#4 Lesbians in Hell

The automatic doors slid open. Gone was the dust of the parking lot, cars kicking up whatever had blown in during the most recent early spring storm. Instead, Nadia's senses were treated to the sweet sounds of automated announcements, grumbling customers, and an elderly man in a blue polyester vest ambling toward them.

"Welcome to Dalmart. Anything you looking for today?" His manners were polite and his countenance friendly enough, but something was off about him. Probably the lack of sleep. Heavy bags hung under the man's eyes. A sign of his age? Or a sign of having to work a part-time job at a big box store in what should have been his retirement years?

"We're good. Just running some errands."

The greeter had already moved on to the small family coming in behind Nadia… and her wife, who towered over everyone in an Italian T-shirt that cost what most people paid in rent. Yet when Nadia requested that her wife wear "casual clothing" for their outing that day, she couldn't complain. Eva in jeans and a T-shirt left an impression, but at least she blended in better than if she had worn one of her Givenchy suits.

"My God…" Eva lifted her sunglasses and instantly slammed them down again. "What is this lighting?"

Nadia's eyes had already adjusted. "Wait until I tell you my high school used these same fluorescent lights." She reached for one of the baskets recently returned from the parking lot. Disinfectant for the handle? That's new. Nadia was jolted back to the reality that she hadn't been to one of these stores in years. Not since right before the pandemic, when she got comfortable ordering anything she needed to be delivered right to the front gate of Warren Manor. Once she went out again, she stuck with the stores she had become accustomed to since marrying Eva.

And Eva had never stepped foot into a Dalmart before. She knew the name Shawn Dalton, the eponymous founder of the mega-chain of superstores that had singlehandedly destroyed many a small town main street during Nadia's childhood, but only because Eva had gone to college with one of Shawn's granddaughters. They're worth more money than her family is. Which was difficult for Nadia to comprehend. She was not privy to the intricacies of the Warrens' coffers, but she knew that they looked like they were worth more on the outside than they were in practice. Appearances were everything.

Hence, Eva never being allowed anywhere near a Dalmart, not even when she was hooking up with Shawn Dalton's granddaughter.

"What is wrong with this cart?" Eva wasn't usually this critical of the places they went, but from the moment Nadia parked the car out in the boonies, where she hoped her 2016 Fiat would remain unbothered, Eva had gone from goofing around with the radio to realizing she was about to enter a place that showed how much of the lower class lived… and shopped. "It hasn't been cleaned. Let's get a different one."

Nadia almost laughed. "They don't clean them between customers, Eva."

"You're kidding."

"Nope." Nadia squirted disinfectant directly onto a coarse paper towel. She wiped down the handle before tossing the paper in the nearby trashcan. "When it's busy, you're lucky if there's a cart available at all. Especially the small ones."

"Yes, please, let's get a small one. The one you have is bigger than me."

"Now, now. Have you forgotten why we're here?" Nadia passed the sandwich shop, which was inconveniently pressed up against a nail salon. Freshly baked bread clashed with polish. Nadia wanted to press forward before rearranging her purse, but that put her in front of the restrooms, and a steady stream of people came in and out as if the store were handing out free soda to every customer. "We're filling this baby up."

They were on a double mission that day. Nadia had volunteered them for a "summer of fun" kid charity to help provide toys and learning materials to lower-income children in the city. Most of the heiresses and trophy wives who participated hired their personal assistants to go out shopping or bulk order things online for donation, but Nadia wanted out of the house and liked the idea of them picking out toys and books. The reason Nadia picked Dalmart instead of Bullseye or Big Spot was because she wanted to pick up some Mother's Day presents for her mom. As far as Nadia knew, this was the only place around that carried her mother's favorite brand of cookware.

It had been a long, long time since Nadia had been a Dalmart. Maybe 2013? 2015 at the latest? Since getting with Eva, who was known for spontaneous trips to Europe just to shop for new clothes, Nadia occasionally stepped foot into a Bullseye. But she was more likely to order something she wanted online. Grocery shopping? If she did that in person, it was at places like Whole Foods. Maybe a pop into a Shaw's or Albertson's.

Time truly passed quickly. All of Nadia's memories relied on how things used to be. Now, there were flatscreen monitors advertising sportswear brands and lights along the floor directing customers down aisles they never intended to visit. Nadia was well-acquainted with all the ways stores across all income brackets attempted to steer the buying habits of customers, but she never expected to see Dalmart doing the same thing the secret French designer markets did.

"You've gotta take those off," she said to Eva, who received stares from every family pushing basketsful of things past her. "People are weirded out you're wearing sunglasses."

"How can you see in here?" Grumbling, Eva whipped her glasses off her face and tucked them into her shirt collar. "Also, that's not why they're staring. It's because I'm a tall freak."

"Well, yeah, but I thought you were used to that."

"You're wearing nicer clothes than me," Eva continued, "but you look way more at home in here. I've never been inside a Dalmart before."

"To be fair…" Nadia pushed the cart toward the nearest goods. She was suddenly in the produce section on the grocery side of the store, and she wanted to be closer to the clothing. "It's been quite a few years. I'm realizing that now."

Eva begrudgingly followed her wife. She scoffed at the quality of the produce. Meanwhile, all Nadia could think was how cheap those grapes were. There's a reason they're so cheap… She probably would not be able to stomach their taste like she used to.

"Do you want to push the cart?" Nadia only asked that because it was something her mother used to offer her husband whenever he griped in a store. Turned out, Nadia's father simply wanted something to hold onto while his wife conducted in-person price comparisons using nothing but a calculator she kept in her pocket. Back in the prehistoric days before cell phones. Back before all of the screens on the clothing racks and the robotic floor cleaners moving around on their own.

"Absolutely not. I don't know where that thing has been."

Nadia grabbed the travel-size hand sanitizer from her bag and tossed it to Eva.

"This isn't gonna help."

Aw, there was Eva, slipping back into the slang she used to sling around Nadia before she realized nobody cared how she spoke among friends. Stay among the plebs long enough, Eva. Soon, she'd be talking like the youth! Like the gob of teen girls making a mess in the junior's department on the other side of the aisle.

"This place is so… repressive." Eva shielded her eyes as she looked up toward the ceiling. "Seriously. Dark gray floors and even darker blue. I didn't know blue could be darker than gray. What the hell? Every kid I knew who went to design school would be puking right now. This is not conducive at all to a good shopping experience. Why couldn't we have gone to the red and white store, again? I still hated it, but I didn't hate myself for being there."

"You mean Bullseye? They don't have my mom's brand of cookware."

"Riiiight. It's not only about toys and swimsuits. We've gotta redo your mom's stuff!"

At least Eva had some pep in her step when she said that. She liked Nadia's mom. She also liked remodels and starting afresh. When Nadia mentioned stopping at Dalmart to pick up things for her mom's remodel, Eva had been on board. She loved going out, especially with her wife. She loved these "down to earth" explorations of the world she rarely interacted with due to her silver-spoon upbringing.

But Eva Warren had not been prepared for Dalmart. Not even after internalizing a hundred cultural jokes and having seen one of the heiresses naked.

Nadia thought about that when she happened to catch a vintage picture of Shawn Dalton surrounded by his family. 1960s dresses, suits, and interior design were muted by the black and white photograph, but Nadia knew that one of those younger kids was the mom or dad of Eva's ex-girlfriend. I never get used to it.

While distracted by one of the point-of-purchase displays in the aisle, Nadia didn't notice that her wife had already wandered into the women's clothing department. She did notice, however, when Eva made a sound of surprised disgust.

"100% polyester is one thing," Eva muttered when Nadia pushed the cart by her. "You can do all sorts of neat things with polyester, okay? This?" She shook a thin, poorly made factory blouse in Nadia's face. "Even Gloria would not have worn this, and she wore underwear from her family's store."

"Gloria Dalton?"

"Yes, one of my more notable exes whom I am still on good terms with. Maybe I should give her a call…"

This would be good. Nadia leaned against the cart, careful not to let it roll away from her. "I thought you said that Gloria wasn't involved in the family business. She had run off to France to become a fashion designer. Kind of stuff you'd never find in her family's store. You said that."

"I did, didn't I? Well, maybe this is why. She couldn't take it anymore. Can you believe they're charging thirty bucks for this? They probably had it made for sixty cents."

"How do you think retail families make their money? You have a business degree."

"Trust me, Nads, I know how it works. I'm merely aghast when I see it in action."

"Come on. We're picking up some kid-sized swimsuits. It's on the list."

"I don't know if I can in good conscience give kids who are already suffering from poverty these kinds of clothes. Can't I give them the money directly?"

"Who, the nine-year-olds who need something to go to swim lessons in?"

"Sure. At least let them pick it out themselves."

"Lately, I've been hearing you go on and on about how to better use money in charity." Nadia navigated the racks, many of which had gone lopsided and lost some of their wares to the floor. Occasionally, a worker in a blue polyester vest vainly attempted to tidy up, only for someone to absentmindedly crash their cart into the display or another two teenagers to come by and screw it all up again. Nadia carefully perused the clearance rack. She didn't know why. Nothing here I want. It was ingrained into her DNA, though, after a lifetime of watching her mom dutifully check every sale and spending much of her early twenties balancing the nicer clothes she needed for work with cheap underwear and pajamas. I can't help myself. "It's either Kathryn rubbing off on you some more, or maybe it's a sign that you should go into charity work with her. Find a way to mitigate your rich heiress guilt like she does."

"You're the first to always complain that it's not enough, no matter how much I try to tell you how the money actually works in the system we've got."

"Because it's not enough. Doesn't mean both can't be true."

Eva sighed. "Let's get the swimsuits. What sizes do we need?"

She kept most of her opinions of the actual suits to herself, only doling out a comment when Nadia couldn't decide between strap styles for elementary-aged girls. Eventually, Eva wandered off toward a section of the women's wear that was nothing but Bible quotes screen printed onto T-shirts and sweats. Nadia kept waiting for a bizarre comment, but all she got was a look from Eva that implied she had walked into another dimension and had merely accepted it.

"Ooh, look at these! Aren't they adorable? You're sure this size isn't on the list? Don't care. We can find somewhere to donate them."

Nadia's head whipped around so quickly that she almost cracked her neck in half. As she massaged a muscle she aggravated, she double-checked that the voice she heard had, indeed, come from one of her best friends.

"Jas!"

The woman holding a pair of baby booties quickly dropped them back onto the shelf. "Nadia! What are you doing here?"

She held up the list she had printed out. "Some light shopping. You?"

Jasmine likewise had the same list, albeit hers was more crumpled and had some kind of drink stain flashed across the corner. "Oh, my God, are we on the same brainwave right now?"

Nadia pushed her cart closer, the swimsuits she had carefully lined up in the corner now coming apart and expanding across the plastic container. "We were out having lunch in the countryside and I thought it would be perfect to swing by here on the way home. Much more fun than hiring someone to do our charity work for us."

"Right? Ethan and I always do it ourselves if we have time. Did you know he used to get stuff from the summer of fun when he was in elementary school? Wait… did you say we? You don't mean…"

Eva soon appeared behind her wife, a pullover quoting Psalm 34:8 dangling from her hand. "I think you need this. I haven't been to church since I was eight, but I think we could start some new fashion statements."

Nadia was halfway through rolling her eyes when Eva saw who else was coming up toward them. When her fists met her hips, the plastic hanger holding the pullover to her hand broke in half.

"Well! If it isn't Ethan Cole." Eva pushed herself between the shopping cart and a display for licensed T-shirts. "What brings you to Dalmart on this fine Sunday? Did you also date Gloria Dalton? I heard she swung both ways."

Ethan looked like he was not impressed that he was so easily recognized in his jeans and a baggy hoodie that made him look more like a nefarious ne'er-do-well than the billionaire mogul who owned one of the most coveted pieces of real estate downtown. "My wife informed me that we were shopping for charity. I like to get out and stretch my legs, you know."

"My wife informed me the same thing!"

"Probably because the charity does a lot of work through the office," Nadia said. Her boss was right there, and it was because of his direct relationship with the charity that he was a big donor after growing up and making a ton of money. He called it "paying it forward" after several years of receiving toys and clothes from the regional non-profits. It's crazy to think he grew up without more money than me. Nadia's parents had been firmly lower middle class. Ethan's single father barely kept them sheltered and fed. No wonder he didn't look so out of place in Dalmart. He probably remembers it better than I do.

Eva barely gave everyone time to breathe before she got closer to Ethan, her slouching bringing her height down to his level. "What's a guy like you doing in a fine place like this? Tell me, can you see in here? Because my retinas have completely melted in my eye sockets."

"It is a bit bright in here." Ethan cleared his throat. "Uncomfortably so. I don't remember Dalmart being quite this strange to experience when I was a kid."

"What do you mean?" his wife asked. "It's always looked like this. Well, maybe fewer screens. But the smiley face is still there! I always loved the smiley face."

"You would, my flower."

Both Nadia and Eva turned their noses at the dropping of a pet name. "Didn't the floor used to be white? I swear it used to be white," Nadia said.

Eva flung up her hands. "You all are living in another world. I'm going to the bathroom."

After she snuck away, Nadia started laughing.

"What?" Jasmine asked.

"Can you imagine Eva's reaction to a restroom here? I'm sorry I'm missing it."

She was inclined to wait for Eva to return, so what better opportunity than to compare notes with Jasmine, who already had a cart full of toys and clothes for the charity? She told Nadia about some of the deals and what she had heard were most in demand among kids but not necessarily on the list. Most of the Legos were gone, but Barbies were a big hit again. Nadia was glad to hear it, because the last time she bought toys for a charity, every girl in town wanted a My Little Pony. Instead, she saw very different animals in Jasmine's cart.

"Oh, the Squishmallows?" Jasmine slapped her hand onto the belly of a very large black and white cat. "These are for me. I have… uh… a problem."

"Uh-huh."

"You haven't been to my house in a while. Or the penthouse. Next time you drop by, I'll show you the Squishmallow room."

"There's a room?"

"There's a room," Ethan confirmed. "I don't go in that room."

While he wandered off to play with what Jasmine called the "big boy toys" in the electronics section, Nadia spent a little longer catching up with a friend she hadn't seen much of since Christmas. When Nadia mentioned that they were also buying gifts for her mother's kitchen remodel, Jasmine exclaimed that she loved the set that Nadia was after, but couldn't buy it for herself because "Well, you've seen the kitchen. There's not much to add."

Unlike Nadia, who immediately began switching up some of the interior decorating in the home she shared with Eva, Jasmine didn't do much to change the residences Ethan came with when they married. Their tastes were so similar and Ethan so permissive that all Jasmine had to do was add a splash of color or something else "feminine" to be content. The biggest change was in the one bedroom penthouse they owned downtown. Gone were the gray walls and dark carpets. Jasmine had put in hardwood floors, painted the walls springtime yellow, and freshened up the drab kitchen with white wood. One could hardly believe that a male billionaire had bought the place "as is" and hadn't done a thing until he married to a woman with a very different opinion.

No wonder she has a room for her stuffed animals. Already, Nadia dreamed of diving headfirst into a pile of squishy things and taking a long, fitful nap. Perhaps that was how she truly knew she was now in her thirties.

Jasmine had to get going as soon as Ethan was back. Eva still hadn't returned from the bathroom, but Nadia didn't think much about it as she cruised through the kids' clothing section and collected items from the list. She wasn't too far off from her wife, who probably wanted to leave as soon as possible. It's definitely not what I remember. Gone were the childhood days of racing up and down the toy aisles, agog that so many things could exist in one place. Nadia's deep-rooted memories of her mother slowly making her way through clothing, to housewares, to grocery while her father sat on a bench and chatted with other husbands were a figment of the past. Today, people rushed through with their purchases or had their phones to distract them. Nadia felt like the only one who wanted to sit back and relive something she hadn't done in several years.

Because while this was not the upscale shopping experience she had grown accustomed to throughout her relationship with Eva, it was what Nadia knew. Except it had been a long time. Except she didn't belong to this world anymore.

It wasn't about Eva immediately pointing out every flaw that seemed built to make shoppers miserable. Nor was it seeing depressed workers who kept having to pick up the same mess over and over again. What Nadia experienced striking her in the aging soul was the lost past, the childlike imagination of turning even a clothing rack into a mystical place, and not having to worry about affording the latest toy or where it even came from in the human rights supply chain. Gone were the big, bulbous displays of colorful buttons and fast-talking animals. Instead, everything was a screen. Even in the adult sections of the store… so many screens.

Oh, well. Such was growing older. One day, if Nadia had kids, they'd be going through the same shit when they lamented the lack of screens in the toy section. What will they have in thirty-five years? Holograms? Neural chips that directly marketed to a kid's brain?

Nadia was outside the toy section, giggling at that thought.

Eva took her sweet time getting back to her wife, not that Nadia needed her for toy shopping. If anything, she preferred to go up and down the aisle, checking the list on her phone before tossing in stuffed animals, building blocks, dolls, racecars, and a full set of fuzzy critters for a particular child who was fighting cancer and loved miniatures. At some point, Nadia had to pull her cart out of the way and play Tetris with everything in her cart. Should I take it up front and have them hold on to it for me? Any store she usually went to with Eva would be more than happy to do that for a big spender, but Nadia was in Dalmart, where she hadn't seen a single blue vest in twenty minutes. She was on her own.

"If you're around, I could use your help pushing this cart while I get another one for my mom's stuff." They were going on separate credit cards anyway. One for tax write-offs like charity, and another for personal purchases like a Mother's Day present. Nadia had gotten the hang of that song and dance long before dating Eva, like when her boss sent her out to buy some things for the office supply closet and then for his lunch.

Nadia shoved the cart out of the toy department and was dumped in the baby section, where she nearly knocked over a floor model of a crib, rocking chair, and changing table.

The irony was not lost on her. Here was Nadia, with a cart full of kids' stuff, gazing at a collection of baby items. Hadn't she and Eva been talking about this again? About their next five-year plan for having kids and Eva sorting out what she was going to do with her life and inheritance? Besides potentially being a parent…

Because they were very practical about these plans. Nadia might not be able to conceive, and Eva sure as hell was not going to do it. They might change their minds, their agreement with Eva's mother be damned. Or they might discover that it was more trouble than even money could afford. I might get cold feet, too. Kids were the kind of thing that Nadia appreciated in the abstract. She liked the idea of having one or two kids with the person she loved but in practice…

Well, it was quite real, wasn't it?

She shook the thoughts from her head before wearing herself out. All of that was still a couple of years away. For all Nadia knew, her wife would be struck by a meteor and perish.

"What are you giggling about?"

Nadia discovered her wife right behind her, still wearing her sunglasses and looking hilariously out of place in the baby section of Dalmart. That was a good enough reason to start giggling, but Nadia always liked being truthful with her wife.

"Thinking about you getting struck by a meteor."

Eva lowered her sunglasses and peered at her wife over the black rim. "I can give you however much money you want, you know. You don't have to go making yourself a widow to get a billion dollars."

"You're always the first to say you don't have access to a billion dollars."

"No, but I've got at least ten million in my personal account right now."

"Of course you do. Where does that even come from? Your lawyers?"

"Trusts, investments, I… don't really know the rest."

Nadia rolled her eyes as she leaned against the handle of her cart. "Let's put some of that to good use and buy my mom her present. She's gonna flip."

That got a grin out of Eva. "I do love exciting your mother. Much more fun than exciting mine."

"Great! You can babysit this while I go get another basket!"

"Excuse me. I look like a weirdo with all this crap."

"Only because your sunglasses are on. Take them off, and you won't look so bizarrely out of place."

"If I take them off…" Eva called over her shoulder as Nadia navigated a pile of discarded shoes in the middle of an aisle, "I'll go blind! I can feel the lights giving me skin cancer!"

"So dramatic," Nadia muttered as she fought her way to the front of the store.

Eva was right where she left her when returning five minutes later. She did not look any less weird, although she had agreed to remove her sunglasses again.

"To the housewares," Nadia said. "We've got to buy out their collection."

"What was it again?" Eva asked while shoving the full cart behind Nadia's empty one. "Frontier Female?"

"Frontier Femme!"

"Close enough."

Whatever Eva thought of the wall full of colorful florals that came in every shape and houseware need… well, she kept those thoughts to herself. Nadia witnessed the energy sapping from Eva's shoulders the longer they stood there, Nadia scrolling through what her mother already owned and discerning what should be grabbed besides the "must haves." Casserole dishes, spatulas… even cooking timers, and a bread box that Nadia found utterly ostentatious in a mesmerizing way. Yes, my mother needs this. Even if she gave it away to a friend or resold it, Nadia didn't care. It would be hilarious to hand her mother a Frontier Femme breadbox on Mother's Day.

"Fuck me." Eva kicked her foot off the bottom of the cart laden with toys and kids' clothes. "My back is killing me."

"Well, it's too late to get out of this and wait in the car." Nadia tossed some plastic measuring cups and a reading glasses case into her fresh cart. "You're on toy duty."

"Love. This is love right here."

"Uh-huh."

The heavy cart slowly squeaked behind Nadia. "You owe me big time."

That sensual hiss in Nadia's ear made her look up from reading the back of a spiralbound cookbook full of "prairie staples" inspired by traditional Osage recipes. "I'm pretty sure this is you paying me back for dragging me to that boring reunion."

"Hey, those were some good kids from my college years. They loved you!"

"And I thought they were too full of themselves to be worth talking to for the most part." Nadia tossed her purchases into the second cart and turned around, craning her neck to look up into her wife's lofty face. "You said you'd owe me. So here we are. Didn't even have to travel far to give you a taste of how the normal person shops."

"God, how do you all do it? If my mom dragged me to places like this… then again, my mother has never done her shopping in her life. She wouldn't know how to load things onto those conveyor belt things, never mind bag her groceries like they make you do now."

"You sound so spoiled."

"Which I would love to make you sound like." Eva looped her arm over Nadia's shoulder and all but kissed her on the top of the head. "Can we please hurry this up and get home? I've got things to do to you."

"What makes you think you're getting any when we get home? I've got presents and donations to sort."

"I have to believe I'm getting laid because it's the only way I'm surviving this."

"Typical."

Nadia was aware of her wife's growing discomfort the longer they stayed in the aisle showcasing Frontier Femme's latest and greatest offerings to the domestic goddesses of the world. Can she live for thirty more minutes? That was about how long it would take for Nadia to finish shopping and get all this shit through the checkout.

"I'll be right back," Eva said again. "If you're going to stay here, I mean. I need to walk off some of this energy."

"What energy?" Nadia shot back.

"Trust me, there's energy."

Nadia would have to take her word for it. She became more determined to get this done and both of them home, where Eva could sprawl out on the couch and pretend she had done a great service to her local community. Meanwhile, I'll be lucky to get help sorting through everything. Maybe she should buy some gift bags for her mother's presents. This was already so much…

Eva quickly returned, a gray nightgown that said "COFFEE QUEEN" dangling from a plastic hanger in her hand.

"Don't," Nadia said.

Her wife held up the nightgown to Nadia's complexion. "You've gotta try this on. Now."

"Why?"

"Don't ask. Just do." Eva gestured to the teenage worker who had come to collect Nadia's baskets. "Aiden here has graciously agreed to take our purchases up to customer service until we're ready to check out. Look! Our arms are free."

Nadia remained resolute next to a picture of the Frontier Femme advertising her wares. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing."

"You are."

"I'm trying to get you to try on this cute nightgown that's totally not made of super flammable materials."

"That's a very specific description."

"It's on the tag right here, babe. Keep away from flames."

So it was, not that Nadia wanted to think about why the factory this nightgown came from felt the need to say that. "I see. Is this where you crack a joke about my ‘fiery' red hair burning the whole place down?"

"No, but now I want to."

Nadia wasn't powerless in the most literal sense, but as she watched the young employee push the carts toward the front of the store, she realized that this was not going to go her way. Once Eva had it in her mind to go on some last-minute adventure, all Nadia could do was go along with it. Assuming she didn't have an immediate out.

That was the old Nadia, the one made easily embarrassed by her wife's ridiculous notions of how the world worked, even when completely out of her element. Like in a goddamn Dalmart. The new, more modern Nadia who loved Eva's shit enough to marry her had a different perspective.

She kinda wanted to see where this went.

"All right." Nadia snatched the nightgown out of her wife's hand and headed toward the changing room. "Let's get this over with."

Eva easily followed. "What do you mean get this over with? You don't even know why I want you naked in front of me."

"I've got a great idea."

"Hm?" Eva almost blanched at the sight of the changing room area, where a day's worth of customers had left everything in such disarray that one employee was left to manage the rejects and put away what she could. Nadia doubted that was in a timely manner, not that she blamed the woman for slowly rearranging things hanging on the reject rack while careful to avoid stepping on the mounds of clothing on the floor. The counter was likewise a mess, and Nadia quickly deduced that nobody cared if she went in without any direction. At least that hadn't changed since her childhood.

"On second thought," Eva muttered as they shuffled down the hallway in search of a clean changing room. "Maybe I've changed my mind. I don't know what we'll find behind Door #3."

Nadia helped herself into the single changing stall at the end of the hall. "No, no, we're doing this. Get your ass in here."

She hung her purse up on a hook and held the nightgown up to herself in front of the mirror. Behind her, Eva wiggled into the room, latching the door with her elbow and checking out the ceiling as if she had forgotten that not every changing room had walls that went all the way up.

"So…" Nadia pulled her T-shirt over her head and tossed it at Eva, who leaned against the wall. "Is this what you wanted? Having such a mind-numbing time shopping and you need to see your wife naked?"

"I mean, when you put it that way."

"Okay." Nadia casually avoided her reflection in the mirror as she turned around in nothing but jeans and her bra. "Your turn."

Eva's eyebrows ascended her forehead. "Oh, is that how it is?"

"It is."

"All right." For all of Nadia's gripes over the year, one thing she could say about her wife was that Eva wasn't afraid to play her part in these ridiculous games. When Nadia challenged her participation, Eva was right there, ripping off her shirt and piling it with Nadia's on the tiny leather bench in the corner of the changing room.

"So we're clear," Nadia whispered when Eva went to unzip her jeans, "we are not having sex in here. That's rude."

"I have no disillusions about that." Eva pushed Nadia up against the wall, their mouths all but crashing together. "I just wanna have some fun."

Don't have sex. Whatever you do, don't have sex. Yet that was Eva's obnoxious power. Every time she coaxed Nadia into the lovemaking web, they had to hold back from the desires that often overtook them. Like back when we first started dating. How long had Nadia avoided her wife's pursuits back when they barely knew each other? When all Eva knew about her was that she was "hot," and all Nadia knew about her was that she was a rich playgirl?

Still rich. Still playing. Just with Nadia, though.

Her elbow bumped into the hanger holding the nightgown and sent it to the floor. Nadia gasped against Eva's mouth, urging her to give it a minute before taking this to a place that was completely inappropriate for where they were. Nadia didn't want to be the kind of terrible customer who had sex in the changing room when other people were going about their business. Because, unlike other public places they had sex before, this was not a facility built for such fun. Nadia didn't want to put some poor worker out, did she? Or a mom dragging her three kids through the lingerie section because she needed a new bra that wasn't falling apart at the seams. Or an elderly couple shopping for that night's dinner on their way home from church.

But, but, but…

Eva was a good kisser. She was a great kisser. She consumed her wife's lips like they were at home, getting hot and heavy in their bed like they hadn't in over a month. Because that sometimes happened, even with Nadia's best intentions laid bare.

Why did I take off my shirt…

Skin to skin, mouth to mouth. That was how Nadia liked it, even if they didn't go all the way, and that was what Eva was best at working with.

"Okay, fuck," Nadia whispered when she managed to come up for air. "This is getting bad."

"You're telling me?" Eva grabbed her wife by the shoulders and offered such a desperate look that Nadia couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt. "I've been wanting to do it since we left brunch! Oh my God this has been torture!"

"Why didn't you say so?"

"Are you kidding? If I had told you what I was thinking back there, you would've given me one of the ol' Eva scoldings you're so good at."

"I don't scold you," Nadia hissed.

"No, no, you make me feel a bit crazy for wanting your hot body at any given moment. Come on, Nads, it's almost like why I wanted to date you in the first place. Fuck! Look at you! So hot I could scream!"

Nadia glanced down at her cleavage, which was quite generous in the basic black bra that fit better than anything she had ever owned before. It was also perfect at lifting and separating, two feats she didn't think were possible after growing up curvy enough to break the sizing standards of most boutiques. For years, Eva had been putting her hands all over Nadia and acting like a desperate wretch when it was clear she wasn't getting any that week. While a good sport about Nadia's fluctuating hormones and intimate desires, there were times when the well was so dry that Nadia felt too guilty to function around her wife.

That past year had been a lovely wake-up call, though. Both in their everyday marriage and in their sex life. Which was quite present in the moment.

"Evangeline," Nadia grunted when she slammed her fists on her waist and shoved her cleavage up toward her wife's face, "you did this to me. You made me take off my shirt and get all steamy in the Dalmart changing room."

"We didn't even do anything besides kissing and heavy petting."

"You unzipped your pants!"

"To let off some of the pressure on my waistline! I ate a lot at brunch, okay? I've been waiting to do that all day."

"You? Bloated?"

Eva shrugged. "I'm in my thirties. I hear that happens to the best of us."

Nadia had never known a life of not being bloated regularly. "I'm putting my shirt back on. You are also going to zip up your pants."

"Aw, come on…"

"We are going to make our purchases, load up the car, and go home."

"Uh-huh…"

"Where we can finish this thought."

"Please. As soon as we get in the car, the moment will be gone."

Eva spoke with too much experience in her back pocket. Damnit. She knows me too well. Nadia could promise until the sun rose again, but even she had to admit that she quickly lost the spark when distracted by something else. That was how she was. It took her ten times longer to get in the mood than it did to fall out of it again.

"Okay." She swallowed, shirt still in her hand while Eva scrambled back into her clothing. "We'll go somewhere else for a few minutes. Somewhere we won't get in trouble."

Eva tugged on the bottom of her shirt with finality. "Where?"

"I dunno. Somewhere in the car."

"So I'm clear, changing room sex is out, but car sex is in?"

"If we can find somewhere private…"

Eva was already out the door, prompting Nadia to chase after her wife.

"My good man!" Eva caught up to the young employee who had been tasked with putting their two carts someplace out of the way. "Something has come up and my wife and I must step outside for about fifteen minutes." She followed his hollow gaze to the customer service rep behind the counter, who looked like she was about to stab Eva if she dared imply that she was leaving this crap here without paying for it. "I see. Here." She pulled out the first credit card she found in her wallet and slapped it on the counter. "Go ahead and start ringing this up and run the card. We will be back to collect in about twenty minutes."

The woman sighed. "I thought you said fifteen minutes."

"Could be twenty!"

Nadia resisted the urge to slap her hand against her face. Because when Eva started ordering people around like they worked on commission, it brought out the entitled heiress who was used to employees of every shop hanging off her every word – and dollar bill. These people do not care, Eva. Nor would they be impressed that they got the magnanimous honor of ringing up Eva Warren's Dalmart purchases.

Did Nadia have a chance to care about that? No! Eva grabbed her by the arm and hauled her toward the sliding glass doors that separated them from fresh air and freedom.

The things I do…

They couldn't scurry to the outer bounds of the parking lot quickly enough. Eva acted like she was about to get in the driver's side, but the seat was adjusted for Nadia's much shorter height and there was no time to fix it for someone else to drive. Nadia shooed her to the other side of the Fiat before hopping behind her steering wheel and igniting the engine as if she knew where she was driving to get laid.

"Turn left at the light," Eva said as Nadia pulled out of the brightly lit parking lot. "I know where to go."

All the more reason for Nadia to figure it out on her own!

"Hey. This is not a left turn." Eva's finger dragged down the window glass as she slumped back into her seat. "All right. I see I have no power here."

Nope.

Nadia looped through a roundabout and took the first turn that led toward a wooded area. "Out of curiosity…" she mused, "have you ever done it in a changing room?"

Eva scoffed. "Babe, we have done it in a changing room before."

"I do not recall this."

"A few years ago. We were shopping in New York. Granted, that room was a lot more secure. Absolutely nobody bothering you in there, no cameras, it was an actual room and not some flimsy stall…"

The memory dinged in Nadia's mind. "That was not a changing room."

"Uh, yes it was."

The Fiat swung left into the woods on the edge of the suburbs. "It was not. I… I thought it was…" God, it had been so long – pre-pandemic times! – that Nadia couldn't remember what she thought it was at the time. "Doesn't matter. You know I'm talking about a mall changing room."

"Oh, yeah. A few times."

"Of course you have."

"Also have had quite a bit of car sex, although it's been a while. Feels like the kind of thing you lock away in your early twenties and teen years."

"Sounds like something you would do, yes."

Nadia pulled into a tight clearing surrounded by a small grove of evergreen trees. What the hell am I doing? No, she couldn't get sucked into those thoughts. Not when Eva was already kicking the passenger side door open and hopping into the backseat, hand slamming onto the center console in a ridiculous effort to wake up her wife.

"I can't believe I'm doing this." Nadia unbuckled her seatbelt and opened her door. "I have no morals. That's all there is to it."

"That's right!" Eva's voice was briefly muffled when Nadia stood outside with both doors closed. "I've corrupted you! And you like it!"

She swung open the door again as Eva lowered the front seats to give them more room. "Ten minutes," Nadia warned her as she climbed in and locked the doors around them. Already, her shirt was coming off again, her bra helpless as her wife pulled down the straps and immediately went for a nipple. "Ten minutes!" she squeaked.

Eva lay across the folded seats and dragged Nadia down atop her. The tiny car was fit to have a conniption as it rocked beneath their collective shifting weight.

"I can't believe we're doing this." Nadia was stuck, both of her knees lodged beneath the hand grips on either side of her. She straddled Eva like they were fooling around on a proper mattress, but her balance and her joints said otherwise. "What have you done to me? I used to be a respectable woman."

"No, you weren't." Eva slammed her palms on her wife's breasts and surged her hips upward. "Because no respectable woman ever got with me."

She had a point. One Nadia conceded when she flung herself down and kissed her wife as if this were another Sunday funday.

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They marched back into the Dalmart as if nothing sordid had happened in the nearby woods. Even when Nadia fought back the urge to pop into the ladies' room to make sure her hair was presentable, Eva steered her toward the customer service desk, expecting to find their purchases bagged and ready to take out to the car.

What they got was two baskets still full of crap.

"Uh…" Eva cleared her throat and motioned toward the woman still standing behind the counter. "Is there an issue?"

She was handed back her credit card. "We don't have the means to process an order this size here," she bluntly said. "You're going to have to go through the checkout like everyone else."

Nadia saw that coming. "All right. We'll take care of it." She grabbed one of the cart handles. "Let's go, Eva. We've got a lot to do, but at least we're relaxed."

Eva said nothing as she took the other cart and followed Nadia around the bend to get in line for the registers. Nadia was in front with the donations while Eva brought up the rear and doled out the credit cards based on what order went on what charge.

"Excuse me," Nadia said to an employee walking by when she realized she was in the self-checkout line. "Where is the line for the normal checkout? We've got a ton of stuff."

She was given a look that could have moved the mountains on Earth into the bowels of Hell. "We only have self-checkout, ma'am."

Eva slowly eked her cart up next to Nadia, her long limbs leaning over the handle. "I don't wanna say this place is cursed, but…"

Nadia's hands fell away from the cart, dead-eye stare cutting the air before her as the employee ambled away. "I'm calm. I'm very calm now."

"Who do we have to thank for that, I wonder?"

The line moved at a snail's pace; the others stuck behind them looked at Nadia's carts and sighed; a crackled message on the PA gave Nadia a headache.

"Next time," Eva wistfully said behind her wife, "maybe we should send someone ahead to help us, eh?"

That was it. Eva had now transformed this into being about the principle of the thing.

"What's up, babe?" Eva dangled over her cart, entranced by her wife rolling up her sweater sleeves and stretching her arms above her head as she prepared to take this head-on. "You've got that look on your face. The look that says I'm about to do a lot of work."

Nadia drew her neck in a circle and grunted, "For the children."

"For the children," her wife muttered. "And your mom!"

"For my mom!"

"For us getting to collapse on the couch when we get home in five hours."

"For appreciating the nice things I now have." Nadia sighed. "Self-checkout only. What has Dalmart come to?"

"Yesssss, let it seethe through you! Change is bad! My ex lied to me!"

Nadia pivoted on her Converse heel, a new realization hitting her. "You once dated the granddaughter of Shawn Dalton."

"I sure did. Am I about to regret that?"

"Do you still have her number?" Nadia pushed herself toward Eva at the other cart, lowering her voice. "Surely there's something she can do."

"Uh."

"I so very rarely ask you to exert our privilege in these everyday situations, but we're trying to spend thousands of dollars for charity."

"And your mom."

"That's charity!"

"Nads, I am not going to call Gloria, even if I had her new number. Which I don't."

"Fine. Then we're coming up with a system right now. We are going to get hundreds of things through checkout in record time."

"You know, you're kinda cute when you're so determined in a Dalmart."

"Save it for later, Warren. We've got a mission."

"Yes, ma'am."

Nadia grinned. Maybe being stuck in the self-checkout line in a Dalmart wouldn't be so bad after all. There are worse hells out there. Hopefully, they wouldn't discover them anytime soon.

There were still so many wonderful places to visit long after this.

THE END