Chapter 25 - Roan

Chapter 25 Roan

I felt a little useless when it came to poster-making, but there was still something I could do for the library: settle things with the adventurers’ guild once and for all. Nyssa might be an optimist, but I knew that no matter how hard we worked to repair the library and change the town’s mind, if the adventurers’ guild saw the library as a threat, we’d keep running into issues.

So why was I once again standing in front of the Mistfall Adventurers’ Guild unable to open the door?

My hand hovered over the handle, willing myself to just walk inside and talk to them. It wasn’t that big of a deal. What they thought of me didn’t mean anything anymore. This was a job, nothing more.

Except, the closer I got to Nyssa and the story spirits, the more it reminded me of how warm and comforting this guild used to be. How this was the first place to truly welcome me in after my parents had abandoned me, not just as a dishwasher or an errand runner, but as an adventurer in my own right.

This was where I’d gotten my start, where I’d grown into my skills. This was the first place I thought I’d been wanted at after everything had fallen apart. Which was why it hurt so much coming back here, knowing that Jade and her father had just wanted me for my skills. I mean, sure, that’s why I was hired, but at some point it had gone past that for me. I thought I’d become part of their family, but they still just thought of me as Jade’s trainer.

Maybe I’d been so desperate for people to care about me that I’d just imagined the family vibe. Either way, it was in the past and I was ready to move on. To find a new adventure.

I pulled the door open, stepping into the cacophony of noises that a guild hall always had. People laughing, shouting, drinking, or just playing cards. Guilds were always full of people and oddly, it felt kind of comforting today. It reminded me of the chaos the story spirits created every day.

The noise dulled as I walked in and one adventurer came up to greet me. “It’s been a while, Roan.”

My eyes widened. I didn’t think anyone besides the guild master and Jade would remember me after all these years.

“It really has,” I said, wishing I could remember who he was. “I’m, uh, looking for the guild master.”

“Upstairs,” the adventurer said, patting my shoulder as I passed him by. “It’s good to see you again.”

“You too,” I mumbled.

A few other familiar-looking adventurers nodded at me, smiling and clapping me on the shoulder just like the first one had. I honestly hadn’t expected anyone to remember a kid from so many years ago. Had I been close to these adventurers? I’d been so focused on training Jade that the rest of my time here felt a bit fuzzy, like all childhood memories did after a while.

But they clearly remembered me and that meant something. Maybe there was more I was missing, more that I didn’t realize when I was here.

I knocked on the guild master’s door. “Hello? It’s Roan.”

The familiar sound of a chair creaking was followed by the door opening moments later. The guild master stood in front of me, frowning.

“I’m surprised you’re back,” he said, motioning for me to come inside. “I figured Jade had pissed you off again. Last time that happened, it took you almost a decade to step foot in here again.”

His eyes softened as he eased himself back into his chair, his body creaking with age. He’d seemed like an undefeatable hero when I was younger, but now he felt like an elderly man about to retire. So much had changed while I was gone.

“Sorry about leaving like that,” I said, taking the seat across from him. “I didn’t mean to just disappear.”

He raised a bushy eyebrow. “Didn’t you? I thought that was the whole point, to cut ties with us.”

I winced. “Well, yes, but still. I could have let you know I was doing okay or something.”

“It’s fine, you had your own path to take.” The guild master nodded, smiling warmly. “I kept up with your exploits just fine and now you’ve returned as a famous adventurer. Your parents would be proud. It was their loss not staying around to see the man you’d become.”

“Why do you keep bringing them up?” I clenched the handles of the chair. “You did that when I was young too, like talking about them would somehow lessen the pain. I don’t want to talk about them.”

“But they’re the reason for everything, Roan. I know they’re why you trained so hard that your body and mind broke over and over until you hardened beyond the point of breaking. I was trying to teach you to bend, but that was never something you could do. Until now, I think. Coming back here twice feels like a big step.” He leaned forward, staring at me with that intense look that had always glued me to my chair. “It’s not your fault that they never came back. It’s theirs. But you can’t keep avoiding everyone else because of it.”

I ground my teeth as memories clouded my thoughts. Them waving goodbye, promising to come back soon. Following their missions in the news, seeing them do great things without a stupid kid like me hanging around. Training until I passed out each night, just wanting to impress them. Tracking them down and seeing how happy they were without me.

I blinked faster as tears welled up in the corners of my eyes. I could have talked to them, could have made them see who I’d grown up to be, but they didn’t deserve that. They were my past and I wouldn’t let the pain of their absence ruin my future anymore. It was time I let myself be happy.

“I know I can’t keep avoiding people, that’s why I’m here,” I said, relaxing my grip on the chair. “I’ve been working at the library on the mountain the past few weeks. I need you to talk to Jade, convince her that it’s not dangerous. To make her stop harassing the people there.”

A muffled snort from outside the door made me flinch and rub my eyes. No way would I let her see me about to cry. “Jade, what the hell, are you eavesdropping out there?”

“No?” she mumbled, then threw the door open, waltzing in like she owned the place. “Well it’s not like you gave me much choice. You refuse to talk to me.”

“Me not wanting to talk to you doesn’t give you the right to barge in,” I said. “You’re so full of yourself.”

The guild master sighed. “Can’t we just have one civil conversation? You used to be as close as siblings.”

“I was delusional,” I said harshly, “just wishing for a family anywhere I could find it.”

“I’m going to let you two work this out,” the guild master said as he stepped outside. “Don’t you dare leave this room until you do. I’m old and I’m tired of this.”

The click of the door shutting behind him sounded far too loud. Guilt gnawed at my stomach. I’d been trying to upset Jade, not him. He’d done his best by me, taking care of me when I needed it most. So what if he just wanted me around to train his daughter? He’d still wanted me.

Jade smacked me on the back of the head. “Look what you did. Grow up, you’re supposed to be an adult now. How can you still be mad at me for one stupid thing I said?”

“One stupid thing?” I snorted. “Try all the stupid things. You’re so stubborn and always need to get your way. Like with the library. You’re working so hard to ruin things for them for no reason.”

“No, I’m protecting the town,” she said coldly. “They’re what’s important right now. It’s not my problem if the library shuts down. It’s dangerous, so maybe it deserves to be shut down.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said, “but even if it was dangerous, I’m there to make sure nothing bad happens. I know you don’t like me, but you’ve always respected my abilities. Can’t you just trust that I’ll keep everyone safe for you?”

“You? Keep everyone safe?” She laughed, the brittle sound of it making my shoulders tense up. “You’ll be gone in no time, just like always. You abandon everyone and everything you get close to. So no, I don’t trust that you’ll keep anyone safe. The only thing I can count on you for is to run away.”

I swallowed hard, remembering Nyssa’s conversation with me under the stars. About how me leaving before I got attached was kind of like me abandoning people before they could do the same to me. Was she right? Was that really what I’d been doing this whole time?

No, Jade told me to leave and now she was just trying to cover her own ass.

“You didn’t want me here,” I said. “You said nobody wanted me here, that I was just a pity case. That the only reason anyone teamed up with me was so that they’d feel good about themselves.”

She rolled her eyes. “I was jealous, you idiot. You were doing so much better than I was and my father kept praising your name. I didn’t think you’d take it so seriously. I tried to apologize an hour later, but you’d already run away.”

“No, it had to be more than that,” I said, my chest tightening. “You hated me being here. You thought I was a terrible trainer, always getting in your way.”

“No, I thought you were an amazing trainer,” she said, slumping into the guild master’s chair. “I turned out pretty badass, didn’t I?”

That was true, but I wasn’t sure I’d had anything to do with it. She was hot-headed and inexperienced when I left, but now she was cold and bloodthirsty, far from inexperienced. Somebody else did that. Probably her sheer force of will, if I was honest. She was so determined to get stronger that she wouldn’t let anyone hold her back. Not even herself.

“How could you not care enough to fight me about it?” she asked softly. “To yell at me or tell me how wrong I was? It’s like you didn’t even care.”

Oh I cared. I cared so much I’d fled with tears in my eyes, shame burning me to my core. I’d felt like a fool, getting close to them when that’s what they’d thought of me. I never stayed anywhere for longer than a few weeks after that. I never got close to anyone. I never...

Jade’s gaze fell to the ground as she scuffed her boots against the floor. “You left without even saying goodbye. You just took off. That’s not how families work, Roan. You’re supposed to talk things out.”

“Well how was I supposed to know that?” I asked, shaking my head. “My family wasn’t exactly close.”

Awkward silence stretched between us with nothing but the noise of the guild master’s chair creaking as Jade leaned back in it. She’d wanted me to stay? To yell at her? All this time and she’d just been a jealous kid, wanting her father’s attention. I could relate to that.

I sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left like that.”

“Damn right you shouldn’t have,” she snapped, then gave me a weary smile. “I missed you, you know.”

I clenched the chair again, glancing away from her. “I’m sure you were fine without me.”

“Yeah, right.” She laughed, falling back into her chair. “I got my ass kicked so hard day after day. Every mission I went on was a slog and I barely made it out. I never realized just how much you handled when we went out together, just how much you did for me so I could focus on training. I’m sorry it took you leaving for me to notice.”

I dared to look at her, and for once, there wasn’t a trace of that mocking smile of hers. She was being honest.

“Well it looks like you got better somehow,” I said. “You’ve become an amazing adventurer, just like I always knew you could be.”

She let out a breath, then smiled. “If you’re really planning on sticking around, maybe we could start over. See if there’s a friendship here left to salvage.”

“I’d like that.” The tension in my shoulders eased. I think I’d been wanting to work things out with her ever since I left, but I just couldn’t bring myself to admit it. “I’ll be around for a while. To help the library.”

“For the library, huh?” Jade grinned. “Sure it’s not for that cute librarian I saw you with last time?”

“Oh shut up,” I said with a laugh. “I just meant I’ll be around.”

“You know,” she said, leaning forward with her arms on the desk, “we’re looking for some new trainers. You’d be perfect for the job and it would keep you close to the library.”

Now that was a good idea. I leaned my elbows on my knees, thinking. Maybe I didn’t have to worry about people using me for my skills and I could pass them on instead. I’d helped Jade when we were younger and had enjoyed it, for the most part, so maybe I’d be a good trainer...

“I’ll think about it,” I said. “But for now, can you help me convince people the library isn’t dangerous?”

Jade sighed. “Fine, but I want to meet those story spirits again. See what they’re really about.”

“Deal. You should come to the festival, it’s our grand reopening.”

She smiled softly. “Hearing you say things like that makes me happy. It sounds like you’ve finally found a place you feel comfortable at.”

We kept talking for a while as her words sank in. I really did feel more comfortable at the library than anywhere else. Maybe it was time to finally tell Nyssa that I was going to stay. That I wanted to see what we were to each other.

“Sorry, but I should get going,” I said. “I have to get back to the library.”

Jade smiled knowingly at me and nodded. For the first time ever, I had somewhere I wanted to run to instead of away from.