Chapter 34

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

MARGO

I'm tired, more than I'll admit to anyone. I want to take a nap, but I can't. Annie is so excited about my date. She won't stop talking about it. She's standing in the closet going through my clothes at the moment.

She takes out a white dress. "What about this?" She smiles.

I shake my head. I love that she's suddenly decided to become my personal stylist, but I don't trust myself not to spill on it. "What about my blue one?"

She puts the white one back and starts rifling through my clothes again. She finds it and holds it up. It's a long, flowy dress with cap sleeves and small flowers speckled across the fabric. "It's cute, but it looks like something you'd wear in summer. Are you sure?"

I nod. "It's more me."

"You're right," she says. She brings the dress over and sits next to me on my bed. "So, what's it like?"

I lie down, hugging the dress close. "What do you mean?"

"What's it like to fall in love? "

I laugh. "What makes you think I'm in love?"

She lies down too and stares at the ceiling. "Your eyes light up whenever he's around, and you smile whenever you talk about him."

"Really?"

"You're smiling right now."

I touch my smiling lips. I still don't know if she's really okay with me dating Daniel or if she's just pretending. "Oh."

She goes back to staring at the ceiling. Her eyes water. "I love you, Margo. I'm glad you're happy."

I hug her. "I love you too, Annie." I want her to be happy too, but no matter how much I try to convince myself that she is, I know she isn't. She's lonely. She will be lonely.

Annie hops up, wiping her eyes. "I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be back." She runs off and my heart aches. I know she's going to the bathroom to cry where she won't be seen.

I leave my room and head to my parent's room where Mama is folding laundry on her bed.

"Mama?" I say.

She's in the middle of folding a towel, but she sets it down. "Yes, baby?"

"Can I ask you for a favor?"

Mama pinches my cheek. "Anything."

I step closer and find two matching socks to fold. "Could you reconsider letting us go to the concert?" It's only a week away, and I think Annie's suffered enough. I want to do something fun that she can look back on.

Mama sighs. "I knew you'd ask me about that again."

I reach for a couple washcloths and fold them too. "I owe Annie."

Mama shakes her head. "You don't owe anyone anything. "

"I need to do this," I say. "I know Annie was supposed to learn a lesson, but you and I both know she won't run off again."

Mama is quiet, but that's good. It means she's thinking. It's not an immediate no. "I'll have to talk to Papa."

I rush to hug her. "Thank you!"

"I didn't say you could go."

I squeeze her tighter. "You know Papa is going to say yes."

She laughs. "You have us all wrapped around your finger, don't you."

I let go and race to the door.

"Wait, take your clothes with you," Mama says.

I circle back and pick up my pile of clean clothes. I can't hide my grin, and my body bounces with every step back to my room.

Annie is back and going through my collection of earrings, trying to find a pair that matches the dress.

"Guess what," I say.

"What?"

"I'm ninety-nine percent sure we will get to go to the Broken Sage concert."

She gasps and her jaw drops. She covers her mouth. "No!"

"Yes!" I say, throwing my clothes down and wrapping my arms around her. We jump up and down like two little kids. Annie is smiling. The corners of her eyes crinkle, and she's blushing.

I turn on Broken Sage's latest album, and we sing and dance until we're falling over from laughing.

This is us.

This is how I want us to be remembered.

Annie drops me off at the restaurant at five. My dress flutters in the wind as I walk inside with a white clutch in my hands. It's a beautiful restaurant, one with tall ceilings and cloth napkins folded around each set of silverware. There's a soft glow coming from the lights, but nothing too bright.

"Do you have a reservation?" The hostess asks me.

I nod. "I'm with Daniel Hansen."

She looks down at the guestbook. "He's here. Let me show you where you'll be sitting."

I follow her into the seating area. Daniel is in the center of the room and stands when he sees me. "Hey," he says.

"Hello," I say, smiling brightly.

His hair is brushed back, and he's wearing a blazer with a button-up shirt and jeans. He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

So I smile bigger, hoping that my happiness will rub off on him. I give him a hug and kiss his cheek.

He pulls out my chair for me and then sits across from me. He opens his menu, but he isn't reading it. He's staring at the same item for too long.

I reach across and touch his hand. "What's wrong?"

He closes the menu. "I'm okay," he says.

"You sure?"

"How are you doing?" he asks, eyes roaming over me as if he's looking for bruises. He's done that every time he sees me since he noticed them the other day.

My head hurts, my eyes are heavy, and my bones ache. "I'm okay."

The waiter comes over to our table and greets us. "What can I get you to drink? "

"Just water for me," I say, smiling. This place is nice, and I know that Daniel doesn't have a lot of money.

"And for you?"

"Water," Daniel says.

The waiter nods. "I'll be back in a moment with those."

When he returns, he sets the glasses down and then leaves so that we can have more time to look at the menu. There are so many choices, and I have no idea what I want. "What are you going to order?" I ask, peeking over the menu.

He's scratching his head, looking as puzzled as I feel. "I'm not sure."

I look at the options again. The only vegetarian option is a salad. I doubt that's what he wants. This restaurant smells amazing and I'm sure he's as hungry as I am. Salad isn't going to cut it.

"Maybe you could order one of the pasta dishes. They could probably make it without chicken," I say.

He nods, but I don't think he's convinced. His foot is tapping and there's sweat building on his brow.

I don't understand why he's so stressed.

He reaches for his glass of water, but his hand fumbles and knocks the glass over. Water gushes across the table and spills into my lap. I jump up, and he gasps.

"I'm so sorry!" he says, unraveling his napkin and handing it to me.

In an instant the waiter is back at our table, drying it off with a towel. I pat my dress with Daniel's napkin, but it doesn't do much good. The dress is soaked.

The waiter brings me a new napkin and I set it in my lap over the wet spot. That will have to do for now. I'm sure it'll dry soon, so I don't mind. Besides, it's only water. It won't stain .

Daniel's face is bright red as he lifts the menus, searching for any way to be helpful. "I'm really, really sorry."

"It's okay," I say. "I'm not made of sugar. I won't melt." That's what my grandma said every time we went out in the rain.

He should laugh, but he doesn't. His gaze is locked on the menus, then his shoes. He glances at me in between, but never lingers on me. He smacks the table and then tugs at his hair. His foot still hasn't stopped tapping, and now he's rubbing the back of his neck with both hands, leaning forward with his elbows on the table.

I reach over and touch his arm. "Daniel, what's wrong?"

"This date was supposed to be perfect, but it turned into a disaster."

I think it's cute that he's so worried about making this date special, but I don't need to go to fancy restaurants or eat expensive food to have a good time. "It's not a disaster."

"Yes, it is. Annie said you've never been on a date like this, and now I've ruined it for you."

I take his hand and hold it with both of mine. "Why do you think it's ruined? Do I look upset?"

"Aren't you?" He peeks at me, face flushed.

I smile. "No. I'm here with you." I run my thumb over the knuckles on his hand. "That's all I need."

He eases, eyes softening. He takes a deep breath as his posture relaxes. When he looks at me, his gaze is heavy. All of his attention falls on me, weighted with longing. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You always know the right thing to say to me," he says.

I don't know what to say back so I grin. I'm glad he's comforted by me, but I know he could be comforted by others if he'd give them a chance. What I say isn't special, it's just that he chooses to believe me.

"Can I ask you something?"

He nods.

"What do you plan to do after school?"

He takes a sip of his now-refilled water. He clears his throat and looks off again. "I don't really know. I haven't thought about it very much."

"Come on," I say. "There must be something you want to do. What did you dream about becoming when you were a kid?"

He laughs. "It's cliché."

"So? Tell me."

"I used to say I was going to be a veterinarian."

"That makes sense." I still remember the way he took care of the cat we found. He loves animals. "I bet you would be great at that."

He shrugs. "I don't think I could afford the school so it doesn't matter."

"Don't say that. You should talk to your school counselor. I bet there are options for you. Besides, you're smart. I know if you set your mind to it, you could qualify for a scholarship."

He shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe."

The waiter comes back and we order. Daniel takes my suggestion, and we order a pasta dish without meat to share. I don't have much of an appetite so I know I can't finish a whole dish by myself. Besides, I want to save what little room I have for dessert since it's the most important meal, after all.

"What about you?" Daniel asks.

"What about me?"

"What did you want to do when you were little? "

I went through so many different phases. As a kid I said all of the generic answers like firefighter, singer (even though I can't carry a tune), and doctor. But there was one answer that stood out the most. It was the most outrageous, and I can't help but laugh when I think about it. "I wanted to be— Wait for it—" I bite my lip. "I told everyone I was going to join the circus."

Daniel chuckles. "Oh, really?"

"Mm-hmm."

"What were you going to do?"

I cover my laugh. "I don't think I ever thought that far ahead."

All the tension that was here before has dissolved into thin air. We're laughing and smiling. I love it.

"So you were just going to show up?"

I raise my shoulders. "I guess so. I mean, I'm a quick learner. They could've shown me how to use the trapeze or something."

"Because that's not hard at all," he agrees sarcastically.

"Exactly."

It's not long before our food is brought out. Garlic and parmesan fill the air, making my stomach growl. Our pasta is already separated into two plates, and the waiter grates fresh cheese on top. He also brings us a plate of French bread that looks equally as good.

I take a bite. The pasta is cooked perfectly, not too soft, and yet the smooth sauce seems to melt in my mouth.

"Do you like it?" Daniel asks.

"It's amazing," I say, motioning to his plate. "Try yours."

He loads his fork and takes a bite.

"Well?" I ask .

He grins. "Wow."

I point my fork at him. "You chose a good place."

"I'm glad you like it."

I take another bite, but this time I try it with the bread. As I expected, the bread is buttery and perfect too.

We eat in silence for a few minutes. I think it's because we're both hungry, but it isn't long before Daniel talks again. We talk about how Laura is having a baby and about the concert Annie and I are going to. Then Daniel mentions how he's been helping Olive practice her lines for her play. It's nice talking. It's easy.

After dinner we share a slice of chocolate cake before wandering back outside. Mama is supposed to pick me up, but she's not here yet. While we wait, we sit on a little bench outside of the restaurant and enjoy the soft breeze drifting through the air.

"So do you still want to join the circus?" Daniel asks. "Should we add that to the list?"

"Believe it or not, I've moved on."

"That's a shame."

I don't think about what my future could've been very often because I don't see the point in dwelling on something out of my control. I won't waste time being upset by the things I don't get to do, but every once in a while, I like to imagine what my future could've been like. "I think if I wasn't sick, I would've made a good detective."

"You think?" Daniel raises an eyebrow. "I know."

"Do you?"

"You've practically found my dad already."

I watch the traffic; the lights from the cars blur as they zoom by. "I haven't yet. "

"Well, we meet Meghan tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure she knows who he is."

There's been so much going on lately, I almost forgot about that, but he's right. We have plans to meet her tomorrow after school. "You're right. She probably does."

He leans back. "So what else would you do if you weren't sick, Detective Blakely?"

"Hmm." I close my eyes and try to picture my future. There can't be any harm in imagining it once, right? "Well for one, I'd grow my hair out. Super long. Longer than Annie's. I'd learn to dance and play an instrument. And I'd travel the world to see everything from the arctic to the deserts in Africa." I open my eyes and that future disappears, so far out of reach that I already forgot what it looked like.

Daniel closes his eyes. "I'd learn to braid your hair, no matter how long it was. I'd dance with you in the moonlight and under the stars. I'd listen to you play whatever instrument you chose every night, even if you didn't hit the right notes at first. And I'd travel the world with you."

A tear falls down my cheek because when he describes my future that way, it's so vivid. It's beautiful. It makes me wish it were real.

"Daniel?" I say.

He opens his eyes.

I don't think I've actually told him how I feel. I assume he knows, but I want him to hear me say it. "I really like you."

He touches my cheek, wiping away the tear as he looks into my eyes. He sees me, every bit of me, broken pieces and all. "I love you."

My heart skips, and my stomach fills with butterflies. I don't know what I did to deserve him, but here he is—vulnerable and open .

I lean in and kiss his lips. "I like you," I kiss him again, "and I love you."

He puts an arm around me, and I rest my head on his shoulder. We're both content to sit here, waiting and enjoying the simple moment between us. Before I know it, I drift to sleep, dreaming of what our future could have been.