hurried past without giving me a second look and headed down the hall where the men in the lounge had stared at me last night, while another man — a heavily muscled fae man, bulkier than any of the fae I'd seen so far — came out of the stairwell beside my room with a towel wrapped around his hips. His gaze swept over me and I took a hesitant step back under his scrutiny.

"Thought there'd be more to you," he said, his voice gruff before striding to a door halfway down the hall and stepping inside.

More to me? Swell. It looked like people were already talking about me which was only going to make staying unnoticed more difficult. With luck, my next few days would be uneventful or one of the other sacrifices would be more interesting and they'd soon forget about me.

Two more men, fully dressed, strode past me and headed down the hall the first man had gone. Grefin had said to follow everyone else to get to the morning meal so I followed them, keeping a good distance back so they wouldn't notice me.

They strode past the sitting area but instead of turning down the hall to the stairs where I'd first entered the building, they kept going straight.

This hall had a dozen doors on each side, all close together suggesting that they were more individual rooms for the guards, and ended in a set of heavy wooden doors straight ahead and a smaller plain door on the left.

The men took the smaller door, which opened into a stairwell, and I followed, heading down to the ground floor and stepping out another plain door into a wide hall with even more men, all heading toward an open set of enormous double doors.

Beyond, I could hear the roar of voices. It sounded like the great hall in Herstind Keep during the evening meal when most of Edred's men gathered to eat and drink and look at me with the same kind of hunger the men in my dream had given me.

Except this wasn't Herstind and these men didn't know I was a girl. Please don't let them know.

A big burly human brushed past me, and I fell into step behind him, hoping to use him as a shield and hide from too many curious eyes. Inside was indeed like the great hall in Herstind.

The room was enormous, towering at least two-stories high. To my right at the far end was another set of large double doors with an enormous window above them filled with expensive glass that was clearer than any glass I'd seen before.

Weak light, the kind that came as dawn was just starting to lighten the sky shone through the window as well as from numerous windows on both sides of the walls. The rest of the room's illumination came from the strange, steady glow of fae lights in four enormous chandeliers hanging overhead and the flickering light from the fire in two large hearths on either side of the room.

Long tables and benches had been placed in orderly rows, but unlike Herstind, there wasn't a dais at the front or a head table of any kind, suggesting the Lord Commander didn't eat with his men.

There also weren't any servants serving food. Which made sense since women weren't a part of the Black Guard and, according to Grefin, rank and position didn't mean anything in the Tower. Instead, the men lined up along the wall closest to the entrance where I'd entered, walked through a door at the back of the room, likely into the kitchen, and walked out of a door on the other side with a tray filled with food.

The large man I was hiding behind headed straight into the line and I hurried to stay in his shadow. Another human stepped up behind me. He was just as big and burly as the man in front. In fact, it seemed all the men in the Tower were big, which I knew wasn't true. There were a few humans closer to my height. But they were all broader and more muscular, because of course they were men and had filled out from all the weapons training they'd done.

"They haven't given you your gear yet?" the man behind me asked.

I didn't know if he was talking to me or not and I wasn't going to look back and make eye contact to find out.

"Probably don't have anything his size," another guy behind me chuckled.

Guess he had been talking to me.

The guy in front of me turned, glanced down then looked at the men behind me. "The novices don't have to arrive until noon. They're probably waiting for everyone to assemble before bothering the quartermaster."

"I'd still be surprised if he has anything in his size," laughing guy said. "You sure you're actually a man?"

My pulse froze. Had I been discovered already?

"He's here so his name was drawn," the man in front of me replied with a shrug and he step through the doorway into the kitchen. "Must mean he's a man."

He picked up a tray on a counter and set a bowl of porridge on it then took a few more steps along the counter giving me my first full view of the kitchen.

It was larger than the kitchen in Herstind, but then it had to feed more than quadruple the number of men. Two large cooking fires took up half of the back wall. One had a spit with a large chunk of meat on it being periodically turned by a man in black guard clothes and armor, and the other had half a dozen large pots hanging over it. More men dressed in guardsmen's clothing — complete with armor and weapons — stood at counters preparing food or washing dishes, while the men in the line loaded their trays with porridge and bread and bacon and?—

Great Father! Was that fruit? Apples and grapes and even oranges from the Southern Isles.

Men seemed to take as much or as little as they wanted and no one stopped them. If a platter or bowl was empty, someone in the kitchen replaced it, and if someone didn't notice and the man in line wanted it, he asked for it and was given it without argument or complaint.

I took a bowl of porridge, a small roll, and a precious orange, feeling a little like I was stealing, then found myself at the other door staring into the great hall at the sea of black-armored men devouring their morning meal.

The men closest to me gave me a terse glance. One of them huffed like the fae man in the towel and they returned to their conversation.

The man who'd been in line behind me, brushed past me and I drew closer to the wall to get out of the way while I figured out what to do. There weren't any empty tables or even large spaces between obvious social groups, and I didn't want to plop myself down and join any of them since I had no idea what kind of reception I'd receive. Not to mention the whole point was to keep my head down and not draw unwanted attention.

"You're never going to get that eaten before the second bell if you don't sit down," Talon's sensual tenor said close to my ear, sending a shiver of desire rushing down my spine which quickly mixed with the fear of being discovered and being too close to him and?—

He pressed a hand between my shoulder blades, making the shiver melt into aching need, and nudged me between the closest row of tables before I could step away, leading me to a seat beside Grefin, who rolled his eyes at me.

"Speaking of the idiot," he sighed, but he shifted to the side to give me more space on the bench.