CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE Chad

"Hello, Perry," I said, giggling at his surprised voice when he answered. "Long time, Mr. Jackson."

"Well, son-of-a-bitch, if it isn't my second favorite human," he replied. "To what do I owe such a pleasure as a call from Mr. Sunshine himself?"

"Was just thinking about you lately," I said. "Actually, I was talking about you with someone special last night. Were your ears ringing?"

"You still talking smack with Jack?" he joked.

"I wish, but Jack's been quiet lately," I reported. "But I am speaking with someone very close to Jack."

Perry laughed. "Dead or alive?" he quipped.

"This man is very much alive," I said. "And sort of the reason I'm calling."

"And, of course, color me interested. Business or pleasure, kiddo?"

I moved out of the sight line of my food truck and to a picnic table at a neighboring truck. I didn't have anything to hide, but I felt it might look odd if customers who knew me thought I wasn't helping out at my own truck. There'd been a break in business, so I took the time to make a call to Perry. He'd been on my mind ever since Cole told me the story of how he'd first met Perry when Jack introduced them.

"This call is pleasure, my friend," I replied. "I'm calling about one Mr. Cole Hicks."

I heard him smack something, perhaps a desktop. "I frikken' knew it!" he exclaimed.

"You knew what?" I asked.

"I knew Jack was up to his old tricks when Cole called me a couple of months ago out of the blue." He chuckled to himself. "Oh my God, I knew it. Cole told me he was moving to Virginia Beach soon after you told me you were heading home for the summer. I hadn't spoken to Cole in nearly three years or so. Coincidence? Oh, hell no."

"I'm not sure Jack is on this one, Perry," I stated. "Kind of a lot of dead air on my end."

"Okay. Yeah, whatever, kid. So why do you want to talk to me about Cole Hicks?"

After hearing the question, I suddenly felt that my call was wrong and out of order. Was I going behind Cole's back for information about him? Was this fair or a smart place to start a relationship? Why was I unconvinced about my good fortune meeting Cole?

The casual story about Cole being introduced to Perry was sweet, and the connection Cole spoke of gave me a good feeling about him. The connection and their friendship gave me the idea to call. But now I hadn't considered how that call could be perceived.

"You know what?" I asked. "Maybe I shouldn't have called about Cole. I suddenly feel like I'm sneaking behind his back. Like I'm looking to find something bad about him." I glanced at the beach, feeling guilty. Why was I doing this?

"You two forming something?" Perry inquired.

"Yeah," I answered. "I told him I loved him last night."

"So, I was right about you two?"

"Yep," I confirmed.

"Okay then, Chad, but why the hesitance in your voice? That isn't you, my friend."

"Don't tell me anything, Perry. Never mind. This was wrong to have called about Cole," I admitted. "I'm… well… honestly, I'm experiencing something I'm not good at."

What was I so afraid of? I wasn't trusting my own judgement lately, and the realization was off-putting. The whole idea that Jack was up to his usual love matching had crossed my mind a thousand times since meeting Cole. In fact, meeting his friend Marla, who thought herself to be a bit clairvoyant, only added to the belief. But why wasn't Jack talking to me now?

"Are you experiencing indecision?" he asked. "Cold feet after the Clint breakup?"

"That'd be the exact reason, Perry," I answered. "Not too proud about calling to check up on his past, either."

"Then don't ask me questions, kiddo. Just listen for a second. Can you do that?" he asked.

"Yes. I can do that. Nothing too personal though, okay?"

He drew in a long breath. I sat quietly and waited for Perry to speak, as my mind did battle with my heart. This was not me. I am afraid of very little in this world and yet, lately, I was afraid of being in love again. The one thing I trusted more than anything in my world, love, had me frightened to rejoin the team.

"First off, I'm a little surprised that you're afraid, Chad. I know you didn't say that, but I think I know you well enough to read into your hesitation," he began. "So I'm not going to say much about Cole except this. Jack loved that man like no other. The two of them were so close that I sometimes got jealous of what they had. And Jack was an amazing man, and unparalleled when it came to his gift of seeing the goodness in people. That should speak to the truth of who Cole is right there, my friend. I trust Cole. I love him."

My eyes filled as I stared into the distance. I knew halfway through his speech where he was going with his assessment. Of course, Cole was Jack's best friend. Every story I'd ever heard about Jack told the story of a special human being. And that person, Jack, had chosen Cole, the man I'd fallen in love with, to be his best friend.

"Thank you," I whispered, wiping at my eyes with the back of a hand. "I'm afraid, Perry," I confessed. "The last three and a half, four years, have me spooked."

"I know, kiddo. I can hear it in your voice," he said. "You are special, Chad. I know that, and you know that. Your great gift is your capacity to love, to understand the people you love, and to spread love. If you question anything, do not question that."

"I gave up on Clint," I whispered, struggling to admit the guilt I carried. "Did I try hard enough, Perry?"

"I only know a little about the breakup, but Clint admitted he couldn't live a gay lifestyle, so what were you expected to do with that?"

"Love him through it?" I asked. "At least I thought I could," I added.

"And then what?" he asked. "What if he never got there, Chad? What if you spent even more years wishing he could?"

"But what if he could?" I asked. "What if I gave up too easily?"

"What if you didn't?" he asked. "Last I heard, Clint took up with Rhonda again. That in itself should answer your question," he added. "And please, don't get me wrong, Lucas and I still love him. Of course, we do, but he's made his choice. I'd say it's fair if you accepted the fact that despite how hard you tried, the relationship failed."

"Do you know if he's okay?"

"I don't," he stated. "He doesn't return texts or calls."

"And his money?" I asked. "I heard he's been spending heavily."

"Truthfully, you shouldn't have been told that, and I cannot or will not speak about a client's business, even when I know you mean well."

"You're a good friend, Perry. I love that about you."

"Trust yourself, Chad. You, more than anyone I've ever met, know love. If you're feeling this way about Cole, then I'd listen to yourself, even if Jack is staying quiet."

"Weird, though, right?" I asked. "You know, about Jack's silence."

"Everything about you two is weird. Where would I even begin?" he quipped, laughing at his own joke. "But seriously, you've heard nothing?"

"He's here," I said. "I can feel that, but he isn't talking about me and his best friend."

"Maybe he doesn't have to. You ever think about that?"

"I hadn't, to be honest," I replied. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, kiddo. You two get your love all settled, and then how about us four meet up?" he suggested.

"So, I'm hearing you giving me a green light?"

"You don't need my green lights. Try listening to yourself for once," he advised.

I laughed out loud. "Funny you say that," I said. "Another friend said the same thing last week."

"Had you told Cole you loved him when said friend advised the same?"

"No," I answered.

"Well, isn't that an interesting fact? Sounds like you already started listening to you. I vote for that plan."

"I love you."

"And I love you," he said. "And one more thing. I like Cole Hicks quite a bit actually. He was a wonderful friend to me and Jack—Jack especially—and he was a faithful man who sadly lost at love. Sound like anyone you might know?"

"I hear you," I agreed, taking a moment to contemplate something before saying it out loud. "Cole's different, you know? Very confident, put together, and well-spoken. Amazing to look at too, but there's something else. I don't know what exactly, but it seems like hurt in his eyes. And oddly enough," I added. "I'm not sure I want to try to fix it or share it with him. I simply want to love him. Never had that thought before."

"Holy smokes. Listen to you! Did you grow up overnight?" he asked. "So don't try fixing Cole. How about just love him like you said? That should go far in fixing him."

I laughed at his observation and noticed a small boy being led by his mother across the beach. The child was practically being dragged across the sand after trying to run off, but he was smiling and laughing, looking around at all the action nearby, oblivious to being protected. It wasn't hard to see me in the child. I'd been blessed with loving parents who'd supported my free-spirit-mindedness. He was me, such a short time ago.

"I'm realizing I'm a man, Perry. Suddenly, and without warning, here I am, a man," I mused. "A man at a crossroads, no less. How'd this happen?"

"The whole circle of life, my friend," he responded. "Do me a favor, though." I made a noise indicating I wanted to hear his favor. "Grow up if you must, Chad, but stay the wondrous, searching, beautiful soul that you are."

His loving words reminded me of the day I'd first met him. I was drawn to him immediately, yet knew he wasn't for me. "You ever wonder how it was possible that we didn't end up together?" I asked, surprised I'd asked the question out loud.

"A thousand times for sure," he said, his voice so full of fun and love. "I never doubted that there was a reason. And remember, Chad. It was you who knew we weren't destiny even back then."

"Jack told me," I said, lowering my voice whenever I spoke of him lately.

"Perhaps Jack also recognizes that you've grown up?"

I watched as a handsome man, maybe in his thirties, greeted the woman and boy. The man lifted the boy in his arms and kissed him smack on the forehead before tossing him high in the air. I felt a warmth enter me and make its way to my heart. That little boy was safe.

"Jack's here, Perry," I whispered. "Right in front of me."