17. Sage

CHAPTER 17

Sage

I inwardly groaned. It was going to be one of those dreams. The Lord Commander already thought I was an idiot and was already angry at me. My dream had to be feeding on my fear that when I woke, mucking the stables wasn't the only punishment he was going to give me.

"Find something else to do," he snarled.

Except he wasn't looking at me. He was glaring at the other men.

"But she's new," Black Hair said as the other men crowded behind him. "She needs someone to show her around."

"And if she wants you to show her around, she'll ask you." The Lord Commander's lips curled back, and he snarled, a lot like the shadow monsters had snarled.

I tried to slip from his grip, hoping he'd be too upset with the others to notice — because hey, it was a dream and people could get away with things like that in dreams — but he didn't release me.

"You're here because you're no longer children," he said. "Stop acting like ones."

Black Hair glared back at the Lord Commander then jerked around. He gave White Hair and Short Hair a quick look, then pushed through the crowd and headed back into the courtyard, the other two following him.

The rest of the crowd grumbled and whispered and gave the Lord Commander dirty looks, but they all retreated, leaving me alone with him.

"Are you all right?" he asked, looking down at me with his strange, silver eyes.

Something powerful and breathtaking zinged through me, stealing my breath and making my thoughts stutter, but it was gone before I could figure out what it was or what it meant.

His grip on my upper arm tightened, steadying me, as he stepped back, his gaze searching mine… for what? I had no idea. "Are you all right?"

I nodded and fought to regain my mental balance. I wasn't even sure what my mind had tripped over. But to figure that out, I needed to look away.

Except just like with Lord Quill, I couldn't. My gaze slid down his body of its own volition, taking him in.

He looked exactly like he had when I'd seen him in the Black Tower's bailey. My dream hadn't softened his features or hardened them. His dark hair — and the light was still too dim for me to tell if it was dark brown or black — was still half tied back in a topknot, the three scars still ran over his nose and across his cheek, and he still wore his black leather armor.

Only two things weren't the same: he wasn't bristling with weapons, and the look in his eyes was kinder, warmer, as if he didn't think I was a fool and hadn't unnecessarily risked his and Grefin's lives by stepping through the ring after dark. I wasn't just a child that had been thrust onto him, I was a woman who'd needed rescuing.

And I guess that was my mind telling me that as much as I wanted to be strong, that wasn't all I wanted to be. I'd made a reckless decision that had — most likely — permanently changed the course of my life. A life that could end up being very short if I made another foolish mistake in the Gray or someone found out my secret.

I'd had to be strong for years against Edred, trying to be obedient and unnoticed, but unable to stop myself when he hurt my brother. If I could have just let it go, I wouldn't have been beaten so often. But I hadn't been able to just stand there and watch. Just like I hadn't been able to let Sawyer be bound to the Black Tower when I knew he'd die.

And I had to keep being strong, because everything was only going to get harder and more lonely. It wasn't safe to let anyone get close and there wasn't anyone I could turn to for help. Which was why my dream was turning the Lord Commander of the Black Guard, someone who I knew didn't like me, into an ally.

At least it was better than having him snap at me in my dreams, too.

"Some of the younger men still need to learn patience," he said. "I'm Rider."

I stared at him. Not Lord Commander or Lord Rider. Just Rider.

Of course, I'd dreamt myself into being a fae, which meant I was his equal… or as equal as a fae woman got, so why not just-plain-Rider? I didn't know much about fae culture or etiquette, but it seemed in this dream that I didn't have to be subservient to him. Guess that came from Talon's strange lecture about never looking down and only showing deference to the captains and Lord Commander of the Guard.

"Ah," he said, his voice gruff, his attention jumping past my shoulder. "Just the person to show you around."

I turned to see who he meant as a stunning fae woman with silver spots circling her neck and trailing over her collar bone like a necklace saw us and started heading our way. She was just as breathtaking as all the other fae I'd seen. More so, since she was a woman, something very few humans had actually seen. She wore a black dress made from a similar material as gauzy as mine that fluttered behind her when she walked, and her hair was dark like Lord Rider's?—

No. Just Rider.

"I must be seeing things," she said, her voice sweet and soft and edged with a laugh. "Are you actually in the Garden talking to a woman?"

"Not intentionally," he huffed, making her laugh in full which made him scowl.

"Pardon my brother," she chuckled, sliding her attention to me. "I'm not even sure he knows what the word courting means."

"You know very well I'm not here to find a mate?—"

"Which is why it's so shocking to see you in the company of a woman," she interrupted. "I'm Lark."

"Sage," I replied without thinking.

"Yes, well." He rolled his eyes at his sister. "The children haven't learned what courting means, either. She's new and still looks stunned from manifesting. I'm guessing it's your first time," he asked me.

"My first—" Manifesting? This dream was getting stranger and stranger.

"I'm here for a meeting," he added without waiting for my response and turned his attention back to Lark. "I can't wait until she gets her bearings and remembers how to put those children in their place. Can you show her around?"

"Any other day," she said. "But the priestess is blessing the pool and all of my mates are here, not just manifesting." She pressed her hands to her belly in a way I'd seen many pregnant women do. "Tonight's the night. I just know it."

Something dark flickered in Rider's eyes so quickly I was sure I'd only noticed it because this was my dream. Then it vanished as he offered her a warm smile. "It will be."

"I'm sorry I can't show you the Garden," Lark said to me. "But I have no doubt I'll see you again and then I can show you all the little nooks just for us women that the men know nothing about."

She gave me a warm, welcoming smile, something I hadn't seen from another woman — hell, from anyone but Sawyer — for a long time, then turned to Rider and pulled him into a quick embrace. With another smile and a wave, she hurried along the outside edge of the courtyard to an archway leading into the tree-building where four fae men were waiting for her.

"Your sister is lovely," I said.

I didn't know why my dream had created her — I doubted the Lord Commander of the Black Guard even had a sister — but I wasn't going to question it or look too closely at it. Looking too closely usually changed the dream, twisting whatever was wonderful into something horrible. And my wonderful moments were going to be few and far between from now on. I'd take whatever I could get, even if it wasn't real.

"She was stunned her first time manifesting as well," he said, watching her and the men walk out of sight. "So dizzy she couldn't even stand. It happens to so few of us that some of the younger men, in their enthusiasm, forget it's possible. But?—"

"Really, Rider?" a dry masculine voice asked behind me, so familiar it made my pulse leap. "Now's not the time to change your mind about mating."

I turned as Talon approached us. He was dressed in a two-toned gold jerkin that enhanced the golden shimmer in his mesmerizing, multi-colored eyes. He looked just as breathtaking as before, and, much as I feared, I couldn't help but think about him naked.

Heat flooded my face, and despite the fact that he glowered at me — a complete change of personality from when I'd walked in on him in the bathhouse — a soft ache blossomed low within me.

I bit back a huff of frustration. This dream was turning cruel. The one person who'd been nice to me at the Tower now looked at me with disgust. Of course, maybe this was my mind's way of reminding me that no matter how nice Lord Talon had been, I still had to watch everything I did and said.

Beside him, much to my surprise, with an apologetic half-smile, was Lord Quill, the fae who'd delivered the death sentence to my brother. He didn't wear the Guard's black armor either and instead wore a green jerkin that matched his emerald eyes, eyes that looked a lot like mine now.

"I haven't changed my mind about mating," he growled back. "She's new and disoriented from manifesting."

"And you're so chivalrous you're showing her around," Lord Talon replied, his tone dripping with sarcasm and drawing my gaze back to him. "We don't have time for this. Send her on her way."

"She's standing right here," Lord Quill said, and my attention, my whole essence jumped to him. "Pardon my companion." He shot Lord Talon a withering glare. "Our meeting is important, but I'm sure Rider will look for you when we're done."

"No," Rider snapped, making my essence jerked back to him as if just by speaking these men has a strange possession over my body. "You've figured yourself out?"

My thoughts stalled on his mouth. He'd said something. But his demeanor had changed from welcoming to brusque.

I took a step back, his sudden change of emotion shocking me, despite knowing this was a dream.

"Have you figured yourself out?" Talon repeated, making my essence snap back to him. He wanted me gone. It was clear in his tone and posture and now Rider did as well. "Well, have you?"

"Of course, my lord. Thank you."

Lord Quill opened his mouth to say something, but I wasn't going to wait for the dream to take a worse turn. I hurried down the path away from them and the courtyard packed with all those too-eager fae men. It was bad enough Lord Talon was the complete opposite of what he'd been in the Tower and now Rider — no Lord Rider since he was the Lord Commander of the Black Guard — was going back to the man I knew he really was.