25. Sympathy for the Devil

CHAPTER 25

SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL

THE ROLLING STONES

Screaming ‘ more' sounded good when James and I were in bed, but now? I can't even walk right. The dull ache and emptiness combine to make it almost unbearable. He's broken through so many of my walls in the best possible ways and he's all I can think about. We can count our time together in hours, but he's not sitting next to me right now, and it's pulling my heart in a million directions. I need this to slow down, but someone cut the brake line when we met. Now, we're picking up speed as we careen down the mountain together. I miss him. The way he talks, the way he smells, the way his tongue does that?—

"Ali? Are you paying attention?" My mother's voice is sharp, as if she knows what I was thinking about while I wasn't listening to her. "Mrs. Harper asked you a question."

"What? Oh, I'm so sorry. I swear my mind wanders sometimes."

"Well, Ms. Harper wanted to know if we should hold off on the printed brochures until the deal goes through on the new church?"

"New church?" I furrow my brows. I don't remember anyone mentioning that.

"Oh, right, you missed that meeting because you were…working." My mother's voice is nothing but disappointment and shame. If she could, she'd slap a scarlet letter on my chest letting everyone know I'm an embarrassment. "Your father is expanding the church. We've just put an offer in this week on a lovely piece of land in Orange County to enlarge our congregation. He's even found another pastor to help him spread the good word and recruit new members into our humble arms."

Humble , I fight back a laugh when she says that. Psychotic cult is more like it. Although Orange County could be a exactly the thing to keep them busy. "Oh, uhm, then yes. You could wait for that to be final before we run those."

"Fantastic. Oh, I nearly forgot, we'll need you to go to the new site this week. We'll need signs and other elements you can help out with. We agreed you should be there in person to let the beauty of the Lord's work really speak to you when you decide on the colors and other decor." Her mouth curves into a wicked grin. I've told her more times than I care to remember that I'm not an interior designer. She never listens. My degree doesn't mean shit to her other than getting me to do free work for them. "You'll be accompanying your father there on Thursday. He should be by shortly to introduce you to Pastor Noah."

My blood runs ice cold, and I have to steady my breathing. "I will have to check my schedule. I can always go over another time without him if my availability isn't convenient."

"Oh, darlin', I'm sure we can work something out." My stepfather steps out from one of the back rooms with a grin that turns my stomach. My memories of James are gone, tucked away where I can protect them. "I wouldn't want you to drive all the way out there by yourself. You might get lost. Besides, it would be nice to have your company on that long ride. Our new pastor even offered us a place to stay the night so we don't have to rush."

Another man, younger but not by much, follows him into the room. His plaid shirt and short, all-business hair screams divorced father of four and devout follower . My stepfather is walking him right over to me, and the closer he gets, the more I recognize that gleam in his eyes. It's the same one my stepfather has. There's no way in hell I'll be in a car—let alone a house—with these two alone.

"Darlin', this here is Pastor Noah. He's going to be heading up the new church."

The new guy sticks his arm out. I'm hoping he's just going to shake, but the second my hand touches his sweaty, clammy palm, he's pulling my hand to his lips. I want to throw up. "My, my. You are even lovelier in person than Pastor Ron described you. An absolute angel, to be sure."

Using James's words against me is cruel. I look at my mother and she's busy fussing with her nails and a part of me wonders what they're planning, because they are clearly up to something.

"Thanks." I force a tight-lipped smile, pulling my hand back and shoving it in my pocket.

Ronnie moves behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders so tight I wince. He kisses the top of my head as I stare at Noah. "She's a good girl. I'm sure you two will get along once she settles down."

"Settles down?" I try to turn toward Ronnie, but he tightens his grip, keeping me facing forward. Facing Noah.

"Darlin', help your mother. I'll finish showing Noah around and then you come by for dinner after. It's time you and Noah became better acquainted."

Noah licks his lips, staring at me like I'm a slab of meat being served up to him. Ronnie releases my shoulders and the pair of them walk out of the room. I glance around the room, aware that people witnessed what had just happened. Conveniently, they all seem to be busy and unable to make eye contact with me. The few who look at me have a jaded happiness in their stares, as if what happened was normal. So I drop my head and bite the inside of my cheek to fight the tears. I say nothing, and as the meeting wraps up, my mother marches over to where I'm packing up my things. She fists the collar of her sweater closely against her neck as she talks to me.

"We'll be very disappointed in you if you try to avoid the trip. It's all for your own good." She turns to leave and then glances over her shoulder. "Come on, it will be easier for all of us to get this over with now."

I can't even respond before she's marching the other way. I look around the room, noticing everyone has left. I scoop up the last of my things and shove them into my bag. I can straighten it all out in the car later. I'm still confused, but even my false sense of safety has vanished. I pull my phone out, planning to text my mother that I can't stay for dinner once I'm in the car. I'm practically running out the door when I nearly trample right over poor old Ms. Harper.

"Oh, excuse me dear. I forgot my reading glasses on the chair."

"No, it was my fault. I was in a hurry and not paying attention to where I was going." She can't possibly know how happy I am to see her. "I'll wait and walk you out. It's late. I wouldn't want you out there in the dark on your own."

"You're such a sweet girl, and so good to your parents." She picks up her glasses and stuffs them into a tattered purse. This woman can barely afford food, but somehow my parents have convinced her to give all her money to the church. It's sick. "And that Noah! Oh, he's a fine young man. I'd envy you if I were still in my younger years. This must be so exciting for you. We've all prayed for this day."

"Yeah, exciting, that's one word for it," I mumble as we continue walking out to the parking lot.

"Thank you for walking me out, dear. Now, make sure you come see me at the house before you move. I have some nice dishes that I was hoping to pass down to my daughter someday for her wedding, but she said she didn't need them."

"Move?"

"Oh, I'm rushing things, aren't I? I'm just giddy for a wedding, is all. You'll be so lovely, dear." She slaps my arm a little harder than I would have thought she could. "I'll make sure to pack up those dishes so they don't break. You send Noah by anytime, dear. Don't come yourself. We can't have you lifting in your condition."

The second I'm in the car, I lock the doors and start the engine. I don't even take the time to buckle my seatbelt before I'm pulling away, desperate for a large crowd of people. I don't stop until I'm miles away, parking at a nearby mall.

I close my eyes and take several deep breaths, fighting back the panic. It takes about ten minutes before I get myself together and I'm not about to burst into tears. It's not surprising to me when I think about it. That's the terrifying part. My phone hasn't stopped buzzing in my bag the entire way here, and I check my mirrors to make sure my mother hasn't followed me. When I unlock my phone, I find four missed calls and a long string of texts from her, along with a few from my stepfather.

Another name appears on the voicemail list, and my heart leaps.

New Voicemail from James

I press the button and close my eyes.

"Hey Cherry Blossom, I hope your meeting went well. I wanted to check in on you, so if you don't mind letting me know when you're safe and at home, I'd appreciate it. That probably sounds cheesy, but I've been worried about you since we left this afternoon. Is it weird that I miss you already? Yeah, probably. Ignore my dumb ass. Sorry. I'll talk to you later, beautiful."

I listen two more times. His calm voice helps me come down from stress and panic. I understand now what he meant when he said he craved me, because right now I crave him and the reassurance he brings me. I want to call him, but I can't. This isn't his problem to deal with, it's mine.

I turn the phone off and head home.

I'm just slipping my key into the door when someone down the hall calls my name. I smile, hoping it's enough, but he's still staring at me.

"You got a delivery earlier, and I brought it in here for safekeeping. Let me go grab it."

He's tall with salt and pepper hair and a friendly smile. He moved in about a year ago and we haven't interacted beyond polite hellos, so I'm not sure what to expect. I think he's a doctor of some sort, but he bakes a lot and it always smells delicious near his apartment. Once, after a fight with my mother, I found a small box outside my door with the most delicious eclairs I've ever tasted. I wonder how much he's heard from the last few days with James.

He comes out of his apartment with a giant bouquet of pink and white flowers and a card. Carefully holding the base, I almost drop it while opening the card—I need to stop juggling so much. My neighbor is nice enough to hold the flowers again while I read the card. I know who I hope sent them, but today I need to be certain.

Angel-

You never told me your favorite flowers the other day. These are as close as I can get to cherry blossoms, soI hope they're okay.

-JB

"Thank you, uhm?—"

"Dr. Clay. You can call me Theo. Nice to actually meet you." His smile is warm and friendly, and I wonder if he's a pediatrician or someone who works with kids a lot. "Do you need a hand with these?"

"No, I can get them from here." He nods and watches me walk back to my door. Before I reach for the handle, I turn back around. "Oh, uhm, thanks for the pastries a while back. They were delicious."

"No problem, I hope it wasn't too weird or forward of me. I'll make sure I drop more off next time I'm up doing an all night bake-a-thon."

Closing my apartment door, I'm finally met with silence. It's weird now, empty. I feel that way when Bex visits town randomly, stays briefly, and leaves too soon. I look at the clock, surprised to see it's already after midnight. I must have sat in the mall parking lot longer than I thought.

I play the voicemail one more time after I get changed and crawl into bed. I've put the flowers next to my bed so I can stare at them as I fall asleep. As I settle in, I pull up our text thread, hoping I don't wake him.

Lexi

Finally home.

The flowers are beautiful, thank you.

[Image Attached]

Pretty Boy

I'm glad you like them.

His reply is almost immediate and I can't stop the wide smile spreading across my face, or the warmth growing between my legs. God, this man has ruined me.

Pretty Boy

Did everything go okay tonight?

Should I tell him everything or simply lie about it? I don't want to lie. James is the lighthouse in the stormy sea that I've been struggling to navigate. I often considered giving up, surrendering to the waves and crashing onto the shore. Letting my mother have her way and letting go of the few things I have left to cling to. My father was my first anchor, but after he died, Bex took over. She couldn't handle being around my mother and Ronnie, so I was alone.

I can't lie to my last hope.

If I can just keep my head above water a little longer, James can pull me to shore before I drown. Although he's fighting his own sea monsters. It's in his eyes and the way he reacted when I touched his scars. Someone has hurt him horribly. Maybe I'm putting too much hope and faith into a man I barely know, but I'm willing to take the risk in the hopes we can fight our monsters together.

My hesitation to respond must be enough for him, because the phone buzzes in my hand and his name flashes. I don't even get to say hello before he's talking.

"Lexi, are you okay? What happened? Should I come over?"

I'm scared it's too soon and too much. I'm scared that I'll wake up tomorrow and realize he's only here for the sex. Deep down, I know that's not true. I want to scream yes—to tell him to come over and never leave because I want someone to hold me. I want him to hold me.

"No, I was figuring out how to respond."

" Oh, shit. Am I overreacting? "

"No, it's… it's kind of sweet, really."

" Or stalkerish. I just, I was worried about you. "

"You're the sweetest, Jamie," I hope he doesn't catch the shake in my voice as the memory of my stepfather's hands on my shoulders and the look in Noah's eyes comes back.

" You're sure? Because I'll drop everything and come back right now. "

My face is blushing bright red; I can tell without seeing it. He can't even begin to understand how at ease and safe I feel having him on the phone with me. Or maybe he can. It's crazy to have feelings this intense for someone so quickly, but it's nice to let go for a few minutes.

"No, I was headed to bed. I didn't wake you, did I?"

" Nah, about to head home, actually. Uhm. Not to derail the conversation, but I was looking over our shot list. Would you be interested in taking a three-day trip up the coast this week? Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. You can totally say no if ? —"

"YES!" I scream into the phone. Three days away means three days I won't be able to go with my stepfather. James Barton swoops in with the save yet again, and he doesn't even know it.

" Wow, uhm, " he laughs, " I wasn't expecting that level of enthusiasm, but I'm glad it matches mine. I can work on getting us rooms at the hotel once I plan out the trip. "

"Rooms?" My heart sinks a little.

"Yeah, we'll be in at least two hotels, and I didn't think you'd want a single room showing up on the expense account when Sammy sees it."

"Oh, valid point. I should talk to Sam at some point. We, uhm, we could go longer if you want."

There's silence on the line and I'm terrified I've scared him away. I don't want him to call the whole thing off and because I'm too weird. Too clingy.

" Lexi, I would absolutely love to take you away for an entire week—hell, longer if you want—but first, you have to be honest with me. What are you running from? Did something happen tonight? "

"It's… it's nothing, really. I… I haven't had a vacation in a while and, I mean, this isn't even really a vacation, it's work, but I—" My lungs lock up and the words hurt to say. The hot sting of the tears burns my eyes even though I'm fighting hard for them to stay away. I just need to get through this phone call. But my body won't let me. "I can't. I can't lie to you. Why can't I lie to you?"

" Breathe for me, Cherry Blossom. "

I stop rambling and start counting and breathing. His voice is coaching me through each breath like he's here, holding me. It's exactly like I did for him yesterday. I don't do this. This isn't me. I don't fall for guys after just a few days. I don't cry in front of people. I don't break down on the phone. I bury my secrets; I always have. I don't tell them to people who are practically strangers, hell I don't even tell friends. No one believes me when I do, so why should I tell anyone?

" You don't have to lie to me, sweetheart. You have nothing to be ashamed about, okay? That's the first thing I need you to know. The second is that I'm not going anywhere. When you feel like you can tell me, tell me. Until then, just know that I'm here for you. "

I've already told him more than I've told anyone else.

"Ronnie is trying to take me to Orange County. He says we're visiting a new church they bought. It's all bullshit though, because there's a new pastor and I think..." I close my eyes and say the one thing I've been screaming inside for so long. "James, I'm… I'm scared. I'm scared to go with him, but I'm scared not to. I'm scared he's going to force me into…that they'll try to…"

" Keep your phone with you in case you fall asleep. I'm headed over. "

"No, it's late. I'm okay, I?—"

" You don't need to be alone right now. You have every reason to be scared, and I want to be there for you so you know you don't have to go through this alone. Do you want me to bring pie? Ice cream? Burgers? Anything from anywhere? "

"I'm serious, James. You can't come over here just because I'm a little insecure."

His muffled voice yells something, and another voice replies, but I can't hear their words. He's moving around and shuffling like he's packing stuff up.

" I can, will, and am. Be there in twenty plus time to grab stuff. If you don't text me what you want, it's pie. "

"James, you're with your friends and I?—"

" Stop arguing. Be over in a bit. I ? — "

He stops moving around and there's a silence; it's almost deafening.

" I'll see you soon, beautiful. "