17. Meera

My eyes open slowly. My last memory was being ravaged in the garden and falling asleep as we walked back to the mansion. I'm smiling as I wake up and feel my arms stretching out for him.

But my arms reach nothing, my body warm under a thick comforter.

Where is he?

I am not in the courtyard with Kavian beside me. I can't hear the rustling of trees or the calming wind. The room may be dark, but there"s definitely rain on the window I'm hearing.

Somehow, I was carried back inside the mansion.

"Am I still dreaming? Is this a nightmare?"

I bring myself to awareness, sitting up in bed and trying to make sense of my environment. Nausea grips me, panic taking hold slowly.

Perhaps it was all a dream and I am not with Kavian at all, but somewhere horrible that my mind shielded me from.

Maybe there's a reason it all felt too good to be true?

I know my thoughts aren't clear or rational as I come to, my mind clouded over. But the past several weeks before meeting him were so terrible, it's not crazy to think my mind invented its own paradise to cope.

If that's the case, then I need to escape.

I need to find a way out of here.

I try to calm my breathing, silencing the immediate urge to flee. I'm jumping to conclusions entirely too quickly.

Before I can conclude anything, I need to look around and think. I pinch myself hard on the thigh, feeling a pain that confirms I'm not asleep right now.

So then, did Kavian really carry me all the way here?

Maybe I didn't fabricate days of memories and I'm still in Kavian's mansion. Maybe the only dream was the courtyard.

That makes much more logical sense.

Lightning fills the air around me, followed by thunder, and I get a quick glimpse at the tumultuous dull red landscape just outside this window. This mansion has felt like an oasis among a dark red, sprawling desert.

I don't know how Kavian can stand this realm.

I scratch my head, massaging my scalp.

Part of me feels very sore. It"s a pain that radiates through my entire body, but I know it's coming from something.

At first, I try to identify the source of the dull pain as the rain intensifies outside. Running my fingers along my torso, I feel a throbbing pain in my side.

A light filters in barely from the hallway. It's the only way that I'm going to get a good look.

Picking myself up from the bed, my bare feet crossing over the floor, I slowly wedge open the door, careful not to alert the monsters plaguing my imagination. In the far distance, I think I hear voices, though they're barely audible and I can't make out their sources or what they're saying.

That's a problem for later, I think.

A dim candle flickers, and I lift my shirt up over my ribs.

Immediately, I notice a dark, shadowy mark, its color smoky gray, where Kavian marked me.

So it wasn't a dream!

The reality both elates and unsettles me. At least I know that I didn't imagine being freed. I didn't hallucinate a coordinated series of events to ease my trauma.

But that also means that my relationship with Kavian has changed dramatically and that I'm going to need to adjust to that.

I close my eyes as I stand just next to the barely open bedroom door. The winds bring moisture crashing against the walls of the mansion.

The visions behind my eyelid bring me peace. I see my village intact, my family, and my younger brother. I remember what it felt like to be at home. But then, the image of Kavian crosses my mind.

And the feeling remains.

I feel almost giddy at the thought that I'm really, truly safe.

But then I remember the sobering task ahead of me, and that this is only a brief reprieve. Soon, I will need to risk my life and freedom, continuing to help Kavian wherever I'm needed.

It's necessary if I want other people to feel the same freedom I feel now. I have to fight.

Looking at Ikoth's dusty red sky, I wonder if rain is celebrated here. This place doesn't seem like it receives much rainfall.

It must be early morning or late evening right now, which means that there's no reason not to go back to bed.

I am tired. And now that I'm aware I'm not hallucinating, and that last night really happened, maybe I can try to make sense of it.

But as I bring my feet back into the bedroom and feel my hand gripping the door, ready to close it, I encounter some resistance.

Why is he up so late?

I don't want to sleep. The strange voices just down the hall have piqued my curiosity.

I realize that either the voices are Kavian and Vex, or they're a pair of very similar-sounding voices who've broken into Kavian's mansion in the dead of night.

And I need to start thinking rationally. If I question life every time I'm not beaten half to death or starved, I have no hope of living a normal life.

Plus, the slaves out there are counting on me to stay strong.

I wonder if this storm is going to delay our plans. Perhaps it will all be gone by morning.

What could they possibly be talking about, at this hour?

I know that it's not my business and that I need to be back in bed. But I know that sleep will be impossible with so many questions floating through my mind.

My bare feet are barely audible in the hallway, my path forward guided by strange relics, suits of armor, and elaborate and pretentious paintings. Along the way, the candles guiding my feet over a long, violet carpet burn weakly, as though affected by the wind or the rain outside.

It's difficult to hear over the weather sometimes. I would be lost in these hallways without the sounds of two voices. And the closer I get, the more certain I am that the voices I'm hearing are Vex and Kavian.

Moisture trails around the desk, the papers on its surface clearly soaked.

Judging from the volume of their voices now, the conversation seems to have turned into a debate, which has become heated.

"We're going to get trampled if we fall in with them," Vex says, his voice now competing with the thunder.

Kavian looks down at his desk, tapping it with his fingers as Vex talks.

"I know how much you hate his guts, but Gorran's more capable than you realize," Vex continues. "And you're sentencing them to their deaths along with us if you seriously move forward!"

Kavian turns abruptly, his methodical, contemplative mood buried for something far more abrupt and impulsive.

"Earlier, you said this plan could work," he says. "You said you thought we had a shot! And now you're telling me there's no way the plan can work—saying we need to step back? What aren't you telling me?"

"Well, I'm not telling you your emotions have been compromised, for one," Vex replies. "I'm trusting that, even now, you haven't gone blind because of this woman. Because this whole plan kind of came out of nowhere."

Kavian says nothing. As I reach the room where they're talking and inch around the corner of the doorframe, a candle barely revealing his hardened face, I realize he's probably suppressing his anger for the sake of playing nice.

Though I'd hate to be on the other side of his ire.

"Just tell me, Kavian. Why are these humans so worth saving? What do they possibly offer us in combat that we can't already do better?"

"When did you become such a utilitarian?" Kavian asks. "If we were dealing with demons like us, you wouldn't hesitate to save them. And now you're questioning whether their lives are worth it?"

Vex snorts, chuckling in response.

"Kavian, these are slaves we're talking about, not our kin. And you're talking about putting a lot of our lives on the line for their benefit! So you'll forgive me if I'm a bit slow to the frontlines."

Outside, the rain slows down, the thunder quieting.

"You underestimate them, I think," Kavian says. "That's okay. You don't know them like I do."

I almost can't believe what I'm hearing. Is Kavian genuinely coming to the defense of humans out of goodwill?

He always made it seem like a transaction—like he was only going through with this because he benefited from it.

Does he really care about us after all?

"Well, as one of your most loyal defenders, I think you owe it to me," Vex says. "If you know something I don't, maybe you should tell me."

Kavian shakes his head.

"How do they survive any of it?" he asks out loud, pacing to the other side of the room.

Vex appears puzzled.

"Survive what?"

Kavian's eyes meet Vex's, as Vex begins walking toward me.

I duck, hiding against the wall and clinging out of their sight.

"The slavery, the auctions… things that would probably drive all of us to suicide," Kavian replies. "How do any of them keep going?"

Vex, saying nothing, just grips the doorknob. My eyes widen, realizing that I'm inches away from being sighted.

Why does it matter though?I think. This is all information I should be privy to anyway.

In theory, there's no reason I shouldn't be able to step out and thank Kavian for coming to our defense.

But my gut tells me to remain hidden.

My gut is grateful to hear the pure, unadulterated truth come out of Kavian's mouth.

"I think their secret is in their struggle," Kavian says. "They haven't known luxuries like we have. They spend their lives growing from nothing, learning to value objects they could never, in a million lifetimes, possess themselves."

Vex sighs heavily.

"And you think that somehow translates to skill in combat?" he asks.

Kavian nods.

"You'll see how strong they are for yourself, I think. I know you don't see the point, but they have everything to gain and nothing to lose."

I start heading back down the hallway, feeling satisfied with my discoveries.

I wonder if he's changed his motivations since we met, or if he always felt this way in secret.

Could I have caused a change in him?

I feel myself growing excited at the thought.