26 Robin is Ridiculous

July 24th

My phone gave an obnoxious little chime, and I grabbed for it, careful to read the text preview so I wouldn't have to open it.

I cringed and put my phone away.

When I looked up, Maggie was glaring at me. We were supposed to be running lines ... That was, she'd generously agreed to help me practice my part, but I'd been acting like a distracted jerk all day.

"Okay, who are you texting?" she asked, folding her arms and leaning back against her book bag. We were sitting on the grass outside the Volcanology building, annoying the occasional graduate student by giving them the Vulcan Salute. It was one of the few prime locations that was also as far as humanely possible from the law school. Terri had no reason to be anywhere near rock nerds.

"Nobody."

"Mm-hmm, who are you not texting, then?"

"... Nobody."

"Why do you lie to me, Finch?"

I shrugged and ducked my head. "Because the truth is mind-numbingly stupid?"

Maggie gave a dramatic sigh—honestly, she was wasted on set design—and lay on her side, head supported on an arm and braids spilling casually over one shoulder. She looked like the centerfold for Done With Your Crap Magazine.

"So"—she examined the nails of her other hand—"is he straight or taken?"

"Neither!" I said defensively, then gazed up to the heavens, spread my arms wide, and fell backward onto the grass. "Both."

"Wow."

"I mean, kinda. Not really, though. He could be queer. Also he's single."

"Wow."

"It's a long story. I asked him out, but he couldn't tell. And now he wants to be my friend." I watched a few clouds go by and did my very best to sink to the center of the earth. After a while, when I still hadn't succeeded, I said, "Maggie?"

"Yeah?"

I sat up and started beheading individual blades of grass. "What's wrong with me?"

She rolled her eyes. "You want it alphabetically or by category?"

"Category. Specifically, matters of the heart."

"Well," she said slowly, "you're a little dramatic." Then she turned over and reached into her bag, pulling out the PBJ her girlfriend had made her this morning.

No one was ever going to make me a PBJ.

Maggie saw the way I was eyeing her sandwich and bit into it, maintaining steady eye contact. "Alfo," she said through a mouth full of bread, "you ne'er faw faw ree peepoh."

I looked over the arm I'd used to shield myself from the spray of crumbs. "I what?"

She just offered me her crusts. I accepted them like the garbage can I am.

"So you're saying I should text him back?"

"No, keep ghosting him. I bet it's making him feel awesome." Then she frowned, a rare show of interest. "I thought you said you asked him out."

I gave a guilty shrug. "I'm a bad person." My natural defensiveness kicked in. "But it's only been a couple days. I could be busy. I am busy."

"Ugh." She grabbed my script and hit me over the head with it. "Can we get back to work? There's no point in you distracting people from my beautiful sets with your bad acting."

"No. I'm still sad." I finished the last of her sandwich crusts and just looked as pathetic as I knew I was. "Be nice to me?"

Maggie groaned. "Fine. I bet if you text him back, he'll text you back. And then you'll be friends. And then he'll realize he's loved you all along."

I started to smile at her shyly. "Really? You think so?"

"Oh my god, yes. Now can we work?"

"What should I text him?"

Maggie almost got up to leave, so I started working again, but I was definitely going to text Skyler back. I'd text something funny that'd make him think I was cool and smart and nothing I actually was.

Though I had no idea how to explain my radio silence.

I let it percolate in the back of my mind while I focused on other things, like dropping off some of Armand's paperwork, getting groceries, dodging behind a dumpster to wait till Terri and Co. headed into a frozen yogurt shop, browsing the student store for new paperbacks ...

Oh no.

Oh no.

Skyler was in the checkout line.

I dropped like a kingfisher and flattened myself against the paranormal romance shelf.

Don't breathe. Don't even breathe. Breathe and you're dead.

"You know you can rent this textbook instead of buying it, right?" the checkout guy was saying. "It's only fifty bucks a month."

Nooo, I wanted to stand up and declare, it's a trap! This was it, this was my chance to repay him, to save him like he'd saved me. My extra year of experience as a college student could serve him here, my wisdom could be bestowed with grace and magnanimousness.

"Oh, really? I don't know ..." Skyler sounded uncertain.

"It would still save you money, dude."

No, it won't! You'll end up spending more and then you'll lose all your notes!I shut my eyes tight, willing my legs to straighten and my throat to make sounds. This horrible man was taking advantage of Skyler, and I was letting it happen. I was complicit.

"Nah," Skyler said, "I'm good."

He didn't need me.

I was no good to him.

I listened as Skyler finished the transaction and left, taking with him what was probably my last chance not to be the worst person in the world. What could I even say to him? Hey, still in love with someone else?

My phone chimed and I jumped, looking down to see a new text from Skyler. I read the preview: he still thought I was busy rather than awful. He wanted to know if I could recommend any good local pizza. Also, was I okay?

I put my phone back into my pocket and resumed my efforts to sink to the center of the earth.

I was going to have to answer him at some point, but until then, I was going to keep being absolute garbage.

But not where people could see. I straightened up and plastered a grin on my face, just in case anyone was watching. My world might have been burning, and maybe I was still holding the match, but the show must go on.