Chapter 6

Madison

" W ow..." I tipped my head all the way back, trying to see the very top of the shimmering bars that disappeared into the clouds. "These are the ‘boring' Gates?"

E shrugged, making a face, while I stared in awe.

The Gates didn't look like a real structure, but a vision of air and shimmer. Its bars were as thick as my arms, but they were spaced wide enough for someone like me to fit through comfortably. Though, something told me that trying to walk through when the Gates were closed was not a good idea.

The power of the Gates wasn't in the physical strength of the material they were made of. It was intangible and stronger than any metal could be. Like everything else in Purgatory, the Gates were the embodiment of an idea, and ideas were often impossible to break by brute force.

A gossamer mist detached from the shimmer of the Gates, and a figure emerged, its long, iridescent skirt billowing in the breeze like a sail around its legs and bare feet.

The person was almost as tall as the Gates. Topless and barefoot, it had wide hips and shoulders, no hair, and no breasts, impossible to identify it either as male or female. The longer I spent in Purgatory, however, the less I bothered to concern myself with the physical attributes of incorporeal beings or what gender they might belong to.

Instead of wondering who or what the person was, I simply asked, "Who are you?"

"I'm the Guardian of the Gates," the voice came from all around me. Or maybe it sounded directly inside my brain?

The Guardian went down on one knee, gazing at me with curiosity. The shape of this spirit had no specific color but all colors at once. They spread like ink through water inside the shape, then shrank into blots again, hypnotically mesmerizing.

"Would you let me through the Gates, please?" I asked.

The tip of one of the Guardian's fingers stroked down the side of my face. "To my knowledge, there hasn't been a Higher Judgement made for this little soul. And without it, I can't let you through."

"Figures!" E scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "I could've told you that this is the most stubborn creature in all of the worlds out there."

The Guardian paid her no attention, keeping those multi-colored eyes on me.

"I don't belong here," I explained. "I'm not supposed to be in Purgatory. I'm still alive. See?" I stuck out my arm and pinched my skin to demonstrate my body's physical mortality. "Please, I need to go back home."

"There is no way back to your world past these Gates, little soul," the Guardian replied. "To return to the human world, a soul needs to turn left, go around, make a loop, and retreat. "

"Retreat? Where?" I twisted around.

"That way." E pointed at a wide path running around the Gates. It appeared to turn back to the town but disappeared before reaching the road.

"It's well-used, isn't it?" The path was so wide, I'd mistaken it for a flat space in front of the Gates. "And that's it? That's all I have to do to go back home?"

The only thing that stopped me from immediately turning left and running down the path was the thought of E. I didn't want her to get in trouble with Avar if I left. I'd have to figure out how to come here later, when she wasn't the one responsible for my return.

"For a soul, that's all there is." The Guardian rose, then stepped backwards, merging with the glow of the Gates again. "Pleasant journey, little soul. Until we meet again."

E gave me a concerned look when the Guardian was gone.

"Are you going to do it?"

"Not right now," I assured her. "I don't want Avar to rip your head off, even if you're immortal."

"Thanks, but that's not why I'm asking. Did you hear what the Guardian said? For a soul ," she echoed the words of the otherworldly creature from the Gates.

"What do you mean?" Dread pressed heavily on my chest with the realization. "I'd have to give up my body, wouldn't I?"

She nodded with a grim expression. "A body can't travel this way."

I slid my hands down the curves of my hips, the gesture I'd made many times when wiping my hands on my apron after cleaning or doing dishes.

I liked my body. It had enabled me to put in long shifts at the restaurant, helping me lift my business off the ground. It had given me a lot of pleasure with some of my past boyfriends, and even more so with my vibrator. I liked dressing it up when going out with friends on rare but always fun occasions and treating it to a long relaxing bath every now and then.

My body felt comfy and familiar, like a pair of well-worn jeans. But was it the best body one could have? Absolutely not. There were better ones out there, of course.

"You'll get a new one," E said in an upbeat voice, obviously trying to cheer me up. "It'll be a cute one, too, because all bodies start out as babies, and babies are adorable."

I stared at the wide path ahead of me, my heart feeling heavier with every breath I took.

"I'll have to live a completely new life, then. With strangers."

"But they won't be strangers once you get there. You'll come back as their baby. Hopefully, they'll love you and take care of you. You'll get a brand-new life that could be worse than what you had, but could also be much, much better."

"A new life..." I echoed, sitting down right there, next to the path that would take my soul back to my world, leaving my body behind.

I felt like a sail without the wind, a boat set adrift with no direction, and I couldn't take a single step anywhere.

"Oh, Madison..." E crouched down next to me. "It's just a body. Changing it isn't much harder than changing clothes. Trust me, I've had fourteen of them. A body is important while you have it, but once you leave it, it doesn't matter at all. Sometimes, it's actually a relief to get rid of it." She moved her shoulders as if shrugging out of a heavy coat.

"It's not about the body, E. It's about everything and everyone I left behind. Like my mom..." My voice broke, and I had to inhale deeply before continuing. "I can't believe I'll never see her again."

"Oh, but of course you will. If she loves you as much as you love her and wants to see you again, sooner or later you'll run into each other either here or there ." She waved at the Gates. "You may not even wait for her for long. How old was she when you left?"

I knew E meant well, but her implying that my mom needed to die for me to see her again had the opposite effect. I sobbed in misery.

"Oh God, Madison, please don't cry," E begged. "We really should be going back soon. I think lunchtime has already passed. It definitely will pass by the time we make it back to the mountain now. Maybe if you ate something you'd feel better?" she asked hopefully. "Food always used to put me in a better mood when I had a body."

"I'm not hungry." I sniffled, wiping away the tears rolling down my cheeks, only for new ones to run after them.

Maybe I should talk to Charity? She was the one who wanted to return everything that Avar had stolen. That included me. I had been stolen too. If he couldn't bring me back, maybe she could?

"Oh no..." E squeaked. "We're too late."

I followed her gaze down the road back to the town. Avar's tall purple figure was moving our way.

"Well, um..." E shifted from one foot to another uncertainly. "I probably should go?"

I nodded. There was no need to keep her here, risking Avar's wrath.

"Bye, Avar." She wiggled her fingers in his direction, then ran off, giving him a wide berth.

He paid her little attention, heading straight to me. I turned away quickly, refusing to even look at him.

"Madison?" He crouched in front of me, seeking my eyes. "What happened? Why are you on the ground?" With a finger under my chin, he turned my face to him. "You've been crying?" He frowned. "Why?"

"You're asking me why?" I met his deep purple eyes. "How dare you?"

He had the decency to look ashamed, letting go of my chin. I used the moment to appeal to that newly discovered decency of his.

"Take me back, Avar, please. Get a stray cat instead or adopt a dog if you're lonely. A pet has a body, too, and will be a true friend for you. Please, let me go."

"I don't know how," he admitted, looking at me intently. "I can't let go. I don't know how to part from you, Madison. If I try, I fear I'll cease to exist."

He was Greed—an entity whose very essence was to acquire and possess. He took and never let go. Leaving him would be like trying to climb out of a black hole, working against its cosmic effort of sucking everything in.

Understanding of it came crashing down on me. I hugged my knees and buried my face in them. My tears had dried up, however. There was no use in crying when faced with a black hole. Tears wouldn't compel the Sin of Greed to do something he was simply incapable of doing.

A tentacle slithered around my shoulders in a gesture probably meant to comfort, but I shrugged it away and climbed to my feet.

"Let's go, then." I sighed.

There was nothing left to do but return to the mountain.

Avar walked slowly next to me, matching my pace as I dragged my feet along the road through the town, then through the foothills.

"I can't take you back, Madison," he started.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," I waved him off, feeling exhausted, both physically and emotionally.

"But I can give you a good life here, a much better life than many souls have back in your world. With me, you'll want for nothing. If there is anything you need or want, anything at all, let me know and I'll find a way to get it for you."

He sounded sincere. My unhappiness obviously bothered him. For what it was worth, Avar didn't want me to suffer. I believed that deep inside, he wished to fix what he did to me. Sadly, he lacked the ability to do it.

Since I was a part of his collection, his giving anything to me meant he'd be adding to it. Everything I had was Avar's by default. That was the only way he could give at all. The closest he could come to being generous.

"Thanks," I mumbled, tripping over a tree root that crossed the path.

Avar's tentacle whipped around my middle to steady me. I lifted my hands up, not touching it, and he promptly removed it from me.

"It's a long way up the mountain, and you look tired," Avar noted. "Let me carry you."

I looked up the path that wound between hills and trees. It was a long way up.

He noticed my hesitation and added, "Just my arms. I'll keep my tentacles away, I promise."

I didn't mean to make my apprehension of those appendages of his so obvious. The two thick undulating tentacles, covered with round, translucent suckers like silver coins, extended from his sides, just under his arms. Avar used them along with his arms, and they certainly seemed handy. Frankly, I felt uneasy about their snake-like appearance. But the tentacles were a part of him, and I hated for him to think that his looks repulsed me in any way.

"It's fine," I said. "I don't mind the tentacles."

I let him lift me with one arm and settle me against his chest. As he headed up the mountains, his steady pace lulled me to relax. I hugged his wide shoulder and rested my head on it. He promptly shifted away the slim appendages of his beard too. These didn't have suckers and were about as thick as my wrist, tapering down at the ends, smooth and flexible.

"Did you have children back in your past life, Madison?" he asked unexpectedly.

I raised my head from his shoulder and blinked.

"No."

"A soulmate, maybe?"

"You mean like a boyfriend or a husband?"

"Possibly, but not necessarily."

"No, I was still looking for one of those when you snatched me."

"Tell me, then, what is holding you back? Why do you wish to return so badly when most souls view going back to that world as a punishment or retribution?"

I released a long breath.

"I have people in my life. They depend on me."

"How? In what way?"

"I have a restaurant that I started from scratch, using the inheritance I got from my grandma that included her collection of recipes. Grandma was the one who taught me how to cook. I went to culinary college because of her. I knew all her recipes as if they were my own, and I always knew I wanted to share her food with others. So, I did." It wasn't a simple, straightforward answer to his question, but he listened patiently, so I kept talking. "Running a restaurant hasn't been easy. I still spend more than I make. But we've built a small community around my business. My employees are like family to me. Every one of them was struggling before I gave them the job, and I was so happy to be in the position to help."

"How could you help if you just said you were struggling yourself? You made less than you spent. How long could that even last? "

I noticed he spoke in past tense, so I switched too. It made sense since that life was now only in my past.

"No one at the restaurant knew how hard it was for me to keep that place afloat. I paid my guys well. They had job security and full benefits. For me, it was just money. For them, it was a life not just survival. And it paid off too. I had zero turnover in the past two years. The restaurant had been doing much better lately. I believed I would've climbed out of debt sometime down the road. I worked hard for it. I hadn't taken a single day off since the opening day and worked twelve-hour shifts all the time."

I sighed with a pang of regret. I would've loved to see the restaurant thrive one day. Now, there was no hope for me to ever see it happen. According to the instructions in my letter that Avar had delivered to my mom last night, she'd be getting ready to sell the place now.

"So you paid your people generously, even when you made no money?"

"I did more than that," I said proudly. "I paid for many other things that people do for their friends and family, like holiday parties, Christmas bonuses, wedding presents. Like I said, it's just money." I shrugged. "People's happiness is far more important."

"Not if you struggle yourself to make them happy," he disagreed. "I don't know how your employees felt, of course. But if you had to put yourself through hardship to make my life easier, I would want to know what it costs you. And frankly, I wouldn't accept your help until I know for sure you don't need help yourself."

I bit my lip. "Well, that's just you. You're not human."

"True, but I still believe that your friends should know what you're giving up in order to gift them all those parties and presents. After all, if you fail, they will all fail with you. You can do so much more for others if you ensure your own survival first."

I rested my head on his shoulder again, pondering his words. Shielding my friends and family from my financial troubles had always felt like the right thing to do. Would Claire or Sam want to know what it cost me to help them with money for their relatives? But what would they do if they knew?

What if they already knew, anyway? After all, everyone saw that I was at the restaurant day and night. Everyone knew I hadn't taken a vacation ever since we opened. Did they care? Ultimately, it wasn't their responsibility to make sure I didn't collapse from exhaustion or get crushed under a mountain of debt. It was no one's job but mine.

"In your world, you had to take care of yourself," Avar echoed my thoughts. "Especially if you wanted to be fit to take care of others. Here, however, you don't need to worry about anything." He gently cradled my head against his shoulder. "Here, I will take care of you."