21. Just Like Heaven

CHAPTER 21

JUST LIKE HEAVEN

? THE CURE

I can't breathe, I can't control my thoughts, I can't stand. I'm a fucking mess.

I don't understand what's going on, because I should be on my way home to sulk for the rest of my life. I should be letting Elle win so I can keep her away from Lexi. Lexi should hate me for hiding this from her. She should run as far away from me as she can. None of that is happening, though. Instead, I'm sitting next to her in the Jeep, and she's taking me through breathing exercises because she asked me to come upstairs. I'm not even sure how I got the Jeep parked.

"Okay," she coaches, stroking my arm gently. "Last one. Can you tell me one thing you can taste?"

I take a deep breath and slow my brain down, just like she's been telling me to do. "You? I still, I think I taste your lip gloss stuff."

"Cotton candy. The judges will accept your answer. Feeling any better?" I nod and press my forehead to hers, closing my eyes. "What are you thinking about?"

"I think I have a date tonight. She's a pretty girl with whiskey-colored eyes." When I look at her, the brightest, most brilliant images of the stars and galaxies can't even compare. "We're supposed to watch movies and fall asleep on the couch together again. I want to show her she's special while I can. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and she's perfect. I'm just hoping I'm not too late, hoping she hasn't changed her mind and realized what a fuck up I am."

"She hasn't, so let's get up there and hit the reset button, okay?"

I grab all our things from the Jeep and help her onto my back. She only fought it for a minute when I insist on carrying her at least to the elevator. The world is moving strangely and too fast for me to keep up. I'm not sure what the fuck I'm even doing, but she's not giving up on me.

"Alright, put me down, Prince Charming. I think I can handle it from here."

The gate hasn't even closed and I've already got her pushed against the wall, losing myself as I kiss her upper lip in a deep, slow, deliberate kiss. We met two days ago, been kind of together for six hours, and already we've shared more of ourselves than some couples do in a lifetime. We've seen the raw emotion and shared some of the torment that haunts us both.

I need to touch her; I need to know she's real. This is real. Her skin sends waves of warmth through my body and it almost…tickles. Just touching her is enough to make me happy.

"I want you," I say before our mouths collide again in a hot and uncontrollable need.

I grab her hips and push her against the wall of the elevator. I nip her bottom lip, and my hand slips up the back of her shirt and pulls her closer. The driving need for more consumes me as I lift her, and her legs wrap around my waist.

I wonder how like me she is. I wonder if she's ever had a chance to just relax and let go. I want to be that for her, like she just was for me. Be the one she can always be herself with. I need her to let go for me in more ways than one, but that means I'll need to let go for her, too.

I carry her through the hall, briefly stopping to unlock the apartment, then I bring her directly to the bedroom. I don't give two shits if her mother is watching again. She can knock all she wants. We're busy.

I lay her on the bed and she shimmies away from the edge on her elbows. I crawl my way to her, nipping at her legs and stomach through her dress and listening to her breath catch each time I do.

"I promise I'm not going to hurt you."

"What if I want you to?" she asks in an airy whisper. Her hands grip my arms, squeezing tight as I dip my head down to hers, brushing her lips with mine.

"I'll do anything you want, Angel. But first, I want to sample every part of you. I want to make you writhe and moan for me."

She practically lunges for my mouth, and when I slide my hand up her thigh and between her legs, she gives me the softest whimper. She's already throbbing, begging to be touched. I press against her and her hips respond, bucking against me. The way she writhes under me, the way her whole body responds to every touch, is intoxicating. I want—no; I need to devour her.

I trace down her collarbone with my tongue while I slip her bra down, exposing the most perfect pebbled nipples. She's the goddess I want to spend the rest of my life worshipping. I want to take her to the highest highs and give her everything she could ever want. I close my mouth over her nipple, sucking and biting while I roll the other between my thumb and finger. The noises she makes are a song to my ears, like the chirping of a morning bird, and it drives me on.

I release her breast with a gentle pop and move further down her body, paying extra attention to her soft, beautiful belly. My sister made a dig at her weight, and I want Lexi to know I think she's fucking perfection. Easing her dress up, I leave a trail of kisses across her skin and slide my nose under her belly button and she giggles. Fuck, I want her so badly it hurts.

The moan she pulls from me while her hands play in my hair drips with animalistic desire. The more she claws and pulls, the louder I am for her. Only for her. I'm memorizing every inch of her body with my tongue and my hands, biting lightly at her tender thighs.

"Harder, James," she coos, holding my head to her. Her back arches off the bed when I bite down again, and she's no longer humming my name. She's fucking screaming it.

I press my tongue into her folds and my nose bumps against her swollen clit. The perfect combination of sweet and tangy explodes in my mouth, and I'm practically drooling to be inside her when she falls apart for me.

It's hard to go slow when all I want to do is ravage her, to listen to her screams echo off the walls as she comes all over my tongue. I lick a stripe over her clit, then suck in pulses while two fingers push into her. Her grip tightens and her hips roll when I hook them upward, thrusting steadily against her g-spot.

"Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh. My. God!"

"Use my name. Pray to me, Angel, because I'm about to make you come so hard you'll think you're seeing god."

Her body is dancing on the edge of the cliff, waiting for one last flick to push her over the edge. When her orgasm hits, she screams my name, and it's never sounded better from any other lips. I don't stop, thrusting my fingers a little faster and a little harder into her as my tongue writes her name over and over because it's the only name I ever want on my tongue again.

Her body convulses, and she's still riding the wave as she squeezes my head between her thighs. Fuck, it feels amazing. Honestly, I'm not sure if it's one continuous orgasm or if she's sailed right on into another because I'm too busy destroying her. I break for air as her body slows, and she releases my head, gasping for breath herself.

"You alright, Angel?" My head is spinning from the speed I went from panic attack to sucking on her pussy, but I admit, it's one hell of a way to recover.

"I…I've never…" She gestures vaguely and then covers her face.

"Baby, if you tell me no one has ever gone down on you, we're in for a very long night of my head between your beautiful legs."

She giggles, "Oh god, I'm so embarrassed. I can't believe I screamed like that. What if the neighbors heard me?"

I climb up her body and her legs wrap around me almost by instinct as I sink into her neck, biting and sucking. She tastes like the beach—salty and sun kissed. "I'm going to make sure they hear you again and again. They're going to know my name and what I do to you. You're so fucking perfect, my angel. And those noises you make are driving me mad."

"James, that was… I mean…"

I pick my head up and run my nose along hers, smiling at the sex-drunk expression she's giving me. I've only just started on her. "Now, what exactly did you mean you'd never ? Never had someone's tongue make you scream for god?"

"Not once before today."

"And?"

"I've… I've never had someone make me…or… orgasm more than once before." She closes her eyes. "I mean, I have a toy, and sometimes I use that, and I can make myself?—"

"Get it."

Her eyes open wide as she stares up at me, and I kiss her deep and hard. She's moving her hips again, desperately grinding against my raging hard-on. I roll my hips in response, thrusting against her and growling in her ear, "Get the fucking toy."

She wriggles out from under me and moves toward her nightstand. I watch her ass while she bends over in the disheveled dress to look in the back of her bedside drawer. While she searches, I pull my shorts off, giving some much needed relief to my cock. I toss my shorts off the bed and she gasps; I turn back to her and laugh. She's staring at me with her mouth open and shock on her face. Judging by the way she's staring, she's both hungry and worried. Then I see the tiny bullet vibrator in her hand.

"Come here," I keep my voice soft and steady. I'm in no hurry. "Lay back down. I want you to show me how you use it."

"What?! I…I can't…I'm…" she yelps then stutters. She turns her back to me and drops to the edge of the bed with her shoulders slumped.

"Hey, hey, Angel. What's the matter?" I shift over, so I'm sitting behind her just as her shoulders start to shake. "Alexis, sweetheart, talk to me, please?"

She sniffles and jumps a little when I put my arm around her, my hand across her belly. I nuzzle against her head, trying to help her, but she shakes her head, "You probably think I'm some kind of freak."

"Because you have a vibrator?"

"Because I'm boring! I'm in my thirties and all I've ever had is okay vanilla sex. I know everyone thinks I'm wild and fun, but I'm not. I mean I don't know if I am. I'm just…just…I've never had—" She takes a big breath. "You're the first guy I've even brought into my own bed, James."

"Alexis, can I ask you something?" She shrugs and nods. "Do you trust me?"

"I…yeah."

"No, I need to know that you trust me. If you don't, then we need to start there, not here. So, do you trust me?"

"Yes, James. I trust you."

"You don't have to be so formal, Angel. Jamie is fine," I offer, kissing across her shoulders and sliding the straps down her arms. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about. All you need to do is relax and I'll take care of you. If you're not comfortable, we take it slow and find your boundaries. If you don't want to do anything else tonight, that's fine too. You're not boring. You could never be boring."

I should have known better. There's no way she would risk really letting herself go with just anyone, not with her helicopter mother lingering around. It's why she's wild and free at the clubs, and reserved here in her own home. My gut tells me there's more, though, and I shiver at the thought of how much more we still have to uncover. Both of us.

I have an idea.

"Stay here, okay?" I say between kisses along her neck.

I wait for her to nod, and then I climb off the bed and pull on my boxers. I head for the bathroom and search for something I'd spotted earlier. There's a small basket with snowmen and Christmas decorations, and inside are a handful of bottles and bath bombs she's never touched. I grin at the bottle of bubble bath; I've never been happier that someone has a clawfoot tub in their apartment. I pop the cap open and immediately my head is swimming in cherry blossoms. Perfect. Then, I rush to the living room, gathering all the candles and a box of matches. I'm about to check the fridge, but stop and swear under my breath when I remember it's empty.

"Where's your favorite place to eat?" I ask, heading back into the bedroom. I do the math and figure I should still have a little wiggle room on one of my credit cards. This isn't work, and I'm not having Sam pay for this.

She gazes motionless at the candles, then at my outstretched hand.

"Sweetheart, tonight—and every night hereafter—you're a goddess and I'm going to take care of you like one. We'll move at your pace. We'll only try new things after we've discussed them, and the second you change your mind, we stop."

She continues to stare at my hand. "Why are you still here? I've yelled at you, you've met my mother…why aren't you running away?"

"Rent," I answer and she stares up at me, confused. "Your baggage goes with mine." I see the recognition to the play's reference and crouch in front of her. "Angel, I'm not trying to pressure you into anything. If this is a one-night thing, that's fine, and I'm going to do my damndest to make it a good one-night thing if you'll let me. But to be really honest with you, I'm kind of hoping we get at least a few nights before you tell me to get lost. Maybe even longer if I'm lucky enough and don't fuck this up beyond repair."

She blinks at me as she sits there. "Why me? You're too hot and too smart to be with someone like me."

"Someone like you?" I frown, trying to keep down the anger. How badly has her mother fucked her up? "You are bold and brilliant, the most amazing person I've ever met before. You're also captivatingly gorgeous and?—"

"No, I'm…none of those things."

I swallow hard. "Why do I want you? Because something inside you has set me on fire. Something that makes my heart skip a beat and my knees get weak when you smile at me. I don't just want you, Alexis, I fucking crave you. To touch you and be near you. To hear your voice and your laughter." I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, put the candles in her lap, and scoop her up as she squeals. "I'm also about to flood your bathroom out if we don't get back in there."

I put her down and turn off the water before I slip the dress off her shoulders and let it pool around her feet. Stepping back, I take her in. Each time she tries to cover herself, I move her hand away affectionately. Licking my lips, I hoist her up onto the counter and hold her face. Our mouths slot together and we kiss until we're breathing for each other. I lift her again and carry her to the tub, letting her get accustomed to the water while she giggles over the bubble bath. I light the candles and turn off the bright fluorescent lights, then kneel by the edge of the tub.

"Tilt your head back. I'll wash the sand out of your hair." She closes her eyes. I gently take her hair down and let it fall into the water. "You look like a mermaid."

"Are you really going to wash my hair?"

"Every opportunity I get, my Angel."

When I'm done, she scoots forward and pats the water behind her. She looks away and blushes as I slip my boxers off and climb in, careful not to splash the water over the edges. I leaned back, taking her with me, and once we were comfortable, I move my hand between her legs while the other cups her breasts. I leave trails of kisses over her shoulders, and trace my finger up and down her slit, teasing her playfully. The anticipation has her heart racing so hard I feel it.

"I've been going about this wrong, Angel. How about you tell me what you have done instead of all the things you haven't? Show me where the starting line is, where you're comfortable, so I can carry you well past it if you'll let me."

"I can't concentrate with your hand…down there." She laughs and takes a sharp breath as the tip of my finger glides through her folds. "I, uhm, I'm not a virgin, if you're worried about that. I've had a few partners in the past—men and women. I'm not a total prude. I just, it's always been a quick fuck in a bathroom or car, sometimes back at their place. I haven't even had or wanted any long-term relationships since high school, really."

"Because of your mom."

"Among other things, yeah."

"Well, just so you're aware, I never thought you were a prude and I wouldn't be worried if you were a virgin. Virginity is some made up, meaningless standard that shouldn't be important. The people you dated or hooked up with are your past, and now it's my job to help you forget them. To help you understand that whatever they made you think about yourself, it's wrong. And to show you my devotion as often as you'll let me. You taste divine, Alexis. I really hope you liked that as much as it seemed you did; I want to do that every single night to you."

"You don't have to worry about doing that again or pretending you liked it. I know most guys don't like it."

"Did you like it?" She nods and even though I can't see her, I know she's biting her lip. It's what she does when she's nervous. It's also adorable. "Then I'll continue licking that beautiful pussy. Because I'm not most guys and I love it. I can't get enough of how you taste. You're a million times better than any of those pies from last night, and I could eat you for breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

I take her hand and guide it between her legs, slowly tracing up and down with her hand. "We're going to break through every one of these things that you think is embarrassing, and later, we're going to wake up every one of your neighbors with your angelic song."

"I…I don't…"

"You can do it. You can make every person in this building jealous."

"Ja…Jamie. I think… I think I'm going to come again."

"Good." She squirms against me and I groan. I'm not sure how much more I can take. "Let me see you play with yourself. Just like that, Lexi. Fuck you're beautiful."

"Please, I want you. Please?"

"What is it you want, darlin? You've gotta tell me."

"I want you inside me. I want you to fuck me. But… shit, you're so big."

"Let go for me, Angel. Then we'll see how much you can take. I have a feeling my girl can take every fucking inch of me," I whisper. The way she's sitting, my cock is right against her ass, and if she keeps moving like she is, I'm going to come way too soon.

She unravels on top of me, and I can't wait any longer. Not worrying about towels, I pick her up and carry her to the bed. I'm enamored with how her soaked body looks, the bubbles and her pink hair clinging to her soft skin. I'm beginning to think I might have a mermaid kink. I realize she's staring, too, and when I pry my eyes from her body, I notice again that she isn't looking at my scars.

"Wow," she chokes out before licking her lips as she watches me stroke my cock. "Holy shit, you're…pretty."

"You're fucking exquisite." She rolls her eyes and scoffs, not believing me. "Do you know how many museums I've been to or sculptures I've seen of beautiful women that don't even hold a candle to you? You're…have you ever been to the Philadelphia Museum of Art?" She shakes her head, still staring at me while she wets her lips. "There are these terracotta sculptures there—from the 20s, I think—and one of them is Aphrodite. You're her—but so much better."

"Jamie," she sounds hurt, and I shake my head as she pulls a pillow over herself next. "Don't be an ass."

"No. No, I mean it. You're more beautiful than the ancient goddess of beauty, and if she wants to come down here and smite me for saying that, she can, because I'm standing by this."

"I don't remember her smiting anyone."

"Then I guess I'll be the first." She giggles, and the sound travels down my spine and into my cock. "Fuck. I love that sound."

I grab my pants off the floor and fish out my wallet. "Fuck, well, shows how often I get laid. Expired months ago."

"I've been tested and I'm on birth control."

I crawl into the bed, between her perfect, thick thighs, "I've been tested, all good. Your call."

She bats those long, beautiful lashes at me as she nods. Our mouths meet like it's the first time again, shy and uncertain. "Spread your legs and relax for me, Angel."

I push just the tip inside of her, and already she's gasping, writhing against me, and whimpering with need. I slide in further but keep it slow as I look between us and watch how well she's taking me. She clenches tight around each slow, shallow thrust, pulling a deep moan from me.

"Damnit, Lexi! You feel so fucking good."

"Oh fuck, Jamie!"

"Eyes on me, pretty girl. Let me see how good I make you feel." It's a fight to keep my eyes from rolling back in my head when my hips are flush with hers and I bottom out. "Oh, fuck, you were fucking made just for me, baby girl."

"Shit, you're big!!"

"And you're taking all of me, just like I knew you could." I run my nose up her jaw and nibble on her earlobe. Her hard nipples press against me when her back arches, and I lean down, taking one in my mouth.

I pull all the way out and thrust slowly back in, letting each loud, desperate moan wash over me as she gets used to my size. Once she does, I let my head drop to her shoulder and groan against her ear as her hips roll. I'm sucking hard on her skin, marking her neck as I find a slow, steady rhythm that makes her sing while her nails claw at my arms. My senses are flooded by everything that is Alexis. Her scent, the way she feels, the way she moves, each sound she makes for me and only me. Everything about her is perfect.

She pulls my head to hers, catching my bottom lip and biting down as she stares right into my eyes with those big, dark doe eyes. Suddenly, she's taking over, rocking her hips and trying to push me deeper into her.

"Take everything you need from me, Angel. All of me. Because I'm yours."

I already know that I'm gone. I already know that she fucking owns my heart, and I'll hand over my soul if she asks for it. I already know I want her, this, us—I want it all. I want to come home to her and bend her over the counter. I want to wake up next to her naked body against mine as she sleeps in my arms. I want to be with her every day because she's a fucking drug, and I'm never going to get enough.

"Lexi, please," I gasp as she holds me tight inside her. "Be mine. Be my girl, my Angel, my muse. Be my forever."

"You mean it?" She pants, hooking her feet behind my back and digging her heels in.

"You're all I want, Alexis. All I need."

"Yes! Yes, Jamie!" she sobs, her nails raking over my shoulders.

I grab her wrists and push them over her head and into the mattress, leaning back so I can watch her face as my hips snap faster, harder into her. "Is this what you wanted, Angel? Christ, look at you, you're so fucking beautiful." Her legs clench around me like a damn vise. She tries to bite back her screams, and I shake my head. "I need to hear you, baby. Let everyone hear you. Let go for me. Let it all fucking go, my sweet angel."

"James!"

She begs, cries, and pleads for more as her body vibrates under me. I feel like a damn god as she comes apart for me and I follow right behind her. My release mixes with hers in the most intense orgasm I've ever had, aftershocks rolling through both of us until I can't hold myself up any longer. I try to collapse beside her, but she holds on, pulling me down on top of her and guiding my head to her neck.

She holds me inside of her after my hips stop and I go soft. When the world stops buzzing, I wrap my arms under her back and roll as she unlocks her ankles. I have no idea how long we lay there holding each other wordlessly, our bodies still humming.

I love this woman. The sex being amazing is just an extra perk.