7. Tongue Tied

CHAPTER 7

TONGUE TIED

GROUPLOVE

Some of the best places to eat in Los Angeles are little more than small, mom-and-pop style joints, which is exactly where Sam takes me. Bright colors decorate the room along with a handful of tables and mix-matched chairs. There's an extensive selection of tequila behind the bar, which has my hopes up for a decent margarita. It looks like they stay pretty busy, so I'm glad we get there just as someone gives up their table inside so we're not stuck at a sidewalk table.

"Order whatever you want. This is a business meeting, so I'm expensing it, anyway. Including the pitcher of margaritas!" Sam laughs as he tosses his jacket on the bench and ducks out to take a phone call. I slide into the booth and glace at the menu before I pull out my phone and see a missed text.

Dani

Where are you, fucker? I wanted to hang out before the bar!!

James

You… I trusted you, and you betrayed me!!!

Dani

No, I simply kept my mouth shut for once while you waxed poetic about pink haired goddesses.

James

Evil.

Dani

YOU LIKE HER!

James

I didn't say that, Dani.

Dani

SHE'S MY MUSE, DANI!!!! Those were your words, big shot. Admit it!

You still coming tonight?

James Barton, get your mind out of the gutter! But also, absolutely keep dreaming of her naked so both of you can get LAID tonight!!

James

You suck.

Send me the address. What time are you getting there?

Dani

[Image Attached]

I juggle my phone, nearly dropping it into the pitcher. She's with Lexi; they're sticking their tongues out and making silly faces. Lexi's lost the sweater and looks like she's still trying to wake up, or she might be a little stoned. It's hard to tell. Her eyes are half closed and my mouth goes dry at the sight of her lopsided smile. The angle going right down her top isn't doing a damn thing to help, either. What it is doing is making my dick hard again. Fuck .

Dani

I told her that was for Sam.

You're totally putting that in the spank bank, huh?

James

It's your mind that's in the gutter!!

Dani

What?! Her tits look great in that shot! She's got a nice too…which you probably already stared at today, huh???

I fumble the phone again as Sam slides back into the booth. "Alright, let's get some food to go with this booze. It's cheat day, and this is only the pre-game before date night."

"Cheat day on date night? Is that irony or…?"

"No! But I can save a little money if I fill up on tacos here." Sam flags down a server, and we order more food than either of us will eat. He's doing this on purpose because he thinks depressed means I don't eat. He's not entirely wrong, but I'm too fucking nervous to eat right now.

We talk about the new gig and work-related matters for a while, avoiding the elephant in the room for as long as we can. The food comes out right as we run out of shop-talk and I think I'm safe, but Sam uses the lull in conversation to jump into my personal life.

"You're going tonight, aren't you?"

My phone buzzes again. I glance down, expecting more of Dani's antics, but I'm met with a message that makes my stomach drop instead.

Unknown Number

Why do you bother? You can't keep a job, so this won't work out, either.

"What?" I ask Sam, my voice cracking. I clear my throat and flip the phone over. It continues to buzz and Sam glares at it, so I stuff it into my pocket.

"The mixer? You're going because if you tell me you're not, I'm driving you over there myself and dumping you on the doorstep. You can't lock yourself in that house forever, James."

I laugh nervously. Sam would actually do what he's threatening. "Yeah, Dani conned me into going."

Sam and Dani want the same outcome, and it has nothing to do with me dating. They want me to bring my walls down, come out of hiding, and let go of the ghosts of the past. It's so much easier to say than do, and they both have watched as I try. Admittedly, I don't try very hard. I've always had the brooding artist to fall back on, but there was a time when I could laugh without crying and enjoy a night out with my friends without spending half of it in the bathroom, avoiding a panic attack. I haven't found a way to tell them I've accepted the darkness, and it's comforting to me.

Or maybe I've just given up.

"Two warnings. One is Kennedy—she works for me—you won't be able to miss her, and Dani will do her best to keep her away from you. She's a bit…well, she's a lot. I have no problem with what she does in her free time, but watch yourself around her. She's got the love ‘em and leave ‘em game on lockdown." He takes a huge bite of a taco, the lettuce and guac dropping off onto his plate.

"Noted. Is she the blonde, typical valley girl?" Sam nods to my question as he chews and I purse my lips, remembering how she blocked the door. I get the feeling she doesn't like being told no. "She was with Lexi at the coffee shop. She seemed…preoccupied."

"Yeah, her parents have money and when she started wasting too much of it, they told her to go get a job. She got through college and unfortunately, I golf with her dad." He takes a drink and laughs. "Which brings me to warning number two, Lexi. Don't try to sell me some bullshit about how I'm crazy. I saw how you looked at her today. You haven't had that sparkle in your eyes since Natalie. I'm not blind."

"Sam, I?—"

"No, trust me. Lex is amazing, and I hope you make that move. This isn't me being a cock blocker in HR clothing. I'm here as a friend, and I'm on board for any woman—or man—who can put that joy back on your eyes and the paintbrush in your hands." He fills our glasses from the margarita pitcher. "Just, you know, don't go ruining my big payday project with your dick, okay?"

"I wouldn't do that, Sam. Like I told Dani, it's better for me to stay away from people anyhow."

"Bullshit. You told her Lexi was your muse. Yeah, she told me about that."

"Fucking Dani," I mumble while he laughs, loud and hard.

"Anyhow, my warning isn't actually about Lexi. Whatever does or does not happen is between the two of you. You're both good kids, and if she doesn't like you, she'll straight up tell you." He stops laughing and leans in closer. "Listen, if she tells you about her family, keep in mind that she's not blowing it out of proportion. I've had her mom escorted out of the damn building before."

Sam knows my past and about some of my family issues, so his warning hits differently. It also makes me curious for long enough to remember that I'm trying to avoid being interested.

"Thanks for the heads up, but you really don't have to worry about any of that. No matter what Dani says, I don't have a shot with Lexi, and I intend to keep this all on a professional level."

"Sure, whatever you say." Sam winks at me and I feel my neck turning red. I almost tell him that I don't believe myself either.

"Why aren't you going tonight? You and Tish used to hit these things all the time. Did she finally get tired of all your shmoozing and networking?"

"Careful! No, we've already got reservations that I will not break for free drinks and too damn many young kids like you. We're too old for that shit. Now, we do what every self-respecting old couple does. We eat dinner early, watch Jeopardy, and go to bed."

"Sam, you're not Jeopardy old. Not by a long shot. I also have it on excellent authority that you're never in bed before two in the morning. Excellent authority being my cell phone text log."

"Old enough to be your—" He stops himself before he can say it. "well, let's just leave it at old enough." He tops off our drinks even though they were only half empty. His expression tells me he's about to go where I had hoped to avoid, and I'll need the drink to get through it. "So, have you been in the garage yet?"

"Nope." I pop the ‘p' hard and then take a big ass swig, trying to numb any emotions before they even have a chance to surface. It's the middle of happy hour, though, which means watered down drinks. I won't get numb with these, but luckily, I have a joint on me. I can't get out of this conversation, but at least I can handle the crowd later. "I haven't had the time."

"You're going to have to go in there at some point. You don't have to face it alone, Jamie. Any of it."

I've known that for six months. It doesn't change the fact that I'm terrified to open those doors and look inside. In my pocket, my fingers brush against the card Sam gave me earlier, and I think about calling the guy. I won't, though. There's nothing left for me in that garage, nothing left of me. That part of me is gone, and no therapist is going to bring that back. I may have the itch to draw again, but it's a passing phase and as soon as I get Lexi to think I'm an asshole and truly unworthy of her time, it will fade again.

"Yeah, I will. Once things settle down a little."

Sam takes another phone call and while I sit at the table, I pull my phone out and read the texts I've been ignoring.

Unknown Number

The house looks like shit. You should tear it down.

I may be in town again soon. I can help.

I delete the messages and distract myself by looking at the picture Dani had sent earlier. I shouldn't go tonight. I can tell Dani I drank too much with Sam. Even as I try to convince myself of that plan, I know it won't happen because I can't stop looking into those eyes. They're haunting and beautiful, and they're bringing something in me back to life. It's terrifying. Somewhere deep down there's the spark of hope trying hard to grow inside me, and I need to find a way to stop it. Hope is the worst thing in the whole fucking world. Right next to love. They both hurt so fucking much.

Unknown Number

Aww, you don't want to come out and play?

Not even going to ask why I'm coming to town?

You're fucking pathetic!

I can't ignore them, so I turn off the phone for now and wait for Sam to come back.