Chapter 17

Madison

A few days later.

T he air no longer smelled like lilacs when I woke up. It smelled like coffee. The sheets on my bed weren't lavender, either, but striped with white and blue.

The wounds on my back had healed under Avar's care, and true to his word, he'd returned me exactly to the place and the time he had taken me from.

Our goodbye had lasted for days while he took care of me. We cooked and had meals together, watching the sunset from our favorite room on top of his mountain. When my injuries got better, Avar made love to me with a poignant tenderness that filled me with both happiness and heartache.

When he finally brought me back to the alley behind the restaurant, and it was time for us to part, I knew I had to make it quick before I lost my nerve and broke down.

"I'll never forget you," I said as he hugged me one last time.

"Nothing is forever," he replied.

"Not even goodbye?"

"Not even that."

"Will you wait for me, then?"

"For as long as it takes."

I didn't say I loved him, because I now had a lifetime to spend without him, and I couldn't live counting down the days until my death. I couldn't waste my years waiting for my life to be over. I had to make something of the life I got back.

Dishes clinked from the kitchen upstairs. Mom was up already. She'd gone to bed by the time I returned home last night.

I got up quickly, put some clothes on, and rushed upstairs to see her. At the entrance to the kitchen, I paused.

Mom raised me on her own. My grandma helped whenever she could, of course. But Mom had been my pillar of wisdom and strength when I was little. As a kid, I saw her tall and strong. But as I grew older, and she grew old, our roles had switched.

Now, I was taller and definitely stronger. Soon, it would be me taking care of her .

She turned away from the coffeemaker and found me watching her.

"Oh, you're up already?"

I swallowed a lump in my throat before hugging her. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too, baby." She chuckled when I wouldn't release her from the hug. "Did you have a bad dream or something? You're holding on to me the way you did when you were little and would wake up from a nightmare."

"A dream, yes," I agreed, finally letting go of her. "Only not really a bad one."

"Are you still okay driving me to the dentist this morning? If not, I should be fine on my own. It's just a local anesthesia, so—"

"I'll drive you." I kissed her cheek before reaching for a coffee cup. "I'm here, Mom. I can drive you anywhere you need."

"YOU'RE LATE," CLAIRE accosted me the moment I entered the restaurant.

"Just by five minutes or so. I had to drive Mom to the dentist."

"Right. Well, I started prepping already."

"Thanks. I'll get to it too." I put away my purse and car keys in the drawer of the desk in the office, then changed my shoes and grabbed the apron before going to the kitchen.

"Is it okay if I leave after lunch?" Claire asked, getting out a carton of eggs to boil. "I'll try to be back before the dinner rush starts. Josh really wants those shoes."

"What shoes?" I carried a box of produce to the sink to wash.

She shrugged. "Some new trend in school. Everyone has them, so he wants some too. Did you bring the money?"

Now I remembered the conversation we had so long ago, it felt like in another lifetime. But for Claire, it'd just happened yesterday.

"Right. Well, about the money..."

Of course, I completely forgot to stop at the bank this morning. But now, I thought it might be a good thing that I did.

Until now, handing out money was my normal response in situations like these. I did it for the rush of the thrill of giving. Who didn't enjoy seeing people happy, smiling, and thanking you for solving at least some of their problems that money could solve? I gave it to beat the guilt that would eat me alive if I didn't give. I gave because I could.

The problem was that I also impulsively gave when I couldn't, when I had nothing to give and there was no money left to solve any of my own problems.

"What does Josh normally do after school?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Hang out with his friends, play video games, and eat a shitload of pizza. Why?"

"We could really use some help around here. If he came by after school for a few hours a couple of times a week, he'd earn enough to buy those shoes on his own soon."

She looked doubtful.

"Josh doesn't really want a job. He tried to shovel snow for money in the winter and hated it."

Why would Josh love to work if his mom always found a way to get him whatever he wished?

"Sooo..." Claire stretched the word tentatively. "Does that mean you're not lending me the money?"

I drew in a bracing breath.

"It means I'm not." I took out a loaf of bread to cut into croutons, avoiding Claire's disappointed stare. Saying "no" was hard, so hard, I would've rather cut my own tongue out. "You know what? Bring Josh over. I'll speak with him. Okay?"

"Okay." She didn't look convinced. But now, I had a few hours to prepare the speech to convince the little shit to get off his ass and get a job to help his mom out.

Simply giving her the money would've been so much easier. But that wasn't how I wanted to handle it anymore.