Chapter 13

Chapter

Thirteen

“ Y ou brat!” Anika playfully growled at Tetra, who had just thrown some chalk powder at her. I slipped into the gym where they were working out, and they both greeted me.

“She cheats,” Anika exclaimed, but she was smiling.

Tetra rolled her eyes. “It’s called playing every advantage you have.”

I liked seeing them close like this, especially for Tetra’s benefit, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I was a little jealous. I hadn’t spent much time with my bestie since my father died.

“I had time between meetings. Thought I would say hi.” Our training was still paused as the bombs rocked the base outside, and I was in near constant strategy meetings.

“I’ve got mess hall duty.” Anika spit out her tongue. “I’ll see you guys later?”

Tetra nodded, and so did I. Anika grabbed her gym bag and left.

It was just Tetra and I in the small workout room. My bestie hobbled over to sit next to me on the bench press.

“Hey, friend.” She gave me a small smile, and I knew that she knew I needed to talk.

“Hey,” I offered.

“It’s been a crazy week,” she said.

I nodded, swallowing hard. I was having trouble processing everything that had happened in the last week. It was too much, and I knew this would be my life now, a constant barrage of trauma to process.

“How are you and Dev?” I needed some good news, and when her face broke into a sheepish grin, I knew I’d get it.

“Girl, I like him so much,” she confessed, and I laughed.

“Is he nice?” I didn’t know Dev that well, but I hoped he wasn’t a player.

“The sweetest. Last night I went to my bunk, and there were wildflowers and a note on my pillow.”

“Aww.” I leaned in and shoulder-bumped my bestie. She had a hard time trusting guys. I loved this for her. He couldn’t have gotten wildflowers down here, so that meant he’d snuck out topside to retrieve them for her.

“How’s Kohen?” She waggled her eyebrows, and I flicked my gaze to the door to make sure we were alone.

“The sweetest,” I winked, using her words. I hadn’t said anything about Kohen and my secret little thing we had going on, but after hearing about our kiss on graduation night, I’m sure she knew. She was my best friend. She had to know.

“Aisling, the way he looks at you, it’s like you’re the biggest piece of ember in the world.”

I laughed. “That’s an interesting comparison.”

“Shut up.” She lightly punched me, smiling. “It means you’re valuable to him.”

We were quiet a moment, and then her hand slipped into mine. “How are you doing with the empress stuff and your dad being gone?”

I heaved a big sigh. “It’s a lot.”

She nodded, squeezing my hand. “It’s going to be okay. You’re doing a great job,” she told me.

This was what I came for, a Tetra pep talk. I left feeling a little lighter than when I came.

That night, I eagerly awaited for Kohen to come to my room around midnight. When he did, I pulled him inside and we were both grinning ear to ear.

This was love, love in the middle of a war, and I was so excited to see him, to touch him, to kiss him. He never pressured me like Jace had, even though sometimes I wanted him to. Sometimes, I didn’t care what would happen if I slept with Kohen. I wanted him, all of him.

We were playing our chess game again, this time with me winning, when I peered over at him.

“What did you mean when you said you want me to trust you about certain things like about my father?” I hedged.

Kohen stiffened. “Aisling, I don’t want to do this. Not tonight. It’s been such a good night.”

It had. We’d told funny stories and kissed until my lips were swollen, and eaten chocolate and played chess. It was almost like a date.

“Why not tonight?” I asked. “And why are you saying more bad is coming? Kohen, I can’t relax knowing we might be separated.”

He set his chess piece down and looked up at me.

“Please,” I begged. “My mind is running wild with scenarios. Will I be kidnapped? Will Tetra die? Just tell me.”

He fisted his hand and lightly rapped the side of his head. “I wish I could bash all of the visions out of my skull.”

“Don’t say that.” I reached for him, letting him pull me onto his lap.

“Just tell me,” I begged again.

He peered up at me with those impossibly blue eyes. “Remember that day I said it was the last time I’d kiss you in a long time?”

I nodded. He’d said he’d gotten the timing wrong.

Leaning forward, he planted a chaste kiss on my lips. “It’s tonight. Tonight is the last night I kiss you for a while.”

My stomach dropped, and I suddenly felt sick. “Why?”

He breathed out harshly. “I can’t say. You won’t believe me… it leads to a fight.”

I frowned. “What? Why wouldn’t I believe you?”

He’d seen us fight?

He shook his head. “It’s too hard to explain, Aisling. Can we just enjoy this time together?” He traced his finger along my collarbone and sent chills down my spine.

“Are we still getting married? In your visions, will I still be your wife?” I asked, trying to understand how we could be separated for a while and fight, but still get married one day. I wasn’t sure I fully believed that, but I wanted to. It didn’t make sense.

The most beautiful smile graced his face then. “Yes, Aisling. I’ve seen you as my wife in three different visions now. But it’s… a long way off. We take the bumpy road to get there.”

I had to admit, I’d come to daydream about some of the things he told me. I couldn’t fathom a world where I would be his wife, but I’d come to crave that future. If I were destined to be his wife, why was tonight the last time he would kiss me? Maybe Elaine would find out and ban me from seeing him? Would I? Probably for a while, yeah . I had to be sensible. I was the empress.

“One last thing,” I asked him, letting him trace over my skin, causing heat to travel with his finger. “What did you mean about my father and you wish I would believe you? At least tell me that?”

He bristled, stopping his rhythmic motions over my skin. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“But you did.”

He nodded. “Aisling… your father wasn’t a good man. He was hiding things, dark things.”

I frowned, my heart beating in my chest like a drum. “What? No. He wasn’t perfect, but?—”

“No, Aisling, he wasn’t even decent,” he snapped, and I stepped off of him.

“I understand you harbor ill thoughts of my father because of what he did to yours…”

“It’s not that.” Kohen stood and stalked forward. “I don’t care about that anymore. I care about you .”

I frowned, confused. I backed off. “I shouldn’t have brought this up if this is indeed our last night together—for whatever reason.” I folded my arms. He was staring at the wall.

“What are you thinking? Talk to me,” I said. I felt desperate to hold on to the last two days. The secret kisses in the closet, him slipping into my room at night; I wanted a million more days like this.

He peered over at me with fire in his gaze. “I’m thinking of how deeply I love you and wondering if I’ve shown you that enough.” He walked over to me. “I’m praying to every star in the sky that you know that every cell in my body aches for you. All the time we’ll spend apart, I will be thinking of nothing but you.”’ He cupped my face in his hands: “Aisling, if you remember anything of me, please remember that everything I do is to protect you.”

An overwhelming fear washed over me, my stomach turning to rock and my heart ceasing to beat for a second.

“What did you do, Kohen?”

He leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine in a way that made my soul ache. “It’s not just what I’ve done, it’s also what I’m willing to do. I’ll burn this entire world down before I let a hair on your head be harmed.”

The fear inside of me grew.

“How long will we be apart?” I realized at that moment he was saying goodbye. That’s what this was.

A deep sorrow entered his features. “Long enough to slowly kill me inside.”

What? I didn’t understand? It was starting to scare me.

“Kohen—”

A knock came at my door, and my eyes flew wide. Kohen brushed one more chaste kiss to my lips and then ran to hide behind the door just as I walked over and opened it a crack. It was late, and Elaine was standing there fully in her military fatigues, holding a note. “We got a response,” she said.

From Maxim?

“Let’s go to the command center, call in Caruso and Ledger. We might need all heads on this one,” I told her, praying she wouldn’t suggest coming inside my room to read it together.

Her gaze flicked into my room, and I held my breath. Did she know? Could she smell him? Could Vespa, who stood at her side, peering up at me with interest?

“Yes, Empress,” she said, revealing nothing, but I could hear the disappointment in her voice.

She knew. She knew Kohen was here, but I was empress now, and there was nothing she could do about it. I stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind me as we walked down the long hallway to the command room.

The guard that stood outside of it saluted us as we approached. “Please go wake Commander Ledger and Admiral Caruso,” Elaine said.

He nodded and left his post as I placed my hand on the door to go inside.

Elaine grasped my shoulder, gently stopping me. I looked up at her.

She peered back down the hall in the direction of my room. “I strongly advise against that,” she said.

I sucked in a breath, waiting for more. Waiting for, What the hell were you thinking, Aisling? He’s Imbrian, and not just any Imbrian, your family’s sworn enemy…

But that was all she said.

“Noted,” I responded and stepped into the room.

Maybe that was it. She warned me, and Kohen and I would take a break now so others wouldn’t catch us. Yes, that must be what he was talking about. Because I couldn’t focus on the alternative. My father was right. Love made you weak. I couldn’t let Kohen be my weakness, taking up my thoughts during important meetings. I’d have to trust that everything would be okay.

Elaine laid the thick white envelope on the table as we waited for the others. It was a bulging package with something more than paper in it, which made me nervous for some reason.

The second Caruso and commander Ledger walked in, Elaine updated us all.

“This was given to our messenger on the Wall less than an hour ago. I assume it’s from Maxim.”

She handed me the bulging envelope, and I tore it open, forgetting about possible poison and wearing gloves. I half expected him to have sent his underwear back to me with some weird marriage proposal to explain the bulky package. But when my eyes landed on the three identical purple bows, I screamed.

Elaine gave a garbled cry as well, and Commander Ledger and Admiral Caruso were asking what it was.

I didn’t answer or read the letter. That would be a waste of time.

I burst from the room, running for the stairs, as visions of my three beautiful sisters, slain and left for dead, infiltrated my head.

‘Liana.’ I could barely speak, even mentally.

‘I’m waiting for you. I will fly faster than you’ve ever experienced before, and we will check on them.’

She knew. I’d stopped questioning how in my head she was. All the time? Or just when she felt panic and danger? I didn’t care right now. We hadn’t set the house up with a phone yet. Doing that would register them with the operator system, telling them that my sisters lived there, and Elaine and I agreed we didn’t want that, so we’d left it off-grid. I regretted that deeply now.

My thighs burned as I took the stairs three at a time, huffing and puffing.

‘Onyx wants to know what’s wrong.’

If I told Onyx, he would tell Kohen. I couldn’t think of all that right now. I had to think of my sisters.

‘Say nothing,’ I told her.

When I reached the top of the bunker, a full-on panic had overtaken me. Were they dead? Did that bastard kill my sisters like he’d promised he would? If they were, I would die too. First my mother, then my father—if my sisters were taken from me, I’d have no will to live. I wasn’t that strong.

I burst from the door, scaring the guard on duty, and ignored his salute.

Leaping onto Liana’s back, I grasped the harness handle, and she shot for the sky. Onyx peered at us with a cocked head.

Did Kohen know and not tell me? If Kohen knew my sisters were going to die and didn’t tell me, I’d kill him. I cared for him, but I had limits. Was this why we would stop talking for a long time?

I nearly went mad on the flight to Riverine. I had to close my eyes and tuck my chin to my chest to keep from inhaling bugs. My ears puckered as Liana indeed flew faster than I’d ever seen her before. She was like a rocket.

My heart pounded in my throat as I prepared myself to see my sisters dead. Tears welled in my eyes, and I felt Liana reach out to me with her calming energy.

‘Do not count your eggs before they hatch, young one. The bows could have been a threat. If Maxim wants to truly marry you, he knows you won’t come willingly if he kills your sisters.’

Her reasoning calmed me a little, but only a little.

‘Maybe he doesn’t care if I come willingly,’ I told her.

‘Maybe not. But my sense is that he has some sort of sick obsession with you, in which case he won’t want to completely devastate you.’

I’d never wanted some psycho I’d never met before to have a sick obsession with me more than I did at this moment. Please be secretly in love with me and have kept my sisters alive to please me , I prayed to the stars.

‘He doesn’t even know me. Maxim,’ I told her.

‘Maybe he does. Maybe he’s been watching you.’

That thought caused my already wind-chilled skin to chill some more.

I scanned the trees, suddenly wondering if he was watching.

‘Liana, you said he had two creatures. What are they?’

I sensed her reluctance at the question.

‘Liana, what are they? Did you see them?’

Again, that reluctance washed over me as the wind whipped past so hard my eyes were tearing up.

‘You have enough to worry about right now with your sisters, Aisling, I don’t want to stress you further.’

That shocked me. She was hiding it.

‘I don’t care about stress! I have to know what I’m dealing with. What were they, Liana?’ This time my voice was firm, and I hoped she could feel the hurt that was rocking through me.

‘One was a wolf…’ she said, and I relaxed a little. Okay. Like Tetra. Fearsome but not anything to really worry about. ‘And the other was a female firebird, like me,’ she said, and all the air whooshed from my lungs.

It was as if she’d knocked every thought from my brain. I couldn’t even process her reply. I don’t know why I’d assumed she was the only firebird Talanagi. It was vain of me to even think that, but they were rare.

I finally collected my thoughts. ‘Do you think Maxim can escape death like me?’

‘We should assume so,’ she replied, which caused even more terror to eat away at me.

Another firebird bonded. That changed things.

‘Let’s deal with one thing at a time,’ she told me, and I noticed we were slowing.

Wise words. I wasn’t sure I could handle much more. I peered down to see rows and rows of houses come into view.

Riverine.

After a few more moments, I recognized the neighborhood of the house Elaine had bought my sisters to hide them away at.

‘Liana?’

‘Yes?’

‘If Maxim has taken the life of even one of my beautiful sisters, I want you to fly me to Luska so I can kill him. I don’t care if he can be reborn three days later. I’ll kill again and again and again.’

‘Yes, Empress.’ There was a loyalty in her tone that caused pride to swell inside of me. She’d do whatever I asked. She had my back.

If he took them, I’d have nothing left to live for. I’d go mad with revenge and tear him limb from limb.

But even as I thought that, one face popped into my mind. He had dark hair, brown skin, and searing blue eyes.

Kohen. Maybe I’d live for Kohen.

Those thoughts scared me. It made me vulnerable. Already, I loved too many people. Too many weak points.

Valor, Victory, Virtue, Elaine, Tetra, and now Kohen. Six people I would do anything for.

‘Your father was wrong, you know,’ Liana said as she landed on the front lawn of our new home. ‘Loving isn’t a weakness. It keeps you human, so you don’t turn into a monster.’

Was she calling my father a monster?

I didn’t care because the second she hit the ground, I burst from her back and ran up the steps of the giant porch, nearly colliding with a guard on duty.

“Empress!” he shouted, looking like I’d just woken him from drowsing on duty. It would be sunrise soon. Another sleepless night.

“Where are my sisters?!” I screamed, sidestepping him.

“They should be?—”

I threw open the door, horrified to find it unlocked.

“Val, Vic, Virtue!” I bellowed deep into the house.

There was movement in the back rooms, and I prayed it was one of them. All of them. A shadow passed across the space in advance of their new governess running out from the hallway. She was in sleep clothes, hair a mess, and holding two blades aloft. I had a split second of approval at her warrior-ready stance.

“Are they alive?” I whimpered.

She looked confused, half-lidded eyes with sleep marks on her face. Gwen was in her late twenties, a great pick for the girls’ new governess, but I just needed her to speak. Why wasn’t she speaking?

“Aisling?” Victory’s voice came from behind Gwen, and the governess lowered her swords.

“Empress? What’s wrong?” Gwen said, obviously trying to understand why I was there.

“Aisling’s home!” Virtue shouted, stumbling out into the hallway next.

My bottom lip shook with relief as tears welled in my eyes.

Where’s Val? My heir, the eldest. No, stars, no.

Gwen seemed to finally have gotten her wits about her and had the same thought as me. She spun, kicking in Valor’s door while keeping her swords out, and I barreled in after her. Victory and Virtue also caught on that something was wrong and ran into Valor’s room after me.

I tore back the blankets, and Valor’s eyes snapped open as a scream flew from her throat.

“Aisling, you scared the life out of me!” she said when she recognized me.

I fell on top of her, hugging her tightly as she loosely hugged me back, clearly in shock. A small sob ripped from my throat, and I squeezed her.

“What’s going on, Ash?” Victory asked behind me.

I turned, clicking on the light so that I could see them all, appreciating that Gwen still hadn’t stowed her blades. She was ready for anything.

“I got a note from… a bad person with a threat to you girls, with this inside.” I pulled their three purple bows out, and they all gasped at the same time, which was really eerie.

Victory fingered the bow. “We haven’t worn these since your Lottery. They’ve been missing.”

My heart was finally slowing, and Gwen slowly lowered her swords.

“What do you mean? Missing since we moved here or…?” I asked them.

They shook their heads. “Missing since we were at the old house with Father.”

Relief washed over me. Maxim must have been watching me for a while, which was an unnerving thought, but he’d probably stolen the bows the night of my father’s assassination. Hell, he was probably the one who killed him. Maybe he wanted to hide it because he didn’t want me to know, as he was secretly obsessed with me like Liana said?

My father’s killer could have been Maxim if he’d been in our home, watching me for weeks, months, if it was since the Lottery.

It meant that, for now, my sisters were safe. But I wasn’t taking any second chances.

“I’m scared,” Victory said suddenly.

“I’ll leave you alone now, Empress,” Gwen said. I thanked her, and she left the room.

I climbed into bed with Vic and patted the sheet as the girls slid in next to me.

“I’m glad you’re home.” Victory yawned, spooning Virtue, who snuggled into her arms. They were feral kittens until they were scared, then they became little marshmallows.

I started to sing a song my mother used to sing when I was very young, and the girls drifted off to sleep. As I did, I checked in with Liana.

‘They’re okay,’ I told Liana, but I knew that she felt it through our bond.

‘They might not be next time,’ she told me.

I knew that, too, and I hated that she said it out loud.

‘What do I do? Bring them to live on base with me? That’s no place to grow up. And they are more likely to get hurt.’

‘I agree, but if you leave them here like this, they are sitting ducks.’

‘Got any suggestions?’ I asked.

‘I do. You won’t like it, but I think you need to send them into the Wilds to claim a creature early.’

My singing sputtered to a stop.

‘Are you insane? They’re fourteen! They’ll die.’

I glanced down to see Victory fast asleep against me, as was Virtue, but Valor was watching me with wide, fearsome eyes. She said nothing about my stopping the song and just watched me in the pale moonlight that filtered through the window.

‘If we train them, they won’t. And once they bond creatures and get powers, they will be safer than you could ever make them.’

It was crazy. It had never been done. We went at nineteen—that was the rule.

‘You make the rules now. Just think about it.’

I couldn’t handle this right now. What Liana was suggesting was actually ridiculous. Send all three of my heirs into the Wilds at fourteen!

Why was Valor just staring at me like that? Why wasn’t she sleeping like the others?

‘Because she’s most like you. She won’t sleep until she’s dead tired. She doesn’t feel safe. She’d feel safe with a creature watching her back.’

I ignored Liana and reached out to squeeze Val’s shoulder. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” I vowed. “As long as I breathe, you are safe. Do you understand me?”

Valor barely blinked. “What if they kill you, too? Then what?”

Her stark assessment sliced into my heart. She was too young for this.

I sat up. “That’s not going to happen.”

She sat up too, meeting me head-on. “Father died. He was untouchable. You could be next.” Her voice shook.

I had to give her some information to calm her, assurance that I wouldn’t die as easily as our father.

“If I tell you a secret, you have to pinky promise you won’t tell anyone.” I held out my pinky, whispering so I didn’t wake the other girls. She hooked her pinky into mine, and I leaned closer.

“I died in the Wilds when I bonded Liana. But because of her power, I was reborn.”

Her eyes went wide. “Are you… immortal?” she asked, reverence in her voice.

I shrugged. “I could be. We don’t know. But I escaped death once, and I’d do it again just to spare you having to take on too much responsibility while you’re so young. I want to give you a normal childhood, Valor.”

She frowned. “This is war , Aisling. I’m spared nothing. Without peace, I won’t ever have a normal childhood. No one will.”

There it was again. That word. Peace.

Her statement caught me off guard.

In all the years I’d trained for this position, I’d never been taught peace was an option. The war wouldn’t end until we conquered Luska and took over their people and lands. Only then would there be true peace.

For a split second I questioned that reasoning, and it felt like my mind fractured. I was warring with everything I’d been taught, and it was such an uncomfortable feeling I just pushed it down, unable to deal with it right now.

“I promise not to die until you’re nineteen,” I joked, and that got a wry smile out of her. She sighed, looking down at her identical sisters. They looked so peaceful lying there asleep, tangled in each other’s arms.

“And I promise that if you do, I’ll be a good leader and take care of them,” she said.

Tears welled in my eyes at that. She was fourteen. A baby. She shouldn’t be thinking like this.

“Do you feel unsafe here?” I asked Valor.

She met my gaze. “I feel unsafe everywhere, Aisling.”

It was like a knife to the heart. I realized that my attempt to retain her innocent childhood was fruitless. It had already been broken.

“What would make you feel safer? Do you want to come live with me on base?”

She scrunched her nose up. “Isn’t that, like, bombed every day?”

Yes . Dammit .

‘Ask her if she wants a creature. If that would make her safe,’ Liana prodded.

I swallowed hard, unsure how I felt about that. She could die in the Wilds, and then where would we be?

‘She’s stronger than you give her credit for,’ Liana pushed back at me.

I sighed, hoping I wouldn’t regret this. “If you had a bonded creature, would that make you feel safe?”

She sat up fully, her mouth popping open in surprise. “What do you mean? Go into the Wilds early?”

I let out a shaky breath. “I mean, I’m still considering it, but yeah.”

She grinned. “Yes, Aisling, that would make me feel safer. With a creature, I could better protect the girls, and while we’re sleeping, they could protect us.”

She felt unsafe to sleep? I’d been so wrapped up in ruling the country I hadn’t really noticed.

“You know, it’s Gwen’s job to protect you girls.”

She shrugged, pulling up the hem of her pajama pants to show me a small dagger stuffed into her sock. “Gwen is great, but I just can’t trust anyone to keep us safe anymore.”

Wow. She’d grown so much since Father’s death. Overnight.

“I need to think about this,” I told her. She wouldn’t go through the Lottery, which would send a message to the people that I broke the rules. But she was an heir and guaranteed a spot anyway, so maybe it didn’t matter. But she wouldn’t have an alliance… and she wasn’t fully trained yet. I could just be sending her to her death.

‘Then train her on weekends,’ Liana said.

Valor smiled for the first time in weeks. “Even the fact that you’re considering it makes me feel so much better.” She leaned forward and pulled me into a hug.

I squeezed her hard, relishing the contact. Valor wasn’t a hugger, so this was probably the last one I would get for a while.

When we pulled away, I met her gaze. “While I’m considering this, I want you to train with Gwen during the week, and me on the weekends, on how to survive in the Wilds and how to form a bond and everything.”

She nodded eagerly. “I will.”

I was exhausted. I’d need a couple hours of sleep before taking on the day, but I wouldn’t get it.

“I have to go now, Valor. I am needed back at base.”

She frowned but gave me a small nod.

I decided then that the way my father had run our family to think love was a weakness was all wrong. All I’d ever wanted since I became a sister to the triplets was to tell them how much I loved them.

I was empress and leader of this family now, so I was going to start new rules.

I grabbed her chin and forced her to look at me. “Valor Everhart, I love you. And I’m going to start saying that because I want you to know it. I would do anything for you and I will always be here if you need me, no matter what my obligation to this country is. Do you understand me?”

A single tear welled in her eye and spilled over her cheek and onto my thumb.

They weren’t alive to hear our mother say I love you; only I had experienced that. So, me saying it was the only exposure she had to the words and how much they could make you feel.

I released her chin.

“It’s okay to say those words. Father isn’t here anymore, and my new house rule is that love isn’t a weakness. It’s a blessing. Okay?”

She looked confused but nodded, wiping away her tear. “Okay.”

When I left the house, I wondered if I was doing this right or screwing my sisters up. Parenting was not for the faint of heart.

Now, there was just one more person I needed to say I love you too. Kohen Badshah had my heart fully, and I had to tell him that.