32. Paint It, Black

CHAPTER 32

PAINT IT, BLACK

CIARA

I check my phone again for what has to be the hundredth time, and I know my mother has noticed. James said he'd be here by now, but he's not answering his texts or calls and it's making me nervous. I don't have Steve's number and calling Chase is useless since he's in Atlanta. I'm not worried he's having another episode, but I am worried something else has happened.

So many people have lied to me, this shouldn't surprise me. Broken promises to be there and failed to show. My father promised he'd see me after school. My ex promised he'd help me move out of my parent's house. My new boyfriend stands me up for dinner with my parents. The problem is, this time it doesn't feel right. Not after the time we've been spending together. It doesn't make any sense.

"So, I invited your new…friend. Where is he?"

"He had to work late."

"Mmmhmm. So he stood you up?"

"No, Mother. He had some important photos that had to be processed tonight so they could be delivered to the client first thing in the morning." I lie.

"Sweetheart, he's pushing paper around in some tubs of foul-smelling liquids, not performing open heart surgery." She drains her third glass of wine and is eyeing the bottle. "Besides, the way you're checking your phone tells me he doesn't even care enough to tell you he's running late. He's not showing up. Got his free sample and now he's gone."

"Would that make you happier?" I hear myself say the words and regret them when she slams her hand on the table.

"Alexis, I only want what's best for you. An artist with no stable job who can't show up for dinner is not the right kind of man for you. You should pray that God will forgive you and not leave you with a reminder of your poor choices nine months from now."

That's all I am to her. Bex and I are nothing but reminders of her poor life choices.

"Ah, hello ladies! Dinner smells as delicious as you both look." Noah kisses my mother on the cheek and goes to do the same with me, but I pretend to check my phone and move across the room. He and Ronnie move over to the sink and wash up before heading to the table.

"Catherine. I think you're being too hard on our girl," my stepfather interjects as he sits down at the head of the table. Before he's even finished speaking, my mother is on her feet and running to check the food. "The young man is doing what comes naturally. Someday, you'll be absolutely radiant with a big, round belly, but it should be from a servant of God."

"I don't, we're not…" I take a few breaths, trying not to be sick from the way he's glaring at me.

"Well," Noah pulls out a chair beside my stepfather and motions for me to sit, and reluctantly, I do. His hands fall onto my shoulders with a squeeze. I smell iron and see cuts and bruises on his hands, but I don't say anything. "I think I'll side with Catherine on this one: a good man should be mindful of wasting God's time. Catherine has worked hard on this supper. He could at least be here when he says he will. I'm here right on time, aren't I?"

It seems like a strange question, but I'm still messing with my phone. It's acting strange and I wonder if I've downloaded a virus or something.

"We want to make sure you're taken care of, sweetheart." The lingering attention he gives me sends goosebumps up my arms and legs. There's something on his shirt and his hands are a mess, even though he washed them. "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen, helping your mother serve the meal?"

I stand up, hesitating when I remember I've worn a skirt. Shit. I thought James would be here, so it would be safe, but he's not. He didn't show up. He's not coming. I hurry into the kitchen, but my mother isn't there. Grabbing the nearest dish of food and bring it out to the table, stopping at the side opposite of Ronnie.

"You can't exactly serve the meal if you're going to stand all the way over there, darlin'. Now, come over here and let me see what's for dinner." He's like a snake, coiled and ready to strike, and I know I've fucked up. "Unless you want to skip right to dessert."

I swallow hard and walk over toward him in half steps, trying to take as much time as possible and hoping my mother will be back soon. Hoping James comes through the door.

"Good," he hums. Instead of moving his plate closer to me, he pushes it away, ensuring that I'll have to lean across the table. "Now, do your old man a favor and dish out whatever delicious surprise that bowl has in it."

I take a deep breath and stop for a second. I'm in my head. I'm overthinking everything that's going on and I'm in my head. He won't touch me, not with my mother flitting about the house somewhere, ready to burst in at any minute. Surely not with Pastor Noah right here in the room. I take the spoon with a shaky hand, and as I scoop the mashed potatoes onto his plate, I feel something move over my skirt and grab my ass, pushing me against the table. My stepfather grabs my arm, twisting it so I can't move. There's a quick pull and I hear fabric tear as Noah rips my underwear off.

The sound of the dish shattering and the spoon clanging against the floor would be deafening if it wasn't for the blood rushing through my ears.

"We're doing this for your own good, Alexis. With a child, you'll learn responsibility and how to keep a respectable house for your new husband," Noah whispers harshly in my ear. "Of course, by that, I mean me."

"I do wish I could be there later when you explain to your little boyfriend why you left your daddy's house with no panties on. Listen to you justify why another man's fingers squeezed you so tight you bruised." He leans in, but I turn my face away. He grabs a handful of my hair and yanks it. "Even better will be when you explain to that pretty boy why someone else's cum is sliding out of your pussy and how the baby growing in your fat belly ain't his?"

"Good thing we already took care of that, huh Angel ?" Noah says, grinding against me and shoving his hands into my shirt. "No more whoring around, you're all ours now."

I'm fighting back sobs because it's all I can do. I don't fight. I can't run away. There's only me, frozen. Scared. Alone.

"Oh you're being such a good girl for us, baby. Just like on your birthday." Ronnie grabs my face and turns it toward him. "Now, as soon as we're done, you're going to sign some papers for us. Make this binding more than just in the eyes of god."

"No," I whimper. "Please, no."

"You'll learn that I am a very patient man," Noah whispers, making sure I feel his erection through his pants. "but even patience has its limits. Once we consummate our union, you'll learn to serve us, like your mother does. I can't wait to have you barefoot and pregnant. We're gonna keep you that way."

I close my eyes. I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm anywhere but here.

I try to move, to get away, but Ronnie pushes me down, holding my face against the table. Noah lifts my skirt and kicks my legs open and I try not to move anymore, not to make a sound. I know if I struggle, it will make it worse. I feel the tears start, but I make no noise.

"Alexis, what is all this commotion?" My mother yells from down the hall, her footsteps coming closer. She comes back into the room in time to see them release me and pull me off the table. For a split second, I think she's seen them. "How could you?"

My heart leaps. Finally! She's finally caught him and she'll believe me this time. She'll help me and she'll understand everything that's happened. She'll see I wasn't lying and I'll have a mother again.

Then, everything shatters like the plate on the floor.

"That was your grandmother's china, Alexis! What in the name of the lord himself were you thinking?"

I want to scream.

"I'm sorry, Mother! It slipped." She couldn't have missed that. She was right there. She had to have seen what he was doing. She had to have seen him holding me down. Bex was right, she's never been our mother.

"It's alright, Catherine. She's simply excited about the news. Now, go back to the other room and we'll discuss the dish later. Pastor Noah and I need to finish up."

"You should have put it down before you started serving! This is why we have to save you from that loser. How are you going to serve God and Pastor Noah if you can't even serve dinner?" She crosses her arms over her chest, cinching her sweater shut.

I blink back tears and realize that whether or not she knows it, she's given me the chance I need. I race for the door, grabbing my bag and my keys as I go. I can't get to the car fast enough, and when I do, I slam the door shut and lock it. My mother yells and she chases after me, but as I turn back, all I can see is Ronnie and that smirk as he leans against the door frame, licking his lips. I hold back another wave of tears until I'm far enough down the street that they can't see me from the house. I pull over and release a sob that seems to come from every inch of my body.

I drive home in a haze, not realizing I've made it until I glance around and find myself in the parking lot of my building. I'm scared to get out of my car. I am scared to move. I know they're not here, but that doesn't make it any better. I pull my keys out and hold them between my fingers, staring at the dark hallway I have to go down to get to my apartment. They could be there. They could have gotten here before me easily. Shadows move and I almost scream when one of the other tenants steps into the light, headed toward their car.

I sprint across the parking lot and to the elevator, looking over my shoulder every few seconds and trying to listen to every noise. But I can't because his voice is an echo trapped in my mind.

When I'm finally in my apartment, I lock the door and turn on every light I can—kitchen, hallway, bathroom, and even the closet. A fluorescent glow floods my apartment. No one could hide in here, not that I think anyone is. It doesn't matter though, because I can still feel him, smell him, hear him. I strip off my clothes, shoving them into a trashcan in the kitchen, and run to the bathroom. I don't even wait for it to heat up before I'm covered in soap, but it's not enough. When the heat finally hits my skin, it's scalding and still not hot enough simultaneously.

While I'm in the shower, there's a loud knock on my front door. I stand still, unable to move. Maybe I can scream. Maybe the doctor next door is home and he'll hear me. My mind races through every scenario where Ronnie or Noah have a key to my apartment. Every way they could come in and finish what they started. When I hear the door open, I'm sure it's them. They'll hear the shower. They're going to find me. I crouch down, making myself as small as I can, sobbing silently.

"Lex?"

I cover my ears with my hands and let the water flow over them, trying to block out all the noise. I should grab my phone, but when I look over, it's fallen on the floor on the other side of the room.

"Alexis?" there's a soft knock on the bathroom door. "Lexi? Answer me, please. I can hear the shower."

I don't move. I can't.

"Fuck this—" There's a loud thud, and a grunt followed by a rush of cold air as the door whips open.

"No. Please, no!" I'm screaming and close my eyes tight against what's coming. But it doesn't come.

The hands aren't rough, they're gentle and small. The voice isn't demanding, it's comforting and familiar. The smell isn't turning my stomach. It's sweet and safe.

The cold air sweeps over me as the pelting, burning water stops. I'm staring at Dani's confused brown eyes when she drapes the towel over me.

"Hey, I've been trying to reach you for like three hours." Her words are barely making sense to me yet. "Guess you already know, though. Come on, Coop is there with him and I told him I'd bring you."

"W-w-what?" I manage through clattering teeth and tears. "W-w-where?"

"Where? To the hospital. Wait, that's not why you're in the shower crying? Lex, where have you been? What happened to you?"

"My…stepfather…and…they…" I try to remember, but my mind won't allow me to. It wants me to melt into the safe arms around me and sleep for days. I think harder, and it all comes flooding back. The table, the dish shattering, the hands.

No escape. No hope. No one was there to save me.

"Hun?"

"N-n-n-o! No, don't touch me!"

"Shit, I'm calling the cops," Dani reaches for her phone. She knows what he's capable of.

"NO! You can't. He knows too many of them. T-they didn't believe me." I couldn't say anything more, so I cry again. Sobbing between the words. "They'll say I lied. They'll all tell them I'm a worthless whore."

"Do you want me to call your sister or Sam? Anyone?"

My brain is too slow to catch that she hasn't listed James as someone to contact. Too foggy to wonder why she wants me to go to the hospital. Does he know? Was he somehow a part of it? Is that why he wasn't there?

"James…he was supposed to meet me there. He never showed up. He left me there, alone." I sob while she rocks me. "He promised. He promised he'd protect me."

"Shit, this is too much." she sighs under her breath and cups my face, forcing me to look at her. She's crying, too. Sadness and pity fill her eyes. "Lexi, James is in the hospital. There was some kind of fight when he went to help Steve pick up his car."

My heart drops through the floorboards, shattering several floors below. Maybe this is all a nightmare. Maybe I'm still asleep on the train, in his arms and safe. I'm not though, I'm still trapped in hell and now I've endangered James.

"Come on, let's get you dried off and over there. It's safer than being here alone. I know someone there you can talk to. He's really sweet."